Chapter 18.

MY HEART WOULDN'T stop hammering inside my chest. I felt like I just drowned and I couldn't breathe properly. I was holding on his arm for support, and as seconds passed, my grip on his arm tightened, as my chest started to tighten, too, from a realization.

"You need to be thick-skinned. You need to have an iron heart, and a ruthless personality, to survive in this kind of world. This is your fate, you have to live with it."

My father's voice kept repeating inside my head, and it kept getting louder and louder to match my beating heart, as if they were contesting on who should control me right now.

I could feel his hot breathe hitting my face. I wanted to push him away, but I was to weak to do so. Or I just didn't want to at all, because I like how close he was to me.

I blinked. This isn't right.

Hindi. Hindi. Hindi. Hindi.

His thumb was gently caressing my face, trying to catch my attention. "Kyrie..."

"Saan nga ulit 'yon? Dito yata 'yon."

Mabilis ko siyang naitulak papalayo nang marinig ang mga boses ng mga papalapit na estudyante. And just a second later, the girls appeared beside us and they were surprised to see us here. Mukha kaming kaduda-duda dahil pareho pa kaming hinihingal, and I'm sure they'll notice our swollen lips!

Yumuko kaagad ako at walang sabi-sabing tumakbo paalis doon. I picked up my things on the table, and I ran out of the library. The librarian even scolded me for running inside the library. Hindi ko alam kung sinusundan ba ako ni Kace o hindi, pero wala na akong pakialam. I need to get out and continue with our job here.

Pagkalabas ko, tinawagan ko kaagad si Trisver. It rang two times, before he answered.

"Trisver--"

"We're aborting this plan for now," bungad niya. "It's Luciano's turn to fetch his son. He's outside the school with a lot of men with him. We won't be able to stand a chance with him for now, kahit pa sasali tayong dalawa sa pag-atake, Quincy."

Napahinto ako sa paglalakad at napasapo na lang sa noo ko. I felt like my energy just got drained. I didn't know why I suddenly felt exhausted when I didn't even move much today.

I sighed. "Okay. Uulitin na lang natin. We should end this mission fast, I'm starting to get impatient."

"I'll check his schedules again to see when we will be able to do this. I'll send a copy of his schedule to you."

Kahit hindi niya naman nakikita, tumango ako. "Okay. And, Trisver?"

"Hmm?"

I bit my lower lip. "Please keep this a secret from Tito."

Ilang segundo siyang natahimik bago nagsalita. "Okay." At ibinaba niya na ang tawag.

Napabuga naman ako ng hangin at nagpatuloy na sa paglalakad. I kept on looking back, tinitingnan kung sinusundan ba ako ni Kace o hindi. And, to my relief, he didn't.

That was dangerous. I was in danger. Kung hindi siguro dumating iyong mga estudyante kanina, baka naubos na ang natitira kong katinuan at sinunggaban siya ulit.

Baka masyado lang akong tigang? O baka stressed lang ako? I sighed.

Tuluyan na akong umalis ng campus. Naiwan ko ang mga gamit ko sa classroom pero wala na akong pakialam. I need to go somewhere to blow off some steam, or to get this unexplained frustration I felt after leaving that damned library.

Diretso akong umuwi at nagbihis muna. I informed Trisver that I'd go to our underground ring in the West territory to see our newbies and have fun as well. Hindi niya naman na kinwestyon bakit, dahil alam niya na kaagad ang rason kung bakit kasi dati pa lang, madalas na akong pumupunta roon kapag may nagawa akong nagiging dahilan para magkaroon ako ng malaking disappointment sa sarili.

"Madame Quincy!" may lumapit kaagad sa akin pagkababa ko mula sa itim kong kotse sa tapat ng cyclone gate ng abandoned basement ng West territory. Yumuko ito. "Magandang gabi po."

Hindi ko siya pinansin. Nagpatuloy lang ako sa paglalakad papasok ng gate at ng basement. May mga bumabati sa akin pero diretso lang ang tingin ko.

Suot ko ngayon ang itim na racer back at leggings. May bandages din akong inikot sa magkabilang mga kamay ko habang naglalakad ako papasok.

Screams and roars from the men inside the basement filled my ears when I neared the ring. The ring was just a small square area surrounded by cyclone fences. The concrete floor was painted with blood, both wet and dry.

May dalawang lalaking nagsusuntukan sa loob ng ring, ang isa ay may punit ang labi at namamaga ang kabilang mata, habang ang isa ay puno naman ng dugo ang mukha at tumutulo ang dugo sa dibdib nito. And from the looks of it, seems like the latter was about to lose.

Tumayo ako sa tapat ng ring, at pinagkrus ang mga braso ko sa dibdib ko, at pinagpatuloy ang panunuod. The guy with less blood looked young, he must be new. While the other guy, I remembered seeing him last year when I went here.

The older guy was thrown to the floor after he got caught off guard. Hindi pa ito nakakabangon, dinaganan kaagad siya ng kalaban at pinulupot ang mga binti sa leeg niya. Dahil sa ginawa ng bata, nagsigawan ang mga lalaking nandito-ang iba ay dahil natutuwa, ang iba naman ay frustrated dahil natatalo na ang manok nila.

The referee went near them to count. And when it reached ten and the older guy wasn't able to stand up because he's literally about to die, nagsigawan na ang lahat at umalis na sa ibabaw niya ang kalaban niya. The younger guy looked like a proud gorilla, roaring will flexing his arm muscles and even punched his chest.

Napabuga ako ng hangin. Habang busy siya sa pagdidiwang, pumasok ako sa ring. Umikot ang nanalo, kaya napansin niya kaagad ako at tiningnan niya ako mula ulo hanggang paa. Mukhang napansin na rin ako ng iba, at ang mga nakakakilala sa akin ay natahimik habang nagbubulungan ang iba.

I sighed again before I shifted to my fighting stance. "Attack," utos ko sa kaniya.

He scoffed. Humakbang siya papalapit sa akin, at nameywang siya. Tinitigan niya ako, nilibot ang mga paningin, at timitigan ulit ako.

"Sinong nagpapasok nito dito?" mayabang niyang sabi. "Bawal mga bata--"

Hindi niya na natapos ang sasabihin niya. Mabilis akong nakaikot at nasipa ang mukha niya, dahilan para tumilapon siya at tumama sa cyclone fence ng ring. Napasinghap at naghiyawan ang mga nakakita.

"Lagot ka ngayon, boy!" rinig kong sigaw ng isa sa mga nasa likuran ko.

He groaned, and he slowly stood up while holding his jaw and tried to massage it lightly. When he raised his eyes to me, it was dark and threatening. The hell I care.

Malalaki ang hakbang na lumapit siya sa akin. Bago pa siya makagawa ng kung anong atake sa akin, mabilis ko ulit siyang nasipa sa mukha, kaya sa kabilang side naman siya ng ring tumilapon.

He's angry now, kaya nang nakatayo ay tumakbo palapit sa akin at sumugod kaagad.

While I was fighting him, I imagined he was Kace. My blood boiled, my vision turned black, and I fought him with all my strength.

I didn't know how many challenged me that night, but when I went back to my senses, some of them were still lying on the concrete floor. I didn't know if they're unconscious, or dead.

My chest rose and fell, as I roamed my eyes around the place. I could see them laughing and shouting, but I couldn't hear them. My ears were ringing. The fast pounding of my heart was the only thing I could hear loudly.

"Quincy! Quincy!"

Someone grabbed my shoulders and forced me to turn around. I came face to face with the worried Trisver, and he was also catching his breath. His face was bruised, and there were blood trickling from his forehead and the side of his lips. Did I do that?

"Quincy!"

"Ow!"

Nahila ako pabalik sa reyalidad nang maramdaman ko ang malakas niyang sampal sa akin, sa sobrang lakas nararamdaman kong tumibok at nag-iinit ang pisngi ko.

Tinapunan ko siya ng matalim na tingin. "Ano ba?! Gago 'to!"

He sighed, relieved. "Let's go. Bago mo pa mapatay lahat ng nandito."

Hindi na ako umangal nang hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at hinila ako palabas ng basement. Ngayong nahimasmasan na ako, saka ko lang naamoy ang masangsang na amoy ng dugo at pawis sa katawan ko.

Hindi kami kaagad umalis. Nasa loob lang ako ng kotse, nakaupo, habang nasa labas si Trisver at nakasandal sa kotse. Bukas lang ang pinto.

Humithit ako ng usok sa sigarilyo, at saka marahan iyong ibinuga. Ayaw ko pa umuwi, pero kailangan kong pigilang mandiri sa masangsang na amoy ng dugong natuyo na sa katawan at damit ko.

"Trisver..." I called him after a long silence between us.

"Hmm?" Bumuga siya ng usok.

"Am I a good leader?"

Ilang segundo siyang natahimik. "You're not a bad leader."

Napaangat ako ng tingin sa kaniya. He was looking in front of him. "Do you think I should be replaced, then?"

He shrugged. "You're okay. We don't have to."

Ilang segundo ulit kaming natahimik. Nangangalahati na ang sigarilyo niya nang nagsalita siya ulit.

He sighed. "I think there's a mole in our organization."

I shrugged. "I'd be surprised if you say there aren't any."

Napabaling siya ng tingin sa akin. "Palaging pumapalpak ang mga plano natin simula noong may assassin na umatake sa 'yo."

Humithit ako sa sigarilyo bago ko ito tuluyang tinapon. Kasabay ng pagbuga ng hangin, humalukipkip ako.

"I'v been looking for the mole ever since that incident. I haven't found them yet," dagdag niya.

Tumango ako. "Okay. Alam mo naman na kung ano ang gagawin sa mga peste. Pinupuksa bago lumaki at dumami."

Tumango rin siya. "Let's go home."

Siya na ang nagmaneho sa kotse pauwi. Nakatulog ako sa sobrang pagod habang nasa byahe. Ginising niya lang ako noong nakarating na kami sa mansyon. Pagkarating sa kwarto ko, mabilis lang akong nagshower bago bumagsak sa kama.

Akala ko, kagaya sa kotse kanina, makakatulog ulit ako dahil sa pagod, pero hindi. The memory about Kace kissing me kept on flashing in my mind, and it kept remembering how soft and warm his lips were against mine, which made me feel upset again.

I've kissed countless guys, even had sex with them, but it didn't bother me like this. He's nothing special! There's nothing special with his kiss, damn it! So why?!

I sighed and shifted to the other side of the bed, and forced my eyes shut.

I spent the whole night forcing myself to sleep, and I didn't know if did I really fall asleep, or was it just my imagination. Nagising akong pagod at inaantok pa rin kinabukasan.

Nakaligo na ako't lahat-lahat, pakiramdam ko inaantok pa rin ako habang nakaupo sa tapat ng lamesa at kumakain ng agahan. Wala pa si Trisver, dahil mas maaga naman akong nagising sa kaniya at hindi ko pinaalam sa kaniyang gising na ako. Mamaya na lang.

I was quietly sipping my coffee, when a man in a white suit entered the dining hall. Nag-iba kaagad ang lasa ng kape ko nang makita kung sino 'yon.

He smiled, his teeth with one gold tooth, showed. "How's my dear niece these days?"

Hindi ko siya pinansin. Umupo siya sa tapat ko at inutusan niya ang mga kasambahay na ipaghanda rin siya ng agahan dahil kakain siya.

"What are you doing here?" Nilapag ko da lamesa ang tasa.

He chuckled. "Bawal na ba ako dito? Bawal na ba akong bumisita sa pamangkin ko... at sa leader ng family?"

He emphasized the nouns, which made me look at him. He was a smug smile, that says he wasn't here to just see me.

Tumawa siya, at saka humilig sa upuan. Pinagkrus niya ang mga binti niya. Nagsidatingan na ang mga kasambahay na inutusan niya, at hinanda na nito ang pagkain niya.

"I'm actually here to comfort you." Pinulot niya ang kubyertos at hiniwa ang pancake at itlog. "Mistakes are part of one's success. Don't let it get to you that much." His voice sounded sarcastic than comforting.

Napaangat ako ng kilay sa kaniya. "What do you mean?"

Huminto siya. "Pumalpak ka sa pagdukot sa anak ni Luciano."

Natigilan ako.

How did he know? Sinabi ni Trisver? Imposible. I clearly told him to never say a word about it to my uncle! Is the mole we talked about last night... one of my uncle's men?!

He smirked. "This is why I told you father that you aren't fit for the job. You could've been better off with cooking in the kitchen or cleaning the whole house, and being a damned submissive whore to some guy, than be a family head."

I gritted my teeth. Humigpit ang pagkakahawak ko sa mga kubyertos. I sighed to release the air in my chest that I didn't realize was blocking my airway.

"Tito, as you've save, mistakes are part of one's success."

He leaned closer. "Your job easy, you weren't supposed to fail that at first try. Anyone can succeed in their first try with that bullshit of a plan, even our new cougines can," he gently said but there was mockery in his voice.

Hindi ako umimik.

He leaned away and laughed. "You seemed so chill and easy just because you're the current family head. But remember this... you can be replaced anytime if we want to."

He smirked. I remained poker faced.

He chuckled. "Well... good to see that you're doing fine, my dear niece. I have to go now, since I still have a meeting to attend to."

Tumayo na siya, at napasunod lang ako ng tingin sa kaniya nang lumakad na siya palabas ng dining. Sakto namang kabababa lang ni Trisver, kaya nakasalubong niya si Tito. Trisver looked surprised at first, but he quickly looked at me to check on me.

I sighed and just continued eating.