yoooooo

Wassup fams

Abdullah here, with another journal entry!

hope yall are doing well, praying that you are

as of last week, the workload has increased by about 190%

also, pure math is aids

which is why i'm going to fail

(pls no)

so recently, my life has been a bit topsy turvy

new people i've met, and that means new ideas, new opinions, new mindsets

its like a new world, all of a sudden

except, of course, that school is evil

DEATH INCARNATE, I TELL YOU

i currently have an exam on math which i rarely paid attention in class to study for, and i have to submit an essay on a poem, which i dunno how to write

latter is chill tho, cause my sis is gonna help

also, my O level retakes are in October and November

one's in October, while the second one is in November

Im going to the British Council place to get the paper tomorrow, so then i'll know for sure

i have been trying to equally divide attention to school and external exams, which becomes a shit ton harder when]you're in Choueifat

but, imma keep trying

i've had this held in anger for a while now, mostly since school started

i wanna rant about it, but it just seems unnecessary

ugh

its just, man, i hate how expectant my parents are of me.

every day, its like, how was your exam? why did you only get 90? why are you always on your phone? why don't you study for your O levels?

once, twice, max thrice, i take it

but after that, each time, my frustration just keeps building up and up, until at a certain point, i say something incredibly stupid and then i get lectured for not being able to hold in my emotions.

all the time, its me

i'm the one at fault, i'm the one who forgot, i'm the one who made the mistake

its always me

according to my parents, im supposed to be some perfect human who is polite and listens to his elders even if they're wrong

and if i don't be that way, they just ridicule me, and compare me to my siblings and say things like, you're just alive to eat and to destroy our respect in this world, only God can save you

sometimes, i feel like running away

just leaving my parents to be happy with their two other children who they love oh so much

undervalued, disrespected

but oh no, that's how you should treat the young ones, right?

too young, too foolish, too dumb to realize anything that these oh so smart and mature elders do

don't talk back, don't sigh, don't act like a child

i don't understand what the hell they want me to do

when i say something mature, or involve myself in something serious, they say, beta, you're too young for this, be quiet

but the second i do something immature, im lectured for not acting my age

oh no, its fine, im inexperienced, that definitely means that im never going to realize anything

im tired of all this

just done with everything

currently, im studying

aka all the time, lol

but i like being back in routine, my mind feels fresh and i feel ready

ready for the oncoming storm

as Ghost would say,

Let's do this.

also, anyone get the title reference?

if ya do, lemme know

also, as i mentioned in the recent chapter, my thoughts+poetry book, "me myself and i", will be ending soon

i will write maximum 5-10 more chapters, and then, that'll be the end of it

but no worries, i will soon be coming out with a sort of sequel, after my O levels, round November

till then, the journo, the songs, and especially am i the only one, will continue as normal, with hopefully more updates

last but not least, i want to thank every single person who has read me myself and i, and know that from the bottom of my heart, i am ever grateful. you guys push me to do better, and i will continue to strive for the best.

that'll be enough for this chapter, then

again, hope you all are having a wonderful, glorious day

and to my Muslim followers, Happy Islamic New Year!

May Allah grant all your wishes and may you prosper to the highest extent of your imagination!

till then,

Sayonara!

from the turtle cat,

Abdullah

:)