I walked out of the academic administration office, feeling the cold draught of early autumn crawling under my down jacket, regulating the temperature underneath my clothes with my unusual warm body. I managed to submit my dissertation despite its deadline due tomorrow. I rather have it done and dusted without having to think of it anymore. I felt rather bleak with the things that occurred to me, I just didn't care what grades I got. All I wanted was to get out of here as soon as possible because this place no longer gives me the bliss I once deserved.

Chris, one of the freight guys from ShipGo, returned my belongings from Nick's apartment with my employment termination letter. I think I could live with that. I think I could live without him having to do almost everything for me. I think I could live without him to follow me around like a hawk, not giving me enough space. I think I could resume my usual normal life and have my 'me time' that I longed for.

When I walked past the area where me and Nick had our first street scuffle in front of the Business School, the memory of it made my dried eyes resume into tears. Who am I kidding? I wasn't okay. I couldn't live without him. I tried to dissipate the swirling feeling inside of me but I failed. Three weeks without Nick has left a hollow in my heart that I wasn't able to feel fine. I felt stoic recalling that short-lived turn of events, when Nick was excited to be the father of my child but had a sudden change in heart when Abs interfered.

None of anything matters except for Nick's presence which I craved for. I miss everything about him. I miss his impassiveness, his warmth, his smell, his clingy self, his possessiveness. I miss straddling on his lap and cuddle him on the sofa couch. I wondered if he missed me the same. But most of all, I wondered if he was okay.

Abs had waited for me in front of my house when I reached home. I ignored him but he blocked me from entering my house.

"Abs, just leave me alone," I groaned in frustration.

"ZJ, please, we need to talk," he pleaded. "Can we at least get inside?"

"No, I won't. Sorry," I refused. "There's no more room for you in there. We talk and end this here, right now."

"Okay," he heaved a disappointing sigh before studying me, acknowledging my shoulder length haircut. "You look cute, ZJ."

"Thank you," I folded my arms. "Okay, what is it that you want to tell me?"

"Come on, ZJ. I haven't seen you for about a year already. What's wrong with some chit chat trying to catch up?" he said. "Can we at least go elsewhere? For a drink maybe?"

"I'm sorry I can't. I've got packing to do and stuff to give away before I'm leaving for good," I shook my head. "If you want to talk, we can talk here."

"Where are you going?"

"Back home, of course. I'm moving back to Kuala Lumpur," I answered crisply.

"I thought you never liked it there?"

"Well, there's nothing here for me to love either," I grumbled.

"You don't have to leave. You can stay with me," he offered. "I promise–"

"No, you'll use me again!" I said in defiant. "You'll take advantage of me like you did and then bail out on me if shit happened between us."

"ZJ, you have all the right to be upset. But I'm not gonna hurt you anymore," he assured.

"Did you even turn back to look at me being left on the streets when your girlfriend rescued you? Did you even have any concern in your heart, thinking what would happen to me after? Did you ever think of me when you were together drinking champagne in her yacht?"

From the look in his eyes, I could tell that he was half regretful over his past actions and didn't have any appropriate answers to my questions except for hurtful selfish truths left unspoken.

"You never message or call me asking me if I was okay. Why bother showing up now?" I fired a new set of questions. "Because you knew I was with Nick?"

"I don't know, I just..." he swallowed hard before continued, "I just realised now that when you are not around, I felt empty and lost."

"After a year?!" I raised my voice. "What makes you think I want you back?"

"You're just saying that because Nick had you under his control," his frustrated voice rose.

"Nick never controls me. In fact, he showed me true happiness of being me that I never had when I was with you. He was my every bliss," I clarified. "And you ruined it!"

"I don't like what he's doing to you," he snapped. "You're not ZJ I used to know."

"Then, you have to accept the new me. At least, I have come to my emancipation from you. I admit when I was with you, I was out there looking for approval. But Nick just taught me something you failed to help as a friend. He taught me self-acceptance. And I know this is hard for you, Abs, but you need to let me go, like I'm able to let you go." I ended the discussion. "Now, will you please let me resume to my packing?"

I was about to reach for the door but he quickly fended it away. "ZJ, no!"

I took a step back and glowered at him, "Abs, I think we've done enough talking. You better leave before I shout for help."

"ZJ, I love you" he lowered his voice. "Me dad is pairing me with a girl back in Hazarajat. I don't want to marry her. I want you instead, we complement each other. Right?"

"Ha!" I snorted. "So, this is what it's all about? Beseeching for an escape route? I doubt that's a sincere 'I love you' coming from your mouth. You're not the marrying type. You can never be."

"Come on, ZJ. I mean it when I said it. Just like you I'm a changed man." He was running out of ammunition to say to convince me. "All you need to know is that I feel incomplete without you."

"Well, you just have to make do with whatever you have to complete yourself," I said and pushed him to the side, allowing myself to unlock the door to my house.