My network somehow expanded as my career progressed. So, when I found out about Nick's current arrangement to kill someone, I decide to follow him. When he later caught me tracking him, he took me to meet that unfortunate man, witness him being nailed mercilessly.

Cane and Mark (G-Wagon guy) took turns mutilated his body and then his face with a steel bar, a sledgehammer, a hatchet in chronological order. Seeing his skull cracked, blood splatter was horrific beyond words I don't want to describe it.

And his screaming voice turned into shrills of agony, so shocking and disturbing that I lost account of the actual chronology of the events. The head smashing, him screaming, me puking, me crawling on the floor before passing out were disoriented in my memory. But I remember throwing up after seeing too much blood, then I remember crawling and puking until there was nothing left for me to projectile.

As those gory images and sounds slowly reappeared vividly in my head, I felt lethargic, my heart raced to an abnormal beat, blood drained from my face, my vision blurred. Combination of grief, anger, terror, panic and stress mixed inside my guts causing an emotional explosion that I burst out crying.

Nick promptly drew closer to me as I reached out for his arms, wailing hysterically like a tantrum child. He embraced me and calmed me down but my wailing grew louder under him, pressing my wet face against his chest, grasping my arms firmer around him.

I couldn't see myself walking out of this house without the feeling of wanting to hurl. So, I unintentionally enslaved my boss tending to my every need and mending my broken sanity while I reclined to his comfy foam mattress bed all day. He served me three-course meal, some tranquilizers and aspirins, bottomless juices and water, wifi password, lent me his old iPad for my entertainment (since his Apple-centric house doesn't own any type C cable to charge my dead S9) and checked up on me every now and then.

"I'll be sleeping in the guest room downstairs if you need anything," he said later that evening.

"Oh," I mouthed, wasn't really sure how to react to that. I was contemplated to say yes, knowing that I want him to accompany me for the night.

"You alright?" he waited for my approval.

"You could stay here though," I said finally. "I mean, it's your room, I should be the one to leave."

Nick chuckled at my sudden awkwardness, "I'm fine, Zahida. You can have the room to yourself."

"This room is big , I need someone to accompany me for tonight, please," I insisted. "But we can only limit ourselves to cuddling. I still want my future husband to officiate the consummation."

His giggling turned to laughter, shaking his head and leaving the room. He returned minutes later with a couple of duvets and a pillow and laid them on the floor next to the bed.

Well played, Nick Pholadi. Well played.

I couldn't sleep that night, though. I was fighting with myself trying to eradicate the gruesome images from my mind. And I was also making sure that Nick won't be attempting to pop my cherry while I'm sleeping.

But if it's true that I'm ugly like he said where no man would want to marry me, what am I protecting my cherry for? Why am I still keeping virginity at the age of reaching my 30s? Was it because of religion? My religion states that having sex is permissible only if married, it doesn't disallow coitus at all. It's not like I'm killing someone. If Nick has the intention to shag me, so be it.

I checked up on Nick who was lying on the floor next to the bed, curious to see the way he sleeps. But he was still wide awake, eyes fixed to his iPhone screen.

"Having trouble sleeping?" he caught me peeping on him. I turned away, feeling flushed.

'Say it, ZJ. Tell him you want to break your code.' I said to myself. 'Tell him you want to be deflowered by him.'

"I guess I slept too much during the day that I don't feel like sleeping," I replied instead. "Also, what happened last night still bothers me."

"I shouldn't have let you in there," he replied, genuinely feeling sorry for me. "I was just trying to prove my point. What you saw back there was just the petting zoo, you haven't seen the jungle yet."

"No, I'm sorry," I responded. "You've warned me about entering into your felonious life but I was too thick to listen."

"Look, if you can't sleep, we can do something else," Nick suggested.

'That's it, that's the cue,' my mind prompted. 'That means he wants to shag.'

"Let's have a chat, then. About anything. I'm all yours," he said.

Well, that's a let-down.

"Where should I start?" I asked, while fantasizing his next response, 'You can start by giving me head'.

"You can start with Abs if you want to. Like how you two met?"

Another let-down.