Chapter 9

I didn’t know whether it was the sight of the mark or the fact that Timmy had proceeded to pull on my hair that made me wince, but regardless of the reason, it hurt to see it. I turned away from the sight of him and smiled up at Timmy who was apparently playing hairdresser as he ran his small fingers through my strands.

“What do you wanna eat big guy?” I asked him, the cheerful lilt of my voice was of course forced.

“Maancheese?”

“Here babe.” I didn’t turn around when Jason handed the bunny to Timmy, instead I went to the cupboard where the mac and cheese was stored and pulled open the doors in search of Timmy’s breakfast.

“Looks like we’re out. What about pancakes?” I asked him and as expected he frowned down at me.

“No? Ah…” I opened another cupboard, then another and finally went to the fridge.

“How about waffles?”

“No.”

“But you like waffles.” I reasoned with him but he shook his head and perched bunny on mine.

He was always fussy when it came to food, even more so now that we had him trying different things. I figured now would be good time to make a quick run to the grocery store. God knows I had no idea how I’d managed to forget the mac and cheese last night.

“I hope you aint planning on going out to get him anything. Timmy will eat what’s here.” Jason read my mind and for the life of me, I couldn’t look at him.

To think I’d spent the night worrying about him visiting some long lost lover...it was as though I’d wished it into being.

 “It’s not a problem, I’ll just run out and get it.”

“Micheal you don’t gotta—”

“It’s a quick run to the store Jason, it’s not gonna kill me.” I snapped at him and when I finally turned around, his expression mirrored surprise.

My eyes immediately went to his neck and I looked at Timmy before I could glimpse the mark again.

I walked past him and picked up my keys from the side table.

“We’ll be back soon.”

“You’re taking Timmy with you?”

I turned to him. “Yes, is that a problem?”

He shook his head slowly, looking shy and uncomfortable with his arms folded before him and I felt a twinge of guilt for making him feel that way.

I softened my tone. “You need anything?”

He shook his head and when Timmy waved goodbye to daddy, we were out the door.

………………………

I walked through the aisle pushing a shopping cart despite the fact that I’d gone grocery shopping the night before and unlike last night, the store was practically empty. Before me, Timmy sat in the cart seat eating the banana he’d pretty much begged me to pick up a moment before, while humming an unfamiliar tune.

I reached up to take a bit of lint from his hair, before reaching over to pluck a 12-pack macaroni and cheese from the shelf. Timmy watched it until it was safely deposited into the cart behind him and I grinned despite my mood. Mac and cheese was his great sin.

“Alright, I think we’re done here, what’d do you think buddy?”

“Icee.”

“Oh yeah the cones!” I spun the cart around and made my way to the aisle that held his favorite cones. I could just imagine his displeasure later tonight when he’d once again be expected to eat his ice-cream from a bowl.

I spoiled him, I knew it, Jason knew it and even Timmy knew it. He knew it and he took advantage of it. The little devil. I pulled the banana peel from his hands and rested it in the bed of the cart, then wiped his hands and mouth with the handkerchief I always carried around in my pocket.

“Micha hafto go back.”

I slowed the cart. “Why?”

“(gibberish)… red bunny.”

We’d just passed the kids aisle. I shook my head. “Jason will kill me if I buy you another bunny.”

“Peese.”

It was only the thought of the green bunny I’d bought him a few weeks before, sitting untouched in the toy box that allowed me to stand my ground. He might like seeing the things, but it was only really one bunny that mattered to him.

“We’re going for ice-cream cones remember?”

“Icee cone and red bunny.”

I chose to ignore him as I rolled through the aisles, picked up the box of cones and made a beeline for the cashier before he realized we were leaving.

Once outside, his box of cones in hand, he didn’t make a single mention of the red animal. I strapped him into the car seat and as soon as I got behind the wheel, my mind went back to my current problems.

Jason had gone to visit a lover the night before. He’d left my home to go fuck some guy while I’d sat like a fool worrying about him. I shook my head. It was my own fault for harboring fantasies of some fucking fairytale life.

When had I gone soft?

The entire situation brought to my mind a quote I’d always thought of as a bit ironic “If you’re going be stupid, you might as well be smart about it”  You don’t pull a guy and his kid from the streets and sit up arranging a life with them in your head. It was downright stupid, there was no doubt about it.

It was a shame I still cared for him and God knows it got worse every day I was with him, but it didn’t give me a right to be jealous, or angry. I had no claim on him. If he wanted to go off and fuck the whole world that was his damn problem.

I started the engine and backed out of the parking space. Too bad it was my problem too.

…………………………..

(Later that night)

“Check it out. I picked this up at the store last night.” He handed me the movie I’d been telling him I’d wanted to watch for a while now and I took it in hand, turning it this way and that.

“When you say picked it up…”

“I paid for it, don’t start that shit up again.”

I shrugged and he went on, his eyes traveling over my face as he stuck his hands into the pockets of his sweat pants. “I was thinking maybe we could watch it tonight…when Timmy goes to sleep.”

I handed it back to him. “I’ve got a lot of work to do tonight.”

Turning back to the counter I’d been clearing after the dinner we’d had, I tried to ignore his presence.

“Okay… Maybe some other night then.”

I nodded.

“Is everything okay?”

“Of course.” I threw the soiled hand towel into the bin and turned to exit the kitchen.

“You’re lyin.” He said, following behind me as I went, and I shook my head.

“Is that so?”

“You’ve been acting different all day. All quiet like and you’re never quiet.”

I couldn’t help but smile a little to myself at that. “You saying I talk too much?”

“I’m saying,” I hand came to rest on my shoulder, before he stepped in front of me. “It’s like you’re trynna avoid me. You won’t even look at me.”

So I looked at him and his troubled expression tore at me.

“I’ve just got a lot on my mind, don’t worry about it.”

“You don’t seem to have a lot on your mind when you’re with Timmy.” He accused and once again I shrugged, a habit I’d picked up from him.

“Timmy’s a baby, it doesn’t take much mind power to be with him.”

He frowned and I sighed, running a hand through my hair. “Go put Timmy to bed, he’s practically ready to fall out of the chair.”

We both glanced into the family room where the little guy slept. “Like I said, I’ve got work to do. I’ll be in my study.” I told him and with a trod down the hall and to the right, I entered the study and closed the door behind me.

……………………….

I don’t know how I managed to bury myself in work with so much on my mind, but I did. With a glass of brandy and a stack of files, I’d hopped to it and my mind was blessedly free of all that was Jason…Jason and that damn hickey.

That is, until he stepped into the study an hour later, looking like a man on a mission.

 “If you got a problem with me, you should say it.”

I glanced from him to the file in my hand and shook my head. “Jason, I told you—”

“Stop lyin, what’s your problem?”

I dropped the file and leaned back in my chair. “Look, it’s late—”

“You’re a damn hypocrite, you’re always forcing me to tell you what’s on my mind and here you are being a dick about it.”

I gritted my teeth, my eyes connecting with his and I found myself thinking; What right did he have to be angry?

“Alright, let’s start with where you were last night.”

He hesitated, his eyes narrowing as his brows furrowed. “I told you…I visited one of my friends.”

“A friend?”

He folded his arms in front of him, looking decidedly uncomfortable. “Yeah.”

I smiled without mirth and he shifted from foot to foot as he watched me, no longer able to meet my eyes. I shook my head.

“And you accused me of lying?”

“I aint—”

“What kind of man drags his kid along with him while he goes out to fuck his friend?”

He flinched. “What are you talking about?”

When I only sat there looking at him, he unfolded his arms and stuffed his hands into his pockets. “I never…” he paused “Why is it any of your business anyway?”

I nodded slowly, ran a hand through my hair and stood. He took a step back when I moved to stand before him and still he couldn’t quite meet my eyes. “I guess it’s not.”

 When I stepped around him to get to the door, his next words gave me pause.

“I only went there to break up with him.”

I turned to look at him. “Break up wi…you mean he’s you’re—”

“Boyfriend? Yeah, he was.”

Nothing came to mind, so I chose to listen.

“I borrowed your phone a couple times so we could keep in touch.” He continued. “He wanted me to visit with Timmy. They’re kinda close. We all are.”

“Freddy.”

His eyes widened. “How’d you know his name?”

“You wrote it on that budget you were making once. Guess I’m right.”

“I never went over there to…He’s a good guy. I just wanted to tell him in person and Timmy was missin’ him anyway.”

“Yeah? If he’s such a good guy, why’d you feel the need to break it off?”

This time when his eyes held mine, there was a spark of determination in them. “You know why.”

His words surprised me enough that I had to wonder if I was hearing right. Then I wondered if it was right for me to hope he was saying what I thought he was saying.

“I’m guessing it didn’t go as planned.” I gestured to his neck and he brought a hand up to touch it. Then he blushed and I felt my chest tighten.

“We never…Freddy just got a little…anyway, it doesn’t matter. I put a stop to it and now he’s just my friend.

I nodded. “He clearly has a place to live, why’d he allow you and Timmy to live on the streets?”

“I couldn’t just live with him, it aint his place. His boss owns it and I wouldn’t want to anyway.”

“Why not?”

“Because of what he does…I don’t want Timmy to grow up around that shit. It aint right what he’s gotta do to survive, but sometimes it gets so bad you don’t got a choice no more, you know?”

I raised a brow. “What does he do?”

“He used to live on the streets too. Sometimes when things got real bad he’d turn tricks…now he’s doing it full time...got a pimp any everything. He says he’s happy.”

Prostitution. Jesus. “You’ve never—”

“No. I want my son to look up to me or maybe I just aint never been that desperate.”

“I guess I owe you an apology.”

He smiled and it went straight to his eyes. “You were jealous the whole time.”

It wasn’t a question, so I didn’t bother giving him an answer.  He moved so that we were standing face to face.

“That’s nice.” He said quietly and before I could react, he’d placed a timid kiss on my cheek.

“When did you get so bold?” I questioned in surprise and the shy smile was back.

“You’re the one who said I shouldn’t keep everything bottled up.”

Then he was exiting the room and I let him. My mind reeling.

……………………………………..

The first thing I noticed when I woke up in bed later that night was the glare of the lamp by my bedside. It was particularly noticeable because I distinctly remembered turning it off just before going to sleep. The second thing that caught my eye was the clock on the table which displayed the time.

12: 00 a.m.

Then of course there was Timmy, who stood across the room painting my wall with the water paint I’d purchased for him weeks before. At his feet, the paint had long ago dried where it had clearly spilled and on the wall were the giant swirls he’d painted in brown, green and red.

“Babe what are you doing?’ I questioned, my voice hoarse with sleep and he turned to look at me.

“Cowwowing.” He said simply and just as quickly, turned back to the art he’d made.

“Go to bed.”

“No.” came his quick reply and I smiled.

My little Picasso. I thought before I closed my eyes once more and drifted off to sleep.

The next time I woke it was 2:00 a.m. Timmy was curled into my side, fast asleep. His hands were a mess of dried paint, as were his toes and of course my sheets.

I reached over and switched off the lamp, plunging the bedroom into darkness.

                               AUTHOR'S NOTES

IT'S BEEN A WHILE...I KNOW. I'VE BEEN BUSY. THANKS FOR UNDERSTANDING.

-ENJOY.

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.