Chapter 31

There was something surreal about walking hand in hand with Jason up my parents' driveway. After all the time we had spent apart, I couldn't get enough of him. It was as though I had to be touching some part of him at all times in order to believe he was really there. All through the ride over with the guys, I'd kept my arms wrapped around his waist as he'd sat in my lap.

Every so often, I would find myself seeking out his lips and he would do the same. The fact that he was so open about these displays of affection, which went completely against his character, was testament of the fact that the whole ordeal had been traumatic.

Now came the healing, and I would do everything possible to ensure he got past this. As we walked, I turned my face up to the sky for a moment and said a silent thank you to whoever was listening. Thank you for bringing him back to me.

Suddenly, the sun, which was barely peaking through the clouds, felt warmer, and the slight breeze ruffling the hair at the nape of my neck, was the perfect temperature. Suddenly, everything felt right with the world, and when father and son finally reunited, everything would fall into place and I would never let our peace shatter again.

My dad pulled the door open before I could lift a hand to knock. He gave me a nod in acknowledgment and looked me over in that silent contemplative way he always did after every assignment. When he was satisfied that I'd returned in one piece, he looked at Jason and did the same. Though Jason, who's eyes were roaming the living room in search of his son, didn't notice a thing.

When my dad held out a hand toward him, he glanced down in confusion for a moment, then finally, pulled his good hand from mine and shook it.

"Welcome back son." My father greeted and Jason nodded quickly.

"Thank you sir. Where's Timmy?"

"He's in the kitchen having his breakfast. I didn't tell him you were on your way back. I figured it would be the best surprise."

Jason nodded, and as he moved away from us, I patted my dad's shoulder and followed.

Just like dad said, Timmy was sitting around the kitchen table, humming as he ate his cereal. I watched as he swung his legs back and forth; ever fidgeting. It had been a long time since I'd seen him eating breakfast fully clothed, but then, when my mom spoke, Timmy listened.

"Hi Timmy." Jason called quietly. Timmy's head snapped up instantly, and those tiny pajama-clad legs froze mid swing. "Hey babe." Jason said with a wide smile.

When Timmy's eyes landed on his face, I could see the exact moment when it registered to him that the man who was standing there was his father. His beautiful eyes widened and his mouth opened in the widest grin his face could muster. I felt all the happiness in me bubble to the surface, when he dropped his spoon and climbed quickly down from the chair; almost falling on his face in the process.

"Daddy!" Timmy's little voice was loud with excitement and disbelief as he squealed and ran as quickly as his short legs could take him, right into his father's open arms.

Jason, who had crouched on the floor to receive him, wrapped his arms tightly around him, and I watched as Timmy pressed his head into Jason's neck.

"I missed you so much babe." Jason whispered to him with a shaking voice. A moment later, I could hear his quiet breaths as the tears rolled down his face. "I missed you so much."

My dad, who had also been watching the heartfelt reunion, melted silently out of the room. As I watched them, clinging to each other as though their lives depended on it, I acknowledged for about the millionth time, just how much I loved them both, but it was more than that.

I didn't know what to call it, but suddenly it felt deeper and more lasting than it ever had before, and I didn't know how I'd managed to live my life without them before. Now I couldn't imagine not waking up to Timmy's noisy footsteps on the wooden floors. I couldn't imagine not standing in the kitchen with Jason on a warm Sunday morning watching him make us coffee.

Suddenly, nothing before I'd met them felt important. I must have been a shell of a man before, because suddenly, my boys made me whole.

Timmy pulled slightly away from Jason, and placed his hands on either side of Jason's face. I tilted my head to the side and grinned as I watched his eyes roam slowly over his father face. I found myself thinking that a kid so young shouldn't be wearing such a serious, all-knowing expression.

He blinked a few times fast and my heart ached when I realized that the tears would be coming soon.

"Daddy no haf hair Micha." Timmy suddenly wailed, and not a second later, his chin began to tremble and he was falling apart in his father's arms.

I crouched next to them, and ran a hand along Timmy's back.

"It'll grow back Timmy. You'll see.' I tried and failed to assure him.

Jason took a shaky breath and reached up to wipe at the tears streaming down his son's face.

"Let's just go home Michael." His voice was shaking as he said it. "I want everything to go back to normal now. We should just go home."

"Alright." I said. "Let's just make a quick stop to the hospital first and get your arm checked out, then we'll go home."

I hadn't failed to notice the way he had been favoring his injured arm since the rescue, and judging from the smudge of blood on his shirt, it seemed like whatever shoddy stitch job they'd performed had come undone.

Still, Timmy continued to cry. He reached up briefly to pat Jason's hair, then pressed his face into his dad's neck and sobbed as though he'd lost his best friend. I rubbed his back, while Jason patted the back of his head.

"He's just overwhelmed by everything. I think after all this time, it's finally catching up to him."

Jason bit his lip and nodded. "I just wanna go home."

"Alright. Let me just tell my parents we're leaving and then we can go."

I took the stairs two at a time, and pushed open my old room door when I reached the end of the hall. I found my mom packing up Timmy's small bag of clothes and my dad sitting in the chair by the window packing up the toys Timmy had brought over.

"Hey mom." I greeted as I entered.

She looked up with a wide smile. "Hi sweetie. I wanted to come down as soon as he came, but I knew he'd want his time with Timmy." She said. "I'm so happy he's safe sweetheart." She paused in her packing to place her hands over her heart. "I prayed every night that he'd come back to us safe."

"I know. Thanks mom." I said as I enveloped her in a hug.

She patted my side when I pulled away and handed me Timmy's bag.

"How is he? Is he okay?"

I glanced at dad who was watching us silently.

"No, I don't think he is." I said. "But, he's back now and he has his family."

"That's right sweetheart. He's got us." She patted my cheek. "Let's go down." She gestured to dad, who cleared his throat and stood.

When we got downstairs, it was to see Jason and Timmy standing in the living room. Timmy's tears had all but subsided and he stood before his father with his arms raised.

"Lif daddy, lif!"

"I can't right now Timmy. I hurt my arm so I gotta wait 'till it gets better."

"Daddy, why you no lif Timmy?" he whined.

"I told you, daddy hurt his arm. But I promise when I get better, I'm gonna lift you whenever you want.

Timmy frowned, but took hold of Jason's hand. "Daddy hurting?"

Jason nodded. "Yeah." He said, then patted his arm gently. "Right here."

"Micha make it aw bedder daddy." He assured Jason with a confident nod, and when Jason smiled, I felt my own lips tilt upward in a grin.

"Oh, Jason sweetheart." My mom pushed past me and enveloped him in a hug; squishing Timmy between them in the process. I chuckled when Timmy started giggling between them. "You poor boy." Mom continued, and behind me dad sighed.

"She's gonna smother the kid." He muttered to himself.

"Who, Timmy?" I questioned with a grin.

He frowned. "Both."

I folded my arms in front of me and laughed.

"Haven't heard that sound out of your mouth in a while." Dad commented then. I glanced his way and he nodded. "I'm glad it all worked out."

I dropped a hand onto his shoulder. "Thanks for all your help dad."

"No need to thank me kid. Just watch out for him. He doesn't look too right. He should get that gun shot wound taken care of."

"Yeah, I know." I said. "He wants to go home, so I plan to ask the doctor to make a house call."

"Of course, and he needs to come down to the Bureau for an official statement. Don't forget."

I shook my head. "After what happened, I doubt I'll be able to convince him to go there."

Dad nodded thoughtfully. "I'll see what I can do about getting it done at your place then."

"Thanks Chief."

"Are you sure you're not hungry? I can easily whip something up in the kitchen sweetheart. It's no trouble." My mom was saying to Jason, who was looking overwhelmed and embarrassed as he shook his head.

"I ain't hungry or nothin' ma'am. I swear." He told her softly.

"Gwammy Timmy no hungee too."

She glanced down at him in concern. "You didn't finish your cereal?"

"It's okay mom. I'll feed them as soon as we get home." I assured her, before taking the bag from dad and slinging it over my shoulder.

"Okay. Well, if you need anything at all, you call me.Alright?" She looked between me and Jason.

"You'll be the first person we call. I promise." I said. "But we'll be fine."

"You ready?" I asked Jason when I moved to stand beside him, and he nodded.

Jason chose to sit in the back with Timmy as I drove, and Timmy ate up all the attention. He talked a mile a minute about Liam and Bunny and the lady dentist that he loved. He told Jason about his art work that he'd done at school and how I'd put it on the fridge door so he could see it every day.

He also told him about the different type of grapes that I'd bought him that he wasn't exactly a fan of, and about the one time I'd forgotten to cut the crust off his PB&J sandwich that I'd packed him for lunch. Apparently Liam didn't mind crusts though, so the two year olds had switched lunches that day.

I shook my head as I listened to the kid blatantly throw me under the bus. Mostly, Jason laughed, until the next words came out of Timmy's mouth.

"Micha give Timmy candy evwyday daddy."

My eyes snapped to the rear view mirror where I noticed that Jason was looking at me, I shook my head.

"Not everyday. I gave him one time when he was in a bad mood, and it was just a lollipop."

I glared at Timmy in the rearview and he blinked innocently up at me. Two could play at that game.

"Timmy flooded the house."

"He did what?" Jason looked between us in surprise and I nodded.

"He turned on the kitchen sink one morning and flooded the place out. Then he sat and watched cartoons while I mopped."

This time it was Timmy who glared while I watched him innocently.

"No daddy." He said. "Timmy haf keen baby and bunny."

Jason grinned, and pulled Timmy in for a hug. "I missed you guys." He said. "You don't even know."

"We missed you too Jace."

When Jason pulled away, Timmy frowned. "Daddy no leave Timmy."

"I won't. I swear. I aint goin' nowhere again Timmy."

"Daddy, no leave Micha." He continued to my surprise, and there was a pause before Jason responded again.

"I won't."

"An no leave Bunny."

Jason laughed at this, but when he faced forward with a quiet sigh and held my eyes in the mirror, I could see something heavy and burdensome in them.

"I got so much to tell you Michael." He said softly. "Everything's all connected and you don't even know. Nothing makes sense and you can't be trusting people or nothin'"

I nodded. "I'm ready to listen whenever you're ready to talk."

Another sigh. "Tomorrow." He said. "I don't wanna have to think today."

Again I nodded. I'd just spent the last two weeks not knowing whether he was dead or alive. Whatever he wanted, was his.

"Timmy haf fwies daddy?"

"You hungry buddy?" I asked, and Timmy nodded.

"Never thought I'd miss burgers and fries when I was...gone, but I did." Jason commented. So, of course I pulled into the drive-thru of the first fast food joint I saw on the way.

I ordered Timmy a large fries with orange juice, because he wasn't partial to burgers and Jason and I ordered the usual. We parked in a space in the parking lot while we ate.

"I bet the water bill's gonna be high after the flood, huh?" Jason asked around a mouthful of fries and I shrugged.

"I'll take care of it. Don't worry about it." I said, but she shook his head.

"It's my bill and I'm happy to worry about it. I can't wait to worry about it." He said. "I missed worrying about normal things like that."

I turned on the AC when Timmy started the sweat, then handed him my untouched fries when he reached for it.

"Other than the obvious, what did you miss the most?" I asked him after a moment of silence passed.

"If by obvious you mean you and Timmy, then I missed being at home the most. I missed the bed, and the coffee maker and being out in the backyard, and bacon." He finished with a small smile. "What about you?" he asked, lowering his eyes in that shy way that I was used to.

I smiled. "I missed you." I said honestly. "I missed our Sunday coffee routine, and waking up together every morning. I missed just talking to you and watching you sing Timmy to sleep at night. I missed everything."

"Did you think I was..." he trailed off, glancing at Timmy.

"Not for a second. I would have felt it if you had."

Jason nodded.

"Haf some daddy?" Timmy asked, pointing to Jason's milkshake.

I set aside my burger and Timmy took that away too.

"I'm sorry about how it all went down at the Bureau. Something like that shouldn't have happened in a room full of agents." I said. "It shouldn't have happened on my watch."

"No point in being sorry when it happened already. I ain't never going back there though, and I don't want Timmy going back there either."

I nodded. "I'll make sure of it."

He bit his lip and looked out the window briefly. The rain had started drizzling, and for a while we watched the droplets hit the glass in silence.

"Kinda wish you wouldn't go back there either." He said so quietly, that if the car hadn't been dead silent, I wouldn't have heard it.

I didn't know how to respond to that though, so I chose to say nothing. Instead, I turned to Timmy and watched him as he pulled apart my burger in his lap. First he took out the pickles, then he pulled out the onions and tomatoes and of course the lettuce. When he was satisfied with the end result, he took a bite.

"He's eating more." Jason commented. When I glanced up, I realized that he'd been watching Timmy too.

"Yeah. He has a healthy appetite these days. I was wondering if it was stress-eating, but maybe it's just because he's growing."

He nodded. "I still can't believe I'm here Michael. We were up there in the middle of nowhere and I never thought anybody would find me."

"I never stopped looking for you."

"Thanks. He said. "I really mean that."

"I know."

"So what happens now?"

"Tomorrow I'll have to give a report and you'll have to give a statement. My dad said he'd arrange to have it done at our place, so you don't have to worry about going back to the bureau."

He frowned. "What if the guy they send over isn't who you think he is?"

"Details of the investigation is only accessible to a small group of agents who I trust with my life. Only those guys will even be allowed near the prisoners. We'll get to the bottom of all this. Don't worry."

"Did you find Ronny?"

I shook my head. "I didn't see him on my way in or out, but one of the others might have carried him in."

"I never saw him when I woke up in there. Not in the whole two weeks."

"Well if we don't have him yet, we'll get him eventually. I can promise you that."

"They were watching you and Timmy the whole time."

I nodded. "I saw the pictures."

"That scared the shit outta me Michael. I was scared they'd do something. I was scared they'd—"

"They didn't and they won't. You're safe now and we'll all be fine. There's no way I'll let anything happen to either of you. Not again."

"What about you?"

I smiled. "I can take care of myself." I told him.

Jason rolled his eyes. "Says the guy who got shot in the shoulder."

I laughed. I'd missed his sass. "Well look at the bright side. At least now we'll have matching scars."

"I want a scaw too." Timmy demanded.

"No you don't." Jason and I said in unison, and then we were smiling at each other and I wanted to reach across and pull him into my arms.

"I no want no more Micha." Timmy announced as he held out the mangled burger toward me. Jason took it from him instead and wrapped it up.

"Ready?"

"I'm ready."

.........................................

We'd been home about an hour and I completely understood why Timmy had been stuck to Jason the entire time. Having Jason home suddenly made the place feel less big and lonely. It was as though all the happiness that had drained out of the house over the past two weeks had come flooding back and we were all grateful for it.

You could see the change in Timmy. After Jason's disappearance he'd been more careful, more grumpy and somehow less talkative. Yet, here he was now; chattering away as though he'd just gotten a new mouth and was trying it out for the first time.

I loved it. I loved them.

The doctor had arrived about fifteen minutes after we'd gotten home, and she had tended to Jason's wounds in our bedroom, while Timmy and I looked on in silence. He was going to be fine; she had assured us just before leaving, and that was another weight that was lifted off my shoulders.

He was back, but damn if I wasn't still stressed. I found myself worrying that he'd experienced unthinkable horrors while incarcerated in the warehouse. I wondered if they'd hurt him in any way and how he was coping with that, but I couldn't rush him. In fact, I didn't want to rush him.

No matter what he'd been through, it couldn't have been easy, but now that he was free and back home with us where he belonged, I wanted him to take his time to heal. I wanted him to come to me when he was ready. I wanted him to be happy again.

In many ways he did look happy though, and every smile he sent my way was like a soothing balm over my battered heart, but I could still see the shadows. I could still see the slight hint of fear in him whenever a car would pass by and his head would snap toward to door or window, as though he expected intruders to rush in at any moment.

I could see the worry in his eyes when he looked at Timmy; like if he didn't watch his son closely enough, Timmy would disappear. And boy, did he watch Timmy. His eyes were never far from the little boy's face, and he was always touching him; whether he was running his fingers through Timmy's midnight curls, or pressing a hand against Timmy's fat cheeks, or just hugging him close.

I loved that Timmy didn't make a fuss. I loved that he was eating up all the attention Jason was giving him, because a boy needed his father, and he had been without for far too long. I especially loved the way Timmy's little hands constantly strayed to Jason's new hair. It was like he still couldn't understand that it was gone. He patted it, and pinched the short strands between his fingers. At times he would comment on the color or the length.

Sometimes, it would seem as though he loved the new change, and at others, he would frown at it as though it were some kind of terrible evil that needed to be expelled. In the hour since we'd been back home, Timmy and Jason had become inseparable. I didn't mind it though, because every few minutes, Jason's eyes would search for me in the room, and the look in them would warm me from head to toe.

It was a look of gratefulness, of nervousness and longing. It was a look of happiness, of wonder and of love. Every time I would smile back at him, he would blush just like the first time we'd made love, and in that alone, there was power.

It meant that he was mine even after everything. It meant that finally, after all my wonder and fear and waiting, the man I loved more than anything was not only back, but he still felt the same way.

We spent a large part of the day just lying out on the couch; sometimes in silence, sometimes having long, but lighthearted conversations, because we still weren't ready to tackle anything serious.

He insisted on making me coffee, and I sat at the counter in the kitchen and watched him. If his hands shook while he retrieved a cup from the cupboards, I didn't comment on it. If he got teary-eyed as he stirred the sugar in the cup, I didn't let on that I noticed.

I realized that while locked in his prison, he'd probably worried that he'd never get to do the simple, mundane things again; like make coffee, or lay on the couch with his son, or eat fast food in the car. Now that he was getting the chance to experience it all again, I would allow him his moments to be emotional. Eventually, it would pass and what had happened would be nothing but a bad memory.

When evening rolled around, I turned out the lights and climbed the stairs with a glass of water in hand. I could hear the spay of the shower against the tub in the bathroom, as well as Timmy's little voice from behind the door.

I set down the glass on the nightstand and pushed open the door, to see Timmy seated quite comfortably on the closed toilet lid with Bunny in hand.

"An wed bunny bedder daddy." He was saying to Jason, who I had no doubt, was struggling to hear him over the spray. "An Liam say wed bunny bedder and gwammy say Timmy haf wed bunny."

"Really?" Jason replied.

"Yes daddy. Weally."

"Then we gotta see if we can find red bunny for you then."

Timmy hopped off the toilet cover and promptly pulled the shower curtains apart. His face was alight with glee, as he jumped up and down in the same spot, watching as Jason washed himself clean.

I stepped in and stood by the sink, where I listened to them talk as I brushed my teeth. Timmy alternated between addressing me and addressing Jason. He was like a hyper little monkey and I loved him that way. I loved him happy.

The expression he had as he told Jason about red bunny, was the same expression he'd had as he'd shown Jason his artwork from school. He'd been proud of it, and when Jason had told him just how perfect it was; Timmy had all but melted in happiness.

Liam was going to miss him for the rest of the week, because Timmy would be staying home with us as we tried to get used to the idea of Jason finally being back home and safe.

We all stepped out of the bathroom at the same time, and as was his usual routine after showering; Timmy crawled naked into my bed despite the clothes I offered him. He made sure to take up his place in the middle, even though it was nowhere near bedtime.

But I think he could also sense that Jason was beat. I sat against the headboard and watched as he climbed in on the other side of Timmy and slid slowly and carefully under the covers.

"I'm just gonna rest my eyes for like five minutes." He said. "So don't go nowhere. Okay?"

I nodded. "I'll be right here when you wake up."

He nodded drowsily. "Just five minutes."

He slept for five hours.

..............................

When he woke next, it was 10:00 p.m. and Timmy was fast asleep between us.

I'd been working on my report, but when his eyes drifted open and he yawned, I set my laptop aside.

"Don't turn off the light." He said when I made to pull the string of the lamp. I obliged him.

I slid under the covers and faced him.

"They didn't hurt me or nothin'" he said. "in case you were wondering." His blush was bright against his pale cheeks.

"I was."

"They just kept saying they had plans for me. They never told me what sorta plans, but they were acting shady." He yawned again. "I'm happy you came before anything happened."

"Me too."

His eyes roamed over my face. "You don't look like you been eating."

I shrugged. "Neither do you."

"I was too scared and worried about what was gonna happen to you and Timmy, and what was gonna happen to me, and if I was ever gonna see you guys again." Jason responded. "I guess you were probably worried too huh?"

"I was terrified Jace. I was almost sick to my stomach everyday with worry."

He nodded as though he'd expected nothing less.

"I decided a lot of things when I was in that room." He confessed. "The whole fucking time I was in there, I was thinking 'bout how I never even told you that I loved you properly. I was thinking that you were gonna think I was dead and you were never gonna even know how I felt because I was too much of a scared little asshole to saying nothin' to you."

"I've always known how you feel about me."

Jason sniffled, then wiped at his eyes with the edge of the blanket.

"It's stupid not telling people how you really feel. Especially when you don't got no real reason not to." He said; voice straining. "I decided that if I ever saw you again, I would stop worrying about all the shit that don't matter and just let everything out."

"Yeah?"

He nodded. "Yeah. You're gonna know everything now that I'm back. I'm gonna tell you when I'm happy and when I'm pissed off and when I'm feeling great and even when I'm fucking constipated." He said. "Because what's the point of keeping it all to myself, right?"

I laughed. "I want to hear everything."

"Yeah. 'Cause I got a lot to tell you Michael. From the time I first saw you till now. I've got a lot of thoughts that I kept buried in my head for no good reason."

Our eyes met and held. "Me too Jace." I said, and he smiled.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." I told him.

He pulled his good arm out from under the blanket and held it out for me to take. I held onto it and squeezed gently.

"If you love me like you been saying, then we'll just make sure we tell each other everything. Okay?"

"Okay."

For a moment, his hand tightened in mine, then he pulled it away all together. I watched as he flipped onto his back and turned his eyes toward to ceiling.

"I love you." He whispered, and though he was still too afraid to look at me while he said the words, they rang with a sincerity that I couldn't deny.

"You know I love you too Jason."

"And Timmy?" he asked it just like Timmy would have if he'd been awake.

"And Timmy."

                                                   AUTHOR'S NOTES

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-unedited.