Chapter 36: Heart of Courage
Gwenda looked around the stone streets of Kingsbury, watching as others followed her motions. Johanna had disappeared into the mass, as had everyone else she knew. Lona was nowhere to be found; Markl returned Heen to his normal size, and they quickly vanished from sight. Mari, Beth, Aria, and everyone else joined the fleeting crowd.
She was alone.
Dark clouds covered an even darker sky, light posts failing to brighten her view of the surrounding area. The city was a ghost town, the citizens of Kingsbury simply too afraid to vacate, leaving the streets abandoned save for one person. She didn't know where she was or where she was going.
All she knew was that she needed to run.
"Wait!" Gwenda turned her head, but kept running. The man on fire was chasing her, only her. Why? Why was she his target? Something had happened to him in that Palace. The flames seemed to consume him, but she didn't waste a moment to ponder these thoughts.
Her heart raced against the speed of the pouring rain as they splattered like bullets onto the stone pavement. The sky roared in anger and the droplets fell harder, faster. Puddles formed in the low dips of the street and she attempted to avoid them at all costs. She didn't need anything slowing her down, though her racing thoughts were already doing so.
Get out, now.
Leave before they find you.
Save yourself.
These words would haunt her dreams and nightmares.
She didn't listen; she ignored their pleas for safety. Whatever courage that had been hidden in her before suddenly sprung to life the moment she decided there was something worth fighting for.
"Wait, please!" The man's voice again. How he continued to find her everywhere she turned was still a mystery. She couldn't be safe as long as he was trailing her.
Be stronger, she thought to herself. Be stronger, faster, braver.
The sound of his heavy footsteps against the puddles increased. There was nowhere left to turn. In the middle of a dark alley, she was trapped.
She turned around, only to find the man mere inches from her. She jolted back and fell to the cold, wet ground, pushing herself away from him. He knelt to her level, his face hidden by his cloak though his brilliant hair burned ferociously. He reached one hand forward, and she slapped it away.
"No!"
"Please." He begged. "You know me."
She widened her eyes, wondering if it was true, then quickly shut them. "I don't remember you, so how can I know you?"
"Before this. Before I was like this." He removed the hood from his head, revealing his true self. "Please, look at me."
Gwenda trembled, keeping her eyes in the dark. Her lips quivered from the chills of the rain and the fear of this stranger. He did not dare touch her, but rather inched closer to her until his breath grazed her cheek.
"Please, Gwenda." She opened her eyes at the sound of her own name. The pitter-patter of rain and their heavy exhales were the only sounds they heard, making them the only two people in the vicinity. If his intention was to harm her, he would have done so by now.
Gradually, she turned her head forward, her eyes following the ground until she reached him. He rested on the balls of his feet, his knees propped out for balance. He wore dark clothes that matched the night and a radiant cloak that equaled the vibrance of his orange hair. He was not a threat.
When she looked into his eyes, she almost thought there were tears but with the rain, it was difficult to be sure. They were wide with determination and filled with a bright spirit. They were safe, harmless, yet still filled with a loss of purity she had known too well. The same eyes she condemned for seeing the truth; the same soul she expressed her deepest secrets; the same man she begged never to leave her again.
His features were a beautiful reminder. It was like seeing color in a black-and-white film for the first time - all she could do was stare. "Remember me."
Her sight was blurred by the tears that poured out. "Calcifer... oh my God, Calcifer!" She wrapped her arms around him, crying deep into his shoulder. Calcifer exhaled heavy breaths. The feeling of Gwenda so close to him was a magnificent and breathtaking feeling. He felt so warm with her arms around his neck, her tears falling onto his shoulder, and the thought of knowing that his previous self - which was encompassed entirely in flames - could no longer harm her.
He touched her hair and motioned through the shortness. He rested his head against hers, his lips against her ear. "I can finally hold you."
Gwenda pulled away, wiping the tears that remained. "I thought you were dead."
Calcifer shook his head. "Far from it."
"But you're... how did you..." She placed her fingers along his cloak, moving them over the vest and then to the center of his chest. He was human; he was finally human. His heartbeat pulsed against her fingertips, each beat like a hammer pounding gently against the tip of a nail. She looked up, noticing his eyes were closed and his hand had reached up. His fingers wrapped around hers like he was protecting them from the cold.
Out of instinct, Gwenda dropped her hand away from his.
"I wish I could tell you," Calcifer whispered, though he still caught her attention. His eyes remained closed. "Your hair did something to me, something I'd never felt before."
Gwenda nodded in remembrance. "You were incredible. I'd never seen you control so much power." She wanted to say something, ask if her hair was the reason or a more powerful source or something. Part of her desperately wanted to know how this was possible for him to be sitting across from her, holding her and protecting her from rain and cold - the other part was simply grateful that he was there at all.
Calcifer bit his lip, his hand pressing hard against his heart. "The Witch of the Wastes followed me into the forest. We were just talking, and then somehow... I changed."
Gwenda covered her mouth, thinking of their last moment together. Her final act of bravery saved Gwenda's life and stole her own. Maybe she was expecting it to happen, or maybe she had hoped like so many others that she would be spared death this time.
Gwenda choked on her words. "She's dead."
"I saw."
She shook her head. "She changed from the witch she was before. Even with her powers, she used them for good."
Calcifer held her shoulders. Gwenda shuddered. "I know. She died with honor."
The rain continued to fall, filling the silent void between them and prolonged their thoughts from being spoken aloud. The chilling atmosphere caused Gwenda to shiver and chatter her teeth. She bowed her head from the cold, hoping the rapid motions of her hands moving up and down her arms would suppress the goosebumps that persisted.
When the heavy cloak wrapped around her body, she lifted her gaze to Calcifer - she still thought her eyes were deceiving her mind from reality.
She finally spoke. "Calcifer, I-"
"I still mean what I said." His voice was firm and strong in his words. His eyes were gentle - two glowing spectacles of radiant light. She knew what he was going to say, though she didn't feel prepared to hear it all at once. "Gwenda, I have never met anyone like you. The Witch of the Wastes... I saw her save your life and I feel forever in her debt because I can't imagine a world without you."
Gwenda dropped her eyes to his hands - two beautiful, icy hands. He held hers in an attempt to keep them both warm. This feeling was surreal, something they never thought they would experience from one another. Something in the way his tenderness brushed against her rugged knuckles relieved a sense of isolation she couldn't shake on her own.
Gwenda's voice was low against the pounding rain. "I can never be the person you deserve."
He rubbed his thumbs over the bruises around her wrists. They were a glossy red with dark patches where the handcuffs had been. Even after they healed, she would always wear those scars, the marks of torture in the presence of great fear. Calcifer felt a pang of guilt for not being able to prevent it, wishing he'd had the ability to stop Noe in the act of ripping Gwenda away from him. He hoped she would forgive him.
Yet even in the face of fear, Gwenda still prevailed and stayed strong. She was so brave in the situations that would normally terrify Calcifer. He hated seeing Gwenda so afraid of Noe because he never wanted anyone to break her spirit. Everything he did from this moment forward would be to keep that from happening again.
"I've never seen anyone so defiant or true to who they are than you." Calcifer said, very resolute. "You are strong and confident and you say what's on your mind without a care if people agree with you or not. Gwenda, you're the most beautiful and courageous woman I've ever known."
Gwenda blinked away the sudden tears that formed. She spoke under her breath, "I'm not that beautiful."
Calcifer rested on one knee and moved a hand to the nape of her neck. Gwenda brought her eyes to his, admiring the assurance she saw. "You are, and your beauty doesn't even come close to all the amazing that you are."
She thought of the day they met. While it took her some time to feel comfortable or safe, she remembered Calcifer's kindness and near immediate trust. She was as much a stranger to him as he was to her, yet he was so willing to believe in her. He always believed in her more than she did.
She remembered the spark in his gaze, how he seemed to light up every time she entered a room and the nights she would fall asleep to his witty words and wake up to his morning smile. All these little moments she had taken advantage of at the time, she hadn't realized that he was opening himself up to her.
Somehow, without warning, Gwenda had become attached to Calcifer. She found herself needing those midnight conversations more than sleep. The sound of his soothing voice was a lullaby and she became more and more interested in his stories each night. No one had shown so much delight in her own life like he did.
Their fight - the cruel accusation she made against him before Noe kidnapped her - stung like a lightning strike and resonated like electricity coursing through her body, reminding her of the pain she inflicted. She hated her words, hated her tone in which she spoke them. She hated the look on his face, but more than anything she hated that she broke his heart.
Gwenda quivered her lips. "I stopped believing in love a long time ago." Her words were shaky, though she persisted. "Not just that - I stopped believing in people. All they do is make you love them and need them and once you've given them everything-" Gwenda paused. The rain sprinkled from the sky like falling stars. She lowered her head, her visage defeated. "They leave you."
"You reunited with your sister again." Calcifer said. "You fought alongside your friends and they stayed with you." He inhaled a heavy breath, exhaling slowly. "I know I left you, but I came back to show you that I will never let that happen again."
Gwenda shuddered at the memory. The last person she ever thought to do what she was most fearful of - she thought he was gone forever. Even though he was sacrificing himself to save them, Gwenda still felt heartbroken as she watched him run away from everyone he loved. A life without Calcifer was living with the thought of knowing something was missing, something you needed but could never reach and could never return to. A life without him was a life of misery.
He leaned closer to her. "Do you believe in love again?"
Gwenda tightened her grip on the cloak. "Calcifer..."
"I'm willing to take that risk." Calcifer said. "I want to spend my life making you happy. Whether that's as a friend or something more, I don't want to be anywhere you're not. But tell me to leave right now and I will."
Gwenda met his gaze, her watery eyes twinkling from the fire in his. That was the last thing she wanted. "I meant what I said, too." Calcifer creased his eyebrows, confused by her words. Her voice was tremulous, though she spoke like she was walking on air. "As you ran out into the rain, I said that I can't lose you, too. I've lost you again and again and each time became worse than last. I need you in my life. I can't go through life without you."
Calcifer tried to contain the smile he wore, but it opened wide over his face. "Do you think I would ever leave you again?"
His hand wrapped around her neck - his touch so magnifying, so fulfilling, like a rainstorm after a drought or the morning sun after a dark night. It was the feeling of knowing she was finally safe, finally free after living so long in fear and doubt and disappointment. He was her safe haven; he was her comfort.
Gwenda raised her head. The chills rushing through her body were no longer present. "Never."
Before he registered her response, Gwenda was already a breath away from him. She gripped his straggly hair in a fist as he pulled her neck toward him, encompassing her lips with his own. Their actions felt so natural yet scandalous, though that only intensified the intimacy they felt for one another. Kissing him was like the feeling of falling into a dream and never wanting reality to return.
This moment, this beautiful and joyous and magical moment made all the times she felt alone, all the times he lay waste in a humdrum fireplace, worth it just to feel this love.
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