Chapter 13: Lonely Regrets


She thought it would be easy to forget. She thought it would be simple to move on from her sister's betrayal. It wasn't the first time someone had abandoned her, and she guaranteed it wouldn't be the last. Yet every night, when she begged for peaceful dreams or a restful sleep, nightmares of Lona disturbed her each time.

Gwenda had heard wonderful things about Market Chipping. Their economy was on the rise and the people were energetic with optimism. She had heard from dozens of people that this was the pinnacle city to follow your passions.

While she didn't know what her passion was, Gwenda at least needed a change in scenery. The apartment she shared with Lona had become too empty and melancholic to stay. After Lona left her to live with that horrid wizard, Gwenda cried nearly every night wishing she had changed her mind.

Lona was literally the only person in her life. Her own sister abandoned her for blind love. She couldn't imagine loving someone enough to walk away from family. Then again, her mother had gone through the exact same scenario years prior.

Two months later, when the lease ended, she was gone. Gwenda hopped on the earliest train heading out of Porthaven and rode until she couldn't see the waterfront. The train went through the Coast and into the Folding Valley. When the conductor announced their arrival to Market Chipping, Gwenda felt an impulse to get off.

She smiled like a child in a candy store as she stepped off the platform with her one large suitcase. The city was bustling with so many people, even this late in the evening. The sun hung just above the tallest buildings, which reminded her of Porthaven. One thing Gwenda enjoyed about the Coast was that most of the markets were outside by the piers, overlooking the vast ocean as the light from the sun danced over the waves.

Gwenda shook her head. Porthaven was in the past; this was a new and exciting adventure.

"Hurry! Lettie's about to close the bakery!" Gwenda turned to a group of young men in formal suits running toward one of the buildings. A few men wearing aprons began closing the umbrellas over the outdoor seating. She turned to the sign: Good Cooking Pan Bakery.

She then saw the sign underneath: Now Hiring.

Gwenda raised her eyebrows. "Well, no time like the present to look for work."

She trotted over, suitcase in hand, passing by extravagant ladies in eccentric hats. Gwenda hadn't seen hats like these in Porthaven; they were tacky and peculiar, something she would see her mother's friends wearing when they used to live in Kingsbury. Their flashy purses and ornamented gowns were a cheap trick.

Gwenda knew faulty riches when she saw them. She witnessed the fraudulent lifestyle of her own mother, and these women appeared in just the same way - hiding behind the facade of sophistication.

Gwenda pushed through the crowd of suitors as they congested the entrance to the bakery, all holding flowers or whistling loudly. She was cramped inside the crowd, bodies leaning forward, pushing and pulling her in all different directions. She groaned loudly, wishing she was shorter. She would have crawled through if she could. Most of the men were close to her height, but many were a few inches shorter. Anytime she met someone new, especially men, they were always intimidated by her height.

"We're closed." A bulky man wearing a bakery apron and hat said, attempting to close the doors on the eager customers. His voice was deep and crass. "Come back tomorrow."

A disappointed sigh exhaled from the crowd. Gwenda was so close to the door, with only one person blocking her way. He tried pleading with the baker. "But we want to see Lettie."

The baker narrowed his eyes. "She will still be here tomorrow. We are closed for the night."

As he shut the door, Gwenda slipped past the suitor and landed in the baker's arms, holding him for balance. He was definitely taller than she was, and certainly not intimidated by her.

He frowned. "I assume you're not here to gawk at our favored employee."

Gwenda panted loudly, dropping her suitcase and resting a hand on the baker's shoulder. "No. I just came to Market Chipping today. I saw your sign and wanted to apply for the job."

The baker raised his eyebrows in suspicion, then removed her hand from his shoulder. Gwenda stood straight, noticing the baker's pessimism. He crossed his arms, looking down at her. "You'll need to talk with Lettie about that. I don't hire staff outside of the kitchen."

Gwenda chuckled. "Who, the girl all those guys were drooling over? She's in charge?"

The baker stared emotionless. "She's our hardest worker. She runs the main floor, just promoted last month."

Gwenda continued laughing, but after seeing the baker's stern face she slowly died it into a loud cough. "Oh, um, well... I guess I'll go talk to her then."

The baker turned and walked away. Gwenda picked up her suitcase and followed him until the swinging door that led into the kitchen.

He stopped her with his hand. "Only employees are allowed in the back."

Gwenda crossed her arms and huffed. Maybe it was a long day or the customers were more demanding than usual, but his attitude was more negative than Gwenda's on a typical day. Questions flooded into her mind about the job - the long hours, the rude customers, the cheap tips. She had worked in the food industry before, and it never excited her. She almost reconsidered applying for the job.

Gwenda placed her suitcase on the floor and rested against a dining table with two chairs folded upside-down on the tabletop. This was a fresh start; a chance to put the past in the past and never look back. Everyone she had ever known had already done the same to her - now it was her chance to leave them behind.

Gwenda heard someone push the swinging door and enter the room. A short, pretty girl stood before her. Lettie, the baker had said. Her hair was curled into a long bun, and her eyes were a light blue, like the sky in the morning. Gwenda's eyes were blue, but not to that caliber. She wore a long pink dress with an apron that only she could make stylish. The ruffles on the sides added a dramatic flair to the outfit.

She looked ready to work for a design studio over a quaint bakery.

"Hi, I'm Lettie. It's so nice to meet you." Lettie held Gwenda's hand with both of hers, shaking them up and down rapidly. "Greg said you were interested in a job here. I've had that sign up for weeks and you're the first to ask about it."

Gwenda raised an eyebrow. "Really? You get a lot of customers, I'm surprised no one bothered to apply."

Lettie giggled softly. "Well, people like to buy things from us - not many are interested in working here." She took the chairs down from the table and gestured for Gwenda to sit. "So, why don't you begin with telling me a bit about yourself, huh?"

That question always frightened her. It was a trick question - sure, the employers wanted to know about her but they secretly wanted to know the things that would improve their business. To them, she was disposable.

Gwenda cleared her throat. "Well, my name is Gwendolyn, but I prefer to be called Gwenda. Before moving to Market Chipping, I worked in Porthaven on the docks."

Lettie smiled. "Really? What type of work?"

"I worked in the fish market. Taking the fresh catches off the boat, cleaning them, and making them ready to sell that morning."

Lettie nodded. "Fascinating. That's very hard work. Do you have any experience in customer service?"

Gwenda froze. She was not a people person; that was a fact. But she needed a job. She didn't want to lie, but she really needed a job. However, the way Lettie's face lit up during their interview made Gwenda feel guilty for wanting to stretch the truth. She seemed like a nice girl, a little young and innocent. Gwenda remembered those days before things changed. Before people walked away.

Gwenda sighed. "Well, I worked there for about three years and then... well, then I moved here. I haven't really had much experience anywhere else."

Lettie's face dropped. Gwenda shrugged her shoulders, the results of this interview looking quite dim. It was worth a shot to try, at least.

"We don't mind training you." Gwenda darted her eyes to Lettie, her soft smile back in its place. "We need the help and I can train you myself. It's not as hard as it looks."

Gwenda's hands started to shake, her legs wobbly. She would have fallen if she stood up. "You... you mean you'll hire me? Without the experience you're looking for?"

Lettie waved her off. "We just ask that to see if we need to train someone or if they're okay with jumping right into things. It only takes about a couple weeks and then you can start doing things on your own."

Gwenda sat in her chair for a while, the news quite shocking to her. Lettie stood up, her hand held for a handshake, but Gwenda bolted out of her seat and embraced her. Lettie stood motionless, but quickly warmed up to her.

Gwenda took in long, deep breaths. "I honestly can't thank you enough. You have no idea how much this means to me. I promise, I won't let you down. I promise."

Lettie laughed. "I know you'll do great." Yet as quickly as the delight shone on her face, it diminished into a flustered agitation. "Also, I don't mean to worry you or anything, but it's important for you to know - especially if you're new in town. We've had some run-ins with magicians recently in Market Chipping."

Gwenda dropped her smile. "Really?"

Lettie scoffed. "They're terrible. I've only ever seen them do terrible things. My sister just ran into one the other day, and now she's disappeared."

"I'm so sorry."

Lettie shook her head, holding back tears. "I just wished she had been more careful. Sophie is just too nice, and wizards are nothing but trouble."

Gwenda nodded. "My sister ran off with a wizard recently, claiming he loved her."

Lettie frowned. "The way they can manipulate us is frightening. I'll never trust a wizard."

Gwenda agreed. Wizards, witches, demons - they were all the same. They abused their power over humans and each other. If Gwenda ever found an honest, decent magician, he would probably be manipulating her to believe it. 

Her eyes shot open. The room was blurred, the lights flickering to the beat of her racing heart. She felt nauseous as her stomach curled inside. How long was she out? Where was she?

Gwenda blinked a few times to clear her vision. She raised her hands to rub her temple, the chilling shackles around her wrists catching her by surprise. She shivered from the touch of icy metal on her skin. Gwenda followed the chain to where it was rooted at the end of a bed. She pushed on her feet to stand, but her legs dropped to the floor in weakness. She landed on her palms, right before hitting a broken glass frame. She lifted the photograph, her eyes widening from seeing who was pictured.

"No." Gwenda whispered, the highest volume she could reach. She dropped the picture of Kenta and Lona with the mountains from the Wastes in the background, letting it fall to the ground. She looked around the room again: bed, fireplace, and a large window outlooking the countryside. And in the distance, the mountains moving in the Wastes.

"Why would I be in Kenta's home?" Gwenda remembered when they came here while looking for her sister, though the place was just as destroyed as she remembered. Her last memories were a bit foggy, and she couldn't remember how she got there.

"Good morning, sunshine." Gwenda turned to the fireplace, an image of Calcifer appearing and disappearing all in one second. She was hoping for a friendly face, but instead was greeted by a young witch with a broomstick. The sight of her brought back the memories she had forgotten.

Gwenda seethed through her teeth. "You."

Noe smirked. "Looks like you had a nasty fall."

"Yeah, well that's what happens when a snobby witch kidnaps you." Gwenda moved her arms, noticing a large cut on her right sleeve. "And you ruined my new jacket, too."

Noe giggled like a child. "Oh sweetheart, that's not all I'm going to do to you." She set her broomstick against the doorway and waltzed toward Gwenda. She knelt in front of her and, with quick fingers, snatched her messy braid and pulled down. Gwenda yelped as her chin reached upward, slowly inching farther up as Noe pulled harder.

Noe sneered at her. "From this point until your friends bargain with Madame Suliman - if they do - you are her prisoner, and I'm under no obligation to make you feel at home."

Gwenda grabbed Noe's collar with her shackled hands and slammed her head against hers, sending Noe backward in a disoriented state. Gwenda's head throbbed, as if she had just thrown a rock at herself. She rubbed her temple before noticing that her hair was unraveling and flowed to the ground.

Noe shook her head to return back to normal. Gwenda stood up, feeling more strength than before. Her arms pulled straight from the chains as she glared at Noe. "What do you mean if my friends come? Of course they will."

Gwenda lowered her gaze. At least, she hoped they would. She thought they were all close enough at this point. She would have risked her life for them; technically, she had on multiple occasions already.

She hadn't realized before how much she had given to them. She disobeyed Suliman to save Sophie, this girl she had only just met. She only saved her because of Lettie, who knew much earlier that Suliman was up to no good. She remembered one of their last conversations ended with her asking Gwenda to make sure Suliman stayed away from her family. It was the last promise she fulfilled for Lettie.

People had a habit of leaving her, yet Gwenda found herself doing everything she could to keep them from following the same pattern. She didn't want to lose this new family.

Noe pushed against the brick fireplace and waved her hands over Gwenda, forcing her back onto the ground. Noe sneered at her. "You'd think they would, but it's a pretty high bargain. You, in exchange for that baby."

"Why do you want Sophie's child? What can Suliman gain from Sophie and Howl-" Gwenda looked up, paralyzed. A wizard's child, a new line of magic ready to be born in only a month now. And not just any wizard - Howl. Suliman could do a lot of damage with that.

Noe flipped one of her pigtails and giggled. "Figuring it out, huh? Suliman's been plotting this since before Howl and Sophie even met."

Gwenda stared at the ground, her eyes fixed on the specks of dirt surrounding her. "How could she have known they would fall in love?"

"She has her ways." Noe twirled around back to the doorway, the edge of her dress hitting Gwenda across the cheek. She turned one last time, her smile wide. "As do I. Like your friend who was too weak to attack me, my skill is fortune-telling."

Gwenda glared at Noe. "Martha is a Seer. I don't know what the hell you are."

"I'm the person you should be afraid of." She raised her hand, Gwenda mimicking her motions; she was a blind puppet. When Noe jolted her hand, Gwenda's hand twisted around itself and immediately snapped like a twig. Gwenda shrieked from the pain. She held her fractured hand with the other, biting her lip to hold back the tears.

Noe giggled with her high-pitched voice and waved before leaving. "Ciao."

When she shut the door, Gwenda burst into tears. She could barely move her hand. Her fingers stuck out in ways she never thought was possible. Noe was evil; she was worse than most magicians Gwenda had known or heard of. She was nothing compared to the rumors of Howl or the beliefs she had of Kenta. Noe was a true follower of Suliman.

The harsh winds blew against the window, the clinking glass sending chills down Gwenda's spine. She remembered when Markl held her captive, when he was under the impression that she was there to steal Howl's secrets or expose the castle. He wasn't nearly this harsh with her. And, she at least had a warm fire by her.

Gwenda widened her eyes. Calcifer. She cupped her mouth as she remembered the horrible things she said to him right before she was taken. She could visualize the look on his face after she had spoken, his broken gaze turning cold and he became agonizing to look at. She repeated the words in her head over and over again, each time sending another pang of guilt through her body.

How would you know? It's not like you've ever loved anyone before.

Her lips trembled. How could she have said that? She was just angry; she couldn't recall another time she was that enraged by something Calcifer had said. He kept pressing her about long-forgotten feelings for Prince Justin, and the memories only boiled her blood further. Justin was arrogant and rude, yet somehow his mere presence reeled her back.

She turned to the fireplace, wishing she saw the sweet, quirky fire demon she had grown close to instead of this desolate, ashen void. She didn't mean to say those things to him, but he spoke the truth - a truth she had avoided for far too long. She loved Justin; as much as she hated him now for the cruelties against her friends, there was once a time when she was so blindly in love with the man.

And she took out her anger on the one person who cared so deeply about her. "I'm sorry, Calcifer. You were right."

She wished he was there with her, comforting her during this. She was afraid of what Noe would do to her. She could starve her or use her as a human puppet for her magic tricks. Noe was the very magician she had been afraid of for years, and the magicians she assimilated into that group were the ones she should have trusted from the beginning.

She turned to the window, the clouds hovering over the moon. The sky was dark and the Wastes seemed farther away than ever. She clenched her fists with feeble fingers, shivering from the frigid room. "Please come for me."

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