Chapter 14: Mistakes (Tristan's POV)

We finished the brownies. All of them. And I realized I have to leave. I really should because if I don't right now, I'll make a lot of mistakes and she might too. 

The last thing I want is to be the reason her relationship fell apart. I don't care if she actually likes him or not, if she even feels anything or not, she is in a committed relationship with him. And if anything will happen between us, it can only happen when she isn't committed to someone else. I don't want to be the person that turns her into a cheater and I know she doesn't want to be a cheater either. 

If anything is to happen between us again, it'll be when she's single and I am too. 

She left the dishes in the sink and turned to me. She glanced at the clock on the wall. "It's pretty late. Do you... want to stay?" 

"I shouldn't," I said slowly. "You know that. And you're pretty sober now, so it would be worse if..." I trailed off with a small shrug. 

She nodded, "I know. So, I guess tonight won't just be a blurry memory then. You sobered me pretty quick." 

"I did?" 

She nodded. 

"I should leave. Right?" I sighed. 

"You should. Because we can't afford to make mistakes. Right, Mr. Reed?" she chuckled. 

I nodded, walking to my shoes and sliding them on. I wrapped my tie around my hand and headed to the door while she walked behind me, and then stepped up, holding the door open. I walked out and turned to her. I sighed, tilting my head to one side. "I really want to kiss you," I whispered. 

"You can't. I really will tell HR," she whispered threateningly, even narrowing her eyes on me. 

"You'll get fired. Not me, I'm the boss," I smirked. 

"Then I'll go back to Bloomfield." 

"Then I'll have every right to kiss you." 

"Hmm, so I lose either way?" 

I scoffed, leaning in. "You win either way," I smiled. 

"Please," she rolled her eyes, putting a hand on my chest and pushing me away. 

 "Please what?" I stepped closer to her. 

"Tristan—" 

I walked back into the apartment, pushing her inside and closing the door behind me, leaning against it.

 "I don't remember adding pot to those brownies," she sighed. "You should really go. I mean it. Go." 

I grabbed her wrist, pulling her flush against me. 

She took in a sharp breath, putting her hands on my chest and trying to push me away but I had nowhere to go, I was already backed up against the door. "Tristan..." 

"I won't kiss you. So relax. I know the situation doesn't matter, you won't cheat on him. I don't even want you to." 

She lifted her eyes to mine. "Then why are you tempting me?" 

"Tempting you? I'm not tempting you. Tempting you would be if..." I leaned in and she let out a shaky breath. 

"Don't," she whispered. 

"If I asked you to," I paused to look at her face. "Kiss me." 

"I won't." 

"You won't or you can't?" I questioned. 

"Both. I won't make mistakes with you and I can't afford to either." She pushed at my chest again and I huffed in annoyance, grabbing her wrists and holding her arms behind her, her wrists in one hand of mine. She winced a little when I dug her arms into her lower back which caused her to arch her back and step closer. 

I tilted my head to the side, falling into thought while I analyzed her. 

"What?" she mumbled, trying to free her wrists. 

I clicked my tongue with a 'tsk' and used my free hand and the tie wrapped around it. I tied the tie around her wrists, tightening the knot. 

"Did you just tie me up?" 

"You're pushing away." 

"Because I don't want to be this close to you!" 

"Don't yell," I sighed. "You know I hate when you yell." 

"And I like being tied up?" 

"Unless you got kinkier over the four years, no. But you don't listen to me unless I shut up and make you." 

"What do you want me to listen to? Talk then, fine." 

"I'm losing patience, Emma." 

"For what?" 

"I can't keep waiting for you. And I wish I didn't want you back, but I do. Whether you leave him or not, I'll only wait so long until—" 

"Until you what? There's nothing you can do." 

"I'll take you." 

"Against my will?" 

"Your will? You're willing to live like nothing happened between us and stay boss-employee? Are you willing to do that more than—" 

"More than I am to cheat on my boyfriend? Yes." 

I huffed, tightening the knot in frustration. 

Her jaw ticked. 

"You told me yourself tonight that you want to break up with him because- let alone love- you don't even like him. Whatever happens between you and me after you break up with him, has absolutely nothing to do with him. So do it. Break up with him." 

"Why? Because you're asking me to? He's a nice guy, Tristan. He's doing everything right. He's committed to me, he cares about me, he makes time for me—" 

"So did I. I did all of that before you left me. Didn't I do enough?" 

"I had a reason," she groaned. 

"Am I not reason enough for you? Because if I'm not... If you don't still want me, then tell me. But I should warn you, I will fire you." 

She scoffed, "You can't—" 

"But I can. And I will. You're the perfect assistant, but I didn't keep you around to stop there." 

"Then why did you hire me?" she huffed, blowing a piece of her hair away from her face. 

I lifted my hand and tucked it behind her ear. "Because I wanted another chance at having you, Ms. Bailey." 

"Are you seriously telling me that you kept me around so you could make me fall in love with you? Again?" she chuckled dryly. 

"That's exactly what I'm telling you. Because I didn't deserve what you did to me. And it's your fault, only yours, nobody else's... It's your fucking fault that I haven't been able to fall out of love with you yet. So," I sighed. "Either make me fall out of love with you. Or fall back in love with me. The choice is yours." 

"And if I don't do either? What are you going to do?" 

"I don't know. But I'll start off by firing you. Because it would be better to not have you around at all." 

She swallowed, moving her wrists around. I tightened the knot and doubled it so she couldn't open it. 

I lifted a brow at her. 

"Then you might as well fire me now." She shrugged. 

"What is your problem with me? We were together all throughout high school. Freshman to senior year. How can you fall out of it so fucking quickly? Did you even love me?" 

"I can't believe you're doubting how I felt for you." 

"You're the one making me doubt it, Emma. When you left me, your circumstances were different, weren't they? You had to choose between me and your future. What is it now? Last time, you chose your future over me. What are you going to choose over me this time? Your boy-toy?" 

"Even if I break up with him, I can't be with you again." 

"Why?" 

"For starters, I work for you now. Go ahead and fire me if you want but that won't change much. Because I don't like myself when I'm with you, okay? That's why I don't want to be with you again," she snapped. "I hurt you so much, how are you forgiving me for it so quickly? How are you moving past it?" 

"I want you more than I hate you for that." 

"Well, I don't. I hate myself too much to fall back into old habits and I'm terrified of hurting you again. So, I'm sorry, but I can't let us go back there. I can't make that mistake again." 

"Emma, we're not kids anymore," I groaned. "We both have lives here, what could possibly happen that would make you leave me again? Whatever we would do, we would do it together, right?" 

"Tristan, I'm sober now, okay? And this is not what tonight was just a few minutes ago. We were having fun, why are you turning this into an argument." 

"I'm not. I just want it to be how it was before you fucked it all up!" 

She swallowed. "I did fuck it all up, you're right. Then why do you want someone who hurt you so much? I'll hurt you again." 

"No, you won't. Things have to be different this time. They will be." 

She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. "We work together, Tristan. That's all it is right now. So why are you doing this? Why does it have to be...?" she trailed off questioningly. "Why does it have to be like it was in the past?" 

She won't listen to me. A part of me knew she wouldn't, I just didn't want to believe it. I have to respect myself more than this now. I'm practically begging her to take me back. And if I'm forcing her, it's more or less the same thing. I'm lowering myself and I can't afford to do that anymore. At the end of the day, I have myself, right? I used to have her but I don't anymore. So I need to get it together. And she won't come to me right now if she's not willing to. Then I'll make her willing to. But I'll do it without lowering myself. 

"It doesn't," I mumbled, undoing the knot and slipping the tie off her wrists. "It doesn't have to be like the past. I just wish it was."

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Chapter 14

well... that went downhill real fast

next chapter: change