Percy Jackson

That wasn't anxiety inducing at all. Not at all. It's just Thomas Solace, my first boyfriend who I wished I would've not gotten expelled so we could've hung around longer.

But no, I had to go to boarding school.

I'm still bitter about Gabe putting me in a boarding school for the sole purpose of not letting me hang out with my two friends. One of which was Thomas.

So it's been years. I've only gotten worse, and now his brother and I have a weird connection because of our dad's. We've talked a little, here or there. Happy birthday or holidays, when school starts. Not a ton.

"Hey!" Thomas exclaimed as he entered the vacanity and sat next to my bed. He was looking really good. Healthy. "How's it been lately? Well, outside of being in the hospital. That sucks, but..."

I shrugged, feeling like shit just between guilt and actually being depressed.

"Eh," I remarked, not enthusiastic. "kind of weird, I guess. I don't know. The funeral was kind of weird and then everyone was back so it didn't matter and at home it's... Yeah."

"Yeah?" He responded, and I hated that I vastly enjoyed his smile. He was still a cutie. I missed him. "Has Gabe lightened up or did he... Do this?"

"Do... Oh no," I assured him that I wasn't here because of that. "Gabe is uh, gone. Has been for like, a while. Mom got in another relationship, engaged. Had a kid, and they just broke up, so... He was nice. What uh... What about you? How have you been?"

"I've been alright!" Tyler insisted, which was good to hear. "sometimes I worry a little too much about Will, but that's life. I'm passing classes and just stick to a few friends. Im in band, art club. That's about it."

"That sounds really nice..."

I just wanted to crank up my iv and sleep again. His life just sounded nice and peaceful. Happy. Nice. Will always says that he's in a good mood a lot. Asks about me here or there. They uh... They live in Queens, so. It's not too far.

"Well, uh... I mean, I guess, yeah." He figured, and of course he noticed that I felt like absolute shit. "have you been alright? Like... You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but why are you here? You don't look too beaten up, just really tired."

After a minute, I nodded, having processed what he asked me. It took a second.

"Oh, uh... Yeah, no." I was honest, though, because I'm sure if I didn't tell him, Will might as well. "it's been really shitty, but since when is it not? I'm here because I'm a 'danger to myself.'"

I don't think he appreciated the sarcasm. Then again, I never appreciated it from Nico.

Now he's gone, so that's cool.

People never tend to stick around me for long. Don't blame them. I'm shitty.

"A danger to yourself?" Will's older brother questioned.

"Yeah, that's what they say." I confirmed, nodding my head. "I mean, it's probably accurate. It's kind of like threatening yourself if you're suicidal. A danger, I guess."

Mom hasn't even found out about this yet. She's been at work at day so she hasn't answered her phone. Paul came to get the last of his stuff when he found me.

Or, that's what the doctor told me.

I guess this way at least she'd get what she wants: to be with my dad.

For whatever reason, of which I wasn't expecting, Thomas just pulled me into a hug.

"I'm sorry," he apologized as I could feel my eyes well up. My emotions surfacing. It happens a lot when people hug me. "I know I can't do much or whatever. I'm not a doctor or like, a god. But I did miss you, if that makes you feel a tiny bit better at all. We can hang out once they let you out of here, catch up. My mom misses you, too. You are loved, dude."

That last one caused some emotions.

"Yeah, it doesn't really feel like it most of the time, though."

We talked for a long time about a lot of things. I told him about camp and how I'm not there anymore. That I walked away because... Because I had to.

I'm suicidal, sure, but I was worse at camp, having to suppress it. To ignore it.

He left, mainly because I was exhausted and wanted to go back to bed. But it nice to see him again. I really missed him.

I felt a lot worse about what happened when Mom was crying and... Feeling guilty that she didn't think it was quite that bad and... That her son tried to kill himself and still wants to.

She was trying to make it sound like it was her fault for not noticing it. That she didn't do anything.

"Mom, it wasn't..." I tried to tell her. "I never talked about it, never really asked for help. Recently, at least. You're not... You didn't miss anything, Mom. Unless Nico told you did, but even then he only knew because I freaked out after the funeral and... Yeah. I'm sorry that I didn't say anything, that—"

"Don't apologize, Percy," Mom insisted, rubbing my arm. "We're both at fault, alright? It's been a pretty bad year, right?"

I just nodded my head. It's been a bad life.

But this year sucked a lot.

"But we have this whole summer to do whatever we want, Percy," Mom promised me, which sounded fun. "I'll still be at the bakery, but royalties will start coming in soon! We can go to Montauk and to Coney Island and whatever else!"

And it sounded really cool. Fun. But that's wasn't my first though.

My first thought was about Dad.

"You don't want me to go away for the summer so you can spend it with Dad?" I asked, and sure, it sounded kind of harsh. I felt a little bad about it. "I've been gone every other summer."

But I don't even like my dad even more than feeling bad.

She pulled me into a hug.

"Percy, I'd rather have you home than at camp or anywhere else." My mother insisted, but I knew that she missed Dad. A lot. "I haven't spoken to your father since he was over. You can look at my phone if you want to see. You're more important, okay?"

I looked down, not really believing that.

"But when I'm gone," I tried to point out the situation we were almost at. "Even if it's not when I die, when I move for college or something. Then you'll talk and—"

I cut myself off, because I don't like the thought of my parents being together now.

"I can't answer that with any certainty," Mom said, which made me feel worse about the situation. "but I'd talk to you before I ever considered even talking to him again. At home or not. Alright?"

I just nodded my head.

Did I believe it?

No.

But as it was, nodding my head seemed like a smarter idea than not.

She told me that she loved me, which was cool. Neither of us knew what to do, though.

So we stayed silent.

It was a loud silence.