"The noise won't be so bad from here," Angus said, smoking his cigarette. I watched him straighten his tie and jumped aside at every roadie who came by with equipment and wires. "It's not like before in clubs an' all."

"Don't worry, lass, the lads are upgraded," Brian said, drinking his beer. He gargled it then swallowed. He grimaced. "Don't know where that's been." He took another drink. "It's like the pig with the brick house, an' they can't afford to keep buildin' 'em. Don't get paid if another one's destroyed."

"But we still could," Angus said. Brian laughed. "If they refuse to pay we can still blow the fuckin' walls down."

"We'll give ya' a head start to the bus," Brian said with a smile. "Or someone will heave you over his shoulder-" Brian demonstrated with an invisible damsel. I laughed. "Run ya' right out."

"Thanks," I said with a smile. The whole band got themselves ready backstage while I sat on my folding chair. Angus asked if I wanted to go with him, already knowing the answer. But I decided to go to his pleasant surprise and I waited with everyone else who had a backstage pass. 

It still reeked of smoke and beer. And it still felt like home.

There was a pinball machine by the vending machine and Brian went to watch Simon play a few rounds. Malcolm and Angus were practising together in the corner and Cliff sat next to me putting on his wrist brace. 

"Good to see ya' here," he said. "Ang said you were a bit cautious of concerts."

"A bit," I agreed. I folded my hands across my mini skirt. I dressed in my original outfit and Angus told me I looked cute. I decided to wear it more often. Cliff grabbed his bass from a case lying on the floor. 

"I don't blame ya'," he said giving it a quick tune. "Georgeanne wanted to come but...ya' know."

I nodded. "When is the baby due?"

Cliff looked at me through his long hair. "Anytime," he said. "Any day she's gonna call sayin' he's comin' an' I might not be there." He plucked a bit while I watched. "This is my kid, ya' know? My own son. I wanna be there but...work an' all..."

"You might still make it," I said. A poor attempt at making the man feel better. "Labour can last a long time."

"Yeah," he said. "Maybe."

Of course neither of us wanted Georgeanne to be in pain for so long. Oh, who needed children anyway when giving birth was such a hassle? Thank God I swore that off. Rosemary and Koa were enough for me.

Before I knew it, it was time for them to leave. "That's our cue," Cliff said standing up. "See ya' for the after party." I watched him go and received one last kiss on the cheek from Angus before he left with the others. 

I crossed my fingers and bounced on my toes. 

**********

Tucking his shirt into his jeans Angus took another long drink of water. "Heard us?" he asked. 

"A little," I said. "I heard the music mostly and I thought I heard Brian sneeze once."

"Don't remind me, lass," Brian said with a smile. His hat was lying next to him on the couch. "The crew's gotta soak the mic in bleach."

Angus downed the rest of the bottle and threw it in the rubbish. Fans of all ages came to talk to the band and I stayed out of the way. Only a few of them looked in my direction and they were usually children. 

There was a snack table and I helped myself to a bottle of water and a Chips Ahoy. Half the cookie crumbled to the floor and I sighed in despair. 

Not eating that.

After cleaning up I went to sit in my chair when Angus came up to me. "So dinner's been cancelled," he said. "The place we called is completely full with reservations up the arse so everyone's eatin' at their own place." I hid my relief. "So you an' I have the evenin' to ourselves." He gave me a wolf's grin and I knew what he wanted. 

Was it what I wanted? 

I figured Angus was taking the separation harder than I was. Now I'm here and I'm still refusing. Angus would have slept in a different room had I asked him to. He'd have probably found a different hotel at the drop of a hat. Fearing he wouldn't take no for an answer was never a concern with him. 

I felt bad all the same. 

Who's to say Angus wouldn't give up and look for someone else? Who's to say I didn't bore him or wasn't adventurous enough? Too frigid, too vanilla? All the magazines said so. Many of them I'd thrown in the rubbish for their outlandish accusations. How qualified really are these so-called experts to write a 'one size fits all' fix? But...

They still kept me up at night. 

I clenched my jaw. Angus was a good man. Full stop.

My mind and heart raced.

"Hey, you alright?"

I jumped in my seat. Angus looked at me with concern. I brushed a lock of hair behind my ear and nodded. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine."

He shrugged. "Did ya' wanna...go somewhere or...we're pretty good at findin' ways to entertain ourselves..." He looked at me with a smile and I tried to bite mine back but failed miserable and burst out laughing. We huddled together laughing, trying to keep it between us. Master storytellers, us. 

"Excuse me," someone said breaking us out of our fit. We both turned to the sound of the voice and I almost choked.

A tall woman with a stairway of curly hair stood in front of us with a marker in her hand and her shirt unbuttoned quite a ways. She brushed her hair out of the way and held the marker out to Angus. 

"I was wondering if you could sign?"

Angus looked at me trying to gauge a reaction and I turned away.

Please leave me out of this, Young....

"Uh..." He shrugged. "Sure, why not." She beamed as he took the pen and signed her large chest. He held the marker with the tips of his fingers and was exactly chest height with her. He focused on making his handwriting as neat as possible and stepped back, handing her the pen. After a quick glance down at her new autograph she smiled and buttoned up her shirt. "There ya' go."

"Thank you," she said glowing. She finally noticed me and gestured. "Who's this, your sister?"

Ouch. Ooh, that hurt...

"This," Angus said wrapping an arm around my neck. "is my lovely woman right here." He flashed me a smile and I hid my face shyly. "Sister's back in Australia, she couldn't make Brazil."

"Oh," the woman said. Her smile looked forced but polite. She waved her marker and her fingertips. "I'll see you around, Angus."

"See ya', love." Angus waved her off and we watched her make her rounds to the rest of the band. I tried to avoid Angus' eyes but I took a quick glance and started laughing. "What?"

I could hardly answer. I turned away from the rest of the room so as not to appear the rudest bitch in the place for laughing. It was just so...unexpected. "Friend of yours?" I managed.

"Sorry about that, that hasn't happened in a few years," he said leading me to a corner of the room for privacy. He glanced over at the woman who was getting eager attention from roadies and concerned attention from fathers who brought their children. "Once in seventy nine..." He waved off my incredulous stare. "It's nothin', jus' an autograph."

"Won't it wash off?" I asked sneaking a glance at the crowd forming. "In the shower or..."

He considered what I said. "Yeah, probably. But I don't think they get signed for the signature," he said. "Probably wanted a more hands on experience, ya' know? But I've already got my hands full."

He pulled me closer to him as I choked on the air.

"You're a dog," I whispered unable to keep from smiling. 

"Woof," he said pulling a silly face. Malcolm came over to us with a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other. 

"Gettin' bigger every year, eh, Ang?" he asked nodding his head to the scene behind him. Angus cleared his throat and gestured at me. "What? She's a lady, she understands." Malcolm ruffled my hair and laughed. 

"All part of the job." 

"Yeah, sure." Malcolm watched Brian make the whole group crack up with his stories and jokes. He tapped on his beer bottle with a short fingernail. His eyes were bleary and couldn't seem to focus on anything. "I think I'll phone Linda...ya' know..." He shrugged. "Miss her..." Malcolm stumbled past us and out the door to find a phone. I looked at the unoccupied phone already in the room and decided not to say anything. 

"Come on, love. Let's head on out." Taking my hand in his, Angus escorted me out of the room and down the hall, our night just beginning.