Kazuha, Venti, Aether, Xiao, and Heizou are the best of friends. (Yes, Xiao. His boyfriend Venti somehow convinced him to stay in their group).

When the first four of those five mentioned that they should start a band, there was only little hesitation (by moody Xiao). Kazuha silently took up the role of bass guitar (nobody knew he could play); Xiao fought for the emo drummer role; Venti cheerfully insisted on lead guitar and vocals; Aether took up keyboard and also vocals.

But their 4nemo band wasn't complete. So they hosted a competition to find their new member. Knowing that they could really expand their music with an orchestral instrument (Venti said he could play cello, but he couldn't. He thought it'd be as easy as a lyre, but it definitely wasn't) they requested all people trying to join have skill in some instrument of the sort.

Months into their process, they found the perfect person. Heizou was an Inazuman, just like Kazuha, and was very good with the fiddle. After his audition, the team immediately let him join, and they believed their team was complete.

Renaming their band 5wirl to fit Heizou's place, they went on many tours across all of Teyvat, and even won a battle of the bands against the previously unstoppable team of Barbara, Noelle, Xinyan, Xingqiu, Chongyun and Yun Jin.

They were famous, living it up. But as they sat in their shared home in Mondstadt, contemplating their next new album, they realized something.

Their vocal range is too short.

So here we are today, following a popular boy band currently going through crisis.

"We need a female member to make those high notes," Aether insists.

"That's so lame! We're a BOY band! Half our fans are thirsty fangirls!" Venti argues.

"And you thrive off of them," Xiao sighs.

"Oh Xiao, you know I'll never love a hot superfan more than my emo drummer boy! Plus, I'm gay," Venti hugs Xiao from behind, recieving rolled eyes in response.

"We just need a younger Ben Platt," Kazuha hums.

Heizou, who had been silent the whole time, finally spoke.

"I think I know someone."

"Who?" Aether asks.

"While I was studying under an investigator, they were always stuck on the case of this one guy. He was always on the run, and caused my mentor great frustration... But one time, I met him. He was singing to himself, and he sounded like probably-gay definitely-hot and young really good at singing Japanese Ryan Reynolds," Heizou explains.

"Why Ryan Reynolds?" Venti laughs.

"I dunno, he looked like a funny guy, he had a big hat. Thought he was maybe trying to be a Japanese mariachi band member," Heizou shrugs. "Probably a failed comedian."

"I say we try to find him," Aether claps his hands with enthusiasm.

"Why don't we just train Venti's voice so it can go higher? He already sounds like an anime girl," Xiao proposes. "I bet Aether could harmonize low."

"We know Venti can hit the high notes, he just doesn't do it the way we need to with these songs. We need male Beyonce," Kazuha mentions.

"So let's go recruit this Inazuman mariachi guy!" Aether is overly excited. "We can rename our band Anemo 6oys!"

"That's really bad," Venti shakes his head. "I say a 6 can be a B and a G. So we could go with 6ay 6oys."

"That's worse!" Heizou complains.

"What do you propose then?" Venti narrows his eyes.

"6last. Wind 6last," Heizou smirks.

"OFF TOPIC! We can think about this later," Xiao interrupts. "And we need to talk to our manager before we go recruiting Inazuman Natlanians."

The band silently agreed to that, and Aether, the most responsible leader of the group, called their manager.

"Aether, what now?" She sighs.

"Manager Jean! We were thinking of getting a new member to be our male Beyonce/Ryan Reynolds that can sing," Aether says.

"Sure, you do that, I'm out with Lisa and don't have time for your teenager antics," Jean hung up.

"WE'RE ON! OFF TO INAZUMA!" Aether jumps in joy.

And so, this very fast-moving fanfic continues on its way to Inazuma. Unfortunately, some reporters got wind of the band's movements, and new spread quickly about how 5wirl was conspiring against Teyvat and running from Mondstadt's government because they committed arson. And are fans of Inazuman food. And also they're all visiting Kazuha's parents? Idk with news reporters anymore. Dang paparazzi make up anything.

On the plane, our boy band engage in small talk about Mr.BigHatManWeDon'tKnowTheRealNameOfEhe.

"I bet he'll be super nice, and can realize how desperate we are for a better vocalist. He'll probably super happy we're taking him out of this Inazuma dump and bringing him to the glory in Mondstadt!" Venti remarks.

"One, me and Heizou are from Inazuma, so watch your little alcoholic tongue. Two, he's probably not very nice, if he's running from Heizou's mentor's detective place, which is part of the police department," Kazuha reasons.

"Wow. We'll be mostly Inazumans if he joins," Aether suddenly realizes.

They land on a large landing strip for Raiden Airlines' international airport smoothly. Immediately, there are touristy things to do, and of course, crazy people running around (Ex., Yae chasing Gorou, Ei chasing yae, Itto chasing Ei, Sara chasing Itto, Kokomi chasing Sara. Why this line of chasing people is in an airport, we will never know).

Heizou leads the group to the island ferry, which is very Japanese themed. They ride it to the island of Serai, a popular backpacking place with a little village, and a very fancy resort run by a talking cat.

Serai island: home of the Thunder Manefestations! Greets the band as they step off the ferry. Apparently that's their local baseball team, which they share a name with the other local team for a sport Venti has been trying to figure for the past half hour.

"The pamphlet says it's like dodging strikes of energy, which sounds cool, but this review says it's scary and people die. What type of sport is this?" Venti grumbles.

"I already explained: Serai island has a lot of lightning, so they developed a sport where they dodge the lightning strikes. So yeah, it's dangerous," Heizou sighs.

"But STILL like WHY," Venti asks, and Xiao in turn drags a hand down his face.

They walk a long while along a path to a popular hiking trail, the last place where Mr.HatGuy was spotted, according to the Neko Force Administration of Doom. The NFAD is basically the police, but they patrol the area around Neko's resort and all the members are cats with samurai swords. They're cute but deadly.

The 5wirl group were cheery as ever (ignore Xiao), talking about topic after topic like a comedian. But more ur mom jokes (cough Venti cough). Aether set the group behind a bit when he saw one of the local protected species; a Spector. Aether insisted on taking a million pictures, before the thing got aggravated and started trying to blow him off the cliff edge.

Finally, they found themselves upon a secluded cave that used to be a popular selfie spot until the local cell tower got struck my lightning and blew up. Now there's no cell, so people can't post images from there, so people just don't go. Meaning: EPIC COOL DESERTED CAVE FOR POTENTIAL BAND MEMBER TO LIVE IN! YAY!!! Venti's words, not mine.

Entering the cave carefully, 5wirl find clues of a person living there: scattered Cheeto wrappers, a sleeping bag, fire pit, etc. Aether, completely scared of the dark (though he just says the humidity is messing with his hair and he should leave, but they all know the truth) leaves the cave early.

Aether steps out of a cave and comes face to face with a short Inazuman man in a comically large hat. He's carrying a douffelbag that Aether immediately assumes hosts a dead body by the angered and done-with-life look on the boy's face.

"Who the hell are you?" The man (boy?) asks.

"Your mom," Aether says on instinct. "I MeAn Aether."

"What do you want?" the man hisses his response.

"Your singing skills," Aether explains.

"I can't sing, and if I could I wouldn't do it for the likes of you," Mr.BigHat replies.

"Ouch," Aether chuckles, not at all scared of the potential body bag. Not a all. Ehe.

"AETHER! Get your sister-less butt over here!" a yell comes from inside the cave.

"I FOUND THE INAZUMAN MARIACHI MAN, YOU GET YOUR SISTER-LESS BUTT OVER HERE!" Aether shouts back.

"You can't use that on me, I never had a sister, it's less comedic," Venti sighs as he steps out.

5wirl all bring their attention to the boy once they step outside.

"Five. Five people in my home," he sighs, looking at Heizou. "And I assume you're to blame."

"No need to be so salty," Heizou rolls his eyes. "We need a singer. I know you can sing."

"Like hell I can. Idiot. You don't even know my name, and you think I'd come with you and ruin my perfectly good hermitage?" He says almost too casually.

"Your name is Scaramouche, or should I say Kunikuzushi. You were once in the Fatui gang, one of their leaders, until you betrayed them by taking one of their most valuable stolen artifacts. You were born to Ei, the nation's president, and against the vice president (yae Miko's) advice Ei kept you alive. You were living alone, wandering Inazuma for most of your life until you met a group of friends," Heizou rants. "I read your whole file. Should I continue?"

Scaramouche basically has steam coming out of his ears. Abruptly, he turns around and marches into the cave, slamming a previously invisible door in their faces.

"Thanks, Heizou. For once your super brain has ruined everything," Xiao says sarcastically.

"Hey, I think I sparked at least some emotion in him," Heizou defends.

"Yeah, negative emotion," Kazuha comments.

Before an argument breaks out in the middle of a hiking trail outside of a hermit's cave, Aether plays peacekeeper.

"Guys, we can't force anyone to join our group. We can find a male Rianna elsewhere- Maybe even a Whitney Houston. This guy clearly is a turtle type of person. Likes hiding in the shell-"

"Awww I see it he totally is a turtle!" Venti interrupts.

"He'd look hot in a turtle costume," Kazuha randomly peeps up.

"Teenage hermit ninja turtle," is all Heizou has to say and the group starts snickering.

"GO AWAYYY!" A very annoyed yell accompanied by pounds on the door of the cave interrupt. Clearly Scaramouche was mad.

"My point being, let's just go," Aether quickly finishes, and 5wirl all leave.

After another week of trying to find someone discreetly (they want to surprise fans with a new member, not make it public) they were loosing hope. So they called for their bestie with all the knowledge.

"Zhongliiiii helpppp," Venti complains over the phone.

"If it's knowledge you seek, ask someone from Sumeru," Zhongli says before Venti even got to asking the question.

"Cyno's busy and Tighnari thinks I'm stupid, I already tried. Nahida is trying to get unconstipated, Nilou has a show with Yun Jin, Kaveh is hanging with Kaeya, Alhaitham hates me for some reason, and Dori is a bitch. Idk anybody else," Venti replies. "To my question now: Know anyone who can sing?"

There's silence on the other line long enough for Kazuha, Heizou and Xiao to look up from their card game.

"Well I did attain some knowledge of an Inazuman man who made the papers for his singing someone stumbled upon. Apparently he's hard to find, although I believe I could relay some clues," Zhongli says with a ruffle of paper.

"Are you talking about a certain Scaramouche?" Venti sighs.

"Yes, how did you know?" Zhongli seems a little surprised.

"I'm a psychic," Venti deadpans. "And we tried reaching him. Too bad he's a total turtle-looking playing hard to get type of guy."

"Well, if you can't reach him through conversation, try leverage," Zhongli inputs helpfully.

"That's actually kinda smart. So like, drug him? Blackmail?" Venti asks.

"No, Venti. Get someone he listens to. They can help make him see," Zhongli reasons.

"OOOHHH," Venti ooohhhs, turning to the boyz. "Alright, Aether, you find location of his mom. The rest of you, search for ways to blackmail the mom into convincing the son to join a crazy no-life-benefits pop band of epic fun and free snacks."

"Venti," Zhongli quickly interrupts. "I think I have a better option, besides, I'm sure you already know he doesn't have a mom."

"Right, sorry, ehe. What's your option?" Venti waves a dismissive hand at the boys (who ignored his request anyway).

"I've got just the person you need..."

So the anemo singers find themselves along the cliffsides of Serai Island National Backpacking Area. SINBA, the acronym Aether keeps insisting is based on Simba from the Lion King.

This time, however, they bring along a new person. A certain man who lived in Russia long ago. He was big and strong, in his eyes a flaming glow. Most people looked at him with terror and with fear, but to Moscow chicks, he was such a lovely dear. Apparently, as Zhongli said, this man was the most hated enemy of Scaramouche and could get the shorter to do anything with his annoyingness.

Feeling like they were being escorted to the Gulag, they followed Tartaglia, who apparently knew the path to Scaramouche's hermit hole. Once they get there, three knocks on the door is all it takes for Sir Big Hat a Lot to answer.

"Childe," he glares.

"Scara," Childe greets happily.

Scaramouche opens the door further to see the rest of the gang behind the Ed Sheeran knockoff.

"Shit," he mutters.

"I'm moving in," Childe says casually as he pushes himself into the cave.

"What."

"Yup! We'll have to move this for my 50" x 80" TV," Tartaglia knocks an expensive looking vase off of a table which he then flips over for the fun of it.

"GET OUT," Scaramouche roars, max anger already hit just because of Childe's presence.

"Nah," Tartaglie smiles simply. "You know, it sure would be nice if you would move out and join... I don't know... a traveling band instead."

"You HAVE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME!" Scaramouche looks like he's about to commit #Childeabuse.

"You just admitted you're a shit," Childe laughs.

Scaramouche doesn't dignify it with a response.

"You know, this is a nice place, but I think a window would be nice right there," Childe points to a random wall, and grabs a nearby pickaxe.

"Don't you dare," Scaramouche seeths.

Lifting the pickaxe over his head, Tartaglia almost breaks through the wall before Scaramouche stops him with a firm grip on his arm.

"What do you want," Scaramouche asks.

"Aw, little Scara can't figure out what I want," Childe pouts his lower lip. "I thought it was obvious. And-"

Scaramouche then kicks Childe in the knee. Childe doesn't flinch. Scaramouche sighs, knowing there is no way winning someone who can deal with the knee kick.

"I'm too old for this," Scaramouche says. "I'll do it. If you leave me alone."

"Good, now go make some friends and show the world your super hot singing voice. We all know you're better at singing than Damslette, you just have to show it!" Tartaglia encourages.

With that, a month later, the gang has assembled at a new concert venue in Fontaine.

Venti, drooling at the French wine, is going through a crisis along with the rest of the members. Except for the chill ones like Heizou, Scaramouche and Xiao. Xiao and Scara actually got along very well.

"Fandango man, you're newest member, you get to choose our team name," Kazuha reasons to Scaramouche.

"Kazuha stop calling me Fandango man or I will do the Fandango on your head and you'll die a miserable, unaccomblished, humiliating death," Scaramouche snaps.

"Scary," Aether mentions.

"Kinky," Heizou comments.

"Two different types of people," Xiao adds.

"MORE PRESSING MATTERS THAN THE OBVIOUS MORE THAN BROMANCE HAPPENING HERE! We still only have 6ay 6oys, which is THE BEST OBVIOUSLY, then we have the 'reasonable' names of 6last, 6wirl, win6, six 6irections, the six, the SIX, wind 6orne, sixth sense, whirlwin6-"

"Venti, there's no time, we're on in two minutes," Aether panics. "AND ANYWAY we all know 6ay 6oys IS STUPID BECAUSE WE'RE NOT ALL GAY."

"Vote no for 6ay 6oys for sure," Xiao says.

"I guess if baby bear Xiao says no, I have to veto it," Venti sighs super dramatically. "It was a good run."

"On in two minutes," Kaeya announces from the doorway to the stage.

"We'll call ourselves anything but 6ay 6oys, okay?" Aether polls.

Everyone agrees, and so they head on stage.

Prepping under the cover of low light for about a minute, the crew is ready. Scaramouche is placed at the front and center next to Venti, the leader of the group publicly, skillfully, and logistically. Aether is seated next closest on the keyboard because one, keyboards are easy to move closer to the front, and two, he's third vocals. Kazuha is third closest to the front, off to stage right with his bass.

Xiao is in the back like the good emo drummer he is. Heizou was second to back and off to stage left with his violin.

Scaramouche and Venti, front and center, planned to start right away after Venti announced Scaramouche.

"Hey guys!" Venti smiles into his mic, carefully balancing his anemo-themed guitar on his hip.

The crowd goes wild with cheers and flash photography.

"You may have noticed our short little new team member here," Venti gets responded with deafening cheer. "Well, this is Scaramouche. We have a lead vocalist now! Give it up for the bro!"

After another booming cheer and several repositioning of news cameras, Venti decides to spice it up a bit by making an unplanned announcement.

"May the winds guide our music so this will be the best performance yet!" Venti then adds, with a smirk: "Welcome Fontaine, to our 2022 concert! We're the 6ay 6oys!"