Klee was more excited than a pigeon when it escapes the Traveler's murderous rampage. Even happier than Venti when he gets free wine. Even happier than Diluc when... oh wait, Diluc is never happy. Nevermind. You get the point though.

Skipping through the streets of Mondsadt, the murderous arsonist happily reaches Albedo's alchemist house of doom. She barges into the room with the most happy of happy vibes, so happy in fact that Sucrose's anti-depressant serum she was inventing for Mona's crippling debt suddenly started working.

"Hello, Klee," Albedo greeted the younger.

"ALBEDO!!!! ALBEEDOOOOOO!!!" Klee screeches. "YOU CAME HOME FROM DRAGONSPINE JUST IN TIME! LOOOOK LOOK LOOOKIEE!"

Albedo has never once in his life seen Klee this incredibly excited, so he decides to see what's in the happs. Klee proudly displays a glowing red orb bursting with enough energy to flip a carnival upside down and then yeet it to Snezhnaya.

"Who's vision did you steal?" Albedo deadpans.

"Nooo Albedo, it's MY vision! I was out testing a new bomb idea and it just came out of me when I couldn't get it to work! I was so frustrated, and my entire workshop exploded. You know the one mom build me? Yeah, it's ash now. But then I realized all I really had to do to make the perfect bomb was light Cider Lake on fire with my pyro skills and some oil, then throw bombs on top and I caught a lot of fish!" Klee jumps around to go show Sucrose."Sucrose, can you see if my vision and yours can work together and blow up more stuff? But make it portable! Like a wind fire bomb!"

"Shit."

—

Kaeya, Lisa and Jean sit in solemn silence. No one can think of a thing to say. Jean is boiling in anger and the confusion of not knowing the answer; Kaeya is contemplating life; and Lisa is thinking of the safety of her library.

"Klee has a vision," Jean repeats after ten minutes of silence. "A Pyro vision."

"Yes Jean," Lisa sighs, leaning on her palm. "We're all doomed."

"There has to be a reason," Jean drags a hand down her face.

"Klee's desires were strong enough, that's how visions work," Kaeya explains, again, hanging from the ceiling.

"But it's Klee," Jean argues.

"The problem is: what do we do about it? Honey, we can't worry ourselves too long on the how. Focus on the solutions," Lisa proposes, very wisely, as she examines her acrylics.

"You're right," Jean gets up and starts pacing around at 60 MPH. "We should make new rules. We don't directly run Mondstadt so we can't make laws, but within our forces we could try to regulate her- limit Starbucks scones."

"We're not being dramatic enough! We need to call our country in a state of anarchy!" Kaeya shouts, backflipping.

"She's not rebelling! She's just being a devious little salamander and probably plotting a coup," Lisa reasons as reasonably as a reasonable reason reasonably reasons with reasoning can get.

"Maybe," Jean keeps pacing, this time advancing to a dead sprint of anxiety fuled mania.

"We should take away the vision," Lisa says.

"I'm sure Albedo has got that covered, he's batshit cray cray, probably already tried putting Klee in a boiling cauldron herself. Her vision was most likely already used as a firestarter for his ramen," Kaeya reminds the group, now scrolling through Facebook marketplace, looking for prosthetic legs for his collection, and another set of stuffed animal elephants for Diluc's Republican self.

"Kaeya we all know you're speaking from experience, but this isn't the time. Albedo only boils grown men in cauldrons with blue hair and ugly eyepatches," Lisa reasons.

"He boiled Mona once! She apparently turned into stardust and then re-fused herself into a dog," Kaeya responds.

"Please don't argue, we have a city- possibly country- wide threat in progress," Jean bangs her head on the table.

"I think we should chain her upside down, then," Kaeya leans back.

"That's child abuse," Jean gives Kaeya a glare.

"Haha, Childe abuse," Kaeya chuckles to himself.

"Up the stakes. Maybe threaten her and her family," Jean says to nobody in particular.

"Yeah, let's say 'if you don't stop burning down buildings, we'll burn down your family tree,'" Lisa contributes, reading Fifty Hues of Gray.

"Getting a bit risky here," Kaeya inputs, reciting Shakespere. "I think we should stomp on the vision until it breaks."

The three go silent for a bit. They all realize these ideas are absolute shit but in a state of such panic who wouldn't think about chaining up children and burning down their family tree?! Average human reaction, duh.

"No. We should be reasonable. Let's assess the situation: How much damage has she done already?" Jean asks, stopping her pacing and instead taking up a seat on the foam puzzle-piece flooring.

"Diluc's tavern caught on fire a week ago, Cider lake burned two days ago, last night Albedo's workshop exploded and throughout the week reports of scorched grass all thorough Mondstadt have been seen by our guild members, typically along with dead bodies. Bennett reported a large avalanche on Dragonspine just this morning, caused by a large explosion. Also Good Hunter has been half-lit on fire, in addition to about thirteen different traveling merchants from different countries being scared off and never delivering their goods after witnessing various random burning patches of earth," Lisa reads from a paper. "Oh and apparently Klee tried using her vision under her blanket, and it turned into a hot air balloon, pushing her whole house up to Celestia."

More silence.

"Execution?" Kaeya asks.

"No," Jean sighs. "We just need to talk to her. Maybe more solitary confinement. Maybe bring out the iron maiden?"

"MASTER JEAAAN YOU BITCH!!!" Klee bounces off the walls and into the office. "LOOK WHAT I CAN DO!"

Klee then holds her vision above her head, slamming it into Kaeya's already damaged brain. It released a flurry of Pyro which then summoned a very large lava dodoco. The dodoco started spitting out flamming yoyos and ended up ruining Lisa's acrylics.

"BYEEE!" Klee grins and dives out of the window.

—

Jean, Lisa and Kaeya all wake up in the hospital next morning. Lisa's acrylics have bandaids. Kaeya's brain is burnt. Jean's mental sanity has reached a level of insanity not even Venti has seen. And trust me, he's seen some crazy ass shit.

"We need to get a true hero for this," Lisa cries from her wooden mattress. "Someone strong and buff and not afraid to be exploded."

"Like Diluc," Jean says.

"NOT DILUC," Kaeya wakes up from his coma, then proceeds to flat line.

"Now we can charge Klee with homicide," Lisa mentions.

"PERFECT!" Jean shouts from the psych ward. "Homocide could land her in prison! We can get her arrested forever!"

But the gang's chat is interrupted by a quiet insanely hugely small explosion. The hospital promptly flips over, revealing rockets underneath.

"HAHAHAHA MY ROCKET INVENTION SHALL TAKE ME TO THE MOON!" Klee gleefully cackles.

The hospital then lifts off the ground, Klee single-handedly powering her rockets whilst floating, as Lisa screams in fear because she forgot to clean her cat accomplice's litter box. That'll stink tonight.

Kaeya, after some toe tickling, comes back to life to find a bag of Cheetoes in front of him. Oblivious to his imminent doom, he opens the bag behind his back and counts every Cheeto inside. He finds one that resembles George Washington, so he eats it first. Then he renames all the Cheetoes different shades of green.

"KAEYASUAHJA THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DOIAHWFOWA," Lisa struggles to speak through the amount of gas flooding the room.

"I'M UNWINDING," Kaeya responds. "I JUST DIED!"

Klee flies into the room and knocks the both of them out, then realize she left her rockets unattended. The hospital starts falling to the ground, straight towards Mondstadt. From the height, Ayato and Ayaka could see the Traveler spawn on the beach at the start of his journey. The two laugh.

"Imagine you join Genshin Impact and you see this," Ayaka laughs, her socks sagging with river water.

The Kamisato siblings keep on walking through the hospital while Barbara sings a pop song for a very calm audience of all the Sumeru characters and Scaramouche who's there with Hu Tao for reasons unknown.

"OOHHH THIS IS MY FIGHT SOOONNGG TAKE BACK MY LIFE SGOONGG uhhh... PROVEN MY RIGHTS? SONGGGGGGG!" Barbara sings like the true opera singer she is.

She's uninterrupted by Itto pulling off her wig. A collective gasp interrupts the drama of the song as it is revealed that Barbara is actually Barbatoes!

"Barbasitoes?" Rosaria gasps. "Y r u here, Basarbasito?"

But he can't answer because Klee screams super loud, amplified by her vision. She sets the hospital and all 7918.38 people inside on fire. That includes all playable characters except Paimon and Jean, who're in the psych ward and/or being made into satisfying salad.

Everyone decides that this is a natural break in the story, so they take some minutes to go backstage and get some sandwiches.

"Kaeya, great acting, do you think you could up the drama, though?" The movie director, Childe, asks.

"Sure bruv," Kaeya munches on a satisfying salad, complete with the McDonalds special Paimon sauce.

Meanwhile, Xingqiu and Chongyun meet up in the janitor's closet to uh.. Sing Hamilton together.

Then the break is nearing its end so everyone quickly breakdances like their life depends on it. Two seconds later, everyone is back in place. By now, the hospital is so close to the ground that the gravity starts fighting.

Because the hospital is so huge, it has its own gravity enough to rival that of Mondstadt. They start pulling at each other hard enough that the crash landing creates an even bigger impact than expected.

So, kids. This is how the Gulf of Mexico was formed: using the first nuke ever invented.

The survivors, Kaeya, Lisa, Jean, and Klee all sit in the rubble, wiping glittery dust from their earwax and wringing out their fingers from the mass amount of liquid radiation seeping into them.

Jean turns to Klee.

"You're going to solitary confinement," Jean states simply.

"There is no place to solitary confine anyone anymore," Kaeya helpfully says, looking around at the battlefield.

Klee grins.

Looking across the ocean, she sees Inazuma.

"Look! That place isn't completely destroyed! I have another thing to explode!" She excuses herself and calls upon her loyal steed, Sayu.

Turning into Sonic, Sayu takes off into the ocean, Klee shield-surfing on some ropes tied to Sayu's awful haircut.

Jean lets out a well-deserved line of curse words at Klee as she speeds to Inazuma.

—

Mona startles herself back to reality. She had been peering into her horoscope for too long, and had seen quite the intense future. Shaking herself, she sets down her future-seeing orb and goes to Arbies because they have the meats.

What a silly reading, she thinks, just as she sees Klee run into Albedo's workshop with a glowing red orb.