"I can't wait," Venti hummed to himself as he swept the floors.

"For what?" Xiao asked, he had been sitting on the couch.

"The Big Boyz Meeting. BBM is FAMOUSLY AWESOME!" Venti grinned.

"...You just made that up," Xiao narrowed his eyes at his boyfriend.

"Have you never gone?" Venti gasped, dropping the broom dramatically.

"...No?" Xiao asked.

"I'm bringing you this year," Venti walked over to the couch and plopped next to Xiao. "It's a meeting for all of the men in Teyvat with visions. It's amazing! There's free wine!"

"Oh, you can't go then," Xiao remarked. "You're not a man."

"I-" Venti was about to protest, then thought better of it. "Fine, yeah, I'm still a boy AT HEART but on the outside I'm a tough vision-wielding monster-murdering buff man who saves children and shit."

"Suuuuuuure," Xiao sighed.

"We're still going! And you're coming!" Venti exclaimed, energetically grabbing Xiao's hands.

Venti leaned close to Xiao and looked up to him, activating the puppy-dog eyes of doom. In response, Xiao blushed and looked down at the half-swept Liyue-styled floor.

"...fine," Xiao muttered.

"You won't regret it," Venti hummed.

—

"Hey, you know what I was thinking of doing this year?" Childe asked Zhongli as they walked through Liyue.

"What?" Zhongli prompted.

"We should go to the BBM," Childe smirked. "I haven't been since I came to Liyue and met you. It'd be fun to go together!"

"...I'm going to have to refuse, Childe," Zhongli sighed. "Last time I went was decades ago, and somehow, the meeting manages to get out of hand each year."

"But Zhongli, that's the fun of it! Last time I went was with Scaramouche, and he was a total partypooper. I ended up spending the time with some Cryo Mondstadter guy. He was really fun, and we both got drunk and totally pranked everybody," Childe smirked at the fond memory. "That sounds fun, right?"

"I believe you are used to appealing to another audience," Zhongli rejected.

"Okay fine: it'll be super chill, a bunch of official smart sophisticated people will be there like that one Inazuman clan leader and Akademiya students will come too," Childe started over. "There'll be lots of fancy talk about rocks 'n shit. You can just ignore me and the other guys and talk with the fancy ones."

"I would never ignore you, Childe," Zhongli reassured.

"No no, I'm saying you can just pretend all the crazy drunk stuff isn't happening and enjoy some foreign tea," Childe restated.

"That does sound enjoyable," Zhongli tapped his chin.

"Is that a yes?" Childe asked.

"It's a maybe."

—

"Hey."

"No."

"Answer my question."

"You're high."

"No, I'm not! It would be fun."

"You know how much I hate people."

"You like me though."

"That'd because you're... I don't know, nice? Ish?"

"You could do better than that."

"No."

Kazuha sighed, facepalming himself from where he sat on a large boulder beside the beach.

"Scaramouche, it would be a change. And a chance. What if some old friends are there? Or new friends?" Kazuha wasn't usually like this, but he genuinely wanted to bring Scaramouche to an event other than private dinner.

"Kazuha, stop trying," Scaramouche barked.

Kazuha just jumped off the boulder to leave in response. He knew Scaramouche was stubborn. The only way to win was to pretend to surrender.

Just as Kazuha had walked nearly ten feet away, Scaramouche interrupted his protest.

"Fine, fine," Scaramouche resigned. "But only because you've been ridiculously nice to me and I owe you one. And I can't promise I won't beat someone up."

"Sounds good to me," Kazuha grinned.

—

"Alhaithammmm," Kaveh called. "You have so much mail that it's clogging the mailbox, get your green ass over here!"

"No," Alhaitham replied, busying himself with something on his desk.

"As your roommate I have the right to our shared mailbox," Kaveh protested. "Read your freaking mail or I'm reading it for you!"

"Fine, read it, not like I'm expecting anything I care about," Alhaitham didn't even dignify Kaveh with a shrug.

"Fine," Kaveh spat, dumping the cheap basket full of hand-written letters on the floor. "Dear Alhaitham, you didn't come last year to the BBM, and I'd like to personally invite you... What is a BBM? Is that a cult? I knew you were having an affair."

"Kaveh, don't be ridiculous. It's a stupid thing some ancient dead scholar created, and it isn't something I care about," Alhaitham kept reviewing his notes.

Kaveh took a moment to read the rest of the letter.

"...looks like this guy really wants you to come," Kaveh muttered. "I wish people actually invited ME to parties."

"Nobody loves you, so you don't get parties," Alhaitham didn't even address Kaveh with a look.

"You love me, though," Kaveh winked.

"Only a little bit," Alhaitham admitted.

"Then you should really go to this party, to prove your absolute undying loyalty to me as your roommate and boyfriend," Kaveh nodded to himself, knowing his plan was epic. "This Ayato guy says he wants to talk to you again after last meeting and really likes you. I say, you bring me, and I show him how much he can suck his own di-"

"Kaveh, enough," Alhaitham complained, finally turning in his wooden chair to face Kaveh. "If you want to go, go instead of me. And Kamisato Ayato is simply an acquaintance."

"I say we go together," Kaveh protested. "You and me, a date. We haven't had time to party in a while, anyway. And this'll prove to me you aren't having an affair with this guy."

"Why would I- how would I even?" Alhaitham dragged a hand over his face in defeat. "Fine. When is the meeting?"

"In a week," Kaveh read.

"We'll leave in three days. Sound good?" Alhaitham proposed.

"Aw, I knew you liked me," Kaveh smiled.

"Nope, still hate you."

—

"Okay, do you think this is enough tomatoes?" Thoma asked Ayato.

"Yeah," Ayato responded from the other room.

"You didn't even look," Thoma sighed to himself.

"You needn't stress this much," Ayato reassured, walking into the kitchen.

"But it's the BBM. I should bring the best hot pot ingredients around," Thoma reasoned.

Ayato chuckled.

"Half of the BBM are people like us: there with purpose and actually dignity, while the other half are there for the drinks and socialization. One side wouldn't care for a hotpot, and the other would love it enough not to care for ingredients," Ayato stated.

"You sure?" Thoma asked.

"Yes, and you know it, because you've come with me for years now," Ayato rolled his eyes. "Now let me finish my work."

"Right, sorry," Thoma smiled.

Ayato left the kitchen and headed back towards his office to finish a new batch of paperwork while Thoma continued to pack. He really wanted to impress everyone at the BBM.

—

"Everyone there is going to be from all over the world. I can't wait to learn all of their stories!" Xingqiu exclaimed.

"I'm surprised we were even invited," Chongyun admitted.

"Right?" Xiangling laughed. "You aren't even men yet!"

"Yes we are!" Xingqiu protested.

"You're still hapless gays who just got out of puberty to me," Xiangling shrugged, then sighed. "I wish there was a Big Girlz Meeting."

"There are way more vision-using women than men. That's the point of this meeting. Us minorities can catch up," Chongyun reasoned.

"We are minorities, aren't we? Mondstadt's currently led by a female, Liyue's dictated by an oligarchy of powerful women, Inazuma is all female-ruled- Where's the male power here?" Xingqiu asked.

"Maybe you're all just so incompetent that men aren't supposed to rule," Xiangling stuck out her tongue.

"This is all beside the point," Chongyun sighed. "We still haven't found the address."

"I know it's somewhere in here," Xingqiu contemplated a pile of letters.

"Why don't you just ask other vision-wielding men in the city?" Xiangling suggested.

"Zhongli's busy, Baizhu is as well, and I can't think of any other men out there," Xingqiu denied her offer.

"...Yeah, me neither," Chongyun nodded.

"We'll figure it out."

—

And thus, many groups of boys (and some came alone) arrived at the BBM. Of course, the vigilant, actually sophisticated men arrived first. They arrived at the room relatively ready for the event, but they decided it was their responsibility to set everything up.

They created a separate area from the larger room so that they could enjoy some tea and talk about important things, while they made the big area for the crazies less organized with less effort.

Thoma immediately started assembling his hot pot game the moment he, Ayato, Zhongli, Diluc, and Childe had finished setting up. Moments later, the rest of the guests arrived.

"Heeeeey!!" Venti yelled as he entered, pulling a grumbling Xiao behind him.

"The imbecile area is that way," Zhongli pointed towards the larger room. "Xiao, you can join us."

"Wha-" Venti gasped as Xiao left towards the 'sophisticated' room with Zhongli. "Whatever, I'll chill with the ACTUALLY cool people!"

Xiao flipped Venti off as he walked around the corner.

"Venti!" Kaeya exclaimed as he entered through the front door.

"Heeey!" Venti greeted. "Is that what I think it is?"

"You bet your ass it is," Kaeya proudly displayed six bottles of high-quality wine. "I came prepared. And this time, Rosaria can't take any!"

"YESSS!" Venti grinned.

Venti and Kaeya walked from the foyer of the large meeting building towards the large room, where a table reached down the entire wall covered in a buffet of various foods Thoma had prepared. The rest of the room was occupied by stylish paintings, locally-made couches, and fluffy carpets.

"Hey Thoma! Long time no see, still hot as ever," Kaeya winked.

Thoma blushed and went back to unwrapping his food.

"I'll have you know that since last meeting, I officially started my relationship with Ayato," Thoma didn't look at Kaeya. "Don't try anything, because his sister will kill you."

"Dang okay I'll just flirt with everyone else," Kaeya put his hands in the air.

Just then, another group arrived. Two new Sumeru people that Kaeya had never seen before. Venti, however, seemed to recognize the taller of them.

"Alhaitham? The man the myth the legend! I haven't seen you here in... well, ever!" Venti exaggerated.

"Where's the actually useful people room?" Alhaitham asked.

"That way," Venti pointed towards where Zhongli and Xiao had gone.

Without hesitation, Alhaitham left, leaving behind Kaveh.

"Hi?" Kaveh asked.

"Who're you?" Thoma asked, looking up.

"Alhaitham's roommate," Kaveh answered.

"That stuck-up's roommate? Come with me and I'll show you a real room we can mate in," Kaeya smirked.

Venti immediately started laughing his head off.

"That was AWFUL," Venti managed to say.

"Like YOU could do better!" Kaeya accused.

Venti took this as a challenge. He calmed down and then tried his best sexy pose by leaning against a wall and smiling at Kaveh.

"Hello there~" Venti winked, but his voice was too childish to make anything sound hot so he ruined the vibe.

Thankfully, some other people arrived to save Thoma and Kaveh from the two idiots.

"Hey," Kazuha greets the others.

"KAZYYY!" Venti ran up to Kazuha, attempting a hug.

Only, a strange short man in a hat blocked Venti's path with a determined face.

"Who's that?" Kaeya asked his Inazuman anemo friend.

"I'd like to introduce you to Scaramouche," Kazuha smiled in his light, airy, poetic-y smile.

"I'd like not to be introduced," Scaramouche frowned, still preventing Venti from touching the Canadian.

"Scara, it's okay, Venti's a friend," Kazuha laughed.

Scoffing, Scara moved out of the way and Venti crashed into Kazuha with a giant hug.

"Now Aether and Heizou need to get their asses over here and we're all together again!" Venti gleefully noted.

"I heard my name?" Heizou casually walked into the room, Itto trotting in behind him, one arm linked with Gorou's.

"The boys are back in town!" Venti cheered, hugging Heizou. "Let's go plot a way to force Xiao into the cool kids room!"

"I'll go ask him to come out after everyone's here and he'll bring Childe too," Kaeya reasoned. "A party's not a party without a crazed drunk Russian man."

Scaramouche, upon hearing this, looked at Kazuha.

"Childe's here?" Scara asked.

"He always comes," Kazuha nodded.

"...AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?" Scaramouchie growled.

"Hey, calm down," Kazuha put a hand on Scara's shoulder. "He's not that bad. I always join Zhongli and Ayato once it gets crazy in here, anyway. When Childe comes into this room, we'll go into the other."

Scaramouche relaxed at Kazuha's touch, something he'd never done with another person, and nodded in agreement. Then he realized he was supposed to be mad at everything and started blaming Kazuha for ruining the day by making him calm.

Meanwhile, Kaveh and Thoma were getting along very nicely, and all of the hot pot was finished.

The people who were on time began playing a game of Uno while they waited for the rest of the guests.

Thoma, as he was one of both worlds, went to bring some tea to the non-delinquents.

"Sumeru's economy has been thriving since the collapse of the god program," Alhaitham was saying. "Apparently, the subject who was going to be used disappeared soon after the Traveler solved the issue."

"I heard reports of someone of the same appearance wandering within Inazuma's borders," Ayato added. "They say he wears a blue color scheme, now."

"Hey," Thoma greeted, setting a tray of tea down and then sitting next to Ayato on a comfortable couch.

Diluc, Zhongli, and Ayato immediately started taking the tea with thanks to the blond.

"How is it on ground zero?" Diluc asked Thoma.

"Not that bad yet-"

"UNO!" Kaeya and Venti yelled, muffled through the wall.

"WTF YOU TURD YOU'RE FULL OF SHIT!" Kaveh argued.

"THAT WAS CHEATING!" Scaramouche shouted.

"NO IT WASN'T! I SWEAR IMMA BEAT YO ASS!" Venti responded.

"-I take that back," Thoma facepalmed. "I'll go back to the big room now, wish me luck."

"Huh, that sounded faintly like a short Russian man in a big, ugly hat," Childe remarked after hearing Scara.

Meanwhile...

"Heyo," Tighnari opened the door to the meeting room and peeked inside.

"Tigh! Come in!" Gorou waved. "Finally, someone not insane."

Tighnari walked in and sat around the Inazuman-styled table. Cyno, however, decided to head off into the smart people room.

"Your date abandoned you for tea-snorters. Same," Venti sighed.

"Same," Kaveh nodded.

"Dang rip," Itto chuckled, grinning at his date, Gorou.

"Good thing I don't have a date," Aether smiled as he burst into the room.

"AAAAAAH!" Venti screamed in pure joy and rocketed into Aether in attempt to hug the other. "THE ANEMO GANG IS BACK TOGETHERRRR!"

"VENTI SHUT UP!" Xiao's muffled voice was heard from the other room.

"LOVE YOU!" Venti yelled back at his boyfriend.

There was a moment of silence until Xiao responded:

"SAME I GUESS."

With more people, the party truly began.

With Uno rage-quitted, the second round of hot pot game was started (using ingredients Aether brought). Because the crazy people are more interesting, we're following them.

In the middle of barfing after eating a mixture of chocolate milk, Ghost Peppers, and Wheat-Thins, the door opened.

Two new guys, Xingqiu and Chongyun, came through, panting and clearly out of breath.

"We found it!" Xingqiu exclaimed.

"Hey gays! Who're you again?" A nearly-drunk Itto greeted.

"Xingyun! The power duo of writing and exorcisms! I know it sounds weird, but it works," Xingqiu responded.

"I didn't agree to that title for our relationship??" Chongyun responded to his boyfriend.

Anyway, the party thus continued. After all the guests arrived (Throw in a Razor and a Bennett and you've got everyone who wants/was forced to be there).

As the party progressed, the alcoholism did too. Venti, even though his tolerance for alcohol was quite high, was basically flying around on whiskey and wine. Kaeya was in a similar state. Kazuha passed out on Scara's shoulder after Scaramouche spiked his drink and didn't realize he was a lightweight. Scaramouche himself couldn't get drunk, after drinking vodka every day... it does that to you.

The younger ones ended up hanging out in a corner together. Xingyun and Rannett discovered they had quite a lot in common and engaged in peaceful conversation about their respective nations.

That's when Childe came out.

And then Scara saw him.

Childe immediately started grinning, and Scaramouche scowled. Without Kazuha to reassure him, protect him (as much as he hates admitting it, Kazuha does prove to be a nice shield from haters and the public), or bring him to the other room like he promised, Scara's only logical choice was murder. Obviously.

While Scaramouche engaged in a battle with Childe, who was enjoying it immensely, Tighnari decided he was over the craziness of the much larger room and joined Cyno in the big boi room.

Thoma had fallen asleep on Ayato's shoulder after his day of spending time with insane people. Zhongli, who sat in an armchair next to the Kamisato's couch, was telling a story to Ayato in a hushed voice. Tighnari joined Cyno, who'd been chatting with Diluc, in a conversation about the negative effects of alcohol and autocracy. Alhaitham was leaving the room to go and pick up Kaveh and leave the meeting for the night.

The only other person in the room, Xiao, was sitting between the two discussions in silence, listening to both sides. He'd decided long ago that he was not going to meet up with his boyfriend this meeting.

Aether, meanwhile, was frantically trying to find out what to do. There was a mini game of Monopoly starting that he wanted to join, but the conversation in the corner sounded interesting, but his bestie Venti was completely going insane and he kind of wanted to do the same for one night, then he realized he was a minor whoops ehe. Anyway, panic.

An hour later, the party looked like this:

Rannett and Xingyun went home early, Venti and Kaeya passed out, Scaramouche managed to beat Childe in the fight using his new anemo vision and having known Childe's easy-ass do-it-in-your-sleep attack pattern. But he suffered quite the injuries.

"Itto?" Gorou was calling for his boyfriend, who was lost somewhere under the card table.

Mr. Arataki was soon found unconscious behind a curtain. He thought they were playing hide and seek but really they were pranking the Oni and Venti accidentally knocked him out without noticing. Ehe. Gorou then dragged Itto home.

Heizou also passed out due to alcohol. And the hot pot. That shit was cray cray.

Zhongli came out of the adult room and carried Childe bridal style out of the meeting place. Ayato didn't want to disturb Thoma, so he sat on the couch with his boyfriend sleeping on him. After drinking so much tea, Ayato himself fell asleep too.

Cynari left with Alhaitham, completely forgetting Kaveh's existence.

Suddenly, Kazuha woke up.

"Kaedehara you bitch," Scara hissed.

"Huh?" Kazuha was confused.

"You left me to fight alone!" Scaramouche argued.

"I didn't know the punch was spiked," Kazuha shrugged in his nonchalant carefree poetic way.

"Whatever, let's just go," Scaramouche grumbled, limping out the door with Kazuha following, dazed.

Diluc, the lone survivor, stepped out into the main room. Heading towards the buffet table, he grabbed a bottle of champagne from Fontaine. Taking in the chaos of the room, he chugged the whole thing without taking a breath. When he finished, he sighed.

"The poor janitors," he muttered, dropping the bottle onto some random guys' head and walking out of the room.

Noelle, Barbara, and the rest of the Volunteer Associate Cleaning Committee for Ur Ugly Mess sighed as they looked at the room.

As they were cleaning, Noelle called Barbara with a question.

"Does this count as trash?" Noelle asked.

She was pointing at the unconscious green anemo boy, Venti Chai Latte, slumped over on the floor.

"...yes."