Dear God, sorry to disturb you but...
I pray you can make it better down here.
I don't mean a big reduction in the price of beer.

Dear God ~ XTC

🙊🙊🙊

Looking back on the strange day I spent with GOD, I have to admit that it was time well spent. In retrospect, GOD said a lot of things to me that day, some of which even made sense at the time? But a lot of what he said was insanely deep...or deeply insane? I am still not a hundred percent sure which was which? And that fact alone should probably bother me a lot more than it does? 

To this very day, I am still trying to parse my way through much of what God had to say that strange day in Venice. Trying to make sense of it all and figure out what it all means to me as an acolyte of insanity. While not a lot of what GOD had to say that day made sense at the time...there are moments when things he said just click into the current occasion. Not unlike the reoccurring symptoms of malaria, I still suffer from time to time some of the side effects of that day I spent with GOD. 

There have been moments when something GOD said suddenly makes perfect sense in a strange situation. Or I find myself laughing at random intervals, about something that GOD said that suddenly becomes relevant again. I know I must look insane myself, when I just started laughing my ass off for no apparent reason. 

Like anytime someone wishes me "Good luck".  I have to force myself to not return the kindness with, "Sorry fucker, better luck next time!" Or when I find myself a barbecue and someone drops a hotdog. I take a moment, to give a final benediction to the dead dog. Whispering a silent prayer to send the dog on its way to heaven. It's not your fault your mother had sex with a pig.  

After that strange day, I never say "I swear to GOD" anymore ...because some things are just really wrong. Even though I catch myself laughing like a lunatic after I say "GOD dammit!". Especially after I accidentally stub my toe or drop dish. Or smiling like a jackal and shaking my head, when some well-meaning person says "GOD bless you" after I sneeze.  

So please understand while I won't be sharing all the words of GOD with the world just yet. Because I think they might be way too dangerous to the uninitiated into the greater mysteries that is GOD. What I can do is share with you just a few of the less dangerous thoughts that I learned from GOD that strange day strolling down the Venice Beach boardwalk.

There are three things of import I learned from GOD, that I think I can safely share with the unenlightened. Hopefully, without doing too much damage to your sanity.

One ~ Do not get a tattoo on your face. Even if it is the word of GOD. Not just because people will think that you might be crazy? But with just one look, they will know for sure that you are absolutely insane.

Two ~ Knowledge is power. Sometimes in life when you see a dude with a face tattoo, you have to make an instant choice. Do you run the other way as fast as you can? Or do you hang out and see what he has to say? Cause anyone with a tattoo on their face has seen some crazy shit and might have some insanely interesting insights on things you never thought of before. 

Three ~ Don't Do Drugs. Because I am pretty sure that you don't get to be a guy named GOD, without doing a whole lot of heavy drugs. And you really don't want to end up like a guy named GOD. Wandering around Venice Beach extorting money from Touristas, while wearing a Bhudist begging bowl on your head and rocking a pair of slightly used sunglasses you stole from some stupid kid. Because while GOD might be a pretty funny guy ...I really don't think he knows that. 

Oh, and if I ever happen to run into GOD again whether is in Venice or out on Zyzzyx road where the serial killers go to party? I know I will be faced with the same choices again. So knowing now what I know about the true nature of GOD? I'd like to think that I would stop by and at least say "Whatzup" and drop him an almighty dollar ...just to see how the kids are doing.

So in the end, I would ask you to do me one favor. If you ever happen to visit Venice Beach on your Vacay to Cali ...and you inadvertently happen to find GOD there? Or see the face of GOD lurking around the eternal drum circle, searching for spare change in the sand? Please do me a solid and drop the dude a couple of bucks into the wind heading in his general direction. But for GOD's sake, don't tell him I sent you! 

Because while a guy named GOD is a crazy cool dude to have at Venice Beach to entertain the Toursitas with his unique brand of California Crazy. A Guy Named GOD dropping by your house just to say "Whazzup" is not so cool. Because I am pretty sure once you let a guy like GOD in your house ...even if it's for just a minute to use the restroom? Yeah, I'm thinking that once GOD gets through the door he is going to be very hard to get rid of for a while.

Because GOD Loves You ...and your money.

GOD bless you!

The END.

PS. "I think I am gonna need that buck now, Bro!"