LUCAS

CHAPTER TWENTY ONE - "RED ROSES"

SEPTEMBER 14TH, FRIDAY

"SIXTEEN DAYS."

"Mom, I'm alright, I promise," I affirmed, examining the tired frame in front of me. Her dirty blonde hair clung onto different parts of her head, the bags under her eyes were dull, and her usually lively and vibrant, cerulean blue eyes were lifeless and exhausted.

She yawned, stretching her arms up as she readjusted her posture on the armchair next to the bed. On the table beside the bed, there sat a steel vacuum flask, filled with what I assumed was rice porridge that I had eaten a million times in the past month.

"Didn't you take the night shift yesterday? Plus, you've been here all day, aren't you tired?" I questioned, answered by another yawn from her. She shook her head, but was betrayed by the faint swaying of her figure as she struggled to keep her head up.

I acknowledged that dad had longer shifts, with little to no intervals in-between his work, and was thankful for mom's mere presence.

"No, Lucas, I'm fine, just a little bit out of it, that's all," Mom pinched her nose bridge with her index finger and thumb, shutting her eyes momentarily before opening them again.

I sighed, shaking my head as I tried to muster a smile at the tired woman beside me, knowing that I was the cause for the state that she was in. "Mom, just go get some rest, I'm going anywhere."

She shook her head vigorously, reaching for the cup of coffee next to her, but was obstructed by my hand before she could reach the cup. As she looked at me, I shook my head, knowing that this was her fifth cup in one day.

"Then who's gonna look after you? I can't just leave you alone!" She exclaimed, gesturing with her hands as she crossed her arms and sunk back into the armchair. I chuckled lightly under my breath before grasping her hand in mine, smiling gently.

"Mom, this is a hospital, there is a team of people trained to look after people like me." I looked down at the clock on the nightside beside me, the corners of my lips raising automatically at the time displayed on the digital screen.

She yawned once more, and squeezed my hand firmly before finally accepting my advice, after an entire day of asking her to get some rest. Mom nodded, planted a hasty kiss on my cheek and enveloped me in a hug, burying her head into the crook of my neck.

"I love you," She murmured sleepily before raising her head and walking towards the door. I watched as her figure walked down the narrow corridor, her back getting smaller and smaller as she walked further away.

I did want her to stay, but it wasn't my turn to be selfish.

I leaned back onto the pillow behind me, letting my eyes shut and relishing in the moment of peace and silence. Elevating my hand over my eyes to block the bright light from the ceiling, I followed as the sleeve sagged down from my forearm, and I wondered when I had been nothing but skin and bones.

I wrapped my hand around my wrist, feeling the bones underneath my fingers as I let out a quiet sigh.

The skin had been layered with aged silver and fresh pink, and I forced myself to rip my gaze away from the sickly view.

"Hi, Sarah!" I heard a familiar voice exclaim from outside, remembering how mom forgot to close the door. But as soon as I saw his figure outside the door, a grin on his face as he chatted with mom, everything else seemed to fade away.

He was wearing a red hoodie as always, the colour that he always favoured and prefered since childhood. His dampened brown hair stuck to the side of his head, and I quietly took joy in the fact that he had rushed to come to visit me. His green eyes shined like emeralds, his hands dug deep into the pocket of his hoodie, and his smile.

His goddamn smile.

As they finished up their conversation, I pulled my white blanket up to my chest, getting self-conscious of my thin frame, and refusing to let him see the ugliness that was buried underneath the white, pure surface.

I grasped the book next to me, flipping open to a random page and pretending like I had been reading all this time, and totally not gazing and admiring him from a distance like a lovestruck, infatuated teenage girl.

I could hear every step he took, slowly nearing towards my room as my heart pounded in my ears.

"Lucas?" He knocked gently on the door, even though it had already been opened. I gazed up from the open book in front of me, the words a blur in my mind, and the page number already long forgotten.

Nathan grinned at me, lifting up a white plastic bag up to his head as I gestured him in, closing the door behind him. He took his place in the armchair next to the bed, where mom had just been sitting down on.

"How was baseball?" I asked as I watched his hands reached into the fruit bowl on the nightstand, taking out a bright red apple.

The mere sight of food made my stomach flip and nausea overcome me, but the grin on his face made the queasiness disappear as soon as it arrived.

"Oh! We won! But the other team's catcher was insane, honestly-" Nathan babbled, his eyes shimmering with excitement. He tossed the apple up into the air before catching it in his hand again, the familiar action that he would always do with a baseball, as his hands were never empty and were always moving or gesturing.

I smiled to myself as I listened to him ramble about his recent baseball game, beaming and full of energy as he complimented everyone on the baseball team, and how lucky he was to be team captain.

The glimmer in his eyes seemed to never die out, the smile on his lips seemed forever, and his brown mop of hair was as sopping wet as always.

"I've got some muffins and cookies from Ro, but I don't think you're allowed to have sugary stuff. Do you want an apple?" Nathan asked, tilting his head slightly, causing me to fail to meet his eyes and turn away, afraid that he'll see my flustered appearance at his slightest of actions.

I shook my head, feeling his gaze burn into the side of my head.

Suddenly, he reached his hand underneath the white blanket that I had pulled up to my chest just moments ago, grasping my hand in his and intertwining our fingers, his warm hand blazing against the coldness that was mine.

Nathan pulled our intertwined hands out under the blanket, frowning as he released our intertwined fingers and grasped the whole of my wrist above the sleeve, caressing the front with his thumb.

My face was burning, my skin tingled and heated up under his sudden touch, and my stomach overfilled with butterflies as I wondered if the boy in front of me could hear the loud metronome that was my heartbeat.

"Have you been eating?" He questioned, staring at me as I turned away, abashed and deathly afraid of him spotting the endless hearts and affection that was directed towards him, seeping out from every part of me as my body refused to listen to my mind.

I attempted at pulling back my arm, but to no avail, as the captain of the baseball team, who was undoubtedly stronger than me, remained his firm grip on my thin wrist.

He raised his brows, waiting for my response. I shook my head, unable to force words out between my lips as he finally released my hand.

"Will you eat an apple if I cut it into bunnies?" He asked, tossing the apple in his hand up into the air once more, catching it swiftly. I smiled at the mention of his all too familiar apple bunnies, but before I could respond about my lack of appetite, he murmured, "Please?"

I blinked for a few moments and chuckled as soon as I saw his slight pout.

"Seriously?"

He nodded enthusiastically.

Sighing, I shook my head. "Sure, but you're gonna have to get a knife from the cafeteria."

With a blindingly bright grin on his face, he placed the apple in my hand, mumbling a, "Hold this." Before practically sprinting out the door, resulting in me laughing quietly to myself as I sat alone in the hospital room, holding a single apple in my hand.

I sighed, this boy.

This selfless, amazing, lovable boy.

I took a slice of apple from the plate and smiled to myself as Nathan's expectant, joyous eyes stared at my hand, a bright grin hanging from his lips.

I took a small nibble out of the fruit, sliced adorably into slices of bunnies as Nathan ran his fingers through his wet strands of light brown hair, some plastered to his forehead, and some pointing chaotically in random directions.

"You still don't dry your hair?" I asked.

He shook his head, shrugging as he watched me continue to take petite bites out of the sweet fruit, convincing myself that it tastes delicious and doesn't make my stomach churn in disgust and distaste.

I took a glance at him, and as he smiled at me, I finished off the apple slice.

"But there's absolutely no reason for you to not do it." I poked him quickly, wiping the leftover moisture on the front of Nathan's red hoodie and leaving a dark trail. "I don't have Maths club anymore."

All attempts at trying to sound playful or teasing dissolved, and was only left by the quietness and quivers of my words that I couldn't control.

My eyes unconsciously drifted down, my fingers suddenly turning unusually jittery and laced with anxiety.

"I know you don't," Nathan replied simply, glancing down at my hands before looking back up again. He smiled, propping his head on one of his hands as he hummed casually, "I just wanna see you as quick as possible."

And it all came crashing down.

His fingers were slightly moistened by the dampness of his hair, glistening under the light in a way that made my heart beat painfully against my ribcage.

His hair was astonishingly messy, with different strands of brown curling around other strands and the rough rubbing of the towel against them certainly not making it any better.

His olive, tanned skin was essentially golden in the afternoon sun, and I felt my breath hitch at the sight of a droplet of water trailing down the side of his face, leaving a path of moisture behind from his wet locks.

With beauty resembling a greek god, he was intoxicating, inexplicably perfect, and it all completely, utterly ruined me.

I bit down on my bottom lip, shutting my eyes tightly, trying to get those fantastic green eyes out of my head and my foolish heart to stop beating so damn fast against my ribcage.

"You really are an idiot," I murmured quietly, shaking my head as he shrugged and smiled at my words nonetheless.

"You're gonna get sick eventually, at least dry it with a towel before you leave school or something." I flicked a strand of wet hair away from his forehead, pushing the dampness away to reveal his emerald-green eyes underneath, shimmering with a special charm that only belonged to him.

"Okay, mom," He replied, putting his hand forward and tapping me gently on the nose, clearly pleased by either his own oh so snarky statement, or my confused expression at the action that he just did.

Then, he started laughing.

I stared at him as he continued to giggle quietly to himself, absolutely perplexed as to what was so hilarious and entertaining, and how easily amused the boy sitting beside me was.

"What is it?" I wiped my mouth, still uncertain as to what Nathan was giggling over. "Is there something on my face?"

He smiled, resting his elbow on the surface of the mattress, propping his head up against his hand, consequently destroying me on the inside with the slight tilt of his head, which has to be illegal.

"Nothing," He replied, picking up a slice of apple from the plate and putting it into my palm, still grinning from ear-to-ear. I had no choice but to take it. "You know when bunnies eat, they take these, like, super teeny tiny bites? And they just chew and chew and chew."

I held the piece of sliced apple in my hand, puzzled as to why he mentioned the topic of how a small, furry animal consumes food.

"You're chewing on the apple like a bunny, and the apple's a bunny, and it's cute." He grinned, watching as I flusteredly bit my slice of apple, already knowing that my cheeks were flushed with embarrassment from being compared to a bunny, and a smile on my lips because the comparison was from him.

Oh, Nathan.

If only you knew what you were doing to me.

To distract Nathan from looking at my reddened cheeks and my foolish heart from beating out of my chest, I grabbed the blue towel that had been hanging on a hook on the wall next to me, placing it on his head and letting it drape down around his face.

I pat his head through the sky blue material, hiding a smile as he lifted the towel up, just enough to look at me through the cotton.

His eyes stared into mine through his long lashes, his cheeks were somewhat flushed and dusted with a light shade of pink, and his teeth chewed and bit down on his bottom lip.

My hearts skipped multiple beats at once. Catching myself before I intertwined our fingers once more, and as the familiar smile greeted me again, I had forcibly resisted the urge to lean forward and-

In a complete moment of chaos, we both burst into laughter.

There was no logical reasoning behind the sudden burst of hysteria, and it was possibly the most ridiculous thing to happen.

But with him, there was no reasoning needed.

We both laugh until we lose our breaths, and until Nathan has to lean over and hold onto the bedframe to regain his breathing, and I have to lean back against the pillows and take deep inhales to calm my nerves down.

The smile on his lips made my chest swell, his eyes glimmering made the familiar warmth to reappear in my stomach, causing my skin to burn and my heart to throb in quickened patterns.

The freckle that was at the corner of his mouth raised with his smile, and I desperately resisted and painfully endured the urge to lean forward and press a chaste kiss on the darkened spot of skin.

The brown curls spilt out from underneath the towel, dangling just in front of his eyes so that the lively green still managed to pierce through me like a sharp blade, and I couldn't decide between if I wanted him to close his eyes and never look at me again, or have him wrap his arms around me and let those eyes stare into mine forever.

I soon decided that both were incredibly ludicrous, and I swallowed all my feelings back down my throat, instead deciding to pat his head through the towel again.

He let out a short laugh and began to dry his brown hair underneath the cotton, not realising that my eyes were glued to the movements of his slender finger against the material.

And as he ruffled his damp hair with the blue piece of towel, I took another apple bunny from the plate, biting down on it hard.

"Bye-bye!"

I waved towards Natan one last time, watching him as the door closed behind him.

The moment the door closed, the smile dropped from my face, and I began couging into my and erratically. My lungs burned, and my throat itched from the fact that I had been holding this back for the entirety of the time Nathan had been here for.

I sank back down into the pillow, weak and defeated. My fingers were shaking, my breaths were loud and strained, and my head spun.

I was tired, but I couldn't let him see me like this.

No matter what.

Nathan's hand reached up to the page of my book, reaching for it blindly before shutting the book and resting it on the ground. His brown hair was scattered across my lap in a messy frenzy, and his green eyes peered up at me in deceitful innocence as he smiled.

"Why, thank you for that," I said, stretching over to grab the book that had been placed on the carpeted floor. His fingers wrapped themselves around my hand, blocking my futile attempt at diverting my focus back to the novel.

Nathan shuffled to his side, placing my hand on top of his head and into his soft locks.

I sighed.

"Do you want me to touch your hair?" I asked, already unconsciously playing with a strand. I twirled it around my index finger and thumb, only to let it fall quickly after.

"Mhm," He murmured, pulling his hand back from mine. "Please."

I sighed again with the addition of fake disapproval, but couldn't resist immediately burying my fingers entangled in the brown, loose curls almost too enthusiastically. I started by brushing away one of the strands resting on his forehead, and when he let out a sigh of content, I continued with my actions.

I ran my nails over his scalp in a feathery, gentle manner, the edge of my nails barely meeting the surface of his scalp underneath the lush of hair. Nathan nestled his head closer into my lap, shifting around for a few moments before finally finding a comfortable position.

He smiled.

Smiled was an incredible understatement. Nathan was practically beaming as I smoothed out some of the curls between my fingers before letting them drop back down. His eyes were closed in comfort and his cheeks were just almost brushed a light cover of rosy pink.

I trailed my thumb down his cheek, hearing him hum softly in approval as I brush just lightly across the corner of his mouth, against the spot that I had told him about months ago.

Nathan huffed, pulling my hand back by the wrist and up to his mop of hair back once more. I chuckled, amused at his soft little sigh when I resumed my actions on his hair.

"You're really annoying." I scratched his scalp again, with harder but still gentle motions. "You know that, right?"

He nodded against my lap, eyes still closed as his lips formed a sleepy smile. "Yeah, but we're best friends." He leaned towards my touch. "And that means you have to tolerate me being annoying."

"Tolerate - that's a big word there, Nathan." I smiled. "I'm proud of you."

Nathan smiled, whispering softly, "You love me."

I laughed, tugging slightly the roots of his hair. He let out a quiet sound of appreciation at the motion, and in response, I tugged once more before going back to just running my fingers softly through the rich locks.

"That I do," I muttered under my breath. Not enough for him to have heard, but just enough for myself.

I do love you.

Just a little bit too much.