The Second Confession

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STEEL BLADES THUDDED against wooden boards, bouncing off the walls of the kitchen every time we made a slice. The knives worked to slice off sections of meat, dicing vegetables, or mincing herbs. While Harr worked on the remaining vegetables, I prepared the protein. Other than the sounds that were emitted from our kitchen tools, we were otherwise silent.

The stove crackled to life, fire blazing hot and azure before a pan was placed over it on the stovetop. When the first drop of oil hit the surface of the pan, followed by minced garlic, an instant aroma and satisfying fizzle buzzed in the air around us. Harr moved expertly, spatula in one hand while the other rested on his hip, fist clenched. The sight felt awfully domestic.

"You've gotten better," I remarked, scrubbing my hands profusely under running tap water. "It already smells wonderful."

Dropping the chopped marinated chicken into the fragrant oil, Harr chuckled. "It's just garlic. Of course it'll smell great. That's what it does."

"Just take the compliment and go." I stuck my tongue out at him, closing the tap shut before drying my hands with a paper towel.

Harr wore a lazy grin, his eyes never leaving the pan as he expertly sautéed the chicken. He waited for the right timing before adding in other condiments and vegetables, adjusting the heat accordingly with the recipe in his head. In mere minutes, the kitchen was filled with a delightful, savory smell that wafted through the windows, no doubt.

'Can they smell it too?' I wondered silently in my head, turning to look out the window just to satisfy my inner curiosity. Taking a few steps towards the open window, I stopped short at the frame, toes nearly touching the sand outside when I noticed the scene before me.

In a distance away, not far from where we had previously left them, Jules and Xavier now stood up. Their faces were edged frighteningly close to each other, their silhouettes almost linking under the silver light graced by the moon. They were talking, that much was obvious, but since we were so far away, it was impossible to make out the words spoken between the two of them.

However, words weren't always superior. There were times where actions mattered more.

Xavier spoke with both his hands stretched slightly out, seeming to be trying to convince Jules about something. He looked to be desperate, fingers clenching and unclenching every once in a while, head tilting left and right as if unable to find the right words to say. In the end, he reached up to scratch at the back of his neck, shoulders dropping slack as he looked down at the sand beneath his feet.

A moment of silence blanketed the two before Jules hesitantly stretched out. She tapped Xavier on the shoulder twice, her hands lingering longer than friendly but withdrew quickly once Xavier looked up. Jules nodded just once, her actions brief, barely noticeable and almost shy.

Without warning, Xavier's arms were around her the next second, the two wrapped in a tight embrace, their shadows finally becoming one on the sand. At first, Jules's arms were by her sides, her figure stiff as a wooden plank, rigid as a glass pane. Then, slowly, she reached up, placing her hands on Xavier's back, her head buried in his shoulder.

I didn't need to hear their conversation to know that my mission was accomplished. Xavier had just attempted his second confession and he succeeded, by the looks of it.

"Huh." I jumped where I stood when Harr suddenly spoke, his voice jolting me back to reality. "About time he confessed again. Seems like they're finally official."

Something was clogged painfully in my throat and I struggled to press it back down, gulping hard. It hardly did anything for my windpipes for I still felt choked. Air seemed like a difficult rarity at the moment, something I desperately needed but couldn't quite summon into my lungs.

'Official,' I repeated in my head. 'They're a couple now. You did it. You delivered what you promised.'

Alas, I held no joy for this success. Or at the very least, the joy I felt seemed superficial to me. It was only skin-deep, a fleeting, transient moment of delight for my dearest friend. Yet, when I thought about it clearly, when I pictured the two people which I both loved so much, finding solace in each other, no longer requiring my assistance nor my companionship, all I was left with was a sour aftertaste that made my stomach churn.

It was a repulsive sensation to have. This moment should've been a moment of relief, gratification that all the planning and aiding had succeeded. My closest friends had finally become a couple, their love finally won against all those trials and tribulations.

I should be happy for them. I should be relieved that I didn't have to come between them anymore. I should be glad that I can finally have some time to myself.

Then why was it that I felt as though I had lost a hundred-year war? Why do I feel as though I had lost two of the most important people in my life at one go?

A part of me was worried that Jules no longer needed me now that she gained Xavier by her side. Another part of me, the uglier side, the darker side, felt upset that I no longer had an excuse to look for Xavier, to talk to him like I so desperately craved.

It was so clear, as much so as the night sky above our heads, why my heart clenched so painfully every time I saw Jules and Xavier acting like a pair of lovers. I had admitted it to myself once in my heart but I could never out loud.

How embarrassing, to have fallen in love with a man I could never have.

♕♕♕

The clinking of utensils against ceramic plates and bowls was all that filled my mind. Of course, there were conversations that happened around me, all of which buzzed about my head but never through my ears.

At the rectangular dining table, I sat to Harr's left, opposite Jules, Xavier to her left. She ate fairly silently, much alike her usual behavior. However, Xavier and Harr were throwing words around, a conversation leading to another, each topic vastly different. Again, I didn't need to hear their words to know that he was utterly delighted with how things turned out. I could see it all too well by that pink glow that tainted the apples of his cheeks.

"Jules."

Both Jules and I looked up when Harr called her name, looking at him with equal curiosity.

Harr wore a wide grin, teasing. "Did you nag at him again when he confessed to you this time?"

Thrown Harr's mischievous question out of nowhere, Jules flushed scarlet. She poked at her food, moving the vegetables around with no intention to eat them.

"No, of course not," she mumbled.

"She was so sweet about it!" Xavier cut in, gushing very much like a man in love. He reached out, openly grasping Jules's hand on the tabletop, their fingers interlocking with each other as if they had always been a pair. "Jules's face was actually filled with tears when I looked up after asking. I couldn't believe what I was seeing back then and thought I was dreaming when she nodded and agreed to be my girlfriend."

Hearing that, Jules immediately burst into life. She regained her fiery temper, eyebrows furrowed as she pouted. "I was not!"

"Sure, babe. Whatever you say," Xavier cooed in reply, almost all too patronizingly.

My grip on the fork tensed and tightened subconsciously. If it weren't for the fact that Harr's knee had knocked into mine under the table, I wouldn't have even noticed. Startled, I looked up from my plate, glancing at Jules and Xavier to confirm that none of them noticed. Thankfully, it seemed like Harr was the only one that did.

I could still feel his sideways glance on me, though short-lived. He turned back at once, donning that usual charismatic smile, the corners of his eyes crinkling and lips stretched out.

"Well, regardless, we're happy for you both. And let me just say it's about damn time too!" Raising his glass, he held it high. "To a great future!"

Everyone had their cups up following Harr and I scrambled for mine, shaking a little. The condensation that slid down the sides of the glass cup made it all the more slippery, paired with my trembling hands.

I steeled my heart as best as I could, trying my best to bring out the heartfelt joy I had in me.

"To a great future," I echoed before throwing my head back, guzzling down the fizzy drink as quickly as I could, as if it were wine.

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