The Pessimist, The Realist, and The Optimist

♔♔♔

I FOUND HIM alone outside the club, his hands resting on the roadside railings and his eyes glancing towards the stars. His gaze was unwavering, unspoken words being exchanged between a man and balls of fire millions of lightyears away. When I stepped out onto the pavement, shoes hitting the hard ground, he still didn't turn. Yet, Harr knew that I was there without even having to turn around.

"You're late," he simply said. I could hear the teasing smile in his voice without having to see the expression which he wore.

"It's not midnight yet," I reminded. "So technically, I'm still on time."

I strolled over to his side, resting my forearms on the railings just as Harr was doing. Despite that, his eyes never left the inky skies. He blinked but other than that, his pupils were fixated on the visible constellations. He was counting them, drawing the shapes out in his mind, no doubt. Stars were something Harr had always been fascinated with.

"Happy birthday, Harr."

He sighed, letting out a deep breath of air before finally tearing his eyes away from the heavens so as to face me. When our gazes collided, I had to brace myself in order to not look away. For some reason, the look Harr sent my way tonight made me feel chills down my spine. There was something different in his expression, some hidden words written between the gaps of his irises that I couldn't quite make out. Nevertheless, it was still kind, as usual. Filled with the same familiar affection and mirth that seemed too radiant for this wretched world.

"Thank you. It wasn't much of a happy birthday until you finally arrived."

I gasped softly when Harr placed his hand on my head, the warm palm of his hand gently ruffling my hair. It tousled a few strands, careful not to tangle them and instead gently combing through as if I was made of delicate china. It was comforting, like a mother's embrace or a lover's kiss. It held the same tender affection which I craved so desperately for. When he finally removed his hand, I immediately missed the soothing sensation. He seemed hesitant about withdrawing his hand as well. However, it still returned to his side, dangling.

I cleared my throat, immediately placing a bright smile on my face in an attempt to hide whatever conflicting emotions that hinted to my confusion. "Such a charmer," I teased. "Careful. One day, you might just charm someone's heart until it reaches its breaking point."

"Never intentionally," he responded. "Perhaps if fate is cruel, I'll be the one charmed into a love spell instead."

Harr's words held a double meaning in them. I could see them dangling off of his lips. It needn't be spoken but a part of me understood that Harr wasn't joking. It wasn't the playful quip that he wanted to portray it as. Each and every word in that sentence was heavy with truth. I didn't want to think what was further, what was beyond those words and the meanings it held. If I ventured too far, I would be met with nothing but a cliff.

I had always been afraid of the fall.

So I waved his words off, batting them away as if they were nothing but a puff of second-hand smoke from a cigarette blown onto my face. I paired that with a laugh, dainty, small, and painfully insincere. If Harr noticed, he didn't comment on it.

"Well, I would love to stay longer but I'm sure your guests will resent me for taking up too much of your time. But before I go," I held out the bags that held his presents, "Jules and I got something for you. I hope they're to your liking."

He received them gracefully, clutching the bag tightly in his hands with a brilliantly cheeky grin. "I'm sure I'll love whatever you two troublemakers got me." However, his smile soon fell, fingers reaching out to tuck loose strands of my hair behind my ear. I shivered at the touch, surprised. "But something's wrong, isn't there? You're not acting like yourself, Aiko."

My nose soured, the feeling of an oncoming assault of tears threatening to break free. There seemed to be nothing I could hide from Harr. He always knew what I was thinking, understood how I was feeling without me ever having to say a word. Yet, he was a mystery, a clever expert in hiding his own thoughts. Maybe I was just too dense to figure out his true intentions, too naive to see anything other than the cheerful outlook Harr had always advertised.

I explained the events that transpired within the last half an hour, explaining how Jules had caught sight of Xavier sharing a kiss with someone else, albeit unwillingly. Unfortunately, she wasn't aware of that fact like I was. Harr's nose wrinkled, eyebrows furrowed into a frown the more I spoke. He remained silent throughout the explanation, providing only subtle nods of his head to urge me to go on with the story.

When I was finally done with recounting the tale, I waited for Harr to speak. However, seconds ticked by and remained silent. He simply stared down at his feet, counting the cracks in the gravel road solemnly. Bothered by his silence, I cleared my throat and took a step back. That seemed to have caught his attention for he looked up, watching me keenly.

"So..." I tugged at a few strands of my hair that had fallen loose, tucking them behind my ear and out of my face. "I have to go look for her. Knowing Jules, she's probably going to shut Xavier out again. And knowing Xavier, he had most likely failed at giving a proper explanation. I need to make sure Jules is okay."

Harr's lips parted as he took in a deep breath. Then, he finally spoke. "Do you need me to come with you?"

I shook my head, fingers reaching for the hem of my shirt. The fabric crinkled quickly in my hands, turned and twisted as I fiddled with it. "No, I can go on my own." I shook my head. "Jules is my best friend and I have an obligation to make sure she isn't upset."

Harr immediately frowned. "Aiko, it isn't your obligation to make sure anyone is upset or happy, no matter who they are. The only person you are obliged to take care of is yourself."

"Curse my heroic ideals, then." Shrugging, I patted Harr's shoulder with a bright smile. I tried my hardest to make it convincing, to prove that everything was going the way I wanted to and that I wasn't burdening myself with other people's problems. Harr had a tendency to worry. I couldn't let him worry about me even more than he already did. It was his birthday. Dealing with Xavier and Jules's shenanigans was the last thing he needed on such a joyous occasion. "Go in and mingle with your guests, Harr. It's still your birthday after all."

Taking a step forward, I raised to the tip of my toes. My hands gripped Harr's shoulders tightly, using them to support myself as I pressed a fleeting kiss against his cheek. When I withdrew, I could see his face flushed under the streetlights, a color that matched his hair. It was adorably scarlet, his eyes wide like the full moon, and lips just barely parted.

"I'll catch you later, birthday boy."

Turning on my heels, I quickly darted off before Harr could follow. I left him there under the night sky, his hand pressed over his cheek and still looking as bizarrely shocked as ever. All the while, I cursed my oddly daring guts that evening and the boldness of me to do something so strange.

♕♕♕

The tracker on her phone placed Jules in a fast food restaurant a short distance away from the club where Xavier and Harr held their birthday celebrations. It was quiet as the hour neared midnight, the streets devoid of life. Even the traffic had died down, reduced to silence with the exception of the occasional howling wind.

In the dim darkness of the night, the bright lights of the fast-food restaurant shone a little too brilliantly. When I stepped in, a gust of cold wind rushed into my face, followed closely by the aroma of deep-fried and grilled foods. The restaurant was quiet, a few people scattered here and there, all enjoying their late-night snack with not a lot of words hanging off their lips.

Jules sat alone in the far corner booth of the restaurant, her head buried in the palm of her hands, elbows pressed against the table. A tray of fries laid before her, half-finished and probably freezing cold. I couldn't help but frown at the sight, quickly crossing over before sliding into the opposite seat. I picked up a forgotten french fry, munching into the cold stick of potatoes with a sigh.

"So... how long were you planning on staying here by yourself?"

Startled, Jules looked up. However, as quickly as she did, I noticed the red color that rimmed her eyes. She hadn't been crying for there weren't tear streaks down her cheeks nor was her makeup smudged but she was close. Her eyes were already starting to puff, a little swollen right underneath her lower lashes.

The second she realized it was just me, Jules dug her face back into her arms. "I don't know," she mumbled. "Forever."

"Why are you so upset anyway?" Leaning back against the cushioned backrest, I folded my arms across my chest. I waited, watching for any reaction that she might give up to my taunts. "You're here sulking because you caught sight of Xavier kissing another girl, right? You two aren't even lovers."

She flinched at my words, her shoulders jolting upwards slightly at the mention of love. I knew exactly why she was upset and why she had decided to coop herself up and hide away from Xavier. It was because Jules didn't want to hear his argument or explanation. If Xavier was branded as a villain in her story, her previous dislike of him would be justified. She wouldn't have to be vulnerable again. However, what I knew wasn't necessarily what Jules herself understood.

If the sight of Xavier kissing another girl had irked her so much, it would've meant that Jules was catching feelings for Xavier. And when someone is in love, they're at their most vulnerable.

Surprisingly, Jules didn't provide a direct answer to my goading. Instead, she croaked a separate question, one that caught me off-guard.

"Aiko, do you think I'm a little dumb?" She asked.

My eyebrows shot up my forehead, curiosity triggered as I leaned forward a little. "Why the random question?"

"I think I'm a little silly sometimes for falling for the same old tricks again and again," Jules confessed. "I told myself before that I don't ever want to put my heart in the hands of people who might tear it up for the fun of it. Yet, there I went and did it anyway. Never again."

Stories of Jules's previous crushes flitted through my mind, all memories that ended horribly for her. Indeed, she had warned Xavier not to get close to her when he had confessed. However, when the situation had come one whole round, perhaps the person Jules had been warning wasn't even Xavier after all.

Jules had been warning none other than herself.

Don't get too close. Don't fall for his slick words and dirty tactics. Don't crash headfirst into such a pitifully sorrowful thing such as love.

The thought of it made my heart sour. "You've spent enough time with Xavier. You know he isn't the sort of person to go about telling sweet nothings to every girl he meets."

"Maybe. Maybe not," she replied quietly. "But some love fades with time. It's hard to find a love that holds the same intensity from start to end. At a certain point of time, love turns into commitment, into a promise that might be a burden to fulfill."

"So you think that Xavier is now just keeping up with appearances?"

Instead of replying, Jules receded further into the little ball she had created on the tabletop. Her feet were tucked as close to the booth seat as possible, back hunched and face unseen. She remained quiet for a long time, letting silence be her reply. In the end, when she finally spoke again, it was still soft, practically unheard over the roar of the air-conditioning system.

"I'm just saying it's rare for people to hold the same fiery love from start to end. That's something that only happens in movies. Maybe Xavier and I aren't part of the lucky half of the statistic."

I pursed my lips together, chewing on them slightly. Never had I been the best person to get advice from and I couldn't think of anything to reply. To defend Xavier might just make Jules tighten up her security against the world; comforting and validating Jules's pessimistic outlook on love would also do the same.

"Maybe." I nibbled on my bottom lip. "But would you rather live your life ignorant to the joys love can bring? Now all you're seeing is the dark side."

She lifted her head from the table at my words, lips curved into a slight sneer. Jules let out a short burst of laughter before the sneer contorted into a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Instead, it was utterly dull, a lifeless corpse that was filled with mocking despair.

"Aiko, have you ever been in love? Do you believe in such a fairytale?"

I nodded nearly too quickly. "Yes, yes I do. It's fleeting but that's what makes it so beautiful to me. The willingness to commit to someone for a lifetime is what makes it alluring. To me, I don't believe that the promise made is a burden. It's a luxury."

A face appeared in my mind immediately, a quick flash of debonair features that made my heart skip a beat. I swiftly tucked that away into the deep corners of my heart, locking the door and throwing away the key.

That face, that charm. He is forbidden.

I swallowed the bile in my throat, fingers scratching against each other restlessly. "But with that said, I don't believe it for myself. I've never thought of myself as someone that others can love. There's always something missing, be it my personality or my appearance. Although I wish that love is a daydream, reality is often disappointing. First impression matters painfully so. I've never been one to make good first impressions."

This time, Jules's smile melted into a soft knowing smile. She nodded, eyes slightly hooded close as she sat up a little straighter. Her index finger traced imaginary patterns on the tabletop, swerving along the cool surface like a skater on freshly-polished ice.

"Love is something I can afford. But, having been disappointed one too many times, I can't be bothered to look for it anymore because I know that it will fade with time. All that pain, all that beauty, time heals and masks it all. If I can fall in love, I can fall as easily out of it."

"You have too little faith in the bonds between two interconnected souls."

Reaching across the table, I grasped Jules's hands tightly in mine, squeezing them gently. She looked over, surprised by the small action. Nevertheless, her lips softened into a faint smile that came from the heart.

"You know, Jules, being a realist isn't fun. Let yourself dream every once in a while. It's not that bad to at least have something in your imagination. Best of all, it just might come true."

Gently, Jules moved her hands so that her palms faced upwards. She curled her fingers around mine, holding it as if she was afraid to let go.

"I hope that one day I'll be able to do that," she murmured. Unbeknownst to her, she wasn't the only person with that wish.

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