An Autobiography ~

~ All About Endometriosis

Endometriosis {Endo} is a chronic illness where the endometrial tissue, similar to the lining of the uterus grows and can spread to the outside of your uterus and on any nearby organs. This problem can lead to inflammation and scar tissues to form and grow in the pelvic region and can or may form elsewhere inside the body. Please know and understand that Endometriosis is NOT a menstrual disease, it's an excruciating debilitating chronic illness where the disease can spread to multiple orgasms inside the body. So basically, that means you're internally bleeding on the outside of your uterus but on the inside of your body.

The causes of Endometriosis are unknown and there is no way to prevent this debilitating disease. As of yet, there are no known cure for this silent disease but they do say, the symptoms can be treated with supplements, medicines, medications or in some/most cases, surgery, but that may also be a myth. Unfortunately, all those solutions are Band-Aids in fighting off Endometriosis as it's a battlefield out there and we're wearing no bullet-proof vest; we're just thrown out onto the battleground without any protection against the big threat. This wouldn't be a problem if Endo has more awareness!

~ Civil War

pain is a battle
the cause and effect,
a battlefield

CM 🎗

~ Pills

popping pills can take away the pain
but caving
will make us seem weak
as, we already feel weak as it is
but we can't cave
because the pain won't go away
i guess, we're just seen as weak—again

CM 🎗

The pain/symptoms of Endometriosis can often improve after pregnancy, {if you were able to conceive a miracle child} but that may be a myth and the pain may also improve after menopause, but that may be a myth as well. The period pain of Endo, can be extreme for some, if not for most. The anguish of Endometriosis can be present, constant, continuous, persistent, permanent, forever, everlasting, forever-lasting and never-ending; while menstruating, or while not even menstruating. The flare ups can or may last or stay permanently for hours/days/weeks/months/years. Endo pain can cause: minor, to mild, to moderat, to severe, to chronic, to debilitating, to knife-like, to extreme pain in the uterus, ovaries, bowels, bladder, anus, lower abdomen, stomach and it can also cause difficulties to conceive and cause pain/blood during intercourse and after intercourse. Endometriosis can cause irregular and prolonged heavy periods with added spotting and blood clots. The pain of menstruation can or may also cause body numbness due to the increasing amount of pain. The numbness can last for a short or a long period at a time, shocking up and down the legs and shocking in the pelvic region; depending how long your menstruation cycle may last at a time. The first sighting of Endo can or may begin when you have your first ever menstrual period cycle and can or may last until menopause.

Unfortunately, Endometriosis is an incurable illness and can only be diagnosed by a Laparoscopy {key-hole surgery}, by a leading professional and I would only recommend ONLY seeing a private Gynaecologist for this major, surgical procedure. During a Laparoscopy, they would insert a small telescope camera into the belly button and lower abdomen to identify any inflammation endometrial tissues to remove the Endo by cutting or burning, which involves destroying any inflamed endometrial cells. Also to note, you can or may see Endometriosis on ultrasound or by a MRI Scan but the disease can be difficult to spot if you have invisible Endo like me, which looks discolouring.

Endometriosis symptoms are very variable and broad, as it's difficult to be diagnosed with the disease as it may take up to 8 to 10 years to be fully diagnosed with Endo. Certain individuals might not be aware of the condition of yourself, as I'm sure you thought that having a painful period are considered as, "normal periods". You also might not be aware of the condition of yourself as you might be a-symptomatic all your life and not realised you have the disease as well. Or if you have really painful periods and bleed very heavily on your periods and have very irregular periods and your periods are prolonged and can or may last longer than a week at a time. So, it's always safe to get checked out with a private Gynaecologist just to be sure. If Endo is hereditary in the family, definitely get checked out or you may be just one of those lucky ones; whom, like me, you were just lucky enough to get it by a coincidence.

Some say, Endometriosis is one of the top 10 worst diseases to live with which isn't surprising but hard to believe to some who have never felt the anguish or the impact of Endo and how it really can destroy one's happiness and cause mental and physical strain as all women who suffer with this debilitating disease, suffer in silence. They also say, 1 in 9 women suffer with this silent disease as it's becoming more and more common by each year which is disheartening as this disease causes you to have no quality of life!

If by any change you were dismissed by your doctor or by multiple doctors, I'm sorry to hear that but this is how it is when you suffer with this silent disease. Your doctor would have given you the, "Pill" right? Because painful periods are considered as, "normal" and then they would have sent you on your merry way out the door while you're on the verge of tears and just shocked, confused, angry and sad. Yes, the "Pill" or the "IUD" {an IUD is another form of birth control} can or may help prolong Endometriosis from growing and spreading as that may be true, but you can get other health concerns when on long-term treatment. And the only treatment for Endo is the "Pill" and the "IUD" believe it or not.

If you are someone or you may know someone who is experiencing and suffering with this disease...know that you are not alone and there is hope. Stay strong. 🎗

~ Infinity & Beyond

some pain may last,
a second.
a minute.
a moment.
an hour.
hours.
days.
months.
years.
infinity.
but the pain will always be there,
no matter how long the pain may last.
still there—forever lasting.

CM 🎗

~ They'd Never Know

they'd never know,
that we're screaming inside our mind and fighting for our life
and how we struggle to breathe through our lungs because it feels like a sharp knife

they'd never know,
that we can't even go outside
and that we're living the nightmare of our lives

they'd never know,
just faking a smile is painful
and we get judged as everyone around us becomes disdainful

they'd never know,
that having chronic pain and a chronic illness is embarrassing and shameful
because we know we're just unwell

they'd never know,
the struggles of how to constantly explain this unexplainable pain
and how it spirals us insane

they'd never know,
how our body has been through hell
due to constant pain and dizziness because we can't even stand
let alone heal

they'd never know,
how lonely and in the dark we really are
and how we hide and fear the darkness because we live with
never-ending suffering and sadness

they'd never know,
that our head is living in hell
and we're constantly are sick about to hurl

you may think now you know
but you won't

CM🎗