An Autobiography ~

~ Sex-life of a Chronically Ill Woman

So, where to begin about the Sexlife of a Chronically Ill Woman? Well, we can start by mentioning the fact that every woman is different and experiences pain differently during sexual intercourse as we're all different in our own skin and unique way. Pain or no pain, is okay because different is good. Some women with Endometriosis {Endo} may experience more sexual pain than others, and some women may experience little to no sexual pain. However, most women experience pain/blood during and after sexual intercourse, sexual activities received orally, given by a partner or induced by oneself and or using certain objects or fingers will induce pain/blood. As well, certain sexual positions may increase the pain/blood of sexual intercourse and increase the feeling of dryness, a sandpaper and or a ripping/tearing feeling in the uterus. So in order to decrease pain for those who suffer with debilitating Endo pain, they or their partner will need to be patient, gentle and go slow and make them feel comfortable as sexual intercourse can or may be very painful.

For most women who live with Endometriosis pain, it's common for their private areas not to be touched unless they say so and that's not often, due to pain and lack of libido. Unfortunately, this is because most women suffer with little to no libido, some libidos are nonexistent for most women who suffer with Endo. A Sexlife of a Chronically Ill Woman have little to no sexdrive and thus, some women can struggle with intimate relationships as some partners can't understand why women can't perform in bed. It's horrible to think that your partner may not understand your chronic illness but with a partner who does understand your chronic illness is a life changer. For women who suffer chronically with Endometriosis, sexual activities for some, have it twice a month or even less, depending on your situation. Certain sexual positions can or may be painful for most and can or may be extremely painful for some including vaginal bleeding after intercourse and urinating irritation after intercourse.

Positions to consider if you suffer with extreme Endo pain: The On-Top position is where you can sit on top of your partner and you can control the situation and pain if the impact/depth of penetration increases. The Missionary position can work with or without a pillow but not for very long as the impact/depth of the penetration can or may hit the cervix in the process and can be very painful if this occurs. The Sideways position can work for some time either face-to-face or spooning but the impact/depth of the penetration may be too deep and cause pain and or hit the cervix as well. To reduce pain during sexual intercourse one can use water-based lubricants, pillows, body pillow, towels, focusing on decreasing the impact/depth of the penetration and or focusing on frequently changing positions and or focusing on frequently changing the angle of the impact/depth of the penetration and by being patient and slow.

~ Cruel Intentions

nobody accidentally tries to drown someone in the deep end
it must've had cruel intentions
the pain fucked up our life without throwing a lifesaver and leaving us for dead
it must've had cruel intentions
the pain is obsessed with trying to end our existence and hide the evidence
it must've had cruel intentions
we'll never give up on escaping it's grasp and it hates all the near misses it causes
it must've had cruel intentions
the pain torments and hunts us until there's nothing left but the fragments
it must've had cruel intentions
the pain calls us cruel names and gives us endless pain ever since we first met
it must've had cruel intentions

CM 🎗

~ I'm Okay

the pain hurts
it always does
some don't notice
faking, "being okay"
has become a norm
we caused this misconception
it's fine...
we're a burden and a disappointment to ourselves
we're not okay...
we're crying on the inside
but we're fine...
we're seen as normal on the outside but in the inside we're a chronic mess
why do we keep doing this to ourselves?
because it's easier if we're the only one who knows the truth
because we're the burden—the disappointment

CM 🎗