How deep was I willing to go through this part of hell?

People have never failed to remind me that I was born lucky. I should have just eaten my food, sat quietly, and be thankful I was given this chance of a perfect life.

If my life was perfect, I shouldn't live in this constant nightmare.

I had woken up early to get myself ready for school. It was finally our senior year where everyone was skeptically planning for their future. Since mine was already set out for me, it was only a matter of how I was going to get through the last school year.

As I was about to go down to have some breakfast, a loud hysterical cry could be heard downstairs. I ran down the staircase as fast as I could towards the sound where my little brother was crying. My feet were frozen in place when I saw my vulnerable brother hunched over the floor. His left cheek started to swell and a bruise had started to form on his wrist.

I turned my head just in time to see my father's back. He was already on his way out to leave for work. My fist clenched, leaving an indent of nail marks onto my skin. The anger I felt was unbearably strong. If looks could kill, I would have snapped his neck at an awkward angle. All I could hear was this unsettling beeping sound. I could hear my pulse amplify in my ear. The feeling unfamiliar, yet, I didn't have the control to calm it down. The doors closed. My knees were buckling, about to give out.

"Scarlett, let it go," I felt a comforting hand, holding me down to regain my balance. Looking up, I saw Ellen encouraging me to take a deep breath and release it back. She told me to repeat it over and over.

When all my senses came back, I got on the floor to embrace my brother. I comforted him and just held tight. Ellen came down to my level, pulling us in a big embrace. I heard her sob, realizing what a mess this was.

"What happened, Ellen?" I croaked. My voice cracking as the tears began to sting my eyes.

She released an exhausted sigh, "I-I'm so sorry Scarlett. He just went into the room without warning and dragged him down here, so he could hit him. I couldn't stop him. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault."

I untangled myself from Ellen's embrace to check on Tommy. He got tired and had stopped crying. My hand grasped his chin gently to inspect his face. "You need ice," I murmured to myself.

"Can you stand? Do you want to ride on my back?" I gently pulled him up with me. He was still in shock. The poor boy didn't even know what he did wrong. I crouched down and offered him to climb on.

When we reached the kitchen, I put him down on a chair and went to get some ice. Ellen helped serve some breakfast on the table. I took some ice from the freezer then wrapped them with a towel.

As Ellen was finishing setting the table, I handed her the cold compress. "Here. Keep it on his cheek."

She gave me a sympathetic smile as she returned her attention to Tommy. I sat down and let out a deep breath. I began spreading some jam on the toast and ate it halfheartedly. I just couldn't digest it. It was bland. I pushed back my plate and drank a glass of water instead.

"You're not hungry again," Ellen stated.

I shrugged nonchalantly. "I don't feel like eating."

"You're always not hungry, Scarlett." She deadpanned. I knew she cared for me as well. She was like a mother to me, but the fact that I just couldn't get any food into my system was a problem.

"Please. At least eat something in school. Promise me."

Speaking of school...I was late. Yet, again.

"Oh, shit. I forgot about school," I scrambled up from my seat and ran through the living room to get my school bag. I went back into the kitchen and kissed Ellen on the cheek.

Bending down to look at Tommy, I eased a smile to my face. "Let me see that cute smile, please?"

He snuffled, wiping the snot off his nose using the sleeve of his sweater. Looking into my eyes, he sadly smiled and waved his hand to say goodbye. For now, this was enough. He was safe.

"I can't promise anything, but I will try. Please take care of him. I'll be back soon," I messily ruffled Tommy's hair and smiled at Ellen. I took large steps, so I could get to the front door faster. Barging out of the door, I didn't notice Rex standing stiffly outside. He was one of my father's security personnel. I didn't see the need for Rex to drive me around. My parents didn't even care anymore.

I got inside the car and settled myself in comfortably. I then heard Rex close his door, putting the key into the ignition as he made the engine roar to life. He looked back to me and greeted, "Good morning, princess," his voice was mocking like it was every single day.

I wasn't really on good terms with Rex. He kept this stoic stance, making him unapproachable. He updated my father with every move I took. Sometimes, I couldn't even believe how he had known. His ninja skills were a bit alarming. I wondered how much information he had against me. My father was going to kill me again when he found out that I was late for school.

The drive was silent, like usual. I just plugged my earphones in and blasted some music. I closed my eyes while I hummed to the music that was currently playing. It took a lot in me to try and clear my head. Today wasn't it.

The only reason I could think of why my father would hurt Tommy was because of his uniqueness. He was not any different in my eyes. Tommy was born with Down's Syndrome, which gave him complications in his pulmonic area. He had to take his medication every day. Sometimes, it hurt me to see him in pain when he couldn't do any strenuous activities, like running around the field or ever going to ride the rollercoaster. Still, it doesn't excuse his behavior.

He was being homeschooled since my parents didn't want him exposed to the public. I was thankful that his nanny, Ellen, was patient with him. She was initially hired as a private nurse to Tommy, but then she quickly took a liking to him. They became inseparable. Ellen did more for my brother, not just the task of taking good care of him. She put his needs first, just like a mother to her child. She knew how to handle the kid, which was why I trusted her.

He still didn't know how to communicate verbally in terms of forming structured sentences, but he was smart for his age in terms of his creative skills. We would usually work on his artworks. He was good with colored pencils and also liked doing complicated puzzles. After learning the basic primary colors, we had moved to name all colors in his 64-piece crayon box. It was a marvel to see such potential for a six-year-old.

The car eventually stopped and I knew we were already parked outside the school. My drifting mind went back into my reality. I got out without even thanking Rex for the ride.

There was no point running to class since I was already late. I walked through my school's empty hallway then proceeded to get into my first class. I grabbed the door's handle and slowly turned the knob, trying to make much less noise as possible. The door creaked, however, which made everyone look up from what they were doing as they eyed me carefully. My gaze immediately went to Mrs. Higgs and from the icy look she was giving me, she was furious.

"Ms. Rowe! This is the third time this week. I am starting to think you're uninterested in my class. It seems giving you detention doesn't even affect you anymore," Mrs. Higgs raised her voice to the class.

In all honesty, I wasn't even embarrassed anymore. I did care for my education, but I was so tired of giving them my excuses. I just couldn't go up and say – Hey! I have a dysfunctional family and we get beaten up for no apparent reason!

I didn't want their sympathy. They prey on the weak.

When I didn't reply, Mrs. Higgs seemed more ticked off from my silence. "Get out! You're not allowed in class if you're going to be late again. I have already given you enough warnings."

I sighed and left the class without begging Mrs. Higgs to let me come inside the class. There was nothing I could do. I felt her staring me down as she tried to burn a hole into my thick skull. Precipitously, being in school suffocated me, so I decided to leave the premises. Rex didn't need to find out that I skipped school for the whole day. I just needed to walk around a different path and find myself a place where I could breathe some fresh air and not think.

I went around the school, avoiding Rex as he might still be lurking around somewhere. Behind our school, there was a forest that bounded us from the highway. I walked straight through the wooded area without really thinking where I was going. As I went deeper into the forest, I heard running water.

There was a small stream nearby, which was a perfect place to be alone for a bit. I found a huge boulder and sat comfortably. After five minutes of emptying my thoughts, something came over me that made us want to do something stupid.

No, I wasn't thinking of hurting myself. I just wanted to feel numb without getting myself killed in the process. The weather in Chicago at this time of the month was barely freezing. Maybe dipping my feet in the cold water would make me experience a lack of feeling. Nobody knew about this place; I was quite sure. I took off my blazer followed by my skirt that dropped to my ankles.

It was freeing for a second until an unanswered question to myself resurfaced.

How deep was I willing to go through this part of hell?

There was no way out, I guess.

I'd have to rot in it to save you.

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