Hello my dear readers

So here comes the next update. Yet to catch up on lovely  comments from last chapter . Will do so soon. Please bear with me . Thanks to you all. GCL had hit 1K + votes, quickest of all in my stories.Thanks again.

This chapter is bit lengthy .Please ignore any errors and typos.

 Happy Reading. Do drop your love like always.

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 Dreams - Fascinating, exciting and terrifying equally.We are told to dream big , dream high...yet there's always a caution put across - be practical . Is it possible to set boundaries for boundless dreams?.May be not. At times there's this little fear peeking out from depths, the fear of them not being true , not being big enough ,the fear of your most beautiful dreams turning into your worst nightmares ...yet we dare to dream., hope to dream..and one should never give up on them.

Giving a break to her thoughts , Swara focused back on lines of poem before her. Dreams by Langston hues

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.

Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.

Dreams - She didn't have any when she stepped into Kolkata..not anything which she could re call or which moved her, other than one ..the one which came true in most unexpected and beautiful way , under stars with that someone special in her life..Sanskaar..

Its past 2 days , her encounter with Sanskaar that morning which left her at loss of words.She never got tired of reminiscing his every word, filling her with newfound confidence and a hope ... to dream . She had no clue if they would be true ..or not . Yet she wanted to dream...

Her fingers gently traced their engagement ring. A rose , which she failed to notice.Thoughtful like always.. . Swara's lips curved upwards involuntarily as her fingers traced the intricate details of ring .A beautiful one .. binding them both.

Her musings were interrupted by Ragini who walked in huffing impatiently holding a cover ..and it drew Swara's attention immediately.

"Kya hua Ragini?"Swara asked placing book aside.

"Pata nahi khud ko samajhta kya hain? Swara ..I am telling all these rich guys..what do they think of themselves ? Like they would shower us with some gifts and we would be flattered...? Fools. " Ragini rambled continuously

" Whom are you talking about?" Swara asked not able to make head and tail out of Ragini's rambling. Rgaini shot a look at her " Who else? That Sanskaar Maheshwari." and that alerted Swara.

" Sanskaar...?"

Rgaini nodded, " Here ..Take this .."She placed a cover in Swara's hand," Gift for you ...raste main mila tha."

"Gift?" Swara's eyes twinkled just like her smile. She felt same excitement and thrill when he gifted her key chain for first time. Ignoring Ragini's words she quickly unwrapped gift and found herself staring at beautiful bound book which read " 100 Classic Love Poems". As she opened the book , her eyes were greeted with sight of lines in his neat legible writing on first page.

Swara smiled softly , her fingers tracing the words fondly. Ragini smiled watching her. So it's working.Thank God!Hopefully things between Swara and Sanskaar might have sorted a bit , she hoped especially after Laksh's trick . Swara seemed to be in a good mood ,didn't burst out on taking Sanskaar's name ,and the best part ,her blushing smile.

The book was pre engagement gift as told by Sanskaar. He wanted to gift it himself but Swara seemed to be in no mood to meet him, hence he handed it over to her, " Please don't tell her..ki maine diya. She may not like it . But I want her to have this ." Ragini waited to for right chance to pass on the gift. She knew the fate of gift in Swara's disastrous state of mind at that point, hence she held back ..and some how it slipped her mind . But now it seemed liked a right moment.

And to move on with her ploy ... Ragini Cleared her throat and continued her act. " How dare he?Tumhare saath usne itna galat kiya .. Look at his audacity to gift you and say ' hope she likes it . Besharam..doesn't he know you hate him ... I would have given him left and right ... aise insaan ko tho .."

"Ragini... "Swara's angry voice cut her in between .

Yes ,The reaction she had been waiting for . Hiding her smile , Ragini turned to Swara putting pretence "Kya hua Swara ? "Ragini held her hand , "Kya humne kuch galat kaha?I was thinking ..."

"Ragini ,Please .. "Swara snatched her hand back and rose from bed , "hamare beech jo kuch bhi hain .. we will sort it out.But I will not tolerate a word against Sanskaar. Aage se please , keep this in mind aur kabhi aisa kuch mat kehna ..please"

Ragini nodded after a while ,"Sorry .. woh .. I thought usne tumhare saath itna bura kiya.."

"Sanskaar ne kuch nahi kiya." Swara turned to face Ragini and could totally make out from her expression , she was confused with sudden change of her stance for Sanskaar.She calmed down and walked towards Ragini .

"Ragini ... I was wrong about Sanskaar. Don't ask me how but ..My heart knows it which I was foolish to ignore all this while.I was too lost to make sense out of anything , lekin mera dil jaanta hai .. Sanskaar aisa kabhi nahi karega .."Swara sounded confident Ragini felt relieved . Things seems to be falling back into place for Swara and Sanskaar ," He loves me, Ragini ...Lekin..." Swara paused

"Lekin Kya Swara?"

"I feel like I am missing something Ragini ..like a piece of puzzle in this entire fiasco which I am not able to figure out ..and it's making me restless.It's holding me back ..somehow .. I don't know ..I " Swara sighed tiredly.

Rgaini considered her for a minute . "Swara ..Are you sure Sanskaar ne kuch nahi kiya? You wouldn't go back on your words right?" Swara's altering mood swings past few weeks had been an issue of concern , but now she looked more calm and composed.

Swara nodded ," I may not be able to give you a logic ,Ragini... why I couldn't figure it out earlier , but I am sure about Sanskaar and my feelings for him.." She said with absolute assurance.

" Then I think it's time for you know something." Ragini reached to her bag ,picked up mobile and stared at Swara who looked confused .. " The truth ,Swara .." and dialed a number.

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" I am sorry Swara..Its because of me all this mess happened ,. and I am very ashamed . Please For give me ."

Swara silently listened to Laksh ..

" I had no clue kavita aisa kuch karegi .. but in all this, Bhai had no clue about a thing."Laksh added. It was after a call from Ragini , they met at park . Since he was bound by Sanskaar promise , Laksh silently listened as Ragini explained it to Swara and then he took over. But Now he was worried .There was no reaction from Swara. He expected a slap or some thrashing or at least an outburst .. but it was all just blank stare. He looked at Ragini who seemed equally worried.

" Why didn't you guys tell me before?" Swara asked still trying to sync in the narration of events.

" And you would have believed ?" Ragini questioned back straight." No, Swara ..At that point you were blinded by your pain and anger and was in no position to analyse rationally. You were not even willing to hear the name of Sanskaar ....I stayed mum because Sanskaar wanted to share it by himself."

" Haan Swara, Bhai desperately wanted to meet you before engagment to know your willingness and share the truth with you . He tried calling you, messaging ..but .." Laksh paused. Swara got the rest.

She didn't bother to reply even for sake of courtesy.He had been trying to set things right for her ..and she had been hurling accusations at him . But he didn't say word, stood silent bearing the weight of all her accusations ..listening to every rubbish ,she uttered. .Ragini was right! Had she been, that blinded by her own emotions, she couldn't see through him... his feelings and love for her.

"After that night under stars , what we shared that night,If you still feel I would stoop down to such low levels... I don't know what to say Swara.I just don't..."

The pain and helplessness in his voice and eyes .Swara felt sharp pang of same pain hitting her.She had been hurting him again and again ...and he let her. Her eyes turned teary ,.. With that every harsh word rushing back to her ... her hurtful actions,that sound of slap rang in her ears.

She sank down on bench ..." Ye maine kya kardiya?" Kya kardiya..I .."

Ragini placed a hand on Swara's shoulder and sat next to her, " Swara , I wanted to tell you the truth only after your realisation about Sanskaar.. Isliye humne kuch nahi kaha , Sorry."

"Nahi Ragini .. Thank you , mujhe ye batane ke liye how wrong I was..Kitna hurt kiya hain maine Sanskaar ko .. " Swara wiped her tears and turned to Laksh , who looked relieved . " Laksh .. Mujhe Sanskaar se milne hain .. abhi .. I want to talk to him..mujhe usse maafi mang na hai ..I need to talk to him ..Kaha hain woh.? Mujhe jana hai ." Swara asked impatient.

Even a delay of second scared her..like her life would slip out of her hand , her perfect paradise which she was bent upon ruining .She knew damage was done .. she just hoped it wasn't irreversible.Above all she wanted to run back to that one person , clutch him hard .. tell him how sorry was she, for not understanding him , for hurting him, for turning a blind eye to his feelings and hers too, for promising she would never ever hurt him again .. and will always trust him ,in which she failed miserably all this while.

"Swara .. Swara ,,Relax. .."Laksh tried to calm her down, "Abhi you can't meet bhai . You know right! that final basketball match had been postponed and its after 3 days . Bhai would be in practice session. Iss baar bahut strict chal raha hain .. No mobiles are allowed. He would be free only post 6.."

Swara's face fell at that statement. But Laksh was quick to come up with a solution. " But you know what! I have an idea .. I mean tum dono ka patch up ho raha hain .. and its needs to be special .Why don't we surprise Bhai with a cozy candle light dinner, just you and bhai. Then you both can have a heart to heart talk .. and sort out things. What say?" He looked excitedly from Swara to Ragini expecting a similar reaction, absolutely confident that this is one of his best ideas which wouldn't backfire.

Ragini gave a thought for second and nodded, " Well you know what Laksh , For once I think you came up right idea..It's brilliant.Ragini seemed equally excited at idea . "Sanskaar would be happy too, wouldn't he ? I mean woh Swara se itna pyaar karte hain ab Swara bhi unse kahegi .. tho .. wow ..Kyu Swara?" She turned to Swara who looked doubtful ."Offo ,My dear loving sister .. Jo hua so hua .. now it's time to mend hearts. So cheer up..and get ready for some pyaar hua , ikraar hua moments."

Swara smiled through tears and nodded." Lekin Sanskaar .. would he ?" she asked hesitantly next minute. He was angry with her ..and he made it clear.

" Don't worry about that! Main Mana vunga bahi ko." Laksh assured Her. "You have no clue about tricks I have up my sleeves." He told pretty confidently.

"Yeah .. We knew how good they work,Kyu Laksh ji ?"Ragini teased him and smiled at Laksh's pout.He looked so adorable at times.Her admiration for him just seems to be deepening day by day.and she would ever be thankful for all efforts he had been putting in for her Swara and Sanskaar. Laksh stared at Ragini for a while . He loved this side of hers , teasing and easy going one which was very occasional letting her guard down. From past few days he had been looking forward for their meetings. Though the main agenda was Bhai and Swara , he loved their time together.Giving a break to his thoughts " So, are we set? "

Swara and Ragini nodded .Laksh pulled out his mobile

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Taking deep breaths Swara tried to ease her nervousness.Would he come or would he not?8.30 pm is what Laksh said.She reached early and was led to table reserved for them.

It would be a lie ..If she said the setting didn't take her breath away .With moonlight streaming in from open top roof and candles casting in their shimmery glow ,a table set for two, midst mild fragrant floral arrangements ..And not a soul within eyesight other than couple of restaurant staff to serve them exclusively .It's just sight out of dreams but she was in no position to savour the dreamy setting for long .Her thoughts centered around Sanskaar like it had been last few hours .She hadn't been very particular about dress ..But Ragini was .

She picked a navy blue ruffled maxi dress with off shoulder neckline..accessorized with pair of studs and a simple long neck chain. She chose to let hair loose ..

Then he walked in ..Led by one of the staff .A glimpse of him ,Swara felt plethora of emotions and her heart thudded faster as he walked closer .Dressed in simple blue long sleeve slim fit shirt paired with crisp black trousers,he looked stylish like always ..effortlessly.

A wash of relief flooded her ..He is here ,willing to listen to her , give her a chance .But nervousness was back too . He stood right infront of her , his gaze fixed .

"Hi.. hi .Sanskaar .."Swara tried not to appear nervous.

Sanskaar simply nodded and looked around.This was kind of setting he dreamt of to propose her ..only difference , it should have been a star studded one ..but he had to admit a moonlit silvery sky was equally beautiful .His eyes moved back to Swara, who looked exquisite in the glow of moonlight , Her hair danced loosely with balmy breeze. He would have loved to take her into his arms , brush those tendrils off her face..but his state of mind was different . After a rigorous practice session , he was in mood for fight or accusations ..and he preferred to stay away from Swara . He neither wanted to trouble her nor get troubled by her.

"Laksh said you had something to talk..So .." Sanskaar came straight to the point.

And his cold approach was clear .It was on Lakhs insistence ..He's here ,not for her . Ignoring the stab of pain she felt " Can we sit and talk?" She slowly asked not sure of his reaction.

Not saying a word Sanskaar simply took his seat at one end on table.Swara sat facing him. Silence hung in air heavily.After a while Sanskaar ordered a glass of wine and juice for Swara .Taking a sip of his drink ..he galnced at her .

"Swara....I don't have all night. I had a long practice session ..I am dead tired . Can you please speak up?If not...we can end this." This side of Sanskaar was new for Swara. For the one who basked in his attention and love , this was hurtful.Can she really complain?No..Bcos she deserves every bit of it.

"I am sorry .."

Taken aback for a minute Sanskaar stared at her blankly. He felt nothing .Scared ,she wouldn't be able to finish ...Swara rushed with words. "I was wrong Sanskaar ..Maine tumhe galat samjha.But now I realised .I know ki tumne Kuch nahi kiya .Iss liye ...I wanted to say.."

"Ragini or Laksh?" He interrupted her in between totally impassive.

"This time it was Swara's turn .She watched at him confused at unexpected question shot at her ."Huh? She asked again trying to clarify..

"Ragini ya laksh? Who told you?" He spelled out in more clear terms

"Ra..Ragini .."Swara mumbled knowing where this would lead to .Before he could conclude she wanted to clear, her realisation was not based on disclosure of truth ...But on voice of her heart which vouched for him always.

"Lekin Sanskaar ,Ragini Ki kehne se pehle hi main Jaan thi ki....tumne Kuch nahi kiya. Please forgive me. I know how bad I have hurt you ...Please . I know I don't deserve it but still if you can ..."Swara lowered her eyes at verge of tears with realisation hitting her .How badly he wanted her to trust him few months back ,how it feels to plead innocence before loved ones ..pleading them to trust us.

"Chalo...Maaf kiya...apology accepted" Sanskaar took another sip of his drink.

Swaras widened teary eyes met his blank ones .Those words sounded most sweetest ones, at that moment. He forgave her."Thank you Sanskaar ...thank you," she wiped her tears feeling relieved of burden in heart.

"So I guess we are done "Sanskaar rose from the chair ,"I will leave now".He totally ignored tear stricken face of Swara, her eyes which were staring at him in confusion and started to move on.

He forgave her, didn't he ?Is this how this night supposed to end ..Leaving her with a empty and restless feeling. "Sanskaar ..."Her voice stopped him on tracks and Swara rose and took quick steps towards him.

"Sanskaar ... I know you are angry with me..and I .."

"Angry Swara? He looked at her with a amused expression ...But it was clear mock. "No..Swara I am not angry with you, just disappointed ..." Looking at her , "Oh! don't worry .Tumse nahi apne aap se.Kyunki ..Maine aise ladki se Pyaar kiya who doesn't have a value for my feelings ...Aise ladki se who doesn't trust me .. "

"Nahi Sanskaar. .I trust you ..." Swara was quick to respond and she meant it ..but

one word to raged his hold on anger and hurt within..and Swara had no clue she rubbed a wrong sore spot.

"Trust ...Really Swara? Do you have any any clue what trust means ?" He questioned staring right into her eyes ...his eyes burned into her , like his words.That question hung on her neck as sword,her own doings staring back at her .She didn't have an answer.

"Let me tell you what I know .."His voice came in more intense," When the whole world stands against you ,you look for that one person who would hold your hand stand by your side and nothing else would matter any more . Nothing .You were that one for me. But I was wrong Swara .. absolutely wrong." He sighed with utter disappointment and sounded defeated

"Now you trust me ,because you have proof ..witness right! It's certified by Ragini,stamped by Laksh and finally approved by Miss Swara Bose ..Hereby I declare Sanskaar Maheshwari to be innocent.. Right? The truth is Swara, you never trusted me ...Aur jis rishte main bharosa nahi hota woh mere liye koi mayine nahi rakhtha ...."

Mayine nahi rakhtha? What does he mean?Swara stared at him with teary eyes, with an unknown fear gripping her heart, like she's gonna lose most precious possession on her life

"Aur tumhe Kya lagta hain ...You say a sorry and everything would be back to normal between us? Then I am so sorry to break your bubble Miss Bose ,Aisa Kuch nahi hone wala .I am no more your toy to be tossed around as per your moods ,whims and fancies jab chaha pyaar aa gaya, jab chahh thodiya .. not any more .I am Sanskaar Maheshwari and I am not to be taken for granted ..Not anymore."He stressed sending out a clear message

"Aur kya kaha tumne .. He held her hand pointed at ring , "Ye ring? it's like noose hanging around your neck right! You feel choked wearing this..Tumhe pata bhi hain kitne payaar se ye ring laaya tha maine tumhare liye..aur tumne? His pain filled voice cracked down. "Do you any clue uss waqt mujhe kaisa laga .. kitna hurt feel hua ?College main, I can understand you were disturbed iss liye you reacted that way .Lekin uske baad ,Did you talk to me even once? Did you atleast give me a chance before concluding, I am the one behind all this .You just declared me to be the culprit..Right! And you say you trust me ? It sounds like a joke Swara .. so please." That little hint of sarcasm hit her badly . How would she tell him , she really repenting her deeds ..and ask him to trust her.

Tears streamed down the cheeks .Swara held back her sobs silently and stood listening to his every word.

"I forgave you ..But don't expect me forget anything so sooner .. For once their eyes met, held each other. The same eyes which he had been smitten, which still hold the power to crumble and tear down every wall he built around , but the hurt he felt all these days .. the pain he lived days and nights weighed more.

"And If you think your sorries can undo everything ..Sorry again Miss Bose ,You are late." Sanskaar concluded for one last time and turned back to leave.

"You don't love me any more .. right!"Swara asked dreading. She wanted him to say No.. tell her, he had not given up on her.But he stayed silent . "Bolo Sanskaar "Swara asked again . May be hearing him say he doesn't love her any more would be punishment levied upon her for a lifetime, for her foolishness, for not trusting her love.

Sanskaar curled his fingers into a tight fist , trying to reign his emotions . It had not been easy to put up a strong stance befor her , when his heart screamed immense love for her.. When all he wanted was to crush her to him..and ask her to never let him go .But he had to . She needs to know ,she can't hurt him and walk away again .. that would leave him broken ..and he didn't want to be ..

"I don't change my feelings as per convenience Swara,"Sanskaar answered composing himself He didn't turn back. "I love you .. and I will always do, but I don't ...I don't trust you enough to place my heart in your hands again Swara .It's just that ,"He paused trying to frame words but he seemed to find none.

His Silence hung around, painful like a void. Yet it felt loudest of all..screaming at her ,like its burning into her soul , consuming every part of hers , Then it shattered like a broken glass, piercing her heart... his words.

His words...

I am tired, Beloved, of chafing my heart against

The want of you;

Of squeezing it into little ink drops,

And posting it.

I am tired...

And He walked off without glancing backwards .Swara sank down onto floor with tears streaming out, She lost him .. and in that painful moment, she recalled last lines of that poem ...

And I scald alone, here, under the fire

Of the great moon.

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Notes and references

1-Poem on Dreams- Langston hughes

James Mercer Langston Hughes (February 1, 1902 – May 22, 1967) was an American poet, social activist, novelist, playwright, and columnist He was one of the earliest innovators of the then-new literary art form called jazz poetry

2.You were you

Those lines are from Love and Misadventure by Lang Leav

She is a poet and internationally exhibiting artist. Awarded a coveted Churchill Fellowship, her work expresses the intricacies of love and loss.

3 .I am tired ,beloved are lines from a poem called The Letter by Amy lowell

Amy Lawrence Lowell (February 9, 1874 – May 12, 1925) was an of the school from , . She posthumously won the in 1926.

4. The image at the start and the lines on it ..

'Twas thus, as ancient fables tell,

Love visited a Grecian maid,

Till she disturbed the sacred spell,

And woke to find her hopes betrayed

The title for this chapter was taken from the same as I felt these lines would reflect the state of Swara , perfectly.They are from second stanza of poem ["Oh, come to me in dreams, my love!"] by Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley(30 August 1797 – 1 February 1851) was an English novelist, short story writer, dramatist, essayist, biographer, and , best known for her Frankenstein

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