Chapter 3
Heartbeats of the Unwanted

My eyes opened to see him looking at me with loving eyes across from me in the hospital bed.

"Ah, good morning, Hajime," he reached his right hand to my head, bringing it down to kiss my forehead.

I felt my cheeks become warm, seeing him place an affectionate smile on his face. "Good thing there's no cameras in the cottages anymore, huh?"

"K-Komaeda!" I flushed, pulling the sheet above my head.

He pulled it back down, starting to kiss all over my face. I couldn't help but start laughing as he tickled my side, him continuing to kiss my face.

"Okay, okay! Let me get dressed, at least! I want to eat!" I continued to laugh, finally him letting me go.

Getting up, he sat up behind me, his hair all frazzled with bed-head. If you'd think his hair was crazy, just look at him now. I couldn't help but burst with laughter.

"What is it, Hinata-kun?" he looked at me curiously, reaching his hand to his head. "Oh."

I pulled on my pants, walking over to him to hug his head to my chest. "Hinata-kun, you might want to zip that before you go outside." I rolled my eyes, letting him go and continuing to get dressed. I brushed my teeth, helping Komaeda into his new

hospital gown, readying his oxygen tank, the usual routine.

"Ready to go, Komaeda?"

"Mhm! Lead the way to our wedding, Hinata!"

"Komaeda!" I scolded, his starting to laugh. And on our way to our w̶e̶d̶-- the restaurant we went.

. . .

We met Sonia, Akane, and Mikan there, sitting as if it were the old times in the simulation. Mikan was looking healthy, almost exactly as she was.

"Oh! Good morning, Hajime, Nagito! How are you both?" Sonia perked up with a smile, Akane continuing to eat, Mikan looking at us with a welcoming smile.

"We're good, thank you," I helped Komaeda sit down by Mikan, myself going to get our food. I was wondering what they both were thinking. Did they want to talk about what they thought while in a coma? I couldn't tell if it would be a good or bad idea.

For the rest of the meal, they both seemed to be okay, just talking as if it were a normal day.

But, of course it wouldn't be a normal day.

It happened.

"Mikan," I heard Komaeda speak in a cold tone, silencing us. He was staring straight ahead, a smirk on his face. "How is she, Mikan?"

I felt my head start to pound. This . . . this wasn't good.

"Komaeda Nagito, where is my beloved?"

"H-Hey, Hajime, what's going o-- AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Akane screamed, shooting up from the table, grabbing her head. Sonia started panicking, running out of the restaurant. Mikan and Komaeda stood up and were staring at each other with evil in their eyes. I went out-cold after that.

. . .

I wonder if this is it.

If this is what we really imagined to happen.

All of this work just for us to revert back.

Not completely, but for us to feel such despair and pain and hurt . . .

. . .

"Hajime?" I heard a faint voice call.

"Hajime, are you okay?"

I felt my body being shaken. I felt dizzy and weak.

"Hajime, please, wake up . . . It's just a bad dream, please, Hajime . . ."

My eyes forced themselves open, seeing Komaeda looking at me with a worried look as I was lying in the hospital bed.

I was sweating, my breathing was heavy, I felt terrified.

He reached his hand to my face, trying to sooth me. He started shushing me, bringing me towards his chest, letting me lay on it. I heard his heartbeat. Calm, steady. Thump-Thump. Thump-Thump. I felt the tears slide down my cheeks, my arms wrapping more around his chest.

I couldn't imagine ourselves reverting back to Ultimate Despair. I didn't want to have a dream like that again . . .

"Hajime, what did you dream about?" I heard his voice, slow and careful. I couldn't answer.

He must have been trying to guess in his head what it was. "It's alright, I get dreams about her, too."

HIs voice remained calm, I could tell he was trying to restrain himself from having another episode. "But . . . I know I have you, Hajime. You are the only one I care about most. Please, for my selfish hope inside me . . . please, care about some nuisance like me back."

I couldn't seem to speak for a while, just listening to him continue on. I hugged him tighter when he was needed reassurance, hoping my thoughts would reach him somehow.

"I've always dreamed of times like this. Though of course, I knew they would never happen without bad luck . . . I think it's all worth it. Even if I die in the end, this is enough for me. This has been the happiest time of my life . . . I can only hope for more times to come before something happens. But, maybe this is bad luck I've met you. Maybe this, me holding you right now, is bad luck. I can't seem to tell the difference anymore. But . . ." his voice trailed off, looking at where his left hand once was, "I guess I'm just . . . benefitted. Because, though I am such a horrible waste of space, you accept it. I know, I can tell I talk about this so much. I just feel so comfortable around you, even I don't understand it. You make me feel strength, serene, protected, needed . . ."

I felt his tears fall onto my cheek, "Even I don't understand how much . . . this feeling is, Hajime. Is it love? Is it really love? I can't seem to even call it that anymore. It's just so many words I cannot explain."

Forcing my head up slowly, I looked into his glassy, tear-filled eyes. I took in a breath, having tears fall, as well.

"Nobody," I exclaimed, "has ever appreciated me like you do, Komaeda."

He gave a smile, leaning his head to kiss my forehead. "It's an honor, Hajime. Do with me whatever you wish, I will not fight back, I will not defy you in any way . . . I will do anything for you."

"Komaeda, please, don't worry about any of that. You have done enough, just by you being here."

He took a few breaths, trying to hold back his tears. "Komaeda," I rested my forehead on his, "Please, it's okay. Cry if you need to. I'm here for you . . ."

"Hajime . . ." he whispered, then repeating, "Hajime . . . N-Nobody's ever t-t-treated m-me . . ."

He let out a cry, holding tightly onto me. He screamed into my shoulder, letting out his sobs.

Nagito ended up falling into a light sleep, still holding me in his arms. I, too, finally felt drained enough to fall back asleep. I heard his heartbeat again. Calm, steady. Thump-Thump. Thump-Thump.

. . .

The next day, I was reluctant to get up, fearing as though it would turn into another bad dream. Luckily, it didn't. Nagito and I ate in a peaceful morning filled with blue skies and calm waves. We planned to go to the library today, myself hoping my best that Nagito could make it there.

"It's such a beautiful day, Hinata-kun!" Komaeda spread his arms out, giving a big smile and closing his eyes toward the sky as we made our way to the library. "I can't wait to start reading something new, it's going to be so relaxing in the quiet, and of course with you."

I gripped his hand, continuing walking along the path. He looked down at our intertwined hands and I started to feel my cheeks heat up. "Our hands seem to fit perfectly together, Hinata-kun."

I stayed silent, enjoying the moment with the waves giving its reply. I glanced at him again, watching his hair fly slightly in the wind, his eyes glistening with the sun ahead, him . . . looking at me back.

"Hajime," he began, "you're looking at me a little funny. Is something wrong?" I felt his hand tighten on mine, as we continued to walk.

"Huh? Oh," I turned my gaze forward, "No, everything's fine. I'm just . . . happy, is all." I could feel him continuing to look at me, and saw it out of the corner of my eye. He gave a smile, turning back to look in front of him, as well.

We made it to the library, I was relieved that Komaeda made it okay. Komaeda's face brightened up, and he rushed himself a bit to start looking at all of the books on the shelves. "It's so wonderful in here, Hajime. So peaceful and quiet."

He looked so content and happy, rolling his oxygen tank with him along the shelves, myself keeping a close eye on him in case he fell. Three books were picked out, set on the table in front of me, and he started reading. I, too, found myself a book, reading silently across from him. I had to agree with him, the silence was very comforting and inviting. It had gotten so quiet to the point where I could hear Nagito's slow, constant breathing. It brought me peace to hear him breathing, just knowing he was still alive. We read in silence for a little while, Nagito becoming more and more relaxed and at ease.

I continued reading, glancing up time to time to see him happily reading, as well.

I had even seemed to forget we could talk, if that's any understanding how warm and comfortable I felt here. Whenever I heard Nagito call my name, I was already more than half-way through the book I was reading.

"Hajime?" he called, in a quiet, calm tone.

"Hm?"

"Can . . . Can I hold your hand?"

I felt my cheeks rise with heat, letting go of the book and holding it with one hand, setting down my other onto the table so he could hold it. I felt his fingers brush across my knuckles, then starting to intertwine with mine.

"Hajime . . ." I heard him speak, myself looking down at our hands. I looked up, feeling my eyes start to become blurry for some reason. "I . . . I . . ." his voice trailed off. Quickly he unlocked our hands, closing his book. "Nevermind, sorry, it was stupid."

I put my hand back on his, rubbing his knuckles, "Please, talk to me."

He gave a small sigh, wiping his eyes with his other sleeve. "I want to go with you. I . . . I want to leave this island," he looked into my eyes, them glassy, "with you."

I felt my cheeks heat again. "A-Alright, Komaeda, that's fine with me. B-But, you know, let's stay here a little while longer, okay?"

He nodded, glancing down at his other arm. He held it up, the sleeve falling to expose where his hand once was. I felt my heart sink, as he studied it. "Hinata . . . may I have a new hand?" I heard him choke back a sob. "I'm so selfish, I don't deserve to have another chance, but . . ." he looked up for a moment, trying to compose himself, "I want to hold you with both of my hands. I want to be able to hold your hand with both of mine. I want to . . . I-I w-want . . ."

Letting go of his hand, I raised myself from the table, kneeling beside his chair, looking up at him as he covered his face with his sleeves. Reaching my hands up to his arms, I held them, his one hand, and where his other one once was.

"Komaeda, I appreciate you for what you are. Please, do not worry about such things as not being able to have both of your hands just for me."

Tears continued to fall down his face. So many times he's been showing his feelings to me . . . I now realize how special that is. "H-Hajime . . ." he breathed, collapsing into my shoulder, holding my back. I held his, too, comforting him all I could.

. . .

We were making our way back to the cottages now, walking slowly and at a comfortable pace for both of us.

"Oh!" Komaeda exclaimed, "Can we go watch the sunset at the beach, Hinata-kun?"

"Hm? Oh, um, sure, Nagito. Do you think you'll be okay making it there, though? We've been walking for a little while . . ."

He gave a carefree smile, "I'm sure we'll be just fine! Have hope, Hinata!" He smiled, pulling me along beside him to the beach.

Later we settled down on the sand, watching the last few moments of a long sunset. "Ah," he sighed with content, "it's so beautiful."

"It is," I agreed.

I felt his fingers feel mine for a few moments before he held completely onto them, leaning his head on my shoulder.

"Hajime," he called out, looking at the sea once again, "I think this is it. I've finally . . . reached my true happiness."

I rested my head on his, watching the sun fall completely beneath the water. "I think . . . No, I know I have, too, Komaeda."

I heard him give a small laugh, "You always know exactly what to say, Hinata-kun. You must know my dreams by heart."

"Dreams?" I asked.

"I've always dreamed someone would treat me this way, exactly how you do. It was my one true wish . . . to be loved, remember?"

I pressed my head more comfortably on his, feeling him relax more. "Yes, I do, Komaeda."

"It's amazing, Hinata. This . . . feeling. You . . ." he concluded, "are the most . . . amazing of all." I heard him take a couple breaths, slow and steady, before they stopped.

I felt my heart drop.

"Komaeda?" I called, moving slightly. He fell limply into my lap. "K-Komaeda!" I shrieked, shaking him. He wasn't waking up.

"Shit!" I screamed, heaving him up onto my shoulder, myself hooking his oxygen tank onto my shoulder with him, starting as fastly as I could to his cottage.

I almost tripped a couple times, luckily being able to steady myself before continuing as fast as I could. I was getting too worried, too paranoid with the fact that this might be the end.

I made it, I made it. I set him down on the bed, hooking up the machines and IV as quickly and gently as I could. His heart was beating. Good, this is good, right?

But . . . No, there's things wrong, I . . . I can't seem to do anything!

Mikan. That's the only option there is!

I rushed hurriedly to her cottage, fumbling with the doorknob. The sun was down, it was becoming dark.

"M-Mikan! P-Please, help Komaeda!" I ran to her bedside, seeing her turn her head to look at me.

"Hwah!" she cried out, "H-Hajime, what's wrong?"

I helped her up, trying to lead her towards his cottage. "Please, Mikan, help Komaeda. He-He's unconscious and I just don't know what to do anymore, please!"

She nodded, leaning onto me to guide her towards his cottage. She went over to his bedside, examining his head and testing his arms, seeing how they would react. They went completely limp, falling to his sides.

"I-I need to give him more fluids. His body isn't responding to the signals of his brain. I-I will take care of him, Hajime. Please, go get some rest."

I nodded, not saying a word. I left to wander my way to the beach, feeling the cold air blow around me. I sat down under a palm tree, hugging slightly onto it, looking at the moon shining above the sea.

Shivering, I wrapped my arms around myself, feeling drained.

I heard some shuffling in the sand, someone sit next to me and place a hand on my shoulder. I didn't look at them, whoever they were, just accepting the comforting gesture from whoever it was.

I fell into a restless sleep. When I woke, whoever it was, was gone now. I never did find out who it was.

. . .

Komaeda had woken up again. And, while he was asleep, I was busy contacting the Future Foundation for their technology in making Komaeda a new hand. With all they accomplished with Alter Ego, I had hoped someone there could do this for him, though I knew it would be unlikely with all they have to deal with, in general.

Luckily, it seemed that they would take in the idea for him. They had to monitor this island for the Ultimate Despairs, so they went ahead and decided it would benefit Komaeda if just a little to have some sort of comfort like that.

Komaeda then, unfortunately, fell back into a sleep for a while. His new hand had arrived. I was expecting to see a robotic hand, one with metal showing and all, but I saw it and, at first, it reminded me of a real life hand, one like my own. But, it was robotic, just covered with what could best match Komaeda's skin. Mikan agreed with me on the fact that we could put it on him while he was asleep, and register and boot it up to his mind, since it will be controlled by him, after all. I don't necessarily get how that process is, but they sent instructions to Mikan, letting her handle it. I went back to my cottage, letting her work, noticing how late it was that day. I looked at his picture hung on my mirror one last time before falling asleep, myself.

The next day, he woke up again, while I was sitting next to him. Mikan rushed over to help him get used to his new hand, myself watching the process of her coaxing him to start controlling his hand again.

I placed my hand on his arm, comforting him as he was struggling to start moving his new hand with his mind.

"It . . . It feels so strange. I don't deserve this hand, this second chance." He looked at me. I placed my hand on his head, leaning down to kiss it. I was noticing it didn't really bother me that other people were watching, either, now. I was very glad I was becoming comfortable with it, myself.

Mikan tended to his machines, setting up another pack for his IV.

"Mikan," I called, "Thank you, really, for all that you've done. I'm . . . I'm sorry I couldn't take care of him. I know you need your rest, too. I just didn't know what to do."

She looked at me, bowing. "Thank you for taking care of me, too, Hajime. I shall go rest now. G-Goodnight." She placed a hand on my shoulder before leaving.

Nagito continued to be fixated on his hand, and I heard him talking, "So, I went unconscious, and then woke up with a new hand . . ." he smiled, almost to himself, "Such a strange luck cycle."

He continued trying to move his fingers, becoming slowly used to being able to have another hand.

"Hajime," he spoke out, quietly, "P-Please, tell me that y-you w-will . . ."

I placed my hand on his, him holding it back. "I will always stay, Komaeda. I promise you."

He let go of my hand, opening his arms for me to climb in. I gratefully did, resting my head on his chest, him kissing the top of my head before falling into a peaceful sleep, arms wrapped comfortingly around me. I took notice to his new hand holding me back, him starting to be able to use it more. I was glad, so elated that he was still here, able to get used to his new ability, for him just being here, in general. I could hear his heartbeat, lulling me into a peaceful sleep with him. Thump-Thump. Thump-Thump. Thump . . . Thump.

"Komaeda . . ." I whispered, aware he probably wouldn't hear me, "I really do . . . love you. I can't believe it, myself . . . but I do."

I relaxed more onto him, taking notice to his heart accelerating if just a little more before I fell asleep.

. . .