"Here," I smiled. "What's this for," she gasped excitedly. "Well I remember that they're your favorite. I'll give you one everyday!" I smiled wide and she hugged me. "We really are best friends," she squealed as I handed her the biscuit. "Yeah... best friends," I replied with a smile still on my face.

And I did. Everyday for the next twelve years I gave her a biscuit. One for every I love you, I wish i could give her. Now I just turned 22 and we're in university. Our routine is still the same.

I was walking Lilith to class like always when she began talking. "Listen I'm not saying that Fillip likes me, but he was staring at me," winked Lilith looking pretty confident in herself. "Oh yeah. That's great. You've liked him for a while now," I smiled back. "Precisely," She said before stopping to take a drink from the water fountain. "Well I wish you luck," I said putting my hand on her shoulder. "Thanks Raina, I don't know what I would have done without you. This is why we'll be best friends forever," she said sweetly, before walking ahead. "Yeah....forever," I said half smiling as I put my hands in my pocket and followed her.

I followed her to her classroom then walked to mine. That's our routine, everyday it's the same thing. Sure it may seem strange to some people. We're in different majors, so my classes are in the science building. A lil ways from the business building. But honestly those talks we have while walking, I wish they'd last forever. Part of me wishes I changed majors, but it's not practical for me. If we do end up splitting as friends then career wise I'm out of luck. I can't afford to go back to college. I'm so happy with my major. It just makes me think of what could have been.

As I made my way to class I felt a someone poke my back. I turned to see Fillip. He was a tall, African guy with deep chocolate eyes. Hair nicely styled and he always dressed to impress. "Whatcha need," I asked. "Sorry but I wanted to ask you something," he said nervously. "Hm?" I said confused. "I kinda like your friend and I wanted to ask, between you and me....uh should I ask her out... like do you think she'd be into me," he asked trying to find the right words. I paused for a second before smiling. "Yeah. She really likes you. You should totally ask her out," I smiled. "Great! Thank you so much," He smiled back before taking his leave. I waved goodbye before walking into my classroom. "Lilith is going to be over the moon. I'm so glad she's happy," I thought to myself thou it was bittersweet.

Truth be told I love her. I think she's incredible. I'd move mountains for her in a second then laugh saying it was nothing. My best friend since I was five years old. If this is how I can express my love for her then that's fine with me. I use to be angry, I use to be sad. I've changed a lot since then. I've accepted that I have to accept her sexuality and I shouldn't expect her to fall for me. We weren't meant to be together and that's fine by me. As long as I can see that smile everyday, and as long as I can still be there for her every step of the way. Then I'll be happy.

I mean why wouldn't I be... my life compared to most is a walk in the park. I'm a pretty and smart 22 year old girl who's still in the closet. Even though I have to stay hidden, mostly because of my family, I know it won't be forever. I'm happy with the way things are. As long as I have Lilith, and as long as I can still make her happy, that's all I care about. Sure I wish that I could tell someone my secret, but I don't want to ruin what I have. I can wait till I leave this small town. The day where I'll tell her. Tell her I'm gay and how much I love her. Though I highly doubt it will play out like I would like it to. She's my perfect match even if it is one sided. I could never ruin that by telling her.

I heard the bell rang and I stood up, grabbed my stuff and made my way towards Lilith's classroom. When I saw her my heart melted. The way her eyes shined with excitement and the rosiness of her cheeks. She's adorable. "Raina!!!,"  She yelled running up to me. Her cute smiling face making me smiled back. "Hey what's up, did you ace your exam," I smirked. "No more important than that! Fillip asked me out!" She squealed jumping up and down. "I'm happy for you," I smiled and she hugged me. My heart skipped a beat as always. Those friendly hugs that drove my heart insane.

She let go and we walked to her next class. "So when are you going out," I asked. "Tomorrow for lunch. I'm so excited," she smiled. "That's great," I replied and I meant it. Even thou I couldn't have her, it made my heart happy when I saw her this excited. It use to be such a bitter taste in my mouth. I remember when it would hurt so bad when she talked about her crushes. About who she'd marry...

A few weeks went by and I met Lilith in the library for our midterm project. We had one class together and we were aloud to have a partner. To no ones surprise we paired up. We sat down near the windows and I started up my laptop. "Ok so if we work hard we should be able to finish at least 3/4 of it. The paper isn't that long and we can just use that for the PowerPoint. Easy, especially since we have the whole week to finish plus you've already prestarted," I smiled. "Yeah well I got bored in data analytics class so I started writing the paper. This subject is at least interesting," she said pulling out her papers. "True. Don't worry we shouldn't be here to late incase you have a date," I smiled. She let out a groan and rolled her eyes.

"What's wrong? Fillip not working out," I asked glancing at our syllabus for our midterm project. "Nah he just wasn't right. Ugh why can't I have a decent boyfriend for once," Lilith whined tossing her pencil in the air and catching it.

"Maybe guys are the problem," I said without thinking. I covered my mouth, but to my surprise Lilith agreed. "True I do go for overly sweet guys and they end up being jerks once they have you. Honestly I should just do what you do and not date till after college. It's not all sad though at least if I end up alone I'll have you," Lilith smiled and she hugged me suddenly. I felt my face turn bright red. "Did she mean that," I thought flustered. My heart was racing and I couldn't think straight so I pushed her off. Lilith looked at me so confused. Then was a little mad. I don't know what came over me. It was like an error message was flashing in my brain. I could still feel her skin on mine. "Hey why'd you push me so hard," she asked shocked. "Well you hugged me after you said we'd end up alone together and I just..." I tried to recover. "You know that's not what I mean," She said confused. "What?" I asked and she rolled her eyes. "Honestly let's just work on our projects. We're best friends and we'll always be. Even when I do meet my Prince Charming. I'm sure you'll find a guy too," Lilith smiled. "Sure," I said like an automatic response. "Oooo maybe we can have a double wedding," Lilith squealed. "I don't think I'll ever find a guy I like," I said continuing where she left off in the paper. "Awe don't say that. You're beautiful, smart and have a great body," she smiled. I felt my heart skip a beat. "Any guy would be lucky to have you," Lilith continued and she made my heart flutter and break all in a few seconds.

Lilith didn't know that the things she said hurt my feelings and it wasn't her fault. I didn't tell her and probably won't for a long time. I saw her highlighting some sentences to include in our project. "Sorry, I pushed you," I said breaking the silence. She looked at me and smiled. "Hey don't worry about it. I had no idea that the thought of me having a crush on you would freak you out so much. I didn't realize you were a little homophobic," Lilith said jokingly.

I stared at her in disbelief. I don't know what came over me, but I felt my blood boil. The longer I thought about what she said the angrier I got and the more I had to control myself. Finally I stood up startling her and grabbed my laptop. "Where are you going," Lilith asked surprised. "I need to study," I said bluntly. "But we're already in the library," she said confused gesturing to the books everywhere. "Yeah well I need to borrow the science labs microscope," I said quickly leaving the room. "But your not taking a microbs class this semester," Lilith called after me as the door shut. The librarian shushed her. "Sorry," she apologized and sat back down.

I got text after text asking if I'm ok and what's going on. "I can't go to my room because she'll be waiting for me there. I guess I should go somewhere I don't normally go," I thought as I glanced at the gazebo next to the college bell tower. "I guess I can go here," I mumbled as I walked over and sat down. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and sighed. "I don't know what came over me. Why did I storm off! Why did I do what to her," I put a hand over my eyes. I felt like crying till-

"What's wrong sugarplum."

I jumped and looked at the guy now sitting next to me. He looked familiar though I couldn't remember from where. He looked like a delinquent to say the least. He had his black dyed hair covering one of his eyes, wearing a dark hoodie and ripped jeans. "Can I help you," I asked looked away. "Names Derek, and that's what I was gunna ask you," he smirked as he scooted closer to me. Figured why not tell a stranger my problems. I shrugged and said, "well it's this....boy." I lied. Derek runs his hand through his hair and sighs. "Boy troubles hu," he replied. "Yeah, I love him but he's...gay," I said softly. I was surprised when he burst out laughing. Like I told the funniest joke in the world. "Wow I cant believe you fell for a homo, that's hilarious! Girl your gay-dar is broken as fuck," Derek said trying to stop laughing. "Even though I knew talking to him was pointless I kept going. I could have been mad but what's the use. If I get too defensive he'll figure out my secret.

"I knew him since we were kids. He's my best friend. I wanted to so badly tell him I loved him. Then today he called me homophobic. I got angry. I should have just talked to him," I said depressingly." "Hey since there is no way in hell he'd love you why not go out with me," he smirked putting his arm around my shoulders. Those words stung. Though he was right... she may not ever love me the way I love her, but I still do...

"I can't, I love him. I'd do anything for him. Even if they reject me, I can't hate them for something that isn't their fault. I can't be mad," I said brushing his hand off. "Fine go after that homo, waste of time," he said annoyed as he got up. "No it's not!" I snapped standing up and he was surprised. I looked him in the eyes and continued. "Spending time with someone you love is never a waste of time, even if they don't feel the same way. I'm ok with just being her best friend. The longer I can have her in my life means the world to me!!!" I cried and ran toward the dorms. He stood there confused then rolls his eyes. "Whatever," he said before walking away.

I didn't stop running till I reached my dorm and I leaned on the wall to catch my breath. My chest hurt andI could barely breath. That's when I saw Lilith! "Raina!," she called jogging up to me. She reached me and put her hands on her knees to try to catch her breath. "I'm so sorry," Lilith said between her inhales. Before I could reply she held a folder in my face. "You finished it?" I said surprised opening it to see our finished paper. "Yeah it was my fault you got mad so I finish it for both of us," she said sweetly and I hugged her. "Thank you," I smiled. "No problem. I'm really am sorry. I shouldn't have said that even if I was joking. I hope you can forgive me," Lilith said as she hugged back. When we parted I smiled at her. "There is nothing in this world you could do to keep me from caring about you. I'll be by your side for ever," I replied as I reached into my pocket and I pulled out a packaged biscuit. She got excited when I handed it to her. "thanks Raina! I love you!" She giggled. "Yeah same here," I said softly enjoying her smile. I need to tell her...

I NEED TO TELL HER.

I can feel it bubbling up inside me.

I'm gay and I'm running out of fucking biscuits...