Birthday Present

It was a day well spent.

Parang buong araw akong walang iba ginawa kundi ang paulit-ulit na mamangha. Paulit-ulit na napupuno ang puso ko ng tuwa habang ibinabaon sa aking isipan ang lahat ng memoryang dala ng lugar na 'to.

Tobias and I visited some of the landmarks Vigan proudly offers. Living what I only have in my imagination, Señorito walked me along the Crisologo. He then took me to Chapel by the Ruins and Bantay Bell Tower. Sa sobrang enjoy ko sa nangyayari, hindi ko na namalayan ang mabilis na pagbaba ng araw.

It was my favorite time of the day... the golden hour.

It was the perfect hour to capture this magical moment of my life while riding a kalesa with the love of my life holding my hand.

"Feeling ko ilang araw kong mapapanaginipan ang bakasyon nating 'to," nangangarap kong sabi kay Señorito. "I feel extremely happy. Hindi ko na mahanap ang tamang salita na sasapat para ilarawan ang nararamdaman ko." Nakangiti ko siyang nilingon. "Ikaw ba, Señorito? Masaya ka ba?"

Tobias didn't look at me but, from his side, I was still able to see him smile. "I feel blissful. Everything about this trip was perfect."

Only then, he looked at me while wearing his beautiful smile.

"It wasn't just you, Tori." Muli niyang ibinaling ang kaniyang paningin sa aming harapan. "I have been wanting to visit this place. I want to feel its magic as I've been wanting to unveil how my parents found love in this place."

Naramdaman ko ang marahang pagpisil niya sa kamay ko kaya muli akong napabaling sa kaniya. He has this far away look in his eyes as if saving every detail of this place in his memory.

"But in the process of discovering my parent's story, I found mine." He looked at me again, still wearing his beautiful smile. "I fell in love again... with the same woman who first captured my heart."

Para akong isang lalagyang napuno ng kasiyahan nang makita ang maaliwalas niyang mga mata at ang lawak ng kaniyang ngiti. Kung gaano kailap ang ngiti ni Señorito noon, ay siya namang dalas nang pagngiti niya ngayon.

Hindi ko tuloy mapigilan ang aking sarili na mamangha habang pinagmamasdan siya. Even at this point in our lives, I still find it amazing to see him this free. Sobrang layo kasi sa isolated version niya noon.

Only if I could stop time for us to still be in this place for a long time, and for us not to return to our reality.

Kaso masyado iyong mapaghangad at isang bagay na imposibleng mangyari.

"Thank you for gifting me this trip, Señorito," sinserong pasasalamat ko sa kaniya. "Ikaw ang may birthday pero parang ako pa ang naregaluhan dahil sa pagpunta natin dito. Hanggang ngayon napapatanong pa rin ako kung totoo bang nandito na ako."

"You are indeed here, Tori. With me," he uttered sincerely.

"I wish I could reciprocate all you did to me through anything that would suffice for everything, but I don't think there would be any way possible to do that." I shook my head helplessly.

"Your presence in my life is more than enough, Tori," he answered sincerely.

A huge lump formed in my throat. Para akong sinakal sa mga huling naging salita ni Señorito at para akong sinampal ng reyalidad ng mga pangakong hindi ko alam kung may tyansa bang magkakatotoo.

At the back of my mind I was shouting promises for him. Promises of not leaving him, being with him, and looking forward to the coming days shared with him. But those remained silent whispers in reality... never spoken and never heard by him.

Dahil ang totoo, hindi ako sigurado. Wala akong lakas ng loob na sumugal sa isang bagay na hindi siguradong panalo. At takot akong paniwalain ang sarili ko na magtatagal iyon hanggang dulo.

As much as staying in his life was my dear prayer, I know that doing so would only cause him a bright future of a perfectly normal family.

"Paano... paano kung—" Malalim akong huminga nang maramdamang hindi ko na magawang ituloy ang sasabihin ko dahil sa bara sa aking lalamunan. Pinanatili kong diretso ang aking tingin bago nagpatuloy, "—magising ka na lang isang araw wala na pala ako?"

Magagalit ka ba?

Patatawarin mo ba ako?

Those were just some of the questions currently running in my head as I wait for his answer. I didn't intend to spoil the mood, but I also couldn't help but ask.

"Hmm, I don't know," he answered truthfully. "I don't even want to feed my mind with such thoughts."

"Who knows, Señorito? Wala namang kasiguraduhan ang mundo," wika ko.

Marahan niya akong binalingan at nginitian. "I started loving you with fear, and maybe I would have to live through it until God knows when."

"Takot? Anong klaseng takot?" paghingi ko ng linaw.

Doon siya nag-iwas ng tingin sa akin. Pinanatili niyang nakadiretso ang kaniyang paningin na para bang kinakausap ang hangin. "Takot na mawala ka."

Naestatwa ako, ngunit ang ingay ng puso ko ay mas lalo lamang lumalakas sa bawat segundo. Para akong nakulong sa isang bula kung saan kasama ko siya't may sarili kaming mundo. Isang mundo kung saan ang tibok ng puso ko lang ang ingay na nagsisilbing musika ng kaniyang kuwento.

"I grew to have this feeling that what I feel would not be enough to soothe your fear. You have zero confidence in yourself that everything I say turns to meaningless words for you not to believe them." He smiled, a bitter one as it didn't even reach his eyes. "That's why I chose not to, and I don't want to, overthink for I know that it would only make me a coward. This moment, Tori, is much more important than what my future could be. I live in the moment. I am happy now, that's all that matters."

Does he not fear getting hurt?

I mentally shook my head. Sobrang magkaiba kaming dalawa. And how I wish I could have the same mindset as him. Ang sarap at ang gaan siguro sa pakiramdam.

"I'll work hard, Señorito," I uttered with my voice filled with promise. "I'll try my best not to live with doubt. Sususbukan ko huwag mag-overthink. Sisikapin ko ring buuin iyong kumpiyansa ko sa aking sarili. That way I'll live a better life, right?"

Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya habang may ngiti sa mga labi. Those words didn't sound forced nor were lies. Totoong gusto kong subukan na huwag mabuhay na puno ng takot tungkol sa mga bagay na hindi naman mahalaga.

I want to go easy on myself.

I want to try to live my life for myself.

Maybe only then, it would hurt less thinking that I have dwarfism.

I don't want to fall in love miserably just because there's something different about me.

That would be too cruel for myself.

A proud smile crept into his lips. "That's my woman right there," Tobias proudly said.

Oh, to live a life with peace worrying about nothing and just spending the days just being with him.

"What's next for us, Señorito?" I asked. "I mean, where are we going next?"

"Plaza Salcedo, the dancing fountain's about to start," he answered.

"Nandito na ho tayo," imporma ng nagmamaneobra ng kalesa.

"Salamat, boss," pasasalamat ni Señorito.

Nauna siyang bumaba sa kalesa, habang ako ay tahimik lang na nanonood sa kaniya. Matapos ay binalingan niya ako para tulungan. Akala ko nga ay simpleng pag-abot ng kamay lamang ang gagawin niya para makababa ako, ngunit sa pagkagulat ko ay pumorma siyang tila ba bubuhatin ako pababa.

Nanlalaki ang mga mata na tiningnan ko siya matapos ay umiling bilang pagtanggi. Nilingon ko pa ang paligid ko upang masigurong hindi kami tinitingnan ng mga tao. Pero naroon na ang ilang pares ng mga matang sumusunod ng tingin sa amin.

"Nakakahiya, Señorito," bulong ko sa kaniya.

Mahina siyang natawa habang hindi pa rin ibinababa ang dalawang kamay. "Come on, Tori. I'm just helping you, alright?"

"Helping me by carrying me?" I asked in disbelief.

"Yes," he answered immediately. "I'll carry you."

Uminit ng husto ang mukha ko ngunit hindi na rin tumanggi pa. What choice do I have? Eh, hindi ko naman kasi abot ang sahig kaya paano ako bababa in the first place?

The cold afternoon wind brushed against my skin when Señorito held me on my waist to lift me up. I know that in reality, it was just a split second, but it felt like long minutes had gone by.

Maybe what they say was real, that in your best moment, you'll see a glimpse of your past memories. Or maybe it was just me, because Señorito was the man I am sharing this moment with.

Images of the first day I met him flashed in my mind as I was looking at him smiling subtly at me. From the very first day our eyes met up to those moments I hid behind the wall to steal glances of him. From our first conversations, first movie marathon, first dinner, and all the first I shared with him... everything magically flashed before my eyes.

Am I dying? Perhaps, the love I have for him was too deep for me to have these thoughts?

Tobias effortlessly assisted me off the carriage but didn't immediately let go of me. Instead, he held me in my hand tightly as if having no intention of letting go. "I love you, Torianna," he uttered to me sincerely.

Kusang umukit ang sinsero at masayang ngiti sa mga labi ko. "Para ka pa ring pangarap na malabong magkatotoo, Señorito. Ang hirap paniwalaan na naririnig ko ang mga ganiyang klaseng salita mula sa iyo mismo."

"Only if I was braver enough to say those words way earlier than yesterday, but I was too scared of your rejection. Kung nagawa ko lang siguro iyon, baka hindi mo na pinagdududahan pa ang sarili mo. Dapat ipinaramdam ko sa iyo iyong importansyang mayroon ka sa buhay ko." Tobias' smile turned into a grimace. "It's always the first try that's hard to do. But now? Kahit saan at kahit kailan, handa akong ipagsigawan kung gaano kalalim ang pagmamahal na mayroon ako para sa iyo, Tori."

Nawalan ako ng kakayahan na magsalita para sagutin ang kaniyang naging pahayag. Nauwi sa debate ang isip ko, kung mamangha ba ako sa tatas ng kaniyang pagtatagalog o ang mababaliw dahil malinaw kong naririnig at naiintindihan ang kaniyang mga salita.

Tuloy, wala akong ibang magawa kung ang magpatangay na lamang nang magpatiuna siya sa paglalakad. Para akong naiwan sa isang gising na panaginip, inaalisan ako ng kakayahang maintindihan ang nangyayari sa aking paligid. Hindi ko tuloy namalayan na narating na pala namin ang destinasyon namin.

We were standing meters away from the fountain itself. A number of people were also scattered all over the place, waiting for the masterpiece to start. The peace and quietness of the place allowed me to have quite some time to think about things that were floating leisurely in my mind.

"There's no point regretting things you haven't done," I whispered through the wind with a voice that was loud enough for him to hear. "Wala, eh, tapos na. Kahit naman magsisi ka, hindi mo na maibabalik iyong oras. What's important is your present as what you have said, the things you have right now."

"Just like how I have you right now?" he asked in a statement-of-fact voice.

My smile was my reply to him, not saying any words as they had already ran out.

Moments later, bright colorful lights filled the darkness of the place. I was in awe, touched, and conflicted all at the same time. As fancy as the fountain dances, the awe of appreciation of those people watching followed along the music playing in the background.

Only I couldn't follow along.

Masyado akong kinakabahan para sa susunod kong gagawin.

"Tobias," mahina kong sambit sa pangalan niya.

I felt him stilled and slowly panned his head towards my direction. "What did you just call me?" he asked in disbelief.

Hindi ako sumagot. Tahimik kong kinalma ang unti-unting nabubuhay na kaba sa puso ko. Pasimple akong humugot ng malalim na hinginga habang dahan-dahang pinupuno ng tapang ang loob ko.

This moment just felt like the right time to give him my present for his birthday. Pakiramdam ko, kung hindi ko pa ibibigay ngayon ay mawawalan na ako ng susunod pang pagkakataon.

Mula sa loob ng kamisetang aking suot, inilabas ko ang aking kwintas. Tinanggal ko ang pagkakasuot no'n sa akin upang paghiwalayin ang chain sa mismong singsing na ginawang kong pendant no'n.

"Can I have your hand?" I asked him with a smile. Walang kontrang inilahad naman niya sa akin ang kaniyang kamay.

With one final deep sigh, I looked up to him with a smile. Just then, the light went even brighter in different hues. It was like a scene straight out of a movie where everything else beside us went blurry.

"Happy birthday, Tobias," mahinang bati ko matapos ay inilagay sa nakalahad niyang kamay ang singsing.

Sinundan niya iyon ng tingin at tinitingan sa loob ng mahabang segundo, umabot pa nga yata ng minuto. All the while that I was standing there and waiting for his response, my mind went blank thinking of how he would possibly react.

I am well aware that he lives a life closely exposed to jewelry, and it was a great challenge for me to give him something he doesn't even need. Pero sa ilang buwang pag-iisip ko ng mga maaaring ipangregalo sa kaniya, iyon ang palaging laman ng aking isip.

"I know, there's a bunch of rings with much better designs at Ramiscal's. I also know that design wise, it doesn't look appealing and it looks childish." Napangiwi ako habang tinitingnan ang disenyo no'n. "But hopefully, you'll appreciate it. I worked hard completing that for months."

It was a ring I designed myself. Actually, tulad nang sabi ko sa kaniya, parang bata ang nagdisenyo no'n base sa standards ko at kung ikukumpara sa mga nakikita kong disenyo sa Ramiscal's.

But thinking about Tobias as I sketch every detail of it made me feel like it was the best representation of him. It was a centimeter and a half in width. May manipis na pahabang linya sa gitna kung saan naka-engrave ang pangalan ko. But I doubt he would notice that, sobrang liit na kasi no'n. Sinadiya ko iyon para hindi niya agad makita, but I know for sure na sooner or later ay mababasa rin niya iyon.

The rest remains simple in terms of design. May maninipis na linya na nakapaikot sa buong band. All of those strings were connected on the center spine.

"It's a book," he uttered, sounding absentmindedly.

Bahagyang nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa narinig ko mula sa kaniya. "Paano mo nalaman?" manghang tanong ko.

"Because it looks so much like it, Toriana," he proudly complimented.

Hindi ko na nagawang pigilan pa ang pagsupil ng ngiti sa mga labi ko dahil doon. I was doubting if he would even recognize what the design was. Sobrang unpolished kasi ng disenyo no'n, and knowing how meticulous he is when it comes to matters like this puts me in so much dilemma on how I should give it to him and how he would appreciate it.

Kaya sobrang nakakamangha para sa akin na makakuha ng ganitong klaseng reaksyon mula sa kaniya. It made all the efforts I put into crafting it worthwhile. His words were like a pat on my shoulders for a job well done.

"Ang hirap mong regaluhan sa totoo lang," pagbasag ko sa panandaliang katahimikang yumakap sa aming dalawa. "You already have everything in your life, from all the necessities, brilliants, and luxuries. But through all those years that I spent with you, I noticed that you rarely wear any jewelry besides the one Donya Margarita gifted you."

I was referring to the necklace his late Mom gave her. May pendant iyon na puwedeng lagyan ng litrato sa loob. Kakatwang negosyo nila ang pagbebenta ng dyamante at ginto pero madalang mo lang siyang magsuot ng gano'n.

Kahit nga sa mga engrandeng okasyon ay hindi mo siya makikitang nakasuot ng makikinang na ginto, tanging relo at ang kwintas lang. Kaya iyon ang naisip kong iregalo sa kaniya. At sobrang nakakataba ng puso na nagustuhan niya.

"Wala rin naman akong mapagtanungan at mahingan ng opinyon dahil wala akong kaibigan, ikaw lang. Then this idea popped in my mind." Napangiti ako nang matitigang muli ang singsing na regalo ko. "I tried to make it myself, kaso hindi ko kinaya. I sought Don Emmanuel's help. Thank God, he gladly agreed to lend me a hand." Nag-angat ako ng tingin sa kaniya para lamang mahuli siyang nakatitig pa rin doon. "Sana nagustuhan mo, Señorito," umaasa kong bulong.

"I love it. Thank you, Tori." Tobias lowered himself and knelt with one knee touching the asphalt road. "This is the best present I received next to you."

I couldn't help but blush at his words, na mas lalo pang lumala nang hawakan niya ang gilid ng pisngi ko.

Sa ganoong kalapit na distansya ay nagawa kong matitigan ng matagal ang kaniyang mga mata. I was able to see how it was filled with emotions and how all of those danced in his eyes.

Time stopped... at least for us.

That moment that had passed in slow speed, nothing else mattered to me but him and our moment.

"Happy birthday, Señorito," muling bati ko gamit ang mas emosyonal na boses.

Señorito Tobias flashed me a genuine smile that made my heart beat at a crazy speed, to the point of making my chest ache for pain. I rummaged through my brain to find the right term to describe how it affected me... but nothing came to my mind.

It just felt... different.

It was like a new emotion that has been unlocked, something new, and something I felt for the first time.

It goes beyond the feeling of love. It's making my heart ache for all the good reasons. It's making me feel pain as I am afraid it might stop any moment.

Maybe I just love him so much that it hurts.

"Thank you, Torianna." Tobias rubbed my cheek softly using his thumb. "And I love you 'til death."

Slowly, I closed my eyes as his figure shadowed over me when he came close inch by inch.

With a smile on my face, I reciprocated his touch on my face by holding his hand. His breath fanned the top of my head as he finally closed the distance between us when he planted a soft kiss on my forehead.

The next thing I knew, magic happened as I felt a cold and hard object slid through my ring finger.

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A/N: Happy 2 years noon 11:11, A Four Feet Conqueror! Thank you so much po sa suporta niya sa story ni Tori at Tobias kahit matagal ang update. I truly appreciate each of you!

I hope this chapter made you smile! Thank you! God bless!

- with endless love and appreciation,

aerasyne (11.19.2023 | 12:21 PM)