Uzui goes to his wives for advice and the Hashira talk about one of Tomioka's notoriously bad habits, Uzui, and his wives also decide what their next course of action will be.

WARNING: Mentions of suicide and Uzui not having the best opinion on that subject matter, also slight eating disorders.

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Uzui knows sounds. He's the Lord of Sound!

Which is why something about this isn't sounding fucking right.

So when he can't figure it out and he knows he isn't going to get much but vicariously derived answers from the other Pillars he goes to those opinions he trusts above them all:

His wives.

His beautiful, ethereal wives.

Hinatsuru, Makio, and Suma, his beautiful, flamboyant, and kind wives.

God does the thought of them make his heart want to simply burst, the love he has for them is hard to even put into words, it makes him want to sing from the rooftops about how much he loves them but even that wouldn't be enough. He trusts them all with his life; they do the same in return for him, and he couldn't be any more grateful for it.

Tengen trust them, but initially, he hadn't planned to get them involved in his friend's little exploits around a certain pillar, what he expected to be nothing less than a momentary drivel that has now turned into something more. As much as he's sure his wives would love to be involved in these kinds of things- they were always so interested in what his jobs entailed- there are some things he'd rather not burden them with, that would be situations like these.

The thing is he knows Tomioka is an utterly hopeless case. Men like him are bound to die either by their own hands or someone else's. If Tomioka is going to go out there and kill himself then he won't stop him, he probably won't even be able to the man is notoriously stubborn. Sure, he'll feel bad about it, maybe a little numb but if he can't get past his own past as everyone else did, if he can't get over himself then maybe he's just better left off dead. Besides maybe if he actually talked about his issues, this wouldn't be a problem.

Uzui is sure Rengoku would happily abide his services if he needed a shoulder, the same with Himejima, and Kanroji, maybe even Kocho, so if the man doesn't want to talk about his issues then that's his own problem. Yet here he is trying to figure out a way to get him to admit to those problems even with how disturbing they might end up being.

God the things he does for this organization are unparallel to how much he gets paid for working in it. And now he's dragging his wives into this ordeal as well. God, he should get paid for trying to help this man, he didn't come here to be some ordinary guy's therapist, and neither did any of them yet here he is being forced into it because he respects his boss too much to say no to them.

God this is fucking- "Um, hon?"

To say he jumps out of his seat would be an understatement because he quite literally almost does exactly that along with more. By the time he settles himself back down he takes notice that all three of his wives are now looking at him, wide-eyed, one in the middle of chewing while the others were just about to pick up their food.

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No one exchanges much of a word until Hina lays her hand on his shoulder, her eyes soft and kind as she peers up at him. "Did something happen on that mission that's got you such on edge lately?" He can only shake his head, not knowing why such a reaction was spurred out of him.

Before he knows it Makio's hand is on top of his, Suma's arm slips around the crook of his elbow and they're all staring at him. "T... Then what's wrong?"

"Just... Thinking y'know?"

"Thinking about what?" Yeah, he's not getting out of this one.

Uzui sighed, laying his forehead on his knuckles before sitting up and letting his elbows rest on his knees as he tries his best to come up with a way to explain any of this. "So like... You know how there's like multiple hashira in the organization?" The woman nods along but it's Hina who pipes up with a response. "Are you interested in one of them?"

Does he want to- ? He's never had a more visceral reaction to an idea in his life. And he's been alive for 23 years! Way long than most of the hashira in the corps have been alive- with exception of Himejima. "No! God no I- god no, not the one I'm thinking about- hell no."

"I just-" God, the pure implication that he was interested in Tomioka fucking Giyuu had gotten him flabbergasted beyond belief, never in a million years would he ever think of doing something like that. Ever. 

"No, just NO."

Hina shrugs without much care which is when his other wife pipes up. "What's 'e look like?" With a huff, he has to dig the picture out of his pocket- a picture he never thought he'd have- and smooths it out for the ladies. 

"Looks' like Suma but as a man," Makio tells him as he shows the three a picture of him, a mouthful of food but still as blunt as ever. This in turn gets a response of agreement between the three as they converse between themselves. It's then he realizes that this situation has gone widely out of his control with the next question Suma asks him. 

"Am I a pretty man?" With big sapphire eyes glimmering with tears, lip quivering into a pout, and an expression he wants to kiss off her beautiful face, he nods his head, unwilling to relent the information that appearances aside, Tomioka is absolutely unfuckable. "Gorgeous,"

Then again, he's never seen the man with his hair down so that could always change.

Hina looks over Makio's shoulder again and then up at Suma then back at the picture then back at her. "Are you sure you don't have a brother Su-su? You two look remarkably similar,"

If he looks anything like Suma when he has his hair down that means he's probably fuckable- wait hold on, now is not the moment to think about this, this is supposed to be serious...

But he does wonder- God does he hate his mind sometimes, now he's curious. Well, it was about time he held out his idea on how to get closer to the man, and what better way to do it than to get his wives opinions on it?

"Yeah, about this remarkable similar man," He flips the photo around and lies it face down at the table, Hina and Suma give it a spare glance before looking back at him. "I was thinking of bringing him out to eat somewhere one day but he's stubborn as hell and I've been occupying my mind with that mostly." A half-lie but the truth nonetheless.

"Have you thought of taking him to the festival that's happening nearby at the end of this week?" Hina asked as helpful as ever.

"Well- Hey! That festival was for me and you all! Not for him!" 

"Well this would be the best place to go eat, they have all kinds of foods there you can try and eat."

"Don't worry about us, you can take us to the next one,"

"Y... Yeah! B-besides you need to take a b-break every once and a while."

With their words, Uzui can't find it in his heart to argue with them, not after how helpful they've always been to him. 

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"You better pay if you order anything 'cause I sure as hell am not." Is the first thing Shinazugawa says upon the suggestion given to them all meeting once more. 

"While I'm not opposed to going to a festival, I don't think this is going to work." Rengoku of all people added on with a slightly sympathetic look, blunt with his point as usual. 

"Well, the idea wasn't to bring him to a festival originally, buutttt, my wives came up with the idea, and y'know, not gonna argue with them about it." Despite how much he wants to argue that the festival was for them and them only not Tomioka but fine. Those three were lucky he loved them so SO much and held them so dearly.

God he loved his wives. 

"And who is to say this is going to even work? He might just say no and leave like usual," And Iguro has a good point with that, but what he doesn't consider is who came up with this plan, and who they're dealing with.

Uzui. They're dealing with Uzui.

"Easy, force. Next question," He gets a resounding silence as his response but he's okay.

Some people's brains aren't like his and that's okay, he's accepted that some people aren't as cool as him. 

"Alright, I'm leaving this is a waste of time," From where he lounged, Shinazugawa got up in one motion, a few other of the hashira following. Against his better judgment, Uzui stood in the way of the door, making a large gesture for them all to settle back in their seats.

"No, this is a great idea! I- sit back down Shinazugawa, I'm not done yet!" Begrudgingly, the wind hashira did exactly that. 

Widely gesturing with a similar grin, Tengen continued on. "Now, as I was saying, it's a great idea, and your all coming, whether you like it or not you are. Because so is Tomioka and I'm personally making sure of that, I will drag him there if I have to, dead or alive." From the grimace he got from both Kanroji and Rengoku, maybe he was taking this a little too personal.

But all was fair in love and war baby and this was no different. 

"Uh... Uzui..." Sharply turning so fast it should have given him whiplash, he turned his body towards the eldest hashira wearing a somewhat insane grin on his face. "Yeah Himejima? Got somethin' you need to add or do we all understand the plan?" From the look on the man's face it was the exact opposite. 

"Well... While it isn't related to what you're talking about, I do think it should be mentioned." Folding his arms over his chest, the sound hashira let out a small 'uh-huh', urging him on.

"I don't wish to come to conclusion and such, especially when it comes to one of our own but... This situation worries me greatly."

"It really worries you that much?" Mitsuri asked and the older man only nodded.

"And I know that it's not good to speculate on these things, especially if it's what I think it is but this problem seems to be more wide range than I thought." The older man tilted his head to the side only a few inches, his expression solemn. "If this situation gets worse then it deserves an intervention, whether it be with Oyakata-sama or his own Sensei."

"Kocho," He looked over at her, if not directly in her eyes if he could; she felt herself freeze up underneath it. "keep an eye on him would you? It's wrong to let a Corps., member suffer in silence." Stiffly she nodded.

"So you're just not going to tell us?" Shinazugawa asked as he languidly leaned back in his seat, his expression was stern, curling into one of annoyance. Honestly, Uzui wasn't even sure why he was here or why he even attended these little meetings of theirs in the first place. The Wind Hashira didn't care about Tomioka in the slightest, and to be honest, he didn't really either but there was still that nagging curiosity of his that wouldn't let this situation go and he wanted to genuinely find out more about the man.

But Shinazugawa was only doing this because Oyakata-sama asked them to, kind of like Obanai except he was only doing it for Kanroji, although, she was quite a cutie so he could see his motivation behind why he did so. Still, Shinzaugawa only did it because he was a suck-up and would probably never even help them in the slightest if only a tiny amount. At least he's actually trying even though he doesn't care that much about the man!

But despite this obvious fact to all of them but the people it applies to themselves, Himejima continues on in slightly better spirits. "Unless it comes to the time where intervention is needed then I'm afraid I can't, it's simply not my place to tell you." Kocho nodded in agreement with the older man's statement, her smile growing more warm and more pleasant with the words spoken.

"Indeed, now, I believe we came here for a point, remember?" Eagerly, the Love and Flame Hashira nodded along with her words, "Yes yes!" Mitusuri exclaimed, her voice radiating her excitement.

"Now as I was trying to say earlier, I think the best approach to this situation, or at least helping Tomioka to an extent would be to break some of his bad habits, specifically his eating one."

"What? Does he eat like trashy food or some shit like that? I don't see how that's my problem,"

"I'm not quite following either," In his confusion, the Flame Hashira tilted his head laying his hand on his cheek.

"Well, I know that this doesn't sound like the most important one to start with but- and Uzui-san can vouch for me on it- the long-term problems behind it worry me. I'm assuming that this has gone on a long time since it'd be strange for it to just suddenly start now but-"

"What Kocho is trying to say is Tomioka eats way too fast and it's bad for his health."

Her tone slightly spiteful, she nodded along. "Well not how I would put it but yes, that is essentially what I'm trying to say. Worryingly so,"

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"And?"

"What do you mean 'and'?"

"He eats fast, so what? So does Rengoku like it's not a big deal,"

"I understand that but-"

"He's not even like actually chewing it, like swallowing in one go which is impressive in its own right when you consider it, makes me wonder-"

"Uzui-san."

"Right, but like, yeah, it's like Rengoku but worse somehow, and adding on some health problems with that."

"Like choking, digestive issues, and risk to the production of insulin, and long-term health issues. And that's not even mentioning how it can disconnect you from your own senses on whether or not you're hungry or full so you can go days without realizing you haven't eaten or you can eat for days and not feel a thing about it. You'll just be relying on your own emotions on whether or not you should eat."

"...There's really all those health risks?" Kanroji's voice was timid and quiet, barely edging on a whisper.

"And maybe even more that haven't been medically discovered that's why I think it's best to start with this one, even if it's not showing our concerns in the utmost ways, it won't do us any good if Tomioka-san is dead before we can do anything else." Her only response to the full explanation of the matter was silence.

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"So he inhales his food, yeah?" Uzui spoke up, Kocho just nodded at him watching as a broad grin stretched across his face.

"...Now I wanna see how he eats a banana," Uzui drawled as he leaned on the palm of his hand, ignoring the pointed glare Kocho directed at him.

"Uzui-san I'm going to pop you,"

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It's over the next dinner he brings up his discoveries with them once more. But it's the response he gets that he doesn't quite like considering how much he ranted to them about the man.

"I think you all should be more considerate towards him," Hina hastily said, gaining a quirk of the brow from her husband. "Huh? Why so? Even after how horrible he's been to the rest of us?"

"Well... When you put it that way it sounds bad I just think... Maybe there's something else going on, how about you consider things from his point of view?"

"That he thinks he's better than all of us and can do what he wants and we're not worth his time?" He deadpanned, lips pressed into a thin line.

"Well- no! Not like that I just..." Her eyes briefly flickered away before settling back on him with a careful stare. "What if... It's not that? "

"I'm afraid I don't understand what your sayin' Hina,"

"What if he... What if Tomioka isn't just a... Arrogant asshole as you describe it, what if he's just awkward?"

"Awkward?" The Sound Hashira echoed with his brow raised, with a shy smile she nodded.

"Yes, or he could carry a weight of some kind on his shoulders, like you said he's always been like this maybe something happened to him to make him act like it. You weren't always as flashy as you were today, maybe something similar happened to him and had the exact opposite effect?"

She shifted in her seat as she was thinking. "It's just a thought, but I think it's something to ponder. Maybe you could look into it in your free time." Then she got back to eating her food as if the thought never even occurred to her in the first place.

It's at this point Tengen mulls over everything she's had to say, it's a new perspective on things he didn't think about. And now that his thinking about it he can't help but wonder why he didn't think about it before; and to think, those psychology books he borrowed from Kanroji didn't help him much when it came to an understanding of the human mind better, or at least his own. But nevertheless, this gives him an idea, and his wife's words give him more than enough inspiration to build on.

This is going to be perfect.

"What do you all say to meeting him one day?"

A/N: Uzui has to be the funnest character to write when it comes to his banter, he's very cool.