With Uzui's disastrous attempts at bringing Tomioka here having other unaccounted-for side effects, Himejima takes matters into his own hands and reaches out a helping one. 

A/N: WARNING: Vomiting, blood, and descriptions of a corpse or a dismembered one.

-linebreak-

Like too many nightmares, it began with his sister.

They never strayed that far from the event at how, never exaggerated how it played out, if anything it was more a flashback than a nightmare, but reliving it in full and instead of flashes was the scariest part of it.

The night started out with him asleep to the sounds of the old heater running on its last leg, it was loud, coughing and wheezing every second but it never did disturb him too much. He liked the noise, it was comforting in its own right he could never go to sleep without it. He's dragged from whatever pointless and long-forgotten dream he was already having by the soft but urgent tone of his sister coaxing him awake. Her expression was a rueful one, the corner of her eyes glimmering with unshed tears.

"Wha... What's up?..." He thinks he rubs his eyes as he looks up at her, confused, it was so late at night. 

"What do you say we play a game?" Giyuu stared up at her, tilting his head to the side yet she offered no explanation but quietly dragged him along and brought him to a nearby oish-ire, sliding the clothes aside and carefully slotting him in there, then shielding him with the clothes on the hanger. He blinked at her confused but said nothing. She kneeled behind him, gripping his hands, he didn't notice at the time but they were shaking.

"Right here in this oshi-ire, I need you to stay very quiet and stay very still till someone from the village comes to find you." He cocked his head to the side, hanging on to her every word. "Like hide and seek?" She nodded curtly, briefly glancing back before looking back at him and clapping her hands together. "Exactly like that! Oh, this'll be so much fun."

She smiled at him, eyes briefly fluttering closed as the unshed tears dripped from her eyes. She wiped them away with her slender fingers, letting out a- at the time he hadn't realized it- hollow laugh, peering down at him through her eyelashes. "They're because I'm happy, I can hardly believe that I'll be married tomorrow." He hugged her but she pushed him away and started to- hurriedly- take off her haori and wrap it around him, sliding the ring off her finger and giving it to him with haste. 

His tiny hands clutched the ring to his chest, her haori weighing him down. "You keep it," She insisted when he pushed it back in her hands. "so they'll have the incentive to find you, plus, practice for being the ring bearer." He nodded at her watching as she looked back and with haste she pulled him into a tight hug, her voice trembling.

"I love you so much Giyuu, I'm so glad I got to spend my life as your sister." He hugged her back, feeling tears stream down his cheek. "I love you too Tsu-Tsu," She sniffled and pulled away patting his shoulder and gently maneuvering him farther into the oshi-ire, she leaned forward and kiss his forehead gently. 

"Don't move from that spot okay? And stay very quiet." He nodded at her and his sister smiled, smiling with a smile that was as bright as the sun. "I love you Yuu-san,"

"I love you too Tsu-nee," Tears slipped down her cheeks, and she quietly closed the door until all he could see was darkness, complete and pure darkness. 

Giyuu pressed himself further into the corner, not being able to help the whimper that slipped from his lips. He mentally degraded himself for making a single noise and clapped a hand over his mouth. After that, the silence dragged on and it felt like a lifetime until there was another noise.

Screaming.

Blood-curdling screams. Screams of terror. Screams of pain. Screams that'd haunt him for all his years.

He almost screamed himself but instead let tears of terror drip down his face. 

What was going on?! He should leave but Tsu-nee told him not to and... She knows best, she wouldn't lie.

So he stayed there, he stayed, stayed quiet, shaking like a leaf as tears streamed down his face but he didn't make a single sound. But he was curious, so he moved and peeked through the closet door. He'd never forget what he saw.

It was a monster- no a demon!- that was standing outside, back turned towards him but that changed nothing. Its spine was made of spikes, bones engorging out of its skin into spikes, dried blood all over its body, staining the torn shreds of clothes it wore. There were odd patterns on its skin, it looked furry in some parts, and it held the shape of a bear, a plump figure not a skin one. Its hair was long and greasy, spurting from the things hair in thin black threads, and its eyes.

Oh God, it's eyes. They were bloodshot with blackness, pupils constricting, it looked like layers of light and dark folding in on each other, and that's not even mentioning the rest of its face. The thing's jaw was unhinged, a rim of dried blood around its mouth on its sharp teeth, saliva, and blood dripping from it. He'd never forget that face. 

Never. 

Careful, not to make a single sound he slid the door close and pressed himself into the back wall, biting onto his hand so no noise escaped his lips, letting silent tears roll down his cheeks, slowly rocking himself back and forth.

It's okay it's okay it's okay, he did his best to convince himself, you didn't see Tsu-nee, she's okay, it means she's okay. She probably hid too. Tsu-nee is okay, she's okay, yet that feeling of trepidation boiling in the bit of his stomach didn't go away, even after loud booming footsteps foretold the demon's escape. He didn't hear many things after that, the destruction of wooden boards and the roaring of a monster, despite all that he stayed quiet no matter what.

It felt like forever, two lifetimes, but eventually, voices came, screaming, yelling for someone, anyone to answer, they were desperate and frantic but he said nothing. What if what was making that noise was still out there? He didn't even recognize their voices; he wasn't sure what to do. So he did what his sister told him, he stayed quiet, he stayed still and he waited for someone to find him.

Giyuu hears people disturb the room his in, there's crying, and he doesn't understand he doesn't what's going on. Why are they crying? Did they hear it too? Did they see it too? They had to see it to it couldn't have just been him, it couldn't! 

Carefully pushing the clothing aside, wrapping himself carefully in his sister's crimson haori he very carefully opened the oshi-ire's door and slid himself out. There were so many people in there, looming over him with sunken faces, shallow and blurry. They stared at him with judgment in their eyes, hugging him as they cried tears of acid onto him, it burned, it all burned so much.

What was going on?

There were murmurs and whispers as they lead him along, people shaking their heads and some lowering their hats. The house was a mess, destroyed so heavily and a thick iron scent along with burgundy liquid stained every room. Blissfully unaware, Giyuu asked about his sister, and the mood and tension worsened. Their hatred and judgment of him worsened. 

They led him to what remained of her, blood stained the floor and thickly seeped through the boards. There were clumps in the blood, torn chunks of the scalp with some of the hair still attached, there were bones, broken with flesh still stuck to it, and soaked piece of fabric that was ripped to shreds laying all around the room. It was disgusting, it was scary and it hurt to see. It made him dizzy with mind numbing nausea and he wanted to throw up, he was going to throw up, but he couldn't look away, and before he knew it, he-

Giyuu woke up choking on his own spit.

Instantly he lurched for the waste basket near the other side of the room, his legs catching in the blanket and hitting the floor with a loud 'thump!'. His mind swirled with nausea and panic, vertigo threw in because life hated him. He staggered towards it, covering his mouth as he almost blindly reached for the trash can.

Giyuu managed to grab the basket just in time, the last thing he wanted was to hassle anyone else, he already irked Uzui, there was no need to inconvenience a blind man by throwing up on his floor, that was just too much, and too embarrassing, and shameful as well. This entire ordeal was shameful, he was already a burden to the organization as it was, someone undeserving of the position of a Hashira having it, undeserving of any of the kindness he was shown getting that he didn't deserve any of the chances they gave him.

He had already messed up the event they planned by overreacting when Uzui picked him up, he threw up right after attacking him, then he fell asleep in the middle of it, and now he's throwing up right after a nightmare. He's burdening them, ruining everything, he's so weak, so pathetic, he doesn't deserve any of this care.

They'll know, they'll know as soon as they come by to check on him like this, they'll realize how weak he is and tell Oyakata-sama who in turn realizes this and ask him to resign. He won't be blunt, he's too kind about it to be blunt, he'll word it very carefully, tell him he should take a break, and he'll strip him of his position, the undeserving position he had somehow gotten. As much as he wishes for them to do what they've been putting off for so long, the fear of being known is much more terrifying than not.

The added stress makes the feeling that he's going to throw up turn into him actually throwing up. Gripping the edges of the basket until his knuckles turn white he coughs and gags until salvia is falling from his mouth and then bile. There was hardly anything left to throw up, his stomach was achingly empty, it wasn't even food he was throwing up, it was water. Everything hurt so much. He was just gasping for air at this point, coughing up his saliva. 

"There there, get it all out," Digits spread across his back and rub warm circles into his back, another hand holding his hair back. He hadn't known his hair had come undone. But that voice was... Familiar and close. 

They found him.

They found out. 

Rengoku found out. But would he tell? He was a kind man, he talked to him, in fact, he liked it when the man took time out of his day to talk to someone as horrible as him even if he didn't deserve it. He would tell Oyakata-sama not because he wanted to get him in trouble but because he was concerned. But his concern was misplaced and because of that concern, they'd get rid of him.

No no no. He didn't want to leave this was all he had. He couldn't go back to the days when he was barely scraping by. Where he didn't have anything. He didn't have a house, he didn't have money, he had nothing.

He couldn't. And he wasn't going to let Rengoku get in the way of that. 

"Get... Get out..." Giyuu barely managed to huff out, struggling to catch his breath. "Tomioka, I don't think your-"

"Get out."

"Tomioka-"

"Get out!" Rengoku couldn't help but flinch at the tone, at the loudness of his voice and... And the desperation in it... He had never... He thought he would never see the so desperate to be alone, and so angry at the same time. But who was he to hinder or impede on the man's wishes?

With a sigh, Rengoku got up and forced him to look away. "There's food nearby your bed, eat it when you can stomach it." He muttered, then turned his back to him and left, the shoji door closing behind him with a thunk.

Giyuu let out a mix between a huff and a groan he wiped his mouth with his sleeve as he heaved out heavy breath after heavy breath. He was so tired. 

Gripping tightly at the fabric of his clothing, he contemplated laying right next to the waste basket on the cold floor, he could fall asleep there he wouldn't have that much trouble, after all, it wouldn't have been the first time he had done so and he always had his doubt that it would be the last. But the futon was so close even if the ground was right here. 

Steadying himself, he crawled over to his futon, stripping it of the kakebuton before throwing it over himself, wrapping it around him like a cocoon as he curled into a ball.

Giyuu just wanted to disappear.

And like a drop of water into the sea, it causes a ripple in the ocean, and everything at the moment changes. 

-linebreak-

As Kyoujurou leaves the room Giyuu's in he leaves it with his shoulders heavier than before, if this were anyone else they'd give up trying to get in Tomioka's good graces, but he had hope. He knew he would, he just had to try. Try a little harder. He'd do that next time, for now, he'd give Tomioka his space because he probably needed it. With careful steps he walked away from the door so as to not disturb him more, he knew how to walk quietly when needed, it was a requirement when you lived with his father. 

Once he was far enough to reach he started to walk normally and eventually reached the section of the house that was the dining room. Everyone was sat around the chabudai on zabuton with a zaisu, his was empty with no spot for Tomioka in sight. He sighed, had they not even thought of leaving a spot open for the Water Hashira in case he was well? A tragedy, it made him feel worse. 

"Ah, it's nice of you to join us Rengoku-san, I was wondering what'd take you so long," Kocho- who must have heard him sigh- greeted him happily, but he could obviously note her grim expression despite the fact that Shinazugawa was nowhere to be seen. Kyoujurou however couldn't find it in his heart to respond as he looked at the rest of them, silently taking his seat as he stared at his meal in front of him. He felt like he didn't deserve it.

Mitsuri, who despite her demeanor, was skilled at noticing these things leaned up from her seat. "What's wrong? Did something happen? Cuz' you got a reaaalllly sour expression on your face. It looks kinda like you just ate a lemon!" Kanroji asked, raising her finger as she spoke.

Kyoujurous brows raised in surprise, had he really looked like that? Maybe, oh that wouldn't do. The Flame Hashira laid his own calloused hand on his cheek and looked away unassumingly. "Oh, I do?" He couldn't help but sigh again as he shook his head a miserable expression on his face. "Well, I'm afraid I have some terrible news,"

"Oh, tell me, nothing else has happened to Tomioka, has it?" Himejima was quick to catch onto his horrible mood, he could practically imagine the tears streaming down his cheeks without having to see them. 

"You didn't drop his food on the floor, did you? Kanroji-san is usually the clumsy one,"

"I'm afraid it's something worse than that," With his hand still on his cheek he nodded, expression still exasperated. "Himejima is right in his assumptions, it seemed whatever Uzui did had done more damage than we originally thought. When I found him he was throwing up again."

"Are you kidding me?! Next thing I know you're going to say I caused his death too! That man should be on his knees praising for me even laying a hand on him, let alone carrying him and this is the thanks I get?!"

"At this point, I might not doubt it if you did." Shinobu blandly responded to him.

Uzui laid his head in his hands and shook his head, disappointed in himself. "I was supposed to be a flashy retrieval damn it!..."

"Well, it was a traumatic one from the looks of it,"

"Namu Amida Butsu. This... Such an unfortunate turn of events..." Gyomei frowned, hands held together as prayers slipped past his lips.

"It might be Uzui who kills Tomioka before any demons manage to, not that I'm against it," Iguro snickered, covering the bottom of his face, Kaburamaru hissing pleasantly along. 

"I'm afraid he might have to stay the night,"

"Does that mean we can have a sleepover at Himejima-san?!" Mitsuri's smile was painted with mirth as she clap her hands, clasping them together as she nuzzled into the back of her hands. "Oh, I'd love to have a sleepover here! You have such a quaint place here Himejima-san!"

"As much as I'd enjoy that but I'm sure that'll make Tomioka only uncomfortable,"

"He should be grateful for such a chance to be extended to him," Iguro muttered.

"I'll have Tomioka stay here for the rest of today, if his condition changes Kocho you'll be the first to know." Himejima nodded. "Thank you Himejima-san, I'll write down a list of foods he should eat in the meantime and have it to you before I go."

Gyomei started to get up, making sure not to bump into anyone as he did. "I shall go make sure Tomioka is informed,"

"Do you mind going to his Mansion to get him some clothing Uzui?"

"Ugaaaahhhh! Why do I have to do it?" Like a child, Uzui grumbled as he crossed his arms overdramatically over his chest. 

"You have been the continuous source of Tomioka's problems it's the least you can do to make up for it."

"Assuming you don't mess that up as well," Iguro snickered from behind his covered hand.

"Ughhhhhh... Stop rubbing it in you bastard, you look like a zebra and you're ugly like on too."

"I'll go with him to make sure nothing happens okay? I know where the key to Tomioka-san's house is!"

"Why do you know that?" Uzui asked, ignoring the scoff of offense he gained from Iguro earlier.

"Against Tomioka-san's will, of course!" Himejima left the room and did his best to tune out the following chaos. 

-linebreak-

Giyuu would be a fool to deny the fact that he wants to be comforted, that he wants to be held, that he wants hugs, that he wants someone to care for him but he doesn't say anything because he knows he doesn't deserve it. Especially from anyone from here, especially after he treated them all for so many years. So he doesn't dare ask. 

So when the owner of the Manions he's rooming in comes to inform him he's staying for the night he says nothing. He doesn't deserve it, he doesn't deserve it, it's all his fault. He ruined everything for everyone and he deserves to be punished for it.

"Are you okay Tomioka?" No, I'm not okay, I'm not, God please help me. Please hold me, please just hold me this once even if I don't deserve it, please. 

But how could he have the audacity to ask?

So he pulls away from the hand, from the offer, like how he pulls away from all the times his Sensei has extended his hand towards him. He doesn't deserve it, it's wasted on a failure of a human like him.

A failure of a pillar, a failure of a member of the Corps, a failure of a brother, a failure of a friend, and a failure of a student. 

All he is is a complete and utter failure.

Why couldn't anyone else see that?

Giyuu expects Himejima to leave, if the stench of throw up hasn't already alerted him then he'll kick him out if he knows what's good for him. In fact, he thinks he'll kick him out, he expects him. Throw him out like the trash he is, but... He doesn't. Instead, he does something even... Stranger...

Giyuu feels the blanket be stripped from on top of him only for a large hand to bring itself and wrap around his stomach and pull him up and into a hug, letting him lean against the large man's chest. His throat ran dry, only being able to let out a noise that was a mix between a croak and a whine as he tried to pull away but Himejima didn't let him, and only pulled him in further for a gentle hug.

Why isn't he hurting him?...

Tomioka could feel his eyes start to burn. 

Everything was gone horrible- he's been horrible. He's been nothing but a burden yet here Himejima is still wanting to help him instead of punishing him as he deserved it. It was just so strange! It didn't make any sense. When he did horrible things like this in the village, when he messed up he had always been reprimanded yet now here he was being comforted? Himejima was treating him so gently despite everything he had done. 

It was so strange. Why were they doing this? Why was he doing this? He had ruined the entire morning and meditation session they planned, and that wasn't even mentioning how he had been rude to Rengoku when he had done nothing wrong to him and now he's... Gyomei is being nice to him and it's... It's so... Strange... It made him want to cry. Giyuu wanted to cry. 

When he was a kid at the village, whenever he messed things up- like he did when he told them his sister had been killed by a demon- when he didn't do or say what they wanted him to they'd punish him. Adults- his parents had never, why were they so different?- always punished him and his sister despite the fact they were kids, no matter the circumstance it always ended the same. Punishment in some shape or form was to be expected, yet here he wasn't getting punished. Giyuu didn't understand it, it made his head spin with confusion. 

Did other people expect that? Were they expected to get punished when they made a mistake? Was that not normal? Was this what was actually supposed to happen when he messed up as horribly as he did before? When everything had been all his fault?

Was this it?

With his throat tight, the back of his eyes burning as they welled with tears, he let himself hesitantly lean into the larger man's chest, accepting the hug if only it were for a while. He knew how this would work, Himejima would realize his mistake soon enough and then kick him out when he did, but he'd cherish the moment while it lasted. The older man laid his larger hand on the back of his head cradling it so carefully and gently as if he was afraid he'd break with one wrong touch. 

Giyuu didn't understand what he had done wrong in the past to not deserve this comfort.

"It'll be okay Tomioka, I promise," Would it really be?

I was only a kid. 

A/N: Oshi-ire - closets that are attached to the rooms. 

Chabudai - a traditional table that required floor seating, typically with tatami mats or zabuton. 

Zaisu - a traditional armrest to a zabuton.