Shaira's POV

"Shaira, are you sure this is what you want?" Gwen asked with tears in her eyes.

"Yes I have never been this sure." I said getting ready to be back into my apartment.

Finally after six weeks, doctor decided that it was time that we both go home. He discharged us at the same time. And right now me and my mother are in my room and Ayaan is with his doctor where his father accompanied him.  From the moment Ayaan came out of coma, his father didn't leave his side for a minute. Not even when he insulted him, called him a murderer. He didn't budge at all, which made Ayaan's heart melt a little bit seeing his persistence. Since Mathew's own  health was deteriorating this made their reunion possible.

All the misunderstandings were now clear but still there were topics they were avoiding to talk about. But as it is said time is the biggest healer and wisest teacher of all, their relationship will mend too, with time they will come close and their bond will become stronger than it ever was.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" Gwen's voice snapped me back to reality.

"This way I can keep him safe and if I tell him anything, he will stick by me. In the end it  will hurt him and I don't want to hurt Him,  he has already gone through so much,  I can't do this to him. I..." I couldn't complete the rest. It was too difficult to utter those words. So I swallowed the lump in my throat.

Not even in my wildest dreams I thought that this will happen to me. There were instances when I didn't want to live or just begged to God to take me away from this cruel world. But all this, was when there was no one for me. I used to cry my eyes out in those lonely nights when I wanted nothing more but to be loved by someone whom I can say is mine. And the now the irony of my life when I have a man who not only loves me but also respects me, understands me, a friend like Olivia who is my half sister and a mother who has accepted me again.

I have heard that you can overcome everything through penance but karma is something which will not leave your side ever. It will tag along with you even when you are dead. I guess that's why I am being punished for the crimes I unintentionally some time did. Keeping a sober look in front of Gwen is not easy, how will I face Ayaan? One look at my face and he will know something is troubling me! I have to do this soon maybe today or within the fortnight, if I delayed it I will melt and maybe end up putting him through so much pain.

"Everything okay? " I asked him when I reached near doctor's cabin with a different motive but I ended up asking this.

"Yeah, let's go home." He said taking me hand in his. He took a few more steps and stopped when he realized I wasn't following him.

"What happened?"

"Umm, Ayaan. I was just thinking it might not be the best time to move in. I mean you and I both need time to recover. I don't want you to be careless with your health because of me." with a serene mind I forced out the words.

"I know and that's why I decided that for a few weeks, you shift to my house. Shaira, I don't want to live alone when I know I can live with the woman I love." He said as he smiled with his heart. I could feel the hair on my neck stand up in fear of what will happen in the next few hours.

"Okay, I will shift tomorrow then." I said vehemently keeping my eyes dry.

"In that case, I have to spend one night at your place." He said cheekily making me smile.

I wish it wasn't that difficult. I wish things were a little easy. I wish I don't had to put you through the heartbreak you will have to be a part of.

"Trust me It will not happen." I said more to myself than to him. I walked away from him in the hope that his memories will not daunt me in my weakest moments...

***

"Hey, how are you?" I said on the phone as I heard Ayaan's footsteps approaching the door of my apartment which I have left unbolted intentionally.

It was four hours since I get back into my apartment and everything was a mess. I was already in the lugubrious phase of my life and needed someone's support, fortunately my Gwen and Olivia was there by my side helping me by coaxing me and be cheering me up.

"Where is he?" Listening the voice at the other end made me realize what kind of blunder I am doing. Anytime now he will be here, I have to do it in any way.

"Ahem, please don't make me say it again ." I said a little too loudly, as I wanted my voice to be loud enough that if someone is standing at the main hall, they will be able to hear it.

"Okay fine, I love you! You know I just did what Ayaan did to me. Whatever I had with him was never real, not even for a second." I saw Ayaan from the corner of my eyes standing at my bedroom door, looking aghast and my heart break in billions of pieces knowing what I was about to do will crush him even more, so without further delay I continued.

 "It was all a sham nothing more than that. He tricked me, used me into his foul plays and I did exactly the same. I made him believe that I fell for him but in real It was a part of the game to make him realize, 'you sow what you reap.' I am so glad that in the next few hours you will be here to hold me in your arms, and we can spend time with each other. Unfortunately, I have to go that asshole's house but trust me this time he has fallen for me and I had played with his feelings, to be honest it feels good to take revenge. Honey, I will talk to you later. Meet you soon, I love you. Muaah" I ignored the lump in my throat, the heaviness that surrounded my eyes, I have to be strong if not for myself then for him. I have to this.

"Shairaa..."I heard his distant voice and turned around with a shocking expression, hiding every emotion, every feeling.

"Please, tell me that what you said on the phone was a lie."  His beseeching voice breaked everything in me.

"Ohh, so you have hear it all?" I said scathingly.

"Shaira, don't test my patience. Tell me it was all a lie. You do love me right?" He asked me by placing his hands on my elbow. The physical pain was nothing in front of the agony I was putting him through.

"Look Ayaan, I did like you in the beginning but after that night I never trusted you again. It was all a plan to pay you back for what you did to me nothing else. Don't behave like I hurt you, people like you don't have a heart, they only know how to use people nothing else." I said and turned around to conceal my eyes from him.

"No, I know you love me. I saw it in your eyes and eyes never lie! You can never hurt someone let alone me. Please Shaira, don't make this more difficult for me. It is killing me to know that whatever we had was just a lie. It can't be that." He said to be in his hoarse voice.

"Ayaan, you cannot change the truth. I don't love you! You were just that person whom I wanted to teach a lesson that is all. Nothing more than that. Now that you know that I have playing with you all this time, I think you should go." I said without looking at him.

"Shaira, in these last almost two years all the time we spent was nothing for you? That kiss meant nothing to you? Those late night talks, tight hugs were all a sham? Either you are lying or you such a fine actress that I couldn't see the witch in you." This time his harsh words made my insides quiver.

"For bastards like you, I am ready to be a witch who doesn't know how to respect a woman and her dignity. I am so much better off you. I hate it that I had to pretend that I loved you when in real I was just doing it to let you know how it feels to be used by someone you start to trust. I hate that I was being in those arms, that at one point your sordid lips touched mine but I wouldn't have won if I didn't play this little game with you." I riposted back in an attempt to get rid of all this. It was too much already and now even my self control was giving up.

"You know what, You were lucky that you had someone like me who loves to the moon and back. Trust me no one, I say no one can love you as much as I do but you know what you don't deserve it. Your mother made the right decision for not being with someone as selfish as you. You will realize this one day that what you did was a mistake. I did everything to get you back, to win your heart all over again but you tricked me! Even the sluts are better than you! At least whatever they do, they do it with dignity but you have lost every ounce of respect that I had for you. Good bye Shaira, I hope you find peace in your life..." With this he wiped his fallen tears and without sparing me a single glance he started walking away from me. With every step he took my heart pounded, my insides trembles and my soul started to become numb.

'I never wanted to lie to you ever,
I never wanted to hurt you ever,
I never wanted to betray you ever,
But sometimes it's better to be a little selfish and this time I don't want to be selfish for myself but for you...
You were my world the moment you stepped into my life but now I have to destroy that world with my bare hands and see my luck I cannot even shed tears or hug you one last time.
You are looking at me with so much disgust right now,
This is what I wanted but I never thought that Moment will be this much soon,
Just for once i want to take everything that I said back not because all that is a big lie but just so that you can hold me in those loving arms which are capable of taking my every tension, worry away from me.
You know i find solace whenever you are in front of me and look at me with utmost love and affection But right now i can only see one thing in those green eyes which are getting dark every second is regret of meeting me, of loving me unconditionally..
I am helpless and I cannot do anything to remove all the lines from your forehead because I have lost all the rights on  you.
I never wanted to do this to you or to us but my fate doesn't want us to be together,
You were the only constant in my life but now even you are gone and hopefully you will never come back again ever,
But just remember one thing I love you soo much that I am ready to let you go for your own good,
Just remember this heart will beat for you only, only for you,
This soul is only for you,
i am breathing because of you,
I hope you know that!
I know i have lost every thing but just for once i am want to say Sorry and I mean it for doing all this...
I love you...  ' I wish I could say this to him, but before I could get this opportunity to repair him back, he was gone. I collapsed on the floor with a thud and tears cascading from my eyes when two pair of hands engulfed me in their arms which were Gwen and Olivia who were crying too seeing me. I lost all the control and succumbed to my tears and fate....

Hey guys I hope you like this chapter, 3 more chapters maximum then It will be over.

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