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I rolled out of bed "fuck" have you ever felt like not getting out of bed? It's my life now!

I felt like shit after my uncle dropped me off yesterday he gave me money for pizza I kind of felt like I was in high school again.

I ordered the damn pizza and bought beer from the local bar....dont remind me of the looks and gossip I heard when I went there.

Fucking hell.

I was laying on my bed trying to remember who I was before I became famous and nothing I had no idea.

The doorbell rang and I knew it was my aunty.

"My boy" she hugged me

"Go shower and ill cook for you "

"I didn't buy food"

"You need to go to the store and buy food like normal people"

"So you've never lived here Bebe"my nickname for her.

"No, I don't like big houses son I told you"

She handed me money a lot of money fuck I should be taking care of her not the other way round.

"Hy"

"Aunty I messed up"

"I know it's time to fix things"

"Okay"

"Find a job and the rest we will figure out"

"Yes mam"

"I know you're just like that time when you were a teen so I hired the cleaners to help you once a week please don't embarrass son"

I nodded I couldn't say no because she would slap me.

"Hy, I know you feel bad for everything but feeling sorry for yourself won't fix anything"

"Yes Auntie"

I rubbed my face with my hand...I felt lost no hope nothing like I was in the dark and can't even see a road nothing was here....had a friend that liked saying there's no light at the end of the tunnel just an illusion and for the first time in my life I believe him.

"Thank you, Auntie"

"I need to go now but please buy food I'll be back announced again "

I didn't even answer her she left and I went to bed after a while I got hungry and decided to walk to the store it wasn't too far.

I got there sweating.

Had shades on and removed my hair from the man bun.

I took the cart and started putting in what I needed.

I needed snacks lots of snacks so I bought them. A lot of stuff forgetting I don't have a car.

"Is that Hyacinth"

Two ladies spoke about me and I decided to ignore them.

I kept ignoring people till I got helped by the cashier.

I ran out of the with my bags and finally left I walked as fast as I could and was home before I knew it, I put the bags down getting ready to pack them nicely in the pantry.

I ate waffles cause they were ready-made and I took my wine and drank it.

Food and booze my new love.

Bloody cleaners are coming I don't need to clean everything I cooked I left the pots and plates I mean they will get paid.

Got on my phone because I was bored and I found out Hughes and Kehleni are getting married.

I tried calling him but the fucker didn't answer.

How can he marry her? I thought we were friends. A head-up at least?

I have no right to question his intentions when I was worse I guess I owe her that.

Hughes is not a bad man so I guess she deserves the happiness.

I was not looking forward to seeing people and by people, I mean the ones who have to help me clean.

I tried watching tv but it got hard I didn't listen to the radio everything and everyone reminded me of what I was.

I hated music the one thing that brought me peace now I loathed.

I took the paper and checked for jobs, but nothing caught my eye.

I threw them on the table and drank my beer I can't even bathe when I feel like this trust me there isn't a low lower than the one I'm at now.

I don't know how to fix it or fix me.

I called my contacts but everyone acted like they didn't know me, even the ones I did favors, for now, couldn't even help me.

I took my phone bored and searched for the cleaners information "Serai Cleaners"

Serai means princess why does a princess clean for a living? Who am I to judge?

I looked t her page she is not bad I mean her credentials cause her pic was nowhere on the internet that showed me how private they are.

Anyway, let me go get myself another beer.

I opened my beer and enjoyed it ...I felt lonely No Scarlett running around trying to braid my long hair or Kai jumping on everything because he thinks he is  Spider-Man.

He got bit by a spider one day and didn't cry  I was so proud of my son for being brave only to later find out he did it on purpose so he can turn into Spider-Man.

I know I was the worst husband but I tried to be a good dad and went to every ballet show scar had and Kai's soccer practice even his matches.

God had blessed me with an amazing family and I was too stupid and blinded by the wrong things to appreciate them.

I lost it all ...

I still hear Scarlett laughing while I'm tickling her small body ...I stole her pink blanket and my son's Spider-Man figurine I needed something to keep me going apart from the Lockett.

I forgot about them I cried cause I missed my kids I missed my life, my old life.

This was my life now and my auntie is right it's time I stopped feeling sorry for myself and put myself back together again...

𝓣𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓴  𝓨𝓸𝓾  𝓕𝓸𝓻  𝓡𝓮𝓪𝓭𝓲𝓷𝓰  𝓐  𝓯𝓪𝓵𝓵 𝓯𝓻𝓸𝓶 𝓖𝓻𝓪𝓬𝓮