For the month of July 2024, I created a Q&A event in the discord server for @FreeTheLGBT's Rainbow Bookclub (link in bio). This is a breaking the fourth wall AU adventure where the cast of Failure are on a panel for a weekly TV show that is totally skippable, but may answer any curiosities you might have. The questions are bolded below, so you can more easily find them (the original doc was color-coded per person haha). The guy asking the questions, Garo, is not from the universe of A Failure of a High Elf. Rather, he is the MC of a newer project I am working on, so there is a bit of crossover.
Word count: 3,186

Garo: Do I start now?

Coda: Yes, you can start now.

Garo: Is the camera on? It doesn't look like it's on.

Coda: It's on. You can start.

Garo: *sigh* Where do I even look at it?

Coda: This is just—

Beckett: Who even is this guy?

Coda: —no one is going to watch this. Just start talking.

Garo: Then why is there a table with assigned seats if nobody's going to be watching?

Rosetta: That's a good point. We should listen to the dog-man.

...

Garo: ...Dog-man?

Coda: Please, just start the interview! Just start!

Brat: pfft

Coda: Do not—

Becket: pfffft

Coda: Do not start, you two. Garo, please, just start talking.

Garo: Fine.

...

Garo: What do I even say?

Beckett: For the love of—

Coda: Alright! *claps* Let's start with a round of introductions. We'll begin with me. My name is—

Beckett: *whispers snidely* Of course we're starting with you.

Coda: *clears throat* My name is Coda. My handle on all socials is erifnidne, which is "end in fire" backwards. I write—

Brat: This is going to take forever.

Coda: I—I—...—...—

Garo: You're a writer and the director of this production?

Coda: Right! I write the script for the weekly televised series A Failure of a High Elf! I also direct the scenes and produce the finished product. I think. I'm not entirely certain what a producer of a show does...but I probably do it.

Garo: *monotone* Thank you for that thorough greeting. Moving on down the line, we have—

Beckett: Hey, I'm Beck. *waves* I don't want to be here.

Garo: And next to her, we have—

Brat: Hello, I play the role of the Goddess's Messenger in AFOAHE. I'm the only one with a high-functioning brain—

Beckett: Why'd you say that? AFOAHE. It sounds stupid. Just say the whole name.

Brat: And why are you dictating my choices in life, lady?

Coda: Moving on! Garo! Please!

Garo: Right. And beside the one labeled as "Brat," we have—

Resinee: Hi, I'm Resinee. *waves cuter than Beckett did*

Garo: Glad to have you, Resinee. What role do you play in A Failure of a High Elf?

Resinee: I'm a...*looks at name card*...villager.

Garo: Thank you for your introduction.

Beckett: What introduction?

Garo: And lastly, we have—

Rosetta: Name's Rosetta. I play the role of "Dead Aunt," and I'm really excited to be here. Thank you for having me.

Beckett: You don't have to talk like this is a real show. You don't have to play all nice.

Rosetta: What do you mean? I am excited to be here. I get to meet all your friends!

Brat: pffft

Resinee: *laughs politely*

Beckett: Oh, Goddess. This—

Garo: Well, I think that wraps up introductions—

Brat: Wait a minute.

Coda: What for? We're wasting Q&A time. There are so many questions to get to, we can't—

Beckett: You serious?

Brat: What she said.

Coda: What?

...

Rosetta: I think the kiddos are curious about the dog-man.

Beckett: Yeah! Who even is this guy?

Brat: Where'd you find him? A farm? Off the street?

Garo: I take offense to exactly everything you miscreants just said.

Beckett: Miscreants? This guy's the type to unironically say the word "miscreants," and you think we don't have a problem?

Coda: *in a small voice* Well, with filming schedules...

Brat: What's that? *loudly* I can't hear you.

Coda: *sighs* Garo, why don't you introduce yourself so that we can finally move on?

Garo: I'm Garo, Garo Appledown—

Brat: Blazing hell.

Garo: I'm here as an officiant for today's match.

...

Coda: You mean the interviewer asking the questions for the "Making Of..." special.

Garo: And, apparently, I am here to read questions off a cue card, despite there being no audience who will be watching this.

Beckett: Coda...

Coda: Right. This is, um, the lead actor for the newest production that was just greenlighted. Fox the Retriever.

Brat: So that's why the guy's got dog ears? He's an actual dog?

Garo: Oh, please. *begins to leave*

Coda: *rises from chair* Wait! Where are you going?

Garo: I don't have to listen to this shit. I'm not even being paid for all this extra work. If I'd known how much you'd overwork your actors, I wouldn't have signed on with this agency.

Beckett: Preach it, poochie.

Brat: Yeah, this schedule is unbearable. Weekly air dates? The show's past the 20-episode mark. And instead of taking a break between seasons, you decided to continuously keep filming? No break? Do you have any idea how hard that is?

Coda: Of course I know how hard it is! My job is much harder than yours!

Beckett: Are you out of your mind? Last week, I got ---------------------------------------------------.

Coda: That's a spoiler! Stop talking!

Beckett: Oh, yeah? Then what about ---------------------------------.

Brat: Don't forget, when I found you, you ---------------------------------------------------------.

Coda: *walks over to recording system* Stop! Just stop for a second! If you're going to shout spoilers, at least make them PG ones!

*audio cuts out*

Niall

Garo: Welcome, rainbows, to the exclusive "Making Of..." A Failure of a High Elf segment, where members of the cast and crew bring you the answers to your most burning questions.

Coda: Hello!

Rosetta: Glad to be here!

Resinee: Hello.

...

Coda: *clears throat*

Garo: To start us off, we have the lead actress of AFOAHE here to read the answers to Niall's questions. Niall, who plays the role "Shitty Brother" was not able to make it—

Beckett: He's passed out, isn't he?

Coda: *clears throat*

Garo: I'll hand it over to the lead actress now. Our first question is: What is your training regiment?

Beckett: Psht. What—

Coda: Ahem-hem.

Beckett: ...

Brat: Let's just get this over with.

Beckett: *sighs* Fine. I just read from this, right? Can't believe he answered the questions but couldn't bother to show up.

Coda: *sighs*

Garo: What is your training regiment?

Beckett: Niall wrote, "Some folk are blessed with preternatural abilities—"

Rosetta: My, what a vocabulary. I didn't know he knew that word.

Beckett: "—good looks, a long life span, and more charm than an iron castle—"

Brat: What the—

Beckett: "—and I've been blessed with all three."

Coda: Four.

Beckett: He wrote three.

Coda: Couldn't you have just—

Garo: Next question: Do you use performance enhancing drugs?

Rosetta: What?

Beckett: He says, "Who doesn't? You need to connect?"

Coda: Oh, my god.

Garo: Our next question is—

Brat: He doesn't give a shit at all, does he?

Resinee: Which one?

Brat: The golden retri—

Garo: Have you ever loved anyone?

Beckett: No.

Coda: *peers over shoulder* It doesn't say that.

Beckett: Move on.

Garo: How does it feel to be the most hated character besides your father?

Coda: Wait, Garo—

Beckett: He said, "I liked the one with blue sparkles better. Glitter tastes like ass going down. Not to mention when it comes out the other end..."

Resinee: ...what?

Rosetta: I think he answered a different question.

Brat: What kind of yewing question would even have an answer like that?

Garo: *unbothered* How do you feel about your father?

Beckett: "Haters gon hate."

Coda: Oh for fuc—

Beckett: He idolizes him. What did you expect? Father's never told him not to do stupid things. Who wouldn't love him?

Rosetta: Becky, that's not—

Beckett: Yo, pup, cut the video.

Rosetta: Beckett—

Beckett: Cut it.

*video stops recording*

Brat

Brat: Psh, I got this in the bag. I'm gonna have the least time out of all of you.

Beckett: Why is it a competition? Who blazing cares?

Garo: Now, to start with—

Coda: Wait, wait. I wanted Resinee to go next.

...

Garo: But I already started the recording.

Coda: Just turn it off. I want her to go next, so she has more of a spotlight.

Rosetta: That's an excellent idea.

Resinee: *blushes*

*video stops recording*

Resinee

Garo: The second on our question list is the elusive Dark Elf, Resinee. Our first is: Are you a villain?

Resinee: I don't...

Coda: You can say when things are spoilers if you aren't comfortable with answering.

Beckett: That's such a cop out.

Coda: And what? Making up one of your brother's answers isn't?

Resinee: I don't think I am.

Beckett: What?

Resinee: A villain.

Brat: You have a funny way of not acting like a villain. Like—

Resinee: *in a harassed tone* Can we just move on from that? Please?

Garo: Will you become friends...or more...with Beckett?

Beckett: *snorts*

Resinee: *grimaces*

Garo: Will you be an important character?

Resinee: I thought—I thought I already was.

Garo: What was it like growing up in the mines?

Coda: That's a spoiler.

Beckett: She didn't even say anything. She's a full-grown elva. Let her answer.

Resinee: I think more on that will be coming...soon? Episode 9.2? 9.3?

Garo: Sum it up in one word.

...

Resinee: Hard.

Brat: *whistles* That's one way to say it.

Garo: Final question: How old are you?

Resinee: *blinks* 33.

Garo: Thank you for your answers. We'll be right back with—

Brat: I'm next! Me! I'll be the fastest!

Beckett: And I told you it's not a competi—

*video stops recording*

Brat

Brat: Get it going, doggy, let's go.

Garo:

Brat: What's the matter? Let's go. You're wasting my line space.

Garo:

Coda: What's the matter?

Garo: Do I really have to stand here and deal with this abuse?

Beckett: You're one sensitive puppy, aren't you?

Garo: *deadpan* Seriously?

Beckett: Nobody even knows you, Fido. Get out of the spotlight, would ya?

Garo: There's no fucking spotlight.

Beckett: "Fucking"? What is that?

Rosetta: Sounds filthy.

...

Rosetta: I like it.

Beckett: Is that a swear word? Why don't we have swears like that?

Coda: ...

Beckett: Well?

Brat: Shut up! Mutt! Sparky! Go, go, go, already!

Garo:

Coda: Please? Viewers will get a chance later to heap praise on you—

Garo: No, thanks.

Coda: ...

Resinee: *clears throat*

Garo: *sighs* What's your real name?

Brat: That's a spoiler, so I can't say *examines nails*.

Garo: How do you identify yourself? Gender? Pronouns?

Brat: Oooohhhh, look at all those *whispers* spoilers.

Garo: Will you start being nice to Beckett?

Brat: Wow, and another spoiler.

Beckett: Oh, give me a br—

Garo: What's the Goddess like?

Brat: Spoiler.

Coda: If they watched your special episode, then it's not a spoiler! They've met her already!

Brat: Then, they answered their own question, didn't they?

Coda: I think people are more interested in learning what else she's—

Brat: Last one, dog man. Lay it on me.

Garo: What does the Goddess want with Beckett?

Beckett: Don't say it.

Brat: I really would like to share, but—

Beckett: Don—

Brat: It's a spoiler, so I can't. *grins* Sorry.

Garo: Good god, there's still two more. Let's get this the fuck over with before—

Beckett: So sour. Did you forget to take your flea and tick medicine, pup?

Garo: What did I fuc—

*video stops recording*

Rosetta

Garo: Second-to-last, we have the only member of the panel playing a deceased character. Going with the death theme, how does it feel to be a loved character, even though you are already dead?

Rosetta: Oh, naga. What a great question, right off the bat! I'd have to say I'm very honored that my role has received such great praise. I play a very mysterious figure; I guess we all wonder a little more about those who left behind such messy circumstances.

Beckett: That isn't remotely funny.

Rosetta: What? I wasn't trying to b—

Garo: Still on the topic of death, viewers are curious about whether you're really dead?

Rosetta: Sorry, kiddo. I'm going to have to disappoint you all on that one.

Coda: She's dead.

Resinee: She's dead.

Beckett: Well, you two would know best, wouldn't you?

Rosetta: Beck...

Beckett: Dog-man, here, just said second-to-last. Am I not even answering my questions today?

Coda: Your interview is going into a magazine spread. I sent you those questions a while ag—

Beckett: Then I can leave, yeah? *stands up*

Rosetta: Oh, come on, Becky!

*Beckett leaves*

Rosetta: Stay here! Beckett? Please? I haven't seen you in—

Coda: She's gone.

Rosetta: *sighs*

Garo: *uncaring* Anyway, the last three questions center around your job.

Rosetta: Go ahead.

Garo: What are the general struggles around treating dragons?

Rosetta: Oooh. This is a good one *rubs hands together*. Well, besides the obvious—teeth, fangs, claws—the size of the animal, intelligence level, breed, condition, and context must all be carefully analyzed before a treatment plan can be put in place. They are animals, capable of great feats, but unfortunately, speaking the Goddess's tongue is not one of them. So it makes it a bit harder to learn their needs. Each species is so unique, you see. We get summons to extract injured, sick, or abandoned dragons from all kinds of terrains all down this side of the volcano. We use as much background—how they were injured, how they were discovered, etcetera—to create a safe strategy.

Garo: Are dragons more difficult to handle than other animals you've treated in the past?

Rosetta: Not more than elves, pixies, nymphs, brownies, or mermaids. *smiles*

Garo: Last question, then. What were some of the ups and downs of your previous career?

Rosetta: *blows out breath* *adjusts seat, leans back in chair*

Coda: As short as possible, please.

Rosetta: Okay, here are a few. Up: traveling the Femur. Up: meeting wonderful creatures and learning how they see the world. Up: I've made some amazing friends. Little Resinee, here, was just a tot when I first moved out to the Mines. I've really enjoyed watching her and her brothers grow up. Getting to know her parents, too, was a treat.

Resinee: Milady...

Rosetta: But we can't forget the folk I've met in the business. Rai—

Coda: That's a spoiler!

Rosetta: What? But he's ----------------------------------

Coda: Sorry, I'm gonna have to censor that.

Rosetta: But why?

Garo: Finish the question, please.

Rosetta: Ah, yes. Down: the slog of communication to the Western Sector. Down: dealing with those blazing dragon hunters. Down: not being able to see my cute little niece and nephew. I—

Coda: *gently* That's enough, now. You don't have to defend yourself.

Rosetta: It's just—that place was—

Coda: I know. It's okay. Garo? Can you cut the feed?

*video stops recording*

Coda

Garo: Finally, we're almost done.

Brat: Yeah, but it's the one who talks the most.

Coda: I won't, I won't. I promise.

Brat: You'd better not, lady.

Garo: Let's start with the two most important ones, then.

Coda: Shoot.

Garo: ...

Coda: What?

Garo: You shouldn't say that. What if someone actually shoots you someday? How would you defend yourself in a court of law, if you survive? You're out here telling people to shoot you.

Coda: Um...I'm sorry, Detective. I would think...even if I say "shoot me," to actually shoot me is, um...still illegal?

Garo: Whatever. *changes topic* Viewers are most invested in the homework Beckett was seen walking off Elmhurst Grand's campus with. Was the decision to have various professors heaping last-minute homework on Beckett a spur of the moment decision, or was it planned?

Coda: Well, um...both. After showing the audience that Beckett's family doesn't think much about her, I wanted to give viewers hope that there were people who might hold more regard for her than she may realize. She's telling all these professors that she's not continuing her education—in this patriarchal society, such things aren't unheard of. So why give her homework? Why not just let her leave? Is there a kernel of potential there? Do other adults see something in her that her family doesn't? I wanted to bring that in the form of a question. The homework was my attempt at that.

Garo: Will she ever do it?

Coda: *laughs* She might. I have definitely envisioned Beckett looking over the pages once she gets settled in, but there are a great many things that she should probably learn about first—she's not a real vet-in-training, after all!

Garo: Next, what are some of your inspirations that helped guide this story?

Coda: Oh, gosh. There are way too many to name. Some I'm sure I'm not even aware of. The original kernel came from the cumulative experiences of raising two puppies (and, later, bottle feeding a kitten), but it wasn't until I read EternalSu's slice-of-life fantasy Of Spells and Flowers that it connected in my mind. There was a baby dragon stuck in a chimney, and the elderly couple had to create a whole room to raise it. The unexpected experiences of pet-rearing are so bizarre and life-changing. I guess I was ready to channel it into a story. There's so much I could say, but I'll leave it there.

Garo: Are there any lessons in this story?

Coda: I don't want to sound preachy...

Rosetta: Go ahead. This is your creation. We're all just actors trying to help bring it to life. It will never exist in the real world as it does in your head, but that doesn't make those thoughts and feelings any less important to you.

Resinee: You should be proud of yourself. You've come this far. We've been greenlighted for a second season. Don't worry about pleasing anyone.

Brat: Yes, do tell. What preachy horseshit do you have lodged up your nasal cavities?

Coda: Do you even know how to be sincere?

Brat: What? Lady, I thought I already was.

Coda: *sighs* Right. Well. I wanted this story to be about the trials of taking power over your own life, and how it's not easy. It's really just not easy, especially when there are odds stacked against you. And, sometimes, the things you think you're looking for are not actually what you want. Overall, the story is about powerlessness and fighting against it.

Garo: Our last question, and here it is: Who's your favorite character?

Brat: Pssht. Me.

Coda: How are you so certain?

Brat: You? Oh, I don't care about you. I was talking about me.

Resinee: You can't be your own favorite character.

Brat: I can't? Little miss elva, you should stop saying "can't" and "have to" and "must." You're overstepping your pay grade a bit.

Resinee: *mouth agape* You—You—

Coda: I can honestly say that I don't have a favorite. They've all been my favorite at some point.

Brat: What a cop out. Booooooooo—

Rosetta: Spoken like a true artist. You remind me dearly of little Becky.

Coda: Don't—Don't say that.

Brat: *cracks up laughing*

*video stops recording*

Garo: Do I have to? Why? What for? The thing is done.

Coda: Just please. Please.

Garo: *sighs* *speaks monotone* Thank you for participating in the exclusive "Making Of...Q&A" for A Failure of a High Elf. Exclusive pinups and the questions to our lead actress's interview are available in the first issue of the culture magazine Elvaniac Press.

Coda: Bye, thank you!

*video stops recording*