Before Heejin left the airport, she called Solji two hours before her flight. Solji wasn't even sure if she read the message right because she was feeling groggy for crying the all night.

Seeing the message finally gave her a reason to move her ass and fix herself.

She knew she looked awful. No amount of makeup could hide the puffiness and redness of her eyes. She gave up trying to cover up the dark circles under her eyes and focuses on her clothes and hair.

"You badly need a rest. Still beautiful, but needs a lot of rest," Heejin said when they met at a cafe near the airport, her suitcase beside her. "I will miss you, Solji."

Solji forced a smile. "I will miss you too, Heejin."

"I will miss you more. Even if it's just a short while, you've been really nice to me," Heejin replied.

Solji felt her guilt clawing her heart. All along, Heejin believed that she was some saint for being nice. Little did she know...

"I wasn't entirely nice you know..." Solji muttered and she felt a lump form in her throat. She didn't know exactly what's going on inside her head. It was probably because of lack of sleep or she felt that she had nothing left to lose.

She wanted to admit everything.

It could make or break their friendship, but Solji couldn't bear the idea of Heejin leaving without telling her the truth.

"What do you mean?" Heejin asked.

"I was... I was an awful person," Solji said. "I... You see... I got so attached to Jeno and I didn't realize I was already falling for him. When you came back, I feel like... I feel like you stole him away from me although I know that he was never mine in the first place.

"I wanted to hate you so bad. I was selfish. But when I met you that day, damn you're so nice. You're like an angel. How can I hate you when you're smiling at me like that? You're literally the kindest person I've ever met and I realized why Jeno treasured you so much.

"You know he kept ditching me when you arrived and I thought that he's always with you, then you told me you've only met him twice or thrice. He lied, obviously. But I don't know why, and I don't think I will ever get to find out.

"I regret being mean to you in my mind. When we hang out that day, I forgot that you are Mark and Jeno's friend. I genuinely thought we're soulmates because we have a lot of things in common.

"The night when you ate the cupcake I baked, I feel like I should probably die when you had an allergic reaction. I'm so sorry. I didn't really mean it. I know... I know you needed Jeno more but I secretly wished he would choose me over you, because I know for a fact that he would choose you in a heartbeat when the time comes. I'm so afraid and... look where it got me.

"I'm sorry, Heejin. You're a very nice person. I don't deserve your kindness."

Solji burst into tears again. Her eyes were already tired from crying and yet she was surprised how she still had tears left. Heejin was watching her and gave her hands a gentle squeeze.

"You're just a human, Solji. You are allowed to feel what you felt and that's valid. You never purposely sabotaged me. You apologized and regretted it, that's what matters. You're more mature than you think so please don't burden yourself with your mistakes. You're not the same person yesterday and I forgive you."

Heejin moved from her seat to sir beside Solji and gave her a hug.

"I'm so s-sorry, Heejin..." Solji cried and hugged Heejin back. Heejin rubbed her comfortingly as she rested her chin on her shoulder.

"If there's anyone I like for Jeno, it's you," Heejin replied. "You're a very nice person, Solji. One mistake doesn't define who you are. Please don't be too hard on yourself. Jeno wouldn't like to see you crying right now."

Solji pulled away from Heejin and wiped her tears, only to cry again when she thought of Jeno.

"I-I have to... tell you something. Jeno and I... our engagement... is cancelled..."

Heejin's mouth flew open as she stared at Solji as if she had grown two heads. Solji couldn't even speak properly because she was sobbing hard. Just hours before she would leave, a huge bomb was dropped on her feet.

"What? Why? What happened? I... Does Mark know?"

Solji shrugged her shoulders, indicating that she didn't know if Mark knew.

"Is that why your eyes are red earlier?" Heejin asked and Solji nodded.

She didn't say anything and pulled Solji to her arms again. They stayed like that for a few minutes until Solji calmed down. Her makeup was smeared but she still looked beautiful nonetheless.

"I'm so sorry for keeping you here. We should go or you'll be late to your flight," Solji said. "Will... will Jeno come?"

Heejin sighed. "He called me this morning and told me that he couldn't see me off. He's busy with something, he didn't specify. It must be something important."

"Or he's avoiding me," Solji murmured pathetically.

"Solji, look. I know you're hurting right now. You like Jeno so much. But remember, you are a strong woman. You can cry and feel pain but do not wallow so much in misery because the longer you stay like that, the deeper you'll sink."

Solji nodded at Heejin's advice and hugged each other again before they walked to the airport.

Mark wasn't even surprised when he saw Solji's face but didn't comment anything. He knew what happened. He had a way of knowing what's going on. And he knew damn well that his cousin and the girl he liked were in a miserable situation.

They watched as Heejin disappeared and Solji could only look up the sky. Finally, she felt free. The burden she was carrying was lessened. Heejin wasn't angry at her and she promised to come back and visit her again. They were still friends and that's all that mattered, for now.

Mark stood beside her silently. He wanted to cross the distance between them and embrace her but he was afraid she would push him away.

After a moment of silence, Solji turned to Mark and smiled at him.

"Are you free? Let's go eat something," Solji said.

"Are you asking me out on a date?" Mark teased.

"Whatever you say," Solji replied and smiled again.

Please don't do that, Mark wanted to say. I'm falling so deeply for you it's not even funny.

They went to the same diner where they ate before. Mark was relieved to see that Solji was talking again. He would prefer their bantering over her quietness the past few days. She might not be totally okay but at least she was feeling better.

After that, they went to the bookshop to look for books they wanted to buy.

Perhaps, it was a bad idea.

Solji stopped in front of the rack full of vinyl records. The same copies she bought for Jeno were there, taunting her. She wanted to fling them across the wall but she had to pay for the damage and the last thing she wanted was to have a criminal record for destruction and scandal.

Mark saw her gripping the metal railing of the rack tightly. He recognized the records before looking down at her.

"I'm sorry," Mark whispered.

Solji let out a humorless laugh. "What are you sorry for?"

He didn't reply. He just stared as Solji attempt to suppress the tears that were threatening to fall.

"Stupid tears," Solji muttered to herself before aggressively wiping them. Mark held her hands to stop her then used his own to wipe it gently.

He hated seeing her that way. The proud and confident woman he knew became a crying mess.

If only you would choose me. You don't have to hurt like this, Mark thought to himself.

"How's Jeno?" Solji asked.

Mark forced a smile as he felt his heart cave in. He was there beside her but she was thinking about his cousin. Even before he began competing, he already lost.

"I don't know. He's at the hospital but I'm no sure. I just know he's busy with a lot of things," Mark replied. Solji only nodded.

"I want to go home. I'm tired," Solji said and Mark was more than willing to comply.

She was exhausted but she knew that no amount of rest could ease the weariness of the heart.

***

Everywhere she looked, she was reminded of Jeno.

Solji was tempted to gauge her eyes out. She wanted to file an absence for once. She was desperate. Just when she wanted to move on from him, everything started to resemble or remind her of Jeno.

When she was walking down the corridor, she spotted a man turning to a corner. He had the same built and same height as Jeno with the same fashion sense but he didn't smell like him.

Maybe he changed his perfume, Solji thought.

So she ran after him. She caught him going down the stairs. With all her might, she grabbed his arm and made him turn around.

Only to see it wasn't Jeno.

"Do you need anything?" the man asked. He didn't even look the slightest bit like Jeno up close. Solji let go of his arm and apologized.

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I mistaken you from someone I know. I'm sorry."

The days went on like that. She thought she was going to go crazy.

She hid the scented candle that Jeno gave but his scent filled her room which made her cry every night before going to sleep.

She couldn't even go to the library without being reminded of their moments there together. They had a lot of memories and she remembered everything, including the mundane ones. Still, she treasured all of them.

Having a sharp mind became her curse.

She hated the rain and the park. She hated seeing people having picnic dates or enjoying the sunny weather.

It was unreasonable of her to become like that but she couldn't help it.

One time, while walking mindlessly, she found herself in front of the engineering building.

Being there meant more pain for her but she braved it nonetheless. She didn't know what she was expecting to see there. She stopped in front of the classroom where she last saw Jeno. She recognized his blockmate named Shotaro, the one he substituted as a library assistant.

"Excuse me," Solji said to Shotaro. "Do you know where Jeno is?" she asked.

"Oh, Jeno Lee? He's been absent for a week. I heard it's a family matter. Do you want me to let you know if he's back?"

Solji shook her head. "No, thank you. Uh... thank you for your help."

"No problem!" Shotaro replied and smiled.

His smile reminded her of Jeno's though his didn't form a perfect crescent shape. She staggered back on her feet and grabbed the beam for support. Good thing, Shotaro didn't see her.

She had mixed feelings after that. She didn't know if she was relieved that she didn't see Jeno because she knew she had no courage to face him. What was she going to say anyway? She would only make a fool of herself.

On the other hand, she was anxious. Jeno must have facing everything alone right now and he needed a person to lean on.

He has Jaemin. And Professor Taeyong. And Mark. He doesn't need you, Solji thought.

Solji finally had enough.

She couldn't eat chocolate fudge without thinking about Jeno. Karina was shocked when she just burst into tears all of a sudden.

"Oh my God! What's wrong? Solji!" Karina asked and immediately went to her best friend's side to embrace her. Solji didn't speak and buried her face on Karina's neck.

Karina didn't say anything as she waited for Solji to stop crying. She stayed there drawing circles on her back. She still had no idea what's happening but she knew damn well that it concerned a certain person.

The one she's looking at right now.

Jeno saw Solji crying in Karina's arms. Pain shoot through his heart when he remembered the night Solji was begging him not to go. He thought she would fare well. He only went to school to submit their project. He couldn't even fall asleep since he's either too busy or too restless.

Karina hugged Solji tighter. The last thing she needed was to see the person responsible for her misery. She silently prayed Solji wouldn't turn around.

"Let me know when you wanted to go to Trainer's pub. Yeji and I will go with you," Karina said.

Perhaps, alcohol would help her ease some of her pain a little bit.

***

Two hours before Yeji and Karina would fetch Solji, Irene knocked on Solji's door.

"It's open!" Solji yelled from inside the room while brushing her hair. Irene opened the door and stepped inside and saw her daughter all dressed up.

"Going to a party?" she asked casually and sat on the bed. Solji looked at her from the mirror. Even though her mother wouldn't say a thing, she knew she was blaming herself. They didn't speak about the night when Doyoung found her crying on the ground. They had a silent agreement that that topic was taboo and would only be spoken once Solji brought it up herself, to which she hadn't yet.

"Yes. Yeji, Karina, and I are going to Trainer's pub tonight. Can you help me with my hair, Mom?" Solji asked. Irene was more than willing to do so.

Her delicate fingers combed her daughter's hair and carefully curled into using a curling iron. They were silent the whole time and Irene refused to meet Solji's eyes. She secured her hair with a pin before looking at the mirror, admiring her daughter.

"You look so beautiful," Irene said.

"I got it from you," Solji replied and smiled. She turned to face her mother. "I know there's a reason why you're here, Mom. You know you can talk to me."

Irene only smiled at her. "I can't. You're going on a night out. I don't want to ruin your night."

"You know you can never ruin it. Come on, Mom."

Solji held Irene's hands as they sat on the edge of her bed. Irene's head was bowed low so when she looked up with unshed tears glistening her eyes, Solji was surprised. She had never seen her mother cry let alone on the verge of tears. It was like having a cultural shock.

"I-I'm sorry, Solji." Irene's voice trembled. "This is my fault. You're hurting right now because of me. I..."

"Mom," Solji said. "What happened between me and Jeno isn't your fault. None of this is your fault to begin with."

"But I'm the reason why. Tiffany told me over the phone that they are going to divorce because of me."

"It's not your fault that Jeno's father chose to got married and have a family without moving on from you. He's an adult, he should know better. But look at him! Whatever happened to him was his fault. Not yours."

Irene cried harder and Solji hugged her. They stayed like that for a few seconds before pulling away. Solji didn't even cry. She felt angry that Jeno's father made her cry. She was innocent but she was blaming herself.

Irene might appear cold to others but she was selfless.

"I'm still sorry for what happened. I know... I know you like him so much. The night that we talked, I realized you have grown attached to him and being engaged to him didn't burden you like it should. I'm so sorry."

Solji smiled sadly. "Whatever happened to us was meant to happen. Don't blame yourself, Mom. It's hurting me. I will be okay because I have you, Dad, my brothers, and my friends."

Irene cupped Solji's face. "And I know how much you want to be with Jeno right now."

"I guess there are things we can't bend on our will," Solji replied with a sad smile.

They embraced each other again. Solji's heart felt lighter yet heavier at the same time. She was happy to know that her mother chose to be honest but at the same time, she kept blaming herself for something she didn't even do.

After a few moments, they heard a car honk outside.

"My ride is here," Solji said and pulled away. She got her purse from the vanity. She checked herself on the mirror once again and was relieved that she didn't cry.

"Call me when you need a ride home, okay?" Irene said.

"Mom, you're bad at directions."

"Who said I'm going to drive you myself? I'll send our driver."

They both laugh before Irene sent her out. Solji's heels clicked on the pavement as she opened the gate and found Yeji's car waiting for her outside. When she got in, the two girls were surprised to see a huge smile on her face but they didn't say anything about it.

"I feel nostalgic. Almost a year ago, we drove here because Solji wanted to rebel and the she met my cousin. And now we're going here so she can forget the very same person. Time flies by so fast," Yeji said.

Karina glared at Yeji for even mentioning her cousin, afraid that it would earn a negative reaction from Solji but she only smiled.

"I'm excited to get drunk and make a fool of myself again!"

Little did they know that there were three people who just arrived before them.

Jeno and Jaemin were sitting beside each other and Mark across them. They didn't order any alcoholic drinks. Jaemin told them not to. Jeno asked one of their housemaids to look after his mother for awhile.

He still didn't get a wink of sleep and he could burst out any moment.

"Jaemin, I don't think this is a good idea," Jeno whispered to his friend.

"None of the things that's happening to you right now are good. We might as well get the truth," Jaemin replied.

"Did you invite me over to leave me out of the conversation?" Mark asked and crossed his arms. Jeno clenched his jaw and looked away, the scene he saw at the field etched in his mind.

Jaemin cleared his throat. He didn't know how to make the two talk to each other without cutting each other's throat.

"So... uh... okay. How do I say this. I invited you here to make you... talk to each other."

"Wow, Jaemin that was a brilliant plan," Jeno said sarcastically.

"Agreed," Mark said.

"Oh, so you're teaming up against me now? Do you have any better thing to do to fix this miscommunication? Do you expect me to sit here and watch you two drift apart from each other? You're cousins! Remember the times when you're so close that you can practically tell each other about everything! Are you planning to throw everything away just like that? This is the moment where you have to be by each other's side!"

None of them spoke after Jaemin said that. Mark and Jeno avoided each other's gazes.

"I'll go to the dance floor. You two better talk it out and I expect that every misunderstanding is cleared once I get back. Ciao!"

Jaemin stood up and left, heading to the dance floor and disappearing into the sea of bodies.

A few minutes had passed and none of them talked. They just casually bobbed their heads to the music without looking at each other. They watched Jaemin's pink hair float in the dark while dancing with strangers.

"Solji is not doing fine if that's what you want to know," Mark finally said.

Jeno pretended to be nonchalant. "I didn't ask."

"I just thought I might let you know since you're not attending school. Don't worry, she'll be fine. She has me," Mark said arrogantly. "On the other hand, I think you don't deserve to know."

Jeno's fist clenched under the table at the thought of Mark caring for Solji. But that's better than having no one.

"That's good."

"Aren't you curious about the things she says about you?" Mark asked.

"I'm sure she's cursing me right now," Jeno replied.

Mark scoffed. "Oh, how I wish she did that instead of wondering about your well-being. Wondering if you've eaten today or if you ever got sleep, if you're still catching up with your academics or if you're well-rested. You're one lucky piece of shit for having her."

"You call me lucky for going through all the shit that has happened to me the past few days?"

"You didn't deserve all of it but you're a shit for leaving Solji like that. You don't deserve her but you shouldn't have left her like that."

Jeno scoffed and leaned forward to meet Mark's eyes. He gritted his teeth and tried not to pounce on his cousin. His hands hadn't healed yet and he still had plates to do. The last thing he needed was an injured hand.

"What? You wanna punch me? Do it!" Mark mocked him.

"I will, after you answer my question."

"Shoot."

"Does Solji like you?"

Instead of answering, Mark only laughed humorlessly. Jeno furrowed his brows in confusion. He waited until Mark's laughter died down.

"You seriously wanna know?"

Jeno swallowed his pride and nodded.

If Solji likes her then... congratulations I guess?

"I think you should ask her that yourself."

"You know I---"

They were interrupted when they heard Jaemin's voice approaching. They saw a girl clinging on his arm wearing a tight dress and she raised her head, both Jeno and Mark stood up from their seat.

"Jeno!" Solji called. She could barely open her eyes. Behind her were Yeji and Karina who glared at Jeno. "Where's Jeno, Jaemin?" Solji asked. "Where's Jeno! I want to see my Jeno!"

Jeno's heart raced when Solji said that. He glanced at Mark and he saw his jaw clenched.

Don't tell me she...

"He's here. Jeno's here. Talk to him," Jaemin said and made Solji sit he used to occupy. Jeno froze on his seat when Solji leaned her head on his shoulder. That simple contact made him feel lightheaded.

"I assume you already talk things out so it's Solji's turn to talk to Jeno," Jaemin said.

"I don't think is a good idea," Yeji said.

"Let them talk to each other," Jaemin said.

"But Solji's drunk!" Karina protested.

"Even better. People are honest when they're drunk. Don't worry about them. Let's sit on a nearby table if that will help you be at peace. Come on. Mark, we need to talk."

"Wait, why are you guys here?" Jeno asked Yeji.

"What do you think cousin? Solji wants to forget about you. She needed this night to loosen up!" Yeji replied.

They didn't wait for Jeno to say something when they walked away, leaving him with the girl he vowed to avoid. Solji could barely open her eyes but when she looked up, Jeno swore time had slowed down. She was still beautiful despite the smeared red lipstick and the rundown mascara on her cheeks.

She had been crying again.

Solji couldn't properly see but she smelled him despite the alcohol and smoke stench in the air. His perfume made the whole place fragrant.

It was nostalgic.

This was the same place and the same table where they met. And now, Solji was back in Jeno's arms again.

"I missed you, Jeno!" Solji cried. She gripped his shirt tightly. "Jeno, please. I'm sorry. Whatever I did to you, I'm so sorry. Just please, come back..."

Jeno's heart shattered into a million pieces as Solji cried in his chest. He closed his eyes and let his arms circle around her body.

"I missed you, too," Jeno whispered. Solji pulled him away and looked into his eyes. "You did nothing wrong to me. You could never do wrong to me."

"Then why did you leave? I don't understand!" Solji whined.

Jeno couldn't answer but he was rendered even more speechless after he heard what Solji was about to say.

"I love you, Jeno. I love you. I fucking love you so much and it hurts... here!" Solji harshly patted her chest where her heart was. "I can't even sleep, eat, or even breathe properly. I'm so fucking miserable after that night. Why won't you let me help you? Why did you push me away? Why did you make me feel like a second choice when Heejin came?"

Solji was riding a car with no brakes and now she's plumetting down and she was unable to stop. Everything she's saying to Jeno was all the things she wanted to say but couldn't. The liquid courage made her talk and she's probably going to regret everything when she woke up.

"I missed you so much, Jeno. If I have to beg you on my knees, I would! Just come back to me. I love you, Jeno. I love you so much that it hurts. Are you hurting right now?"

Even though Jeno knew she was drunk, he still talked to her.

"Yes. I'm in so much pain," Jeno whispered. Solji reached for his face and trapped it between her hands.

"I love you. I'm so sorry," Solji replied.

Jeno closed his eyes and felt the warmth of her hands. He could smell alcohol in her breath but he didn't complain. He was willing to take whatever he could get.

"I love you too, Solji. I always do and always will," Jeno said. He embraced her until she fell asleep in his arms.

Tonight, Solji finally confessed her feelings for Jeno but tomorrow, she might forget about it.

That didn't matter to Jeno. He was just happy to hear those words from Solji herself despite being under the influence of alcohol.

I hope it's true that people are honest when they're drunk.