TW: violence and abuse

Sitting on the grassy field and taking advantage of the sunny weather, Solji's mood wasn't as bright as everyone else's around her.

Aside from the fact that the final exam was just around the corner, she had not seen Jeno, not even his shadow. Not seeing him was a good thing, she didn't want to see him in the first place. On the other hand, she wanted to know how he was after the stunt she pulled that night.

Her left hand felt empty. The emerald ring that used to sit on her ring finger was gone. It didn't help that she was constantly nervous. That ring gave her comfort when she's anxious and now whenever she's touching her hand, she couldn't feel the gem against her skin.

"That's probably the hundredth time you sighed," Mark said.

Oh, yes. She almost forgot that Mark was sitting beside her right now. She was grateful for his presence. It somehow gave her comfort. Thankfully, he wasn't teasing her as usual. But he was always looking at her, checking if she was still okay.

Mark was a good friend.

"Sorry. I'm still nervous," Solji lied and glanced at Mark then gave him a forced smile.

"What for? I thought you said the perfumers liked the samples you created?"

"Yeah, they did. But you can't stop me from being nervous, alright?"

Solji rolled her eyes and Mark raised his hands in surrender. She lied on her back and closed her eyes. Mark stared at her troubled face. Despite being an expert in pretending, she couldn't hide the deep wrinkles of her furrowed brows.

"What happened that night?" Mark asked.

"What are you talking about?" Solji feigned innocence.

"We both know what I mean."

That's it. There's no turning back.

Solji got up into a sitting position and pulled the grasses from the soil. Mark waited for her to say something.

"What happened to him?" Solji asked, her breath shaky.

"Jeno went home crying. I didn't ask him what happened. He was... he was sobbing uncontrollably and I was too afraid to approach him.

"He didn't speak to us. I doubt he ever even slept. I volunteered to look after Heejin so he can rest but then the next morning, I found him still sitting in the same position where I left him. He was staring blankly outside the glass walls of his house. I thought he lost his mind."

A lump formed in Solji's throat as she tried to imagine Jeno, exhausted and sleepless, staring at the void with blank eyes. She did that to him. But she was just as miserable.

When Mark didn't receive any answer from Solji, he let out a sigh and casted his eyes downwards only to find the missing ring on Solji's hand.

Solji saw Mark looking at her hand and she clenched it into a fist.

"No... you did not..."

Solji nodded sullenly. "I did."

"So that's why..."

Mark was surprised when he saw Solji's shoulders shaking. He slowly lifted her chin to see her face.

Even when she was crying, she was still beautiful. But those tears weren't for him. And even if it made his heart ache, he pulled her into a hug as he rubbed her back comfortingly.

"I'm... stupid... I like him a lot. I like Jeno so much. But... but why..."

Solji couldn't finish her sentence as she let out a heartbreaking sob. Mark closed his eyes. He was in pain, too. The girl he liked just confessed her feelings for his cousin. She didn't know. She wasn't aware. So whatever he was feeling right now, she wasn't responsible for it.

Mark didn't say anything and only hugged Solji tighter. These were stolen moments where he could pretend their feelings were mutual.

From afar, Jeno saw everything. He clenched his fist. A lot of things were running in his mind but none of it was the possibility of Solji liking him. All his life, he was contented from whatever scrap of attention and affection he could get.

This was the only time he ever truly felt that he lost.

***

Jaemin waded his way through the mess in Jeno's house and found him lying on his bed with the same clothes he wore yesterday. He was awake but good as dead.

He scanned his room and took a deep breath before picking up the dirty clothes lying on the floor. He didn't even want to look at the dirty dishes left on the sink and the stinking leftovers on the dining table. His pristine house turned into a dumpster within days.

"You know you're going to get sick if you don't clean up," Jaemin nagged Jeno as he stashed the dirty clothes in the romper.

Jaemin sat on Jeno's bed and he scrunched his nose when he smelled the stench of alcohol. There were bottles of beer beside his bed. He just knew Solji would be horrified at the smell alone.

"Solji..." Jeno murmured as he twirled her ring in his fingers.

"She's not here..." Jaemin whispered.

"I love you..."

Jaemin was stunned, but didn't say anything. A few seconds later, he was sobbing. Jaemin couldn't do anything but watch as his friend crumble before him. He had no idea that the day would come when he would see his best friend cry over a girl. He did not need to ask for the details, he already knew just by looking.

What surprised him was his honesty.

Jeno loved Solji.

"I love you so much..." he said between sobs. "Please... please just choose me. Not Mark. Me. Choose me..."

His heart literally broke as Jeno begged the ring as if it was Solji. Jeno deserved the world, but the world didn't deserve him for all the shit he had to endure. Only if it there was an easy way out.

"Jeno..." Jaemin called and hugged his friend. He didn't mind the stench of alcohol and sweat mixed up. He hugged him close and felt hot tears soaked his shirt. Jeno was beyond devastated.

"Solji... I love her so much... but... but why can't she choose me? Why does it have to be Mark?"

Jaemin's brows furrowed.

"What do you mean?"

Jeno then told him what he saw at the field and he wanted to rip his heart out for aching so badly. He didn't want to remember it anymore yet he couldn't get it out of his mind. He was sobbing on Jaemin's shoulder then he fell asleep after.

Even in his sleep, he wasn't at peace.

His phone on the bedside table glowed and Jaemin saw a text message from Taeyong.

"I'm sure he wouldnt kill me for snooping," Jaemin told himself when he opened the text message.

My Fave Cousin: You should visit your parents, Jeno. They're asking me about you and you weren't returning their calls. I hope you're doing fine. I'll visit you when I have time.

Jaemin sighed as he returned the phone on the table.

"No, he's not fine at all and he's going through the most difficult phase of his life," Jaemin muttered under his breath. He knew nobody would hear him but he still kept talking. "He's not in the right state to have a family reunion that will bring him no good. Leave him alone for awhile."

As Jeno snoozed in his bed, Jaemin cleaned up the whole house. He didn't mind at all. He found cleaning therapeutic. While he's vacuuming the floor, he was only thinking about ways to help his friend.

***

Jeno trudged his way back to his parent's house. He loathed that place. The suffocating walls they called home.

And every time he went back, he was only reminded of the traumas he had to face while growing up. He mostly went back there because of his mom. After receiving an urgent call from Taeyong, he moved like a speed of light and fixed himself. Two days had passed when Jeno received the text message but he didn't respond. He woke up and his house was clean, courtesy of Jaemin.

And two days of no response, Taeyong called Jeno and now, he's standing on their front door. He didn't bother knocking at all and pushed the door open.

The first thing he saw were shattered vases. His heart started racing inside his chest. He caught sight of their housemaid cowering behind the kitchen counter.

"T-Their upstairs!" the housemaid burst into tears. "Jeno, do something! Please!"

Jeno didn't have to be told twice. He sprinted up the second floor of their house. Everywhere he looked was a mess as if someone robbed the house and destroyed everything in sight. He opened several doors, searching for his parents until he heard a loud crash coming from his father's office at the end of the corridor.

He ran so fast and tried to twist the doorknob but it was locked. He slammed his body repeatedly but the door wouldn't budge open. He could hear his mother crying and shouting and it fueled his rage.

"Fuck it!" he screamed at the door.

"Be honest, Donghae!" Jeno heard his mother's muffled scream. "You never loved me, didn't you? It was always her! It has always been Irene!"

Jeno stopped struggling and pressed his ear to hear them better.

"Tell me the truth! You planned this, didn't you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Donghae yelled. "Your paranoia ruined this marriage! You kept accusing me of things and I am so sick of it!"

"Stop passing the blame to me, you cheater! You cheated on me with different women and I endured everything you did just to keep this marriage! You were never a good husband!"

"And you were never a good wife!"

"Because deep inside, you know you still loved Irene! You think I'm stupid? You planned this whole engagement thing with our son and their daughter just so you could be close to her again! You used our son for your own selfishness! Velour never needed Atlanta but you needed Irene!"

Jeno's knees buckled and he held the doorknob for support. All those years, he thought they were happy because they were complete. Tiffany endured all the abuse and trauma for Jeno to have a complete family.

But everything that was forced to begin with would never work.

His father never moved from Solji's mother. His first love. The woman he loved the most.

"I am going to file a divorce first thing tomorrow. You will return to where you belong, Donghae! I will not stop until I see you become an ash because of the fire you stoked! You will be diminished into a mere smoke and I will watch as you beg me to take you back!"

Donghae screamed followed by a loud crash. Tiffany was screaming for help. This time, Jeno walked a fee steps back before kicking the door open.

He caught his father slamming a plaque on his mother. Tiffany's arms were bloody and bruised while protecting her face and Donghae had a bleeding cut on his lip.

Jeno didn't wait for his father to recover from the surprise. He pushed him away from his mother and landed a punch on his jaw. He let go of the plaque and tried to push his son away but Jeno, being younger and stronger, straddled his father and kept throwing punches at him. It hurt him to hurt his own father but he would do anything to protect his mom.

"Jeno, baby, stop... stop!"

Tiffany got to her feet and pulled Jeno away from Donghae. His fists were bleeding and his father's face was almost unrecognizable from the injury. He searched for the plaque again but Jeno kicked his hand hard.

"Don't you ever fucking touch my mother again!" Jeno yelled and was about to land a punch again but Tiffany hugged him, her bleeding arms smearing blood on his pristine shirt.

"Baby, stop, please. I'm okay. We'll be okay. Don't hurt your father anymore."

Despite all the things that Donghae did, Tiffany loved him. Even when his heart belonged to someone else. To think that Tiffany and Irene were best friends, she was put in a situation where she had to endure the pain silently.

Jeno hugged his mom and he felt her thin and weak body leaning to him. She became frail through the years brought by a toxic marriage, stressful job, and an abusive husband. He glared at his father again who managed to sit on the floor and lean on the table.

Tiffany faced him. He moved a little and she flinched which angered Jeno even more.

"Tomorrow, I will talk to my lawyer and he will prepare the divorce papers. Sign it as soon as possible or you will not like the consequences. I have so much over power you and yet I never used it against you. But you, you had the guts to raise your hands at me and hit me. You are nothing when I met you and you became something because of me. I put you in that place and I will remove you from it."

After that powerful speech, Tiffany dragged Jeno out of the office. When they got downstairs, they found the housemaids waiting and they were horrified when they saw her state.

"We need an ambulance," Jeno told the housemaid.

"I already called one," she replied and guided them outside.

Tiffany didn't protest when they asked her to lay on the stretcher. Jeno didn't let go of her hand and whispered comforting words to her.

"You are so brave... my boy," Tiffany whispered and she smiled. Jeno had his mother's smile and he had always been proud to have it. Her smile comforted him in every situation and now he wanted to burst into tears.

"You'll be alright. He won't touch you again. I promise you."

Tiffany didn't say anything and caressed her son's face as the ambulance drove to the hospital.

***

A sudden dreadful feeling made Solji's heart race. She didn't know what caused it. It just happened suddenly.

She was peacefully reading a book one night when the feeling struck her. Right on cue, she received a phone call from Yeji.

"Hey! You called?"

"Solji, have you heard about Jeno's parents?"

Solji's heart dropped at the mention of them.

"What is it? What happened?"

She heard a heavy sigh from the other line.

"Jeno, he found his parents fighting. This was probably the worst fight that he had witnessed. I only learned a bit of the story from their housemaid because Jeno wouldn't talk to anyone. My aunt was bleeding when they brought her to the hospital. My uncle was also injured. They weren't sure but they assumed Jeno punched his father."

She let out an audible gasp after hearing the story. She knew Jeno's parents' relationship was on the rocks but she would have never thought that they would go that far.

Her mind reeled to Jeno.

"Where's Jeno right now?"

"I don't know. He's not here in the hospital. He said he's going somewhere."

Just when Solji was about to tell Yeji to drop the address of the hospital, her phone vibrated. She almost dropped her phone when she saw who the message was from.

Engr. Jeno: I'm outside your house. Can you spare me a minute? I have to tell you something important.

"He's here!"

"What?"

"He's here! He's outside my house. I'm going to go to him now."

"Alright. Take care. Both of you. He needs you the most right now."

Solji's heart ached at the thought of Jeno being devastated. All the anger she held against him dissipated. She set her pride aside for a moment. That could wait. Right now, Jeno needed her. She swiftly moved to her feet, wore a pair of shoes and wore a jacket since it was cold outside, and ran outside of the house.

The moment she stepped out of the gate, she spotted Jeno leaning on the lamppost nearby. He didn't bring his car.

Jeno looked up and their eyes locked. The light coming from the lamppost casted a shadow on Jeno's face but Solji didn't need to see just how exhausted he looked.

So without thinking, Solji ran towards him and wrapped him in a tight embrace.

"Jeno..." she whispered in his ear as she caressed his back.

Jeno sighed at the contact. After days of misery, he was back in her arms again. Or back for a moment. Either way, he buried his head on her neck, breathing in her scent as he circled his arms around her waist, pulling her closer to him.

"Let's stay like this for a little while," Jeno whispered.

"We can stay like this as long as you want," Solji replied.

I'm afraid we don't have enough time, Jeno thought but he didn't say it out loud. He didn't want to ruin the moment. He would take whatever he could get before he dropped the bomb.

Jeno gently pulled away from the hug despite his silent agony to break the contact. Solji's hands went up to caress his cheek, down to his shoulder, gliding down to his arm and finally, his hands. She was surprised to see it wrapped in bandage.

"Oh my... what happened?" Solji asked.

Jeno shook his head and smiled sadly. "I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

"Let's go inside, it's cold---"

Jeno didn't let her finish when he gently cradled her face between his wounded hands.

"I'm sorry."

"What? Why are you apologizing?"

"For everything."

Her eyes searched his but all she could see was sadness. Jeno stared at her as if memorizing every detail of her face.

"I wish we have more time..." he whispered as he tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.

"We do, Jeno. We do. You said you will make it up to me, didn't you?"

Her heart dropped when she saw a shed of tear cascades down his cheek. Jeno let out a humorless laugh before wiping the stray tear.

"I have something to tell you."

There was sadness in his voice and Solji knew she wouldn't like what's going to happen next. She wanted to make him stop but also wanted to hear what he's about to say.

"My father... my pathetic excuse of a father hurt my mother. Not only hurt, almost killed. He would have killed her if I didn't come for her rescue. I punched him until he bled that's why my hands were wounded. But I'm okay. It didn't hurt. I was more hurt by the fact that my mother endured all of that for my sake."

Solji knew just how toxic his parents' relationship was but she didn't know they would reach to that extent. Her parents would have fights but her father never raised his hand let alone raised his voice against her mother.

"Do you know what they were fighting about?"

Solji shook her head.

"Your mother."

Confusion inculcated her face at his answer. How could her mother have something to do with his parents' fight? Jeno smiled bitterly but he grasp remained gentle.

"My father still loved your mother. After all these years, even when they both got married and had families, he never stopped loving her. Hell, he set up this whole engagement thing between us so he could keep your mother close to him. He probably thought that if he couldn't have her as he wanted, at least they were connected. He was willing to take whatever he could get. Even if it meant hurting people in the process."

Solji's head was spinning at the revelation. She knew that their parents had history but she never would have thought that Jeno's father was still in love with her mother. He even married her best friend.

The fact that they were only engaged because his father wanted to keep her mother close was mind-blowing yet tragic at the same time. That was so selfish of him to involve innocent people and hurt them for his own gain.

"My mother is going to file a divorce and he will sign it as soon as possible. He has to. And this only means one thing."

"What is it?"

Jeno closed his eyes and when he opened it, it was glistening with unshed tears. Solji was still confused. He smiled sadly before pressing a kiss on her forehead.

"Our engagement has been broken. You're free," he replied with a smile that didn't reach his eyes.

Instead of being happy about the news, she was devastated. She shook her head in an attempt to get away from Jeno but he held her firmly without hurting her.

"No... no! Stop lying to me, this isn't a good joke, Jeno. I swear. Stop it!"

"Isn't this what you wanted when you returned the ring to me?"

Solji pushed Jeno's chest and freed herself from his grasp. They were both hurting right now. Fat tears cascaded down her cheeks as she continued to be in denial. She wasn't the same person she used to be months ago. She wasn't happy at the news at all because she knew she caught feelings for Jeno.

"I returned that ring to you because I want you to choose me, Jeno!" she said. "All I ever want was for you to choose me!"

She sat on the ground and held her head between her hands as she continued to sob uncontrollably. Jeno crouched on the ground in front of her and lifted her chin.

"I already chose you before I even knew what I truly felt for you," Jeno whispered. "I love you, Solji. I don't even know what love is before I met you. I love you with everything that I got. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything..."

Jeno pulled her into a hug. She cried harder as she gripped his shirt.

"Jeno, please... please don't go..."

"You will always have me," Jeno whispered. "Always."

"Please! Jeno, I'm begging you... don't..."

She wanted to wrap her arms around him tightly and never let him go but her body betrayed her. All the strength she got was drained from crying so much.

"I will always love you even if we're afar. I will bleed and cry for you. Please be happy, for me."

"I can't!" Solji cried as she fisted his shirt in a desperate attempt to pull him closer. "I can't... Jeno. I can't!"

"You're a strong and independent woman and I will always support you, Solji. You don't need me to survive. You'll be fine without me."

"Jeno..."

"I love you, Solji. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. Maybe in our next life, we'll meet again. If that happens, I will never let you go."

Jeno's embrace slowly loosened around her. He planted a tender kiss on her forehead one last time before standing up, leaving her on the ground. It pained him to leave her like that but he knew, she would be fine.

After all, he was just passing by in her life.

Solji watched as Jeno turned on his heels and walked away. She wanted to run after him and beg him to stay. She was willing to swallow her pride and dignity for him.

Her legs betrayed her. Maybe that was her body's way of keeping her from ruining her entire self for him.

Solji lied on the ground as she curled her body into a ball in an attempt to prevent the hole in her heart from growing bigger. She sought the comfort of her ring but it wasn't there. She cried even harder when she remembered the night she returned it to him.

She wanted him to choose her.

He did. He loved her even.

But what was the point of his confession if they couldn't be together? Jeno already squashed that idea. He was hell bent on keeping her away from him. No matter how much she tried to kick in to the water to save him, she could never do it if he kept swimming away

Drowning was a better option.

Doyoung found her there when he got home. He was alarmed when he saw his sister lying on the ground near their house and so he immediately got out of his car and carried her in his arms.

"Solji!" he called her frantically. "What happened?"

"J-Jeno... Jeno he... he left..."

In an instant, tears soaked Doyoung's suit and ran to their house. Her family was surprised when they saw Solji in Doyoung's arms, but they didn't say anything. Instead, they looked at her with sympathy.

She didn't need it.

She needed Jeno.

They knew what happened. They were probably informed about the engagement being called off while Jeno and Solji were talking outside.

Everything happened quickly. Solji was lying on her bed, fisting the sheets tightly while sobbing uncontrollably. She was a crying mess and her face would be puffy tomorrow but she didn't care.

The door of her room opened and she recognized the strong smell of her mother's perfume. Irene didn't say anything as she cradled her daughter in her arms, whispering soothing words to her.

But no amount of soothing and encouraging words could make the pain stop.

She knew her mother was blaming herself now. She wanted to tell her it wasn't her fault but she couldn't utter a word right now.

Jeno overestimated her strength.

Even the strongest person falls down on their knees.

Maybe she would heal. Maybe she would forget about him. Maybe she could continue with her life as if she didn't meet him at all.

Sleep finally overtook her body. But even in her sleep, she wasn't at peace. She dreamt of Jeno and of broken promises and spoiled weddings.

Maybe there wasn't a next lifetime waiting for them.

Maybe they were meant to fall apart after all.