here are the songs that have inspired me for this chapter :)

she looks so perfect - 5 seconds of summer

bad guy - billie eilish

last friday night - katy perry

lady marmalade - christina aguilera

timber - pitbull

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❀ -- sienna garcia -- ❀

It almost feels possible for me to die of social anxiety due to the sheer multitude streaming into the school canteen.

"Goodness..." I gasp, taking in the sight before me.

The walls are painted a weird combination of bright yellow and beige, sending my appetite plummeting for the pits. Liquid grease clogs up my nostrils and my stomach begins churning up a warm, pungent mixture. It's as though there are a thousand of us in this enclosed space fighting for a fraction of the oxygen.

My breaths get increasingly shallow and a head-splitting migraine grips my temples.

"Hey, you alright? You look a little pale,"Lea says. A wrinkled crease forms between her defined brows and she looks at me with such intensity.

"I'm okay, don't worry about me. Shall we go grab lunch?" I smile weakly, not wanting to ruin our first lunch together.

A wide variety of different cuisines spread before my eyes, and I'm left clueless as to what choice to make (if I could choose not to choose at all, trust me, I would). Lea glances apprehensively between 'Western Delights' and 'Pepper Lunch Express' while chewing eagerly on her bottom lip.

"What are you getting?" we say in unison, before laughing at our shared telepathy.

"Pepper Lunch Express looks good today," Lea says, "and the queue looks manageable. How about you?"

"I'll go along with your choice," I smile and we waste no time in joining the five-man queue.

Lea reaches for her iPhone 6 from her pocket and starts typing a reply message to 'grizzly bear' from the lock screen. I let the clicking of the keyboard and the constant buzzing of the crowd fill my ears as I drown out my surroundings and fiddle with my fingers absent-mindedly.

My hand goes to my side pocket but then I realise I have nothing to do and no one to message anyway (other than my parents, but I think I'll give that a pass for now) so I look up at the vertically positioned whiteboard menu and scan through the list of available meals.

Thank God Lea realises I've been left 'unattended' for longer than I should have, and springs up, a little livelier than usual, "In case you're deciding what to get, I would recommend the Pepper Beef Steak."

"Is that what you're getting?" I ask, as though her replying with a 'yes' would give me a confidence boost for making the decision. Dad's rubbed so much off me, I laugh to myself.

A split moment later the thought evaporates and I don't seem to remember why I had even conjured the thought at all. Oh Lord, I can't be getting Dementia yet. I'm way too young.

"Nope, I'm getting beef pepper rice instead," She says, and I'm about to ask her why she would recommend something then order another but she fills in the blanks just as quickly, "it's cheaper."

"Ah," I say.

A cordial middle aged lady takes our orders and we exchange our six-fifties for a number tag. Mine is written order number thirty two. Starving, we tip toe and peer into whatever's visible of the kitchen from our vantage point.

I catch a fleeting glimpse of what seems like her husband, earnestly assembling beef strips onto a black coal hotplate. Lea turns her attention back to her gadget, satisfied. I let my arms stick by the side of my torso awkwardly, tapping a rhythm against my thigh.

At the corner of my eye, I spot Jasper two stores away queuing for 'Burgers'. A long haired blonde sashays up next to him, patting him lightly on his skinny but toned upper arm. So he's not exactly a body-builder.

Jasper looks up from his cell surprised and his lips pull into a wide grin as he greets her. I've yet to be able to do a shoulder-to-shoulder height comparison with Jasper, but my intuitions tell me he's a tall one.

No doubt she is too; her crown hovers around somewhere around the height of Jasper's neck. Damn, she's tall.

But then again, perhaps it's because I'm Asian, everyone here seems way taller. I sometimes wonder why God made Asians smaller sized than everyone else. It really doesn't help when I have an odd squarish shape torso which renders me too horizontally challenged for an S but outsized by the M.

Usually, I'd be suffocating my own hormonal waves of jealousy at the sight of a girl prettier than me hit on my eye candy... Not this time though, weird.

"Orders number thirty two and thirty three please!" The nice lady calls out delightfully, sending Lea and I lunging forward like thirsty camels spotting a well in the desert. I pick up two sets of utensils before passing the plastic tag over to the lady and cautiously hold the platter up by the wooden tray beneath.

'Beware! Sizzling hot!' the dish is encircled with a thin piece of paper. Yup, I think I can see that just fine.

I walk towards the extreme right of the canteen but Lea signals in the opposite direction instead.

"It's quieter there," She remarks, and I nod. God bless these angels; they must've been sent down to make sure no one enters my no-no square.

I've had this 'Am I an introvert or an extrovert?' thing going on for quite a while now. On some days I'm frisky and the sky rains rainbow sparkles— moments like these take away my social inhibitions and I entertain the slightest chance that I may just be an under-developed extrovert - or 'introvert extrovert' - they say.

On others I live wishing I were invisible, sticking like glue to the corner of rooms and hoping that no one ever notices my presence.

Lea chooses a table on the outermost row, where we get a beautiful view of the yellow-green Quaking Aspens outside. We swing our legs over the bench and take a seat opposite each other. I inspect the table for any visible signs of dirt and germs before resting my forearms against the sides.

A clatter of plastic plates against the table top disrupts the quiet peace of our surroundings and I swivel my head around in anticipation.

Oh, I think as the sight of a familiar female face and male back-view greets me. Jasper's company catches me and does a polite eye smile towards Lea and me. I return the greeting and Lea smiles back knowingly.

"Are they a thing?" I say quietly, scooping a mouthful of honey-garlic sauce rice and corn kernels onto the metal spoon.

"Depends on what you define 'a thing'" Lea says, careful not to raise her voice, "But yeah I guess so they're more than friends but not official so you make your conclusion."

I rub my chin pretentiously, "Hmm thanks for the juicy information," I reply, and we both burst out giggling. First day of school and gossip's already rollin' in.

--

Once we're done with lunch we head back to class with thirty minutes to spare (lunch break is an hour long). I'm contemplating between finishing up the math worksheet from the period earlier and going over to the other classmates to get some small talk going. The choice is made up for me though, as a group of classmates come over to Lea's and my spot.

"Hey!" A hand taps me from behind, firmly on the shoulder. I jump up in shock.

"Do you wanna play badminton together?" A girl whose name I haven't bothered to know squeaks exuberantly and her eyes drill into my soul expectantly.

"Um..." I drag my favourite speech filler and glance over at Lea for help.

"I'm fine," She shrugs cooly. The ball is back in its court and I'm forced to make the decision. Yay to making social decisions.

"Sure," I say halfheartedly. "And you are...?" I should probably do some socialising and make a few more friends anyway, I try to psych myself up.

"I'm Emma!"

"Isabelle here!"

"Ah I see, I'm Averie," I say out of some sort of obligation to fit in, be polite, or perhaps both.
"How many of us are there?" I then ask.

"Seven, including you two! C'mon let's hurry over to grab a court before they're all occupied," Emma says and gestures animatedly towards three other guys who look over from whatever they're doing in the corner.

I groan at the sight and swear quietly for getting myself into this mess. I had a perfect date with my mathematics worksheet, I remind myself.

No mater how much math and I dislike each other, I'd pick our date over a badminton sparring session with a bunch of sweaty guys anytime. I can't believe how badly I just succumbed to peer pressure.

"Well I certainly did not expect this much bravery coming from you," Lea jokes as we trail behind Emma and Isabelle down the steps.

I'm panting slightly, probably because they're going at such a fast pace. I don't think I can remember the last time I worked out. Lea, on the other hand, is taking big strides without breaking a single drop of sweat.

"Me neither," I say mindlessly (I'm pretty sure the areas responsible for physical movement are firing up right now).

"Just thought it'd be cool to get out of the classroom for a while," My excuse generator goes on an auto-run.

I feel a little bad for being such a faux, but I just can't help it sometimes. It's as though I was born to lie; I just can't muster up the courage to be completely honest with others.

Once we're in the sports hall, Emma disappears into the equipment room while Isabelle walks over to claim a full sized court as ours. I look down at the white number '5' painted on the ground and wonder how many courts there are in total.

One of the guys goes over to the nearest basketball hoop and jumps up to dust the top of the rim in one smooth action. The other two hoot loudly and cheer him on before giving it a shot too, only to miss miserably, hands skimming the bottom of the net. Show-off, I think and resist the urge to roll my eyes.

Moments later, my nostrils respond physically to their 'feat' as well. I'm making these high pitched squeaky sounds as air rushes to escape my frame via the only accessible escape route, also known as my nostrils.

When I'm done with the whole dust-evacuation business I give them a death glare. My petite body doesn't hold much threatening power but I swear, they are so dead if they try to do another one of those 'let's sweep dust off the rim because it makes us look cool' thing.

Boys are such aliens. Where are the men-in-black when I need them?

"Here!" Emma exclaims as she jogs over, a big mess of rackets in her arms. The rackets are a dusty mixture of red and blue frames that wrap around the inner white and neon yellow nylon strings.

I hurry near to take some over before they spill out of her hands like jelly beans (then we'll have dented rackets and I am so not paying for that).

"Thank you Averie," She whispers as she looks up at the rest excitedly.

There's an enthusiastic glint in her eyes.  I smile and tighten my grip on the oddly dusty rackets.

"Alright! Let's split ourselves into two teams... How about the three of you against the four of us?" Wait... all seven of us are going to be fitting into one badminton court?

"Uh... you sure about that?" The guy in the middle asks. His squarish glasses rise, revealing the freckles beneath them. Pigments of a darker beige shade sit cutely on his cheeks.

Exactly, thanks for pointing it out buddy.

"Yeah! Why not?" Emma chirps and I look over to Lea only to get a blank-face response in return. Her eyes are too fixated on sieving through the pile for 'the right racket'.

I keep my gaze firm on her and it finally pays off when she turns over sharply in response to my drilling stare. She throws a sheepish smile which only reminds me of how helpless she is in this situation too.

My eyes move shiftily over to the clock, and it reads 12:41. It's only been a few minutes? Damn it... Never once have I yearned so much for classes to begin.

"Who's that?" I mouth the question. She'd better make herself the slightest bit helpful— Okay she's not the least at fault for any of this catastrophic episode but I'm honestly just taking my anger and frustration out on her.

This badminton thing really is getting to me and I want so badly to 'bail' but the game master above refuses to hand it to me. Sorry Lea.

"Nathan," Lea says, smirking as though to suggest a hidden intention of mine. I shake my head, telling her not to read to much into it. At the same time, I marvel at her high tolerance for being a punching bag.

Emma and I start handing out rackets to everyone and when I'm left with one I look around to make sure everyone has one before claiming it as mine.

I suppose it was supposed to have a white rubber grip, but it's now just a furry mess of rubber. I give the racket a spin, swing it through the air (it goes whoooooooo!) a few times and get comfortable with the grip. I smile at Lea as we take our positions on the right half of our side of the court.

She extends a fist for a bro-fist and I do so eagerly. "Fa la la la," I sing and she face-palms herself. I giggle. I love how the 'fa la la la' thing sounds because it's just incredibly cute— it sounds like fluffy clouds and the xylophone combined.

"You guys serve!" Emma squeals across the court and my ears feel incredibly attacked.

Nathan picks up a not so worn-out shuttlecock from the ground and lifts it up into an upward trajectory with a swing of the racket.

"Mine," Lea says as she returns the shuttlecock skillfully. One of the other guys do a forehand, landing the shuttlecock in the middle of the court, though closer to Lea and my side. I pull my shoulders back in anticipation, ready to return.

"I'll take this!" Emma's scream catches me off caught as she lurches closer. Time freezes and I can only watch in horror as her racket inches closer towards my face. I will my feet to move but they stay rooted to the ground, as though my ankles have been chained down by a thousand weights.

Oh God, save me. I shut my eyes and brace my skull for the impact.

My vision goes black as the impact knocks me onto the ground. I use my forearms to cushion the impact of the fall on my head and a sharp searing pain shoots through my elbow joint and my hips as they meet the ground first.

I swear I should have seen this coming.

--
The fusion of antiseptic vapor and some unknown brand's freshener spray hangs heavy in the air. I'm usually good with identifying smells and using that to figure my surroundings even before my eyes get a chance, but this must be a place I've yet to set foot on.

I twist onto the right side of my torso just for a change of position (God knows how long I've been here to have my back this stiff) and a sharp, piercing throb spreads like wildfire through my crown.

My left hand flies instinctively to the 'hot spot' and am greeted by a tight bandaging across the surface area instead. "Huh?" I mutter unwittingly as I struggle to balance the blood pressure going to my head.

"Try not to move," A male voice cuts through the thin air and my eyelids flutter open unwittingly.

The same freckly, bespectacled boy is comfortably nestled on the perch of a cheap plastic chair just two meters away from the edge of my single size mattress. His back is hunched as he bends forward over, fingers flying across the screen of his lit device. In his ears are a pair of black silicon ear buds, which probably are keeping out any subpar source of sound wave from his eardrums.

Jeez, why am I... Man, I do have a bad habit of overly scrutinizing people.

"Why-Where's Lea?" Is the first thing that's on my mind. The fact that my newly found good friend isn't here beside me after what happened at lunch break is quite a bummer...

Not that I was expecting her to tend to my every need, but I was looking forward to her presence. She's the only one I trust here enough to open up to.

"Oh, she's um, busy with class I think. If I'm not wrong she currently has class, and we gotta have someone step in to make sure you're okay. That's why I'm here I guess," He blurts out nervously.

"Oh... okay," I say sadly. I think I'm pouting but I'm not sure. I'm pretty close to giving in to the overwhelming sense of homesickness I'm currently experiencing, but the fact that this boy is Asian, too, somehow does much to make me feel a little more at home.

Don't get me wrong, being xenophobic or racist is the last thing I'd do. It's just... People fall prey to the comforts of familiarity from time to time, and I'm no exception.

Having being shrouded with the presence of a vast majority of foreign faces (mostly Europeans and Eurasians, but look closely enough and you'll find people of the minority groups) has worn me out physically and mentally.

Without Lea who filled up the spot of my fellow 'Asian School Navigator' (Not Asian School— it's an international school) , all I really want right now is to somehow summon Lea and get her to to call my parents, tell them to come fetch me then say goodbye to the school for the day.

"Hey, please don't do that, it'll make it worse," Nathan says when I rub my forehead, in a desperate attempt to rid the excruciating pain on my forehead that refuses to go away no matter what I do. I groan and turn towards the other side to face the wall (...and back face him, that is).

"Sweetheart, listen to him. This boy means well," the voice of a hoarse visitor stirs me from my state of semi-consciousness and I roll on my back to catch a glimpse of her.

Nathan forms a sheepish smile and nods slightly to her words. "Besides, he makes complete sense," She smiles motherly and sets a tray with a plastic cup and small metal tumblr on the bed side stand.

My palms go to cup the transparent plastic and an inviting warmth diffuses into my skin. "I'm just so sick and tired of exploring this new compound for today," I whimper as I pull the blanket closer to my chest.

The aged lady puts her weight on a replica of Nathan's plastic seat beside the head of the bed. The contact of her callused fingers against the back of my palms catches my attention and I realise that she's now holding my hands.

"I know, I know," Her words are soothing and hold some odd sort of weight to them. "It's a little cold in here, isn't it? Come, drink up," She says and pulls my pillow to lean again the bed frame, lifting my head gently in the process.

Nathan steps forth and they help me up even though I think that may have been a little unnecessary— I still have some strength in my arms but I guess that's not the point.

"How do we address you, Miss?" Nathan asks politely and his gesture impressed me immediately. I turn to look at him with a newly lit sense of admiration.

"Such a charming boy you are," She laughs heartily, the edges of her eyes crinkling up into a mysterious wrinkle of skin. I catch myself mirroring her infectious joy just the same.

"My name is Marilynn, but you can call me Lynn. It's what the kids here call me: Mother Lynn, Auntie Lynn, Ms Lynn— it don't matter to me."

My eyes are glued to her every movement like an infant does to its mother. Lynn exudes this calming aura which even convinces me that in this moment, nothing can possibly go wrong under her watch.

"May I ask a question?" I raise my hand timidly and they both laugh.

"Of course you may dear, and what's with the raising of hands? This isn't a classroom, mind you," Her hands are busy pouring me a fresh cup of water from the tumbler.

"Loosen up a little; you are in the sick bay after all!" She sings and makes the last few words go in an upward intonation.

"What do you do here?" I say finally. Nathan spares me from his gaze and rests it upon Lynn. "You're the nurse, right?" He says maturely.

"Not a certified nurse nurse, but yes; My job here is to nurse you little ones who at any point decide to drop by with an unfortunate accident," She replies, sounding like the narrator of a wisdom filled proverbs book.

I really do feel safe here with her— no wonder she's here. The knocking of the ward door interrupts all of us and the stature of a lady with cleanly kept bangs is revealed. Her perfume is sweet but without the nauseatingly overpowering tinge of vanilla.

"Mother!" My eyes light up at the sight and she drops down beside me to touch my bandage.

"She's doing fine, Madam," Lynn informs her professionally and I smile faintly— nothing better than a living proof, right?

"Thank you so much," Mother gushes and turns to give Lynn the appreciation she deserves. Once the Q&A session (How did this happen?! Who did this?!) is over, Mother tries to help me put on my sneakers but I shake it off dismissively, letting her know that I'm still fully capable of these small tasks.

"It's really just an abrasion, Mother!" I whine and laughter is chorused throughout the room. Things like that sometimes show how my Mother can be overprotective; Especially when it comes to our wellbeing.

I stand up with my arm on Mother's forearm for support, since the world around me still refuses to stay calibrated.

"Thank you for accompanying me," I say, and then give Lynn and Nathan a final wave. Nathan stands up to bid me goodbye and Lynn does so too.

As Mother and I continue north to the car park, I feel the undying stare of someone from behind. Without turning around, I know he's still watching.