Some of this is from the actual show and book. A lot of it's from the actual show. I do not own the words that are in any way, all credit goes to the writers.

Mention of suicide.

Continued:

I turned to Evan, locking eyes with him. "Isn't that what you meant?" My parents glared at me.

"Loser, I was going to say, actually. But. Nerd works, too."

"Well, that wasn't very nice."

"Well, Connor wasn't very nice, so that makes sense," I mumbled. But they heard me.

"Connor was... he was a complicated person." I looked up.

"No, Connor was a bad person. There's a difference."

"Zoe, please." My dad said. I turned to him now.

"Don't pretend like you don't agree with me!" He knew, he knew the truth, why couldn't he see it?!

"You refuse to remember any of the good things. You refuse to see anything positive!" My mom was hysterical. But no giving up.

"Because there were no good things. What were the good things?!"

"I don't want to have this conversation in front of our guest!"

"What were the good things, Mom? Tell me." I couldn't stop. But seeing this was wrong and this wasn't who Connor was.

"There were good things!" There wasn't. There weren't any and it was hell.

"I remember a lot of good things about Connor!" Silence. Terrible, awful silence. No one said anything. Evan had spoken from the back, leaning into the back of the chair. I turned toward him.

"Like what?"

"Nevermind. I shouldn't have- I'm sorry, nevermind."

"No, no Evan. You were saying something." My mom held on.

"It doesn't matter. Really." Evan said.

"We want to hear what you have to say. Please." She needed this. She knew she needed this.

"Well, I was just- Connor and I... We had a really great time together, this one day, recently. That's something good that I remember about Connor. That's what I keep thinking about. That day." I saw his eyes drift to the bowl on the table. "At the apples, um... the apples... place..." He's kidding, right? No one could possibly... He paused, realizing how stupid it seemed. But the orchard. Maybe they sparked his memory... but- "Anyway. It's- I knew it was stupid. I don't know why I even brought it up."

"He took you to the orchard?" My mom asked her eyes filling up. I remembered the orchard. It was this little place where you could pick apples and have picnics and buy fruit and cider. I liked it there, I new Connor did too, but we hadn't been there since I was about 9 or 10.

"Yes. He did."

"When?"  My mom asked hopefully. This place was important. Maybe... maybe it was true. But maybe it wasn't.

"Once. It was only that once. But he said the apples there were the best."

"I thought that place closed. Years ago." My dad spoke.

"Exactly. Which was why we were so bummed when we got there because it was completely- it's totally closed down now." ...

"We used to go to the orchard all the time. We'd do picnics out there. Remember that, Zoe?"

I didn't look up. "Yeah. I do."

She turned to Dad. "You and Connor had that little toy plane you would fly. Until you flew it into the creek." A smile crept onto my dads and my lips. I hid mine.

"That was an emergency landing." He said, remembering. My mom turned back to Evan.

"I can't believe he took you there. I bet that was fun. I bet you two... I bet you had fun." We all were secretly grinning remembering the fun times we had. But they soon disappeared all of us remember where we were now.

"We did. The whole day was just...

"End of May or early June, this picture-perfect afternoon we share..."  Singing. It was a strange concept of this world, all of us just... singing. When we can't seem to talk we rhyme, and use the only thing we can do, that's the world we live in. Harmonies appearing, it was seemingly easy. And no one really questioned it. My mom turned back to my dad.

"What was the name of that ice cream place out there we loved?"

"À La Mode." My dad spoke up.

"That was it! À La Mode. And they had that homemade hot fudge..."

"Drive the winding country road, grab a scoop at "À La Mode," and then we're there." He was looking at his shoes, slightly red. Evan had a nice voice, like an unhealthy amount of butter being spread on slightly undercooked toast. (I have no clue I'm sorry) My mom looked at my dad.   

"We'd sit in that meadow, with all the sycamores, and you and your brother would look for four-leaf clovers!" She looked at me, like a part of him loves on. She was smiling, really smiling, like I hadn't seen before.

"An open field that's framed with trees,
We pick a spot and shoot the breeze like buddies do.
Quoting songs by our favorite bands,
Telling jokes no one understands, except us two.
And we talk and take in the view.
All we see is sky for forever.
We let the world pass by for forever.
Feels like we could go on for forever this way-
Two friends on a perfect day." He looked up. We were all staring at him.

"I'd completely forgotten about that place." My dad said something unexpressed in his eyes.

"Well, I guess Connor didn't..." She looked at Evan hopefully. "Did he?" Evan swallowed and smiled a bit.

"We walk a while and talk about, the things we'll do when we get out of school. Bike the Appalachian trail or, write a book or learn to sail, wouldn't that be cool? There's nothing that we can't discuss like girls we wish would notice us but never do." I noticed his eyes darting towards me and he cleared his throat. My ears turned red. 

"He looks around and says to me, "There's nowhere else I'd rather be" And I say, "me too". And we talk and take in the view. We just talk and take in the view. All we see is sky for forever. We let the world pass by for forever...Feels like we could go on for forever this way, this way...All we see is light for forever.'Cause the sun shines bright for forever. Like we'll be alright for forever this way, two friends on a perfect day..." All of a sudden he stood up and ran out from behind the table, past me and to the front of the kitchen.

"And there he goes, racing toward the tallest tree! From far across the yellow field I hear him calling, "follow me!"There we go, wondering how the world might look from up so high-one foot after the other, one branch then to another. I climb higher and higher. I climb 'til the entire, sun shines on my face!" He belts the last word. If silence could be a gas, the air would be full of it. 

"And I suddenly feel the branch give way. I'm on the ground, my arm goes numb. I look around. And I see him come to get me..." His voice broke.

"He's come to get me... And everything's okay." But he turned around to us and smiled. (I know he doesn't do this in the show)
"All we see is sky for forever, we let the world pass by for forever. Buddy, you and I for forever this way, this way. All we see is light, 'cause the sun burns bright. we could be alright for forever this way...Two friends...True friends...On a perfect day..."

My mom left and hugged Evan tightly and cried.

"Thank you, Evan. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you..." She let go. Silence.

"Well, I better..." Evan cleared his throat. "I better go."

"I'll take you home," I said. He snapped up.

"Oh no, it's fine-"

"No, no. I'll take you. I need to go for a drive. Hop in." My car was this bright blue Volvo, it used to be Connors, he hated it. I hated it.

The silence was deafening and awkward. Finally, Evan speaks. "This is a nice car...What is it German?" I looked at him like he was insane. This car had to be over 20 years old. I looked back to the road.

"It's a piece of crap," I said. "There's always something wrong with it." Right on cue, the engine rattled. I always was anxious about stuff wrong with cars, all of my life. I thought they would blow up or break down. "Where do you live?" He gave me the address.

We pulled up to a small house about a mile away. It was eggshell blue, like my guitar, the exact shade. I turned to Evan the things in my head spilling out. "You probably think I'm a Junior and clueless, but I know what's really going on."

"I don't know what you mean." Classic.

"You and Connor weren't sending secret emails because you were friends."

"What?" 

"I've been wracking my brain-" (Not really) "All night-" (Not even close) "Trying to figure out why you two would possibly be talking to each other." I took a deep breath. "Let me guess. Was it about drugs?" I could've done it, I could've slammed my head against the steering wheel or apologize or just die right then right there. I don't know why I didn't. But I had to play it... cool.

And he was just as confused as I was embarrassed.

 "Drugs?!" He could be telling the truth. But also, he could be lying. Connor did drugs and there was no absolute evidence that he talked with Evan. A 'Secret Email Account' what were you guys sending each other? Why was it secret? Because Connor didn't want us knowing! I looked at Evan for a second. He looked confused and slightly terrified. I realized something. 

"That's why he was mad about the other day at lunch, isn't it? When he pushed you? Be honest with me please." I shifted my gaze away from him. "I just want to know the truth."

"No. Are you crazy? Me? I would never. That's not something I'm involved in, I swear." He was repeating himself, stuttering. But he seemed to be telling the truth, there was honestly in his voice. But I guess maybe anyone could do that. I locked eyes with him.

"Oh yeah? You swear?"

He tried his best to match my seriousness (is that even a word?) "I swear." I stared at him. Fine.

I turned toward the steering wheel and hit the button the same time as Evan tried to open the door. We stared at each other for a moment and I hit it again releasing him. I drove away. The road was quiet. So was the house, which was now empty. No 'Hey Zoe we're out to get food' or whatever they left for.

I threw myself down on a spinny chair and took out my phone. I opened Youtube. Things about musicals and conspiracy theories and Harry Potter stuff. 

Fitting it (Hogwarts Houses!) | Sanders Sides (I have no idea why I'm doing this I just feel like it.)

I inhaled slowly, dramatically. This better be good. A man with purple hair was strumming a ukulele rapidly.

"Never gonna give you up never gonna let you down, never gonna turn around and desert you-" Rick Rolling, niiiiice.

"Patrificus Totalis!" A flash of blue light and he fell down still. What is happening? I chuckled a little.

Intro. Five characters, the same purple hair man. Roman, Logan, Thomas, Patton, Virgil. A big blue screen reading the words 'Sanders Sides'. Then it sharply cut back to the man who was now up close the screen. "Whatisupeverybody?!" I jumped back, paused the video and saved it. 

Maybe later.

I looked at the pictures on the wall. Connor and me as babies, waddling around balls of baby fat. My school picture from 5th grade, mom and dad kissing on a beach. Old memories. I started humming old songs from the long forgotten radio. I picked a photo of the wall. A nice one of me and Connor. We were playing, me hug-attacking him. I smiled for a second, just a second, forgetting everything for a blissful second. Forgetting the bruises on my arms and the tear stains that weren't washed off. I looked up, still holding the framed photo in my hands. And I found myself singing.

"Like a small boat...On the ocean..." I liked this song enough sure. I didn't even really know why I was singing it. I looked down and realized why though. 

"Sending big waves into motion. Y'know, like how a single word can make a heart open... I might only have one match..." I laughed for a second.  "But I can make an explosion..." I set the photo down and ran into upstairs into my room. 

"And all those things I didn't say, wrecking balls inside my brain! I will scream them loud tonight! Can you hear my voice this time?!" 

"This is my fight song!"

"Take back my life song!"

"'Prove I'm-" I dropped my voice for a second. "Alright song'!"

"My power's turned on, starting right now I'll be strong!"

"I'll play my fight song... And I don't really care if nobody else believes 'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me." I went back downstairs and grabbed the photo and sat down.

 "Losing friends and I'm chasing sleep. Everybody's worried about me... In too deep ...Say I'm in too deep... And it's been two years I miss my home..." It's true. Connor was on drugs two years ago. That's when it all started. I sighed. It's all true.

"But there's a fire burning in my bones...Still believe yeah, I still believe... And all those things I didn't say!"

"Wrecking balls inside my brain I will scream them loud tonight!" I looked toward a huge portrait on the wall of our family. No one but my Mom smiled. I glared at the pigments. "Can you hear my voice this time?! This is my fight song! Take back my life song! Prove I'm alright song!" I stood up. 

"My power's turned on, starting right now I'll be strong I'll play my fight song! And I don't really care if nobody else believes 'cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me! A lot of fight left in me!" Angry I put flung the photo across the room. It skidded and cracked, right down the middle, in between me and Connor. Silence.  "...Like a small boat... On the ocean... Sending big waves... Into motion. Like how a single word can make a heart open. I might only have one match..." I walked up to the photo, glass cut perfectly. A dividing line between my lost sibling. My throat swelled up a bit. But I turned away. "But I can make an explosion."

"This is my fight song!" Breath. "Take back my life song!"Breath. "Prove I'm alright song!"

"My power's turned on, so starting right now I'll be strong I'll play my fight song! And I don't really care if nobody else believes 'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me!..." I climbed the stairs, but paused at the top and turned to the portrait, still visible. "Know I've still got a lot of fight left in me."

---

Heyyy, so, sorry if the song was a bit weird but I felt it really matched her. I'm also gonna have another couple of songs, not from a musical, and some characters from different musicals. The song is 'Fight Song' By Rachel Platten. 

So as you all have probably figured out since this is a 'Musical Book' technically, 'Requiem' is coming up.

So basically, do you want Requiem with Larry and Cynthia, and with only Zoe (the original version.

This is a link the lyrics for the original if you'd like.

Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/12ARD9LzdUAgH21h2DdJKgarmRzmxH8rsookpTz4hUyY/edit

Anywayyyy... thanks for reading the story! I hope you like it so far because I'm just getting started! Literally. We're on For Forever. All credit of songs in this chapter go the creators of Dear Evan Hansen and Rachel Platten. 

The little clip of video is from Thomas Sanders' Youtube channel, go check him out, he's really funny. And that video is how I discovered him so I feel like I should give him credit where credit is due. 

As Thomas Sanders does say:

"Take it easy guys, gals, and non-binary pals

PEACE OUT!"