We've expected the worst, and here we are.

I was rushed to the nearest hospital after the first phase of the competition. According to Forest, medic na ang nagsakay sa 'kin sa ambulance at deretso na agad ako sa operating room pagkarating sa opistal. I needed blood . . . again.

Sa last day of the competition na ako nagising ulit. Forest was in my room, ang sabi ng doktor, puwede naman na raw ang guardian since tinahi lang ulit ang sugat kong bumuka na naman. At bawal pa rin akong kumilos kaya kinailangan na 'kong lagyan ng neck brace para hindi mapuwersa ang bakal sa panga at leeg ko.

It was a nice afternoon kasi ang ganda talaga ng tama ng panghapong araw sa hospital room ko. Kahit patay ang ilaw, sobrang liwanag, lalo pa cream ang color ng interior. Yung reflection ng yellow light ng araw, sobrang dashing sa mata.

I should be resting-and I was doing it habang nanonood ng replay ng event. Judging kahapon at kailangan kong manood ng event na dapat ako ang naroon at hindi kung sino pa man. Pinahiram ako ni Forest ng phone kasi na kay Tyrone pa rin naman ang mga gamit ko.

To be honest, after that bloodstain on my suit's cuff, I stopped dreaming of the trophy.

Because, basically, that was already a ground for disqualification. Ang laki ng alteration ko sa entry. Alam ko na 'yon at tanggap ko na 'yon noong first phase pa lang. Aside sa part 'yon ng judging process, it was a stain. The pigment of the blood was washable. Padaanan lang 'yon ng tubig, kukupas agad 'yon. And that was not an ideal, wearable suit.

Kahit ako, hindi ko ipapanalo ang sarili ko kung criteria lang ang pag-uusapan.

But then again, hindi ako gumagawa ng pangit na damit. And if that stain was too ugly for my eyes, kahit mamamatay na 'ko, aayusin at aayusin ko pa rin 'yon because I don't want to die making a horrible creation.

"Cin, mamaya na yung awarding," Forest said after she came back from buying her own foods-mga pagkaing bawal ako kahit gusto kong makihingi.

"Yeah," I answered without any sign of enthusiasm. My eyes were glued to the phone's screen. Showing ang backstage sa exclusive peeks for the models. And the last person they'd interviewed was Jericho. He was being assisted by three people: a hair and makeup artist, the organizers giving him some briefing regarding the runway routine, and Tyrone Chen. Ty was quoted as the sponsor of Cinnamon de Chavez's entry but he was the supervisor of Jericho's wardrobe for the night.

The backstage host was Nigel Laker, a forty-year-old TV show personality and host from Thailand. He was interviewing the designers and their models. May areas na madilim, may areas na sobrang liwanag gawa ng vanity set. Magulo sa backstage at may ibang topless pa nga. Mabuti at lalaki ang host, hindi awkward pumasok doon kung hindi sanay.

"Here's Yuri Pantaleon and her model Vaughn Henry. How's you night so far?" the host asked.

Yuri smiled and continued fixing the tie of her model's suit. "I'm so nervous! They all looked stunning here!"

Nagtawanan sila roon para pababain ang kaba na kahit ako, nararamdaman ko rin para sa kanila.

Hindi lahat mai-interview kaya kung sino lang ang madaanan ng host, siya ang natatanong nito.

"Hi, Jake! Are you excited to be here tonight? I heard this is your first time to join such competition. 22 and the youngest designer among the list of the contestant!"

"My gosh!" Jake was hyperventilating and fanning his face with his hands. "Trust me, Nigel, I've never felt so much pressure in my entire life until now!"

"Hahaha! You can make it, honey." Nigel hugged Jake to comfort him in the middle of the chaotic backstage area.

Paikot-ikot ang tingin ko sa screen para hanapin sina Jericho, and I guess, prompted na yatang ihuli sila sa interview.

"Tyrone! Good to see you, man!" Nigel raised her right hand and Tyrone accepted it for a welcoming bro hug. Then he faced the camera to explain what was happening. "Since Cinnamon de Chavez is still in the hospital right now, we're going to interview her sponsor and model tonight. Here we have Echo Iglesias, the crowd's favorite. How's your evening, man?" He pointed his wireless microphone to Jericho who was fixing his slick back hair and smiling at the camera.

"Nice evening to everyone!" Echo greeted and faced Nigel afterward. "I'm nervous not because of the event, but because I will wear a bloody suit, literally! If that's not something edgy, then I don't know what is hahaha!"

"I'll absolutely agree with you, Echo. First time I saw a piece of an artwork created in a live stream. Good luck to all of you! Back to Jessica and Michael."

After that, lumipat na ang focus ng event sa runway habang naroon ang dalawa pang host.

"Ty is still there?" tanong ko kay Forest habang kain lang siya nang kain ng cream puffs.

"Yep. By the way pala, I heard about something kagabi, girl!"

Simula na ng runway show pero nailipat ko pa ang atensiyon ko kay Forest. "What happened?"

"Announcement of winners na kasi tonight."

"Then?"

"Ayoko sanang mag-spoil kasi gusto kong mapanood mo nang live."

"Ang ano nga?" Nakakainis naman 'to si Forest, ayaw na lang deretsahin.

"Nakikipag-argue kasi si Ty kahapon after the judging. E alam mo naman yung pinsan ko, ma-attitude."

"Sinong inaway na naman?" Nag-pause na lang ako ng replay at saglit na itinuon ang atensiyon kay Forest.

"Hindi naman sa inaway. It's just that he wasn't agreed with the decision of the organizers."

"Aling decision? Resty naman, paisa-isa! Nakaka-tense, ha."

"Disqualified kasi yung entry mo."

Hindi ako agad nakasagot. Parang may matulis na bagay na tumawid mula sa dibdib ko patagos sa likod at pinabilis n'on ang pagtibok ng puso ko.

"Then?" tanong ko na lang.

"But La Mari wanted to take the suit for the bidding kasi ang sabi ng mga sponsor, if wala ang entry mo sa lineup ng suits, wala silang ilalabas na amount. That was the sponsor's decision na once hindi mag-agree ang La Mari, wala silang malaking kikitain from the whole event. Hindi pumayag si Tyrone na isama ang suit mo sa awarding."

"But the agreement was clear, Resty . . . alam mo 'yon."

"Exactly!" she shouted at halos magtalsikan ang laman ng bibig niya. "Sorry."

Nakakadiri talaga 'to. Ang gandang babae, hindi marunong kumilos nang tama. Kaya laging nasisigawan ni Tyrone e.

Nakalagay sa agreement and disclosures na kapag na-disqualify ang entry, hindi 'yon hahabulin ng La Mari. Disqualified na, meaning wala na ring point na kunin pa nila.

But I guess, someone was ruling over the organizer's verdict. Knowing Tyrone, hindi siya palulugi sa mga 'to, lalo pa't gigil din siya kay Petunia. At kapag isinuko niya ang suit ko sa La Mari, ako mismo ang sasaksak sa kanya ng pinking shears oras na magkita kaming dalawa.

"Resty, puwede ba siyang tawagan ngayon?"

Forest shrugged and pointed her phone on my hand. "Sana sumagot. Text mo muna, sabihin mo, kritikal ka para mag-reply agad hahaha!

"Hey!" Ang sama talaga ng ugali nito.

I sent Tyrone a message thru SMS and told him I was the one using Forest's phone. That alone, enough na para bumukas agad ang FaceTime app ni Forest.

In an instant, para akong dinaanan ng malamig na hangin at nangilabot ako pagkakita ko sa mukha ni Tyrone mula sa lower view. He was holding his phone sa bandang dibdib at mukhang busy siya at the moment.

3:45 pa lang. Mamaya pa ang announcement, busy na agad sila.

"Mr. Chen, puwede ka po bang ma-interview?"

"Tyrone, ano'ng masasabi mo sa verdict ng La Mari sa entry ni Cinnamon?"

"Mr. Chen-"

"How are you?" Ty casually asked while walking with some guards around him.

"I'm good. May brace na 'ko sa leeg, mukhang ayaw nang umulit ng mga doktor sa pagtahi ng sugat ko. Anyway, nanonood ako kanina ng replay. May sinasabi Si Forest about my entry. Disqualified na ba 'ko?"

"The first decision was yes, you were."

"Were. Why were?"

"They told me about the major alteration of your entry. We both know that policy, pumayag ako sa disqualification ng entry mo."

"I know you'll be fair with this. Pero bakit nga were?"

"Nagbago sila ng policy for the last minute."

"Na naman?"

Huminto si Tyrone saka lang niya itinapat ang phone malapit sa mukha niya. "Pinipilit kasi ng sponsors na ibigay sa 'yo ang dalawang sponsor's choice awards. And since you were disqualified, hindi mo siya puwedeng tanggapin kasi out ka na sa competition."

"Okay lang naman kung palayasin nila 'ko basta akin ang suit ko."

"Kaso rooting for the bidding ang mga sponsor para sa suit mo. Si Petunia ang champion nila for this year. I already told you, lulutuin nila ang laban."

Oh please. Hindi na 'ko nagulat ha-ha!

"E di ibigay nila yung damit ni Petunia. Problema ba 'yon?"

"The sponsors didn't like her entry. Pinipilit nila 'kong isali yung entry mo for the bidding for the major sponsors. I said no. But the organizers pushed their limit for the money. Malaki ang mawawala kapag nag-backout ang mga sponsor, wala silang earnings dito, mag-aabono pa sila."

"So, what's your plan?"

"The National Arts and Design Society wanted to sponsor the bidding for the suit. Probably sa kanila na lang ako makikipag-coordinate with this. I'll announce that later since hindi pa rin binabawi ng La Mari ang last revised rule nila. Hindi mo kailangan ng award nila. After all, they have Petunia Adarna, they don't need you. I don't want someone taking credits of your effort."

Ah, I love this man.

"Uuwi ka na? Nag-lunch ka na? Hindi ka na a-attend ka ng awarding?" sunod-sunod na tanong ko.

"I need to be with Mr. Iglesias for the awarding. Siya ang receiver ng first place for the model category. Entry mo lang naman ang disqualified, hindi ang model."

Napapangiti na lang ako nang matipid. "Tell Echo I'm proud of him."

"Sure thing. By the way, kumakain na naman ba si Resty diyan?"

Napatingin ako kay Forest na napahinto sa pagkagat sa toasted garlic bread niya.

"I told her not to pig out near you, ang tigas talaga ng ulo. Palayasin mo nga 'yan diyan at pakainin mo sa labas."

"Hayaan mo na. I'll see you soon."

"Take your rest. I'll handle everything here."

Then, the call ended.

"I love you, Cinn," Forest said while talking to her bread. "I love you, too, Ty." Then she kissed it before taking a huge bite.

What the fuck?! "Will you stop doing that?! Nakakadiri ka!"

"Hahaha! Cinnamon, 'wag na tayong maglokohan, okay? Hindi na 'ko masasabihan ni Tyrone na 'The main branch asked for this', 'It's the management's decision', o kaya 'Say that to Mister M' kasi hello? Wala na kayo sa Lion! Everything na ginagawa ni Ty right now, he's doing that for you!"

Ito na naman kami. Forest and her hopeless romantic shits.

"Kung nasa Lion tayo, maiintindihan ko pa kung bakit todo effort 'tong pinsan ko sa 'yo. Lion's Pride ka, girl, duh! Kung ako rin naman siya, aalagaan talaga kitang mabuti. But we're on a different situation right now. Sobrang controversial ng ginawa ni Jomari sa 'yo, and the world was so intrigued with what happened to Cinnamon de Chavez. But, hello? Ty managed not to reached those negativities within your safe zone for the past month kahit na mabaliw-baliw na kami nina Boss Archie kahaharang ng media para kalkalin ang buhay mo."

"Forest . . ."

"Alam mong aware ako sa pambababae ni Ty dati, right?" Ibinaba na niya ang pagkain niya at tiningnan ako nang may pakiusap na. "But still, I don't want to disregard Ty's effort for you pagkatapos ng mga nangyari sa 'yo. Hindi joke 'to, girl. Hindi pera-pera lang."

Parang alam ko na ang patutunguhan ng topic, a.

"Cinn, di naman sa dine-degrade kita, pero alam mo naman ang perspective sa mga rape victim, di ba? And take note, hindi ka lang rape victim. Muntik ka nang patayin. Alam mo 'yon? Hindi siya magandang background para ma-please ang jojowain mo."

"Forest, si Ty naman . . . alam naman niya ang pinagdaanan ko . . ."

"Yeah, we're on it. Saka hindi naman sa sinusubo ko ang pinsan ko sa 'yo after he cheated on you, pero, girl . . . sa lagay na 'to, nag-aaway pa rin kayo, ha. What if na lang kung magkasundo kayo, di ba? E di happily ever after na. He's still here for you. He's supporting you kahit na mainitin pa rin ang ulo niya kapag nag-uusap kayo. Pasalamat na nga lang tayo, nagte-take ka ng pills, hindi ka nabuntis ng demonyong Jomari na 'yon. Feeling ko kasi, kahit pa mabuntis ka n'on, pangangatawanan ka pa rin ni Tyrone. Marupok pa naman 'yon pagdating sa 'yo."

Ano ba 'tong mga pinagsasasabi ni Forest? Paano ko ba ipaliliwanag 'to sa kanya? Nagkasundo naman na kasi kami ni Tyrone na . . . ayun, magpapakasal pa rin kami after nitong La Mari. Kaso hindi pa namin napag-uusapan nang masinsinan 'yon. Masyado kasi kaming focused para sa event na malapit na rin namang matapos.

Buong maghapon, nakatutok lang ako sa phone. Nire-review ko ang judging and runway shots ng mga model. Ilang beses akong nag-pause habang iniisa-isa ang frame paglabas ni Jericho sa catwalk. As I expected, he looked dashing on the suit.

His wavy hair was slicked back using a glossy wax and he didn't shave for last night's event. But that made him look more masculine. Ang ganda sa katawan niya ng suit. But really, that suit only gave him an impression na mas lalo siyang masarap hubaran. I don't know how he does that. Maybe his charm or something?

After he steadied in front of the camera, nag-pause ulit ako to check the whole suit. And again, a stain will always be a stain. Sa fresh na dugo, maganda pa ang patak ng pagkakapula sa ivory fabric. Pulang-pula pa 'yon. But the longer the bloodstain stays on the fabric, the more it gets darker and turning into brown.

And what would I expect from a bloodstain? Maging pula pa rin hanggang kinabukasan?

And yes, the ivory Cashmere was too thick, the red blood petals turned into a dried one. And it only left an impression of a grotesquely sad piece of art. It looked like dying petals were falling from the glowing ruby-red rose and the lower part of the suit was the ground full of dead pieces of the flower.

It was sad. I dunno, nalulungkot ako para sa damit. Not because it was ugly or whatnot, but the whole suit felt like it was almost dying and the only life remaining to it was that shiny, little life blooming on its left chest.

Hindi ko na naiwasang mapaluha na hinawi ko rin agad bago pa tumulo. This is not what I wanted for my entry, pero wala akong magawa. I just want to stand out from the rest, but my entry looked like a cemetery for a dying passion. And it speaks a lot about my current situation.

Para akong pinapatay ng oras habang naghihintay sa hospital room ko. Forest needed to accompany Tyrone and she promised na babalik agad kapag tapos na ang announcement. I told the nurse na buksan ang TV sa channel kung saan airing ang awarding ng La Mari.

Ang daming intermission number, dinaan ko na lang sa pagkain ng oatmeal ang pagka-bore ko. Ang tagal kasi ng simula.

I had no phone in me kaya kahit gusto kong tawagan si Tyrone, hindi ko naman magawa. Hindi pa rin ako makabangon kasi parang idinikit na yata ng neck brace ko ang katawan ko sa higaan.

I felt sorry for myself and for Tyrone kasi hindi ko na maibibigay pa ang pangako kong trophy para sa kanya. And he was there, finishing what I had started. Hindi naman na niya kailangang gawin 'yon, but he still did that. Sobrang dami ko nang utang sa kanya.

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to La Mari Fashion Awards Night! May we call on the head of the committee for the introduction . . ."

Sa totoo lang, last month, I was expecting for a wild and explosive competition. Na lahat ng yabang ko, gusto kong ilabas dito. Isasampal ko kay Petunia lahat ng kahangalan niya sa event ng Lion four months ago. Pero matatapos na ang pinaghahandaan ko pa last month. Yung entry ko, kahit ako, masasabi kong lumabag sa rules. Yung suit na gawa ko, ipinakita lang sa lahat kung ano ako ngayon-barely living, almost dying.

Like what I've said to Tyrone, ayoko na rito sa mundong pinili ko noon. I've had enough nightmares to continue dreaming. Gusto ko na lang bumalik sa realidad ko. Ayoko nang mangarap nang mataas kasi hindi maganda ang view roon.

"We have here the decision of the judges." The host held the card with the result of what happened two days ago.

"This is really a bloody battle for everyone, Michael," Jessica said, posing for a good angle to show her red hip-slit halter top evening gown.

Sunod-sunod ang announcement ng mga host. Yuri Pantaleon of Paulée Garments got the third place. Aki Ishii of Dash 24 Apparels got second place.

"Everybody is excited to know who's our grand winner for tonight, Michael."

The hosts were trying to heighten up the tension as if namang exciting ang result ng cooking show nila.

Ang lakas ng palakpakan sa background habang tahimik lang akong mag-isa sa hospital room.

"And the grand winner of La Mari Fashion, Apparel, and Garments Award is no other than . . .!"

Mas lalong lumakas ang cheer ng crowd sa ibaba ng stage. They were all shouting for different names, and I could hear mine aside from Jake and Minnie.

Nagkapalitan pa muna ng tingin ang dalawang host na parang nagtataka rin sa binabasa nila bago i-announce.

"Petunia Adarna of Adarna Couture!"

May bumukas agad na fireworks sa gilid ng stage at bumuga ang usok galing sa dry ice. Petunia was faking her cry na para bang hindi siya makapaniwala sa ginawang pagluluto ng La Mari sa result.

But what made my excitement rise?

The silence of the crowd.

Sobrang tahimik na nai-imagine kong nakanganga silang lahat habang hindi makapaniwala sa pangalang tinawag bilang grand winner.

Lumapit na si Petunia sa mga host. She wore a plain black midi dress full of stones. At least, she looked proper tonight. Pero ang pangit talaga ng buhok niya. Lalo pa kasing ginupitan nang hindi pa pantay.

Ibinigay sa kanya ng head ng committee ang trophy na gusto ko sanang makuha at isang bouquet. Of course, she needed to give her message to everyone.

"I know some of you expected me to win this competition," she said smiling from ear to ear.

Yeah, we were. Cooking show kasi ang sinalihan naming lahat.

"I know how great my designs are and it deserves more recognition than anyone else-"

"Boo!"

Biglang tumaas ang kilay ko pagkarinig ko n'on sa mga audience. Kahit si Petunia, nawala ang ngiti sa labi pagkarinig ng boo sa kanya.

"I'm still the winner of this competition and no one can change that fact!" she shouted in her angry tone and creased forehead.

After that, pamartsa siyang naglakad patabi sa tatlo pang winners.

Kitang-kita ng lahat ang distansya ng dalawa sa kanya habang nakasimangot siya sa camera.

Biglang natahimik ang lahat na parang inaabangan pa ang mas malalang pagwawala ni Petunia habang nangingibabaw sa audience ang pambo-boo sa kanya.

"Okay? So, uhm, we're going to our sponsor's choice award, everyone! Let's cheer for our remaining contestants!" The host tried to cheer up the crowd after announcing the night's highlight. Pero mukhang hindi yata 'yon ang highlight para sa iba.

"The award is sponsored by Lana and Lei's Gallery. The criteria of judging is based on the artistic value and life given to a piece of cloth using the hands of its creator. The trophy will be given by the chairperson of Lana and Lei's Gallery, Miss Esperanza dela Riva. Alright . . . here we go."

Announced na ang grand winner pero bakit parang ngayon pa lang nila pinatataas ang tension sa announcement?

"Cinnamon de Chavez of Cinn D's Creations!"

Something filled in my chest after I heard the loud clap and cheers from the audience.

And there I saw Tyrone, walking towards the hosts with a huge smile on his face. Kahit ang mga host nakangiti rin sa kanya. Mas lalo na ang chairwoman ng sponsor ng award.

Nakatanggap din si Tyrone ng glass plaque and I saw my name on it as recognition.

At that moment na nakikita ko si Tyrone na tumatanggap ng award, sinabi ko agad sa sarili ko na kahit hindi na grand winner, basta may trophy, ayos na.

Pumuwesto si Tyrone sa dulo katabi ng third placer habang nakangiti sa lahat-that professional generic smile he was giving for the crowd kahit noong nasa Lion pa lang kami.

"Alright! Here we go! The crowd's on it again." Even Jessica noticed the hope of excitement from the crowd. "Our next award is sponsored by the Golden Thimble Holdings. The criteria of judging is based on the quality of the materials and the originality of the design presented by the designer. The trophy will be given by the CEO, Mr. Arnaldo Belarmino, and the COO, Miss Anita Tingson of Golden Thimble Holdings."

Wow, dalawa ang winner nila. I guess, the whole event was funded by the sponsor's money kaya kung i-highlight nila tonight, talo pa ang grand winner.

Kung sa bagay, sa dami ng bidder sa mga model, ewan ko na lang kung hindi pa sila malula sa funding nito.

"The winners . . .! Yes, winners are . . . Jake Yu of Queen Things Apparel and Cinnamon de Chavez of Cinn D's Creations!"

The crowd cheered again, and this time, mas malakas na. For sure, that Jake kid has his fans with him tonight. Good for him.

May hawak nang plaque at bouquet si Tyrone pero nilapagan na naman siya ng isa pang plaque na may pangalan ko.

Pigil na pigil akong matawa kasi sinabi ko naman na kukunin ko yung trophy para sa kanya. And here he was, taking those recognitions on my behalf.

Dalawa na 'yan, Tyrone Chen, baka sabihin mo, kulang pa.

"This is really a tough a battle, Jessica. We've waited for the designers to show their talents with us. We saw the drama, we've witnessed the struggle, we've admired their perseverance to finish, not just a suit but a piece of art. And for the last award given by the National Arts and Design Society, to acknowledge the talent and passion of our designers dedicating their life to fashion industry, we've been given a chance to give this award to a special designer who showed us what a talent, skill, and passion really means despite of the challenges she had encountered along her journey in this competition."

"Yes, that's true, Michael. And to honor this special award, may we call on the chairman of the National Arts and Design Society, Mr. Teodoro Allego."

The camera shifted to the man in his 60s holding a golden plaque with an insignia of their guild. My eyes started to form tears, and I don't want to assume but . . .

"The special recognition from National Arts and Design Society goes to Cinnamon de Chavez of Cinn D's Creations!"

Nangingilabot ako sa puwesto ko. Sobrang punong-puno ng dibdib ko na hindi ko na alam kung paano ko ilalabas ang tuwa ko rito nang mag-isa. Kahit sa background, sobrang lakas ng palakpakan ng audience.

Pag-zoom sa mukha ni Tyrone na nakangiti, kahit siya, nagpipigil din ng luha niya habang inaabot ang pangatlong plaque na bitbit niya. May sinabi pa sa kanya ang chairman ng NAD Society habang kinakamayan siya.

Inabutan siya ng mic ng host pero itinapat na lang sa bibig niya sa dami ng hawak niya.

"What can you say, Mr. Tyrone Chen? Receiving all these awards for Miss Cinnamon de Chavez," Michael asked.

"I'm sure she'll be proud of herself even just for that fifteen hours of keeping herself as stable as she could."

Saglit na ginamit ng host ang mic. "We're praying for her faster recovery, Mr. Chen. Any message to everyone for tonight in behalf of Miss de Chavez?"

Ty's face became serious as he faced the crowd. "I want to thank all the supporters and people behind this successful event. It may be a hard battle for someone and an easy win to somebody, but all those efforts-not only for the winners but also for the other contenders-deserve a recognition. To all the participants, we are all proud of you. And I'm going to take this opportunity to announce Cinnamon de Chavez's retirement in the fashion industry."

The gasps from the audience was heard, at kahit ang mga host, nagulat din sa sinabi ni Tyrone.

Biglang bumaba ang tuwa ko dahil iyon naman ang plano ko. Hindi ko lang inaasahan na ibibigay ni Tyrone ang pabor na magsalita para sa 'kin.

"I am grateful for all the awards given to Cinnamon and her last creation tonight. May everyone have a nice evening. To God be the glory. Thank you."

That announcement astounded everyone. Parang ayoko na tuloy lumabas simula bukas.

♥♥♥