Three days.

I spent those three days with Tyrone, and I've never felt so peaceful in my entire life until those three days.

Every five in the morning, Ty will wake up to do his morning warm-ups. Twice ko siyang naabutang nagsi-stretching sa patio sa tabi ng garahe. He wasn't doing too heavy gym-kind-of exercises. Enough lang to warm his body up and to keep his body in shape. Thirty minutes siya sa exercises niya before he wakes me up—na twice na ring hindi niya nagawa kasi nagising naman na ako nang maaga.

Then he will bring me to bathe and dress me up like a kid before he takes his bath and changes in his homey clothes.

Hindi ko na-bring up ang tungkol sa La Mari for the past three days kasi sabi nga ni Forest, uunti-untiin niya ang paghahanap ng fabric ko. And since hindi siya puwedeng kumuha nang isang set ng fabrics for overcoat kasi magdududa nga naman ang mga suppliers ng fabrics, kailangan kong maghintay hanggang ma-provide niya ang hinihingi ko.

And I guess, my peaceful three days wasn't as peaceful as Tyrone's.

Three days na kaming naglalakad-lakad tuwing umaga, and the doctor who visited us last day said na mas therapeutic for me sa bahay ni Tyrone compare sa hospital. Which I really agreed. Mas magana na rin akong kumain kasi hindi ako nakakaamoy ng mga gamot mula sa kung saan. Naa-assist naman ako nang mabuti ng nurse na dumadaan sa bahay before lunch and before dinner. My wounds has started to close. Although it was far from totally healing, but at least, my days and nights weren't as bloody as before.

Sabi ko nga kay Tyrone, I would be okay until next week, and I was keeping my promise. Kaya siguro kahit hindi ko bini-bring up ang tungkol sa La Mari, naghihinala pa rin siya. At mas naghinala siya noong hindi ko talaga binanggit for the past three days! Ganoon siya kapraning!

"You said 'wag ko nang babanggitin ang kahit ano sa La Mari, and now you look at me like I'm planning to burn your house and kill you for that event."

Tyrone and his doubtful eyes. Ang sama talaga ng tingin niya sa 'kin mula pa pagkatapos naming mag-almusal.

Hindi ko dinadala ang sarili ko sa direction palabas ng subdivision. Sabi ko nga kay Tyrone, we can go sa clubhouse or kahit doon sa may playground sa gitna ng subdivision nila—far from the exits of the vicinity. Ako na ang nagpanukala n'on. And I even asked him to hold my hand para sigurado siya na kapag tumakbo man ako, mahahatak niya ako agad.

So yeah. We spent three mornings walking along the asphalt road and pine trees holding hands like we're some kind of a cute lovers. Then pupunta kami sa park, doon sa may iron benches na kaharap yung hedge maze sa gitna ng flower garden na puro santan at jasmine sa paligid kaya sobrang bango.

Uupo lang kami doon. Magkukuwentuhan kami ng tungkol sa backlogs ng Lion Fashion na naiwan namin, some opportunities na puwedeng i-grab since we were both resigned from the company, I was talking about my plan sa boutique, and we were backstabbing my aunts and uncles kasi alam naman naming mga mukha silang pera. Paminsan-minsan, we were getting too personal, tinatanong ko siya tungkol sa mga kabit niya, at sabi ko naman, they knew him personally more than me so time ko naman para mag-usisa since we never talked intimately. More of business and family affairs talaga ang topic namin ni Tyrone kapag nagkakausap kami.

And yeah, no La Mari thing.

Ngayon lang talaga namin napag-usapan after three days.

I was sitting beside him in one of the iron benches pero nakaharap ako sa kanya. Nakatupi ang kaliwang binti ko sa upuan habang nakatapak naman ang kanan sa damuhan sa ibaba namin. Nakakaapat na jasmine na 'kong nabubunot sa likuran lang naming dalawa. Saglit kong kukurutin para kumatas at lalong kumalat ang mabangong amoy sa hangin.

"Kapag hindi mo binabanggit, lalong nakakapagduda e," sabi niya kaya natawa ako nang mahina. May kirot pa rin kapag tumatawa ako pero kahit paano, nakakangiti na 'ko nang maayos.

"I'm just following your instructions, come on."

"You don't follow my instructions, Cinnamon de Chavez. Kapag sa mga sumunod na araw, makita ko na lang na wala na ang isa sa mga kotse ko at wala ka na rin sa bahay, hindi na 'ko magugulat."

Ang lakas talaga ng pang-amoy!

"Praning ka, 'no?" Lalo akong natawa nang mahina habang inaamoy-amoy ang hawak kong maliliit na bulaklak.

"I might ask for an exorcism for you if that never happens."

"Hahaha! What?!" I covered my mouth to avoid the heavy force from my laugh. "So, for the past three days, 'yan lang ang iniisip mo? Kung kailan ako tatakas dito?"

"Sa three days na 'yon, di mo inisip kung kailan ka tatakas dito?" pagbalik niya ng tanong sa 'kin kaya natitigan ko siya nang maigi.

We couldn't survive a day without an argument, no matter how petty that was.

"Kaya siguro favorite ka ng main branch. Perceptive ka. Nine years as a general manager, wala man lang complains ang main sa management mo maliban na lang kapag issues ko."

"You're a mess and we all know that. And don't change the topic. Alam kong may balak ka pa ring pumunta sa La Mari."

Ngayon, siya naman ang nangungulit about the event.

"Lakas ng kutob mo, 'no?"

"Bakit, mali ba 'ko?"

His gaze was challenging me. Of course, he's right. And I could admit about my possible attempt to escape this place for La Mari. But Forest was collecting my fabrics, so I should wait for that for now.

"I want to join that competition, Ty. I will win that competition no matter what."

"Kahit na hindi mo pa kaya? Kahit na wala namang sense kung sasali ka. That competition alone is already unfair for you, Cinnamon. You really think, ipapanalo ka nila after you dragged the name of one of their partners?"

"I never regret dragging Petunia Adarna's name in my own mess. She deserved that."

"Until now, gusto mo pa ring gumanti? Hindi ka ba napapagod sa ginagawa mo?"

I closed my eyes and dropped the flower I was holding. I took a deep breath para lang hindi mapunta sa kung saan ang usapan namin na napapagod na 'kong pag-usapan kada nagiging topic. "This is not about Adarna's Couture. Not even my beef with Lion. This is my life, Ty. I've sold my soul for all the years of fame and fortune, and I just want to start again from the beginning. Hindi ako makikiusap sa 'yo. Either you support me on this o makikita mo na lang ako sa lugar na hindi mo 'ko gustong makita."

"Cin . . ." Ang lalim ng buntonghininga niya at nakailang hilamos siya ng palad sa mukha habang frustrated sa mga sinasabi ko. "You're gonna die trying. Literally." Pumaling siya paharap sa 'kin habang nakasimangot habang dinuduro ang ibaba. "That's fifteen fucking hours of continuous hard work. You can't even change your goddamn clothes! Wala kang katulong doon. Walang team na tutulong sa 'yo roon. You only have a thirty-minute break every quarter of the competition. And knowing you, you'd rather spent that thirty minutes working and you'll only stop when it's done. Yes, this is not about Petunia neither Lion's concern! It's about you and what's gonna happen to you once you join that competition. If you don't want to bleed to death during that event, then stop forcing yourself to join La Mari. This is a life-and-death situation, Cin!"

"I'd rather die doing what I love than to die full of regrets. Inubos ako ng mga taon ng pagtatrabaho ko sa Lion, ngayon ko na lang mababawi ang sarili ko. Tutuloy ako sa La Mari, sa ayaw o sa gusto mo. You can't change my mind, Ty."

And I guess, those three peaceful days were a temporary bliss. Buong araw, sobrang tahimik namin ni Tyrone sa loob ng bahay. He was working on his laptop again, and I was busy doing random sketches. My hand grip was already in good condition kaya mas mabilis na 'kong makagawa ng designs kaysa noong nasa ospital pa 'ko. May dumating kaninang tao pero duda akong para sa 'kin since hindi naman ako ang may-ari ng bahay.

Patulog na kami at katatapos ko lang mag-ayos ng puwesto ko nang ibagsak ni Tyrone ang isang red folder sa sidetable katabi ng nakabukas na lamp.

"What's that?" I asked him and raised a brow.

"Kaya pala ang tahimik mo nitong mga nakaraang araw." Binuksan niya yung folder at nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang makitang mga sample fabric pala ang laman n'on.

"Wow." Instead of being shocked out of fear, I was shocked to see a very sleek white fabric, a few samples of ivory Cashmere, and porcelain white Pashmina. May iba pang fabric for overcoats pero nakuha talaga ang mata ko ng mga white sample. "This is marvel—aw!"

Nabawi ko agad ang kamay ko nang biglang tampalin ni Tyrone.

"What's your problem?!" I complained.

"Nababaliw ka na bang talaga, ha?" inis na inis niyang tanong. "Pati si Forest, dinadamay mo sa mga kalokohan mo!"

"Fabric na lang ang hinihintay ko!"

"Cinnamon, puwede ba, kahit ngayon lang, isipin mo muna 'yang sarili mo at hindi 'yang ginagawa mo?"

Itinuro ko agad ang mga palad ko ang folder sa side table. "This is my life! What do you want me to do?!"

"Yeah! Your life, huh? Kaya kahit sarili mong katawan, isasangkal mo para lang diyan sa sinasabi mong buhay mo? Ilang beses mo nang ginawa 'to sa sarili mo, ha? Ilang beses mong papatayin ang sarili mo para lang dito, ha?!"

"Tyrone, buhay ko 'to! Papatay ako para lang dito! Kahit ano, ibibigay ko para dito! I spent my life proving to everybody my worth, ngayon ko lang pagbibigyan ang sarili ko para gumawa ng gusto ko para din sa sarili ko! If I will not do this right now, I will not do this ever again!"

"You will not do this!"

"And I'm not asking for your approval for this kasi kahit ayaw mo, tutuloy pa rin ako. I already lost everything—my career, my life, my self! Ngayon ko lang gagawin 'to para sa sarili ko at hindi sa Lion. All those trophies I received, I received that because of Lion—my hell on Earth! I want this trophy for myself . . . something na masasabi ko sa sarili ko na pinaghirapan ko talaga, na inilaban ko talaga. Hindi mo ba puwedeng isipin 'yon?"

"Yung sarili mo, hindi mo rin ba iniisip? Yung katawan mo, bumibigay na, wala ka bang pakialam?"

"I'm tired of living, and pursuing La Mari is the only thing that kept me from waking up every morning, Tyrone Chen. Either I die for my last creation or I'll kill myself."

"Don't threaten me, Cinnamon."

"I'm not threatening you, Ty. Sinasabi ko lang ang plano ko. Hindi ko susukuan 'to."

He didn't answer. He just raked his hair through his fingers at mukha pa siyang maiiyak na sa sobrang stress.

"Hindi ko na talaga alam kung anong gagawin ko sa 'yo, Cinnamon."

Iyon lang at lumabas na siya ng kuwarto.

Wala pa rin namang magbabago sa desisyon ko. Kung para sa kanya, hindi malaking bagay 'to, then for me, this means life.

I lost almost everything. Yung mga pinaghirapan ko sa Lion mula pa noon, yung credibility ko as a fashion designer, pati image ko at ng pamilya after what Jomari had done to me.

Ngayon na lang ako lalabas sa mundo at babalik sa field kung saan ako nabuhay. Ayokong magpaawa sa lahat. Ayokong sabihing hindi ako makakatuloy dahil lang ganito ang lagay ko ngayon kahit na kaya ko naman. Ayokong sabihin sa sarili ko someday na sayang 'to.

Sawang-sawa na 'kong magbilang ng mga what-could-have-beens ko sa buhay. I was slowly killing myself. I spent all my nights forgetting who I was and needed to remember what I am in the morning.

I want to live my life again, and this is my best chance to do that. And no matter how Tyrone wanted me to put myself first, I couldn't do it for him.

Higit kaninuman, alam niya kung ano ang mga isinuko ko para lang makuha ko lahat ng nakamit ko sa mga taon na 'yon. Sawa na 'kong makihiram ng liwanag sa ibang tao kasi kahit anong gawin, anino pa rin ako ng mga tao sa mundong pinasok ko.

Ilang oras ding tahimik sa bahay. Alas-onse pasado na ng gabi, lumabas ako at pupunta sana ng garahe—hindi para tumakas kundi para tingnan kung nandoon ba si Tyrone kasi sigurado naman akong mas babantayan niya ang mga kotse niya kaysa sa 'kin—pero naabutan ko siya sa may patio katabi ng backdoor. He was holding a can. Though I was expecting a beer but it was a pineapple juice. Napaka-baby pa rin talaga pagdating sa pagkain.

The moon has risen brightly enough to give the place better lighting than artificial lamps. I tried to sit beside him on the porch and was expecting him to walk out. Pero hindi naman niya ginawa, good news.

"We're really gonna argue with this one, aren't we?" I asked and glanced at him.

"I know you won't let me stop you from doing what you think is right for you . . . even if that's totally wrong. Para kang batang hindi masaway."

Well. Not gonna say anything. Dad used to tell me those lines before.

Sumandal na lang ako sa wooden porch at tumingin sa langit na maraming stars. Dapat natutulog na 'ko pero eto kami, nag-aaway pa rin. Araw-araw na lang.

Ang lalim ng buntonghininga ko nang kapa-kapain ang panga kong makirot pero hindi na dumudugo kasi nagsasara na ang sugat.

"I'm not gonna lie I love staying here with you," I sincerely said. "You know . . . waking up in the morning. You'll join me in the shower, you'll change my clothes for me. You'll cook me my breakfast. We'll walk in the park. We'll eat lunch together. I'll watch you cook for our dinner and ask you how to do your kitchen magics. We'll sleep together, and we'll wake up again."

While enumerating that, I started to feel gloom. The more I think about it, the more I felt sadder about the two of us.

"I can live with that kind of life . . . yung hindi naibigay ni Daddy sa 'min ni Mama noon. He never liked her kahit na mahal na mahal siya ni Mama. And I grew up seeing that kind of relationship na hindi ko alam kung paano ako nabuo sa ganoong sitwasyon na walang pakialam ang isa sa kanila."

I closed my eyes to stop my tears from falling. Naaalala ko na naman ang tungkol sa mga magulang ko na gusto ko na lang talagang ibaon sa limot.

"I don't want to be like my mother. She died begging for love she never had. Masakit na makita ko siya na hanggang sa huli, iniisip niya na kahit katiting, minahal siya ni Daddy kahit never nangyari 'yon kasi nabuntis lang naman siya."

Napahawi na 'ko ng luha sa mata habang may kung anong mabigat na nakabara sa lalamunan ko.

"Deep inside of me, I know, you will never be like my father, Ty. You're a good man. I was pushing you away kasi alam ko, you deserve someone better than me. Na somewhere out there, may babaeng deserving sa lahat ng effort mo. Sa lahat ng time mo. Sa lahat ng mga sinayang mong taon kasusunod sa lahat ng mga problema ko."

I tried to sob silently while keeping my tears out of his sight.

"That night I first called off our engagement, gusto ko lang palayain ka kasi hindi ko na makita ang sarili kong enough para sa 'yo. I was tainted by my own dream, I was ruined by someone whom I trusted, I was beyond repair. And I want you to be happy with someone else kasi 'yon na lang ang kaya kong ibigay para sa 'yo. Freedom is the only thing I could offer for you kasi hindi ako masaya sa pinili kong buhay pero pinili ko na 'yon. Gusto ko lang panindigan. At ayokong madamay ka sa buhay na pinili ko kasi wala ka namang kasalanan."

Hindi ko na napigilan. Pumaling na 'ko sa kabilang direksyon habang patuloy kong pinupunasan ang luhang sunod-sunod na pumatak mula sa mata ko.

Ayoko ng bigat na nararamdaman ko kasi pinilit kong ibaon 'to sa loob ng pagkatao ko sa mahabang panahon para lang hindi ko damdamin araw-araw.

Pinamanhid ko ang sarili ko sa lahat para lang kapag dumating ang panahon na darating ang sakit, hindi na ako masyadong masasaktan kasi inaasahan ko na.

Pero para siyang sugat na pagaling na pero dahil gusto ko lang malaman kung masakit pa ba kaya kinalkal ko na naman. And yeah . . . masakit pa rin.

Umiiyak akong hinarap siya at pinilit kong ngumiti. "If only I have another chance to choose between you and my career, I would choose you and this life with you, Ty. But it's too late . . . it's a decade too late. You should have brought me here with you a decade earlier."

I found myself carefully wrapped around his arms and let me cry on his shoulder. And once again, during my regretful times, yakap na naman niya ang sumagip sa 'kin habang umiiyak ako gawa ng kaparehong pagsisisi ng buhay na pinili ko.

"Don't worry, hindi ako galit. Okay lang."

It was the same words from him once again. At alam ko, nararamdaman kong mabigat din para sa kanya ang desisyon ko, pero ayokong sukuan 'to. This is my only escape to my self-made hell, and if I didn't do it, I don't know if I can do it again anymore.

"Kakausapin ko yung doktor bukas. Titingnan ko kung ano'ng magagawa ko sa lagay mo."

♥♥♥