After what happened in that office with Fred Cervantes almost a decade ago, I told myself, Tyrone Chen never deserves to have me and I didn't deserve to have someone like him.

He was a good boy. He was a treasure of his family, and even my own clan. Na kung ipagsisikan nila ako sa kanya, parang wala ako kung wala siya.

And I ended up hating him for that. As if I was his shadow and I only exist because of his light. At ang pangarap kong maging gaya ni Lola Ning na hindi umaasa sa lalaki, parang inaalis niya ang karapatan sa akin para maging ganoon.

He was always the best man every ladies would wish for. Rich, gentleman, family-oriented. Magbibigay siya ng regalo sa isa, pero laging buong pamilya ang makakatanggap. At that point, kahit sino, magtatanong kung bakit nga ba hindi nila gugustuhing magkaroon ng isang manugang na gaya ni Tyrone Chen?

But everything had changed after I threw that engagement ring in the middle of the night. Telling him that we would never work out because we were not meant for each other.

Ty never told me if he loves me nor he was fond of me as his fiancée. No words from him saying I love you or I like you. It was always that But we're engaged, You're supposed to marry me, Daddy Ping said it so. It was never from him but for the decision of the other people around us.

I hate him. For the past ten years of my life, I hated him. Wala akong ibang ginawa kundi palayasin siya sa buhay ko. Sirain siya kina Tita Daisy. Kahit ang ipahiya siya sa mga empleyado ng Lion.

And while I was looking at his back, I realized that this man in front of me was the man who stayed with me for the past ten years of my cursed life.

He never left.

And I guess, it was easy for me to hate him for ten years than to love any man for a week or two. He was the longest commitment I had in my life, and until now in my messed up moment, he was still here with me fixing everything.

"Your closet is full of wrapped gifts with my name," he said after he wore a black satin sleepwear. It was a buttoned top and comfortable pajamas. And it was so freaking expensive at kasalanan ni Tita Daisy kung bakit ko iyon binili. Hindi ko naman ipakikita sa kanya ang closet ko kung hindi siya nagpakabasa sa banyo para lang patahanin ako. "Hindi ko alam na alam mo pala ang size ko."

"Binibigay sa 'kin ng opisina mo ang size mo every year."

Naninibago ako habang nakatingin kay Tyrone. I used to see him as the general manager in the Lion Fashion branch. His hair was slicked back, his facial hair was neatly trimmed, and his chinito eyes were always serious, although, for some instances with her ladies, I always see him smile.

Pero mukhang hindi pa siya nakakapagpagupit. Mahaba na ang buhok niya at lumampas na sa tainga, mata, at batok. He was using his contact lens kapag nasa opisina kaya may kung ano sa akin na natuwa nang makita ko ulit siyang nakasalamin. Sa labo ba naman ng mata niya, talagang mahihirapan siyang kumilos nang maayos.

"I called Tita Daisy while you're changing clothes. Sabi ko, kasama kita." Lumapit siya sa 'kin sa puwesto ko sa may headboard at umupo sa gilid ng kama paharap sa 'kin. Inayos niya ang towel na nakasampay sa balikat ko at piniga roon ang hindi pa tuyong buhok ko. "I know you're better than this, Cin. You can't be like this every day."

Nakatitig lang ako sa kanya. It was the first time I let him enter this place—my safe haven. And it felt safer right now I couldn't explain why.

"When you said you hate me . . . did you mean that?" I asked while catching his upturned eyes behind his thick glasses.

He stopped drying my hair and looked at me in the eyes. We let the moment take its time before he answered.

"When you said you hate me first, I asked myself why. I didn't understand why, Cin. I didn't know why you hate me that much when I know I didn't do anything wrong."

At the back of my mind, tinatanong ko rin iyon sa sarili ko. Na maliban sa pride ko bilang de Chavez at apo ng isang Echague na ayaw umasa sa iba, bakit ba ako nagagalit sa kanya?

"When you told me you had an affair with Fred, I asked myself what was wrong with me? Where did I go wrong to make you stay?"

Nakagat ko ang labi ko habang pinipigilan 'yong manginig habang nakikinig sa kanya. Huminga ako nang malalim habang pinangingiliran na naman ng luha.

"It broke me big time when you said you're calling off our engagement . . . noong tinapon mo yung singsing sa nature park."

"Sorry . . ."

"I did everything to take you back. I know everything, Cin. Those guys you were with before I came back to take you again. I knew them all . . ."

Napayuko ako at napapikit. Kusa nang tumulo ang luha ko habang may kung anong mabigat sa dibdib ko na hindi ko alam kung paano ilalabas.

"But none of them stayed with you longer than you deserve. You always said you hate me . . . for the first two years of staying in Lion as a general manager, you always told me that you hate me. You always go to my office just to tell me that hurtful words. But I realized . . . it was easy for you to say you hate me and look forward to another day telling that to me."

I raised my head and saw him smiling but sadness was evident in his eyes.

"Iniisip ko na baka kapag hindi ka na nagalit sa 'kin, hindi mo na 'ko dadalawin sa opisina ko para lang sabihin ang mga salitang 'yon. Kasi dati, noong hindi ka pa galit sa 'kin, hindi mo 'ko pinapansin."

May kung anong nagbabara sa lalamunan ko at bago pa niya makitang umiiyak na naman ako, lumapit na agad ako sa kanya at ipinalibot ang braso ko sa may batok niya.

"Sorry, Ty . . . I'm sorry for everything . . ."

Yes, he was the longest commitment I ever had. After all those one-night stand with some guys, those temporary relationships, those two-day expiration of my feelings for a man . . . walang kayang tumapat sa sampung taon ng pagtatagal namin ni Tyrone sa isa't isa. It was easy for me to say I hate him every day than to tell him to stay with me without any reason aside from it was our family's decision.

And since I got tired of pleasing everyone and begging for them to stay, nasanay na lang akong laging tinutulak si Tyrone palayo kasi pakiramdam ko, gaya lang din siya ng iba. And I got used to it, na nagiging assurance na lang din sa akin deep inside na after all my messed-up moments and fucked-up decisions, he will tell me na hindi pa rin niya ako iiwan. It fills that endless pit inside me na after all those who left, I know to myself that there is someone who stays no matter what.

Tyrone stayed with me for the whole night. I used to sleep with men hugging me from behind because I don't want to hug them back. I want them to rely on and craved for my attention, but this was different. My left hand was on Ty's chest while my head was resting in his arms. My face was buried on his neck and I let myself drowned in his manly aroma from his favorite body spray.

I didn't know I could sleep with a man without thinking if someone will caught me cheating. It was the peaceful night I've ever had since my 18th birthday. I even caught myself waking up from a sudden dream with a smile on my face. Kapag naaalimpungatan ako, kinakapa ko agad ang katabi para malaman kung panaginip lang ba siya. Twice kong ginawa, at sa pangatlong beses, wala na akong naramdaman.

Napabangon agad ako at napalingon-lingon sa paligid.

"Ty?"

Ang lakas ng kalabog ng dibdib ko nang hindi ko siya agad nakita. Iniisip ko kung masyado lang ba akong lango sa alak kagabi at nananaginip lang ako.

Bumangon agad ako at nilibot ang buong condo ko kahit hindi naman ito kalakihan. Hindi ko makita ang mga hinubad niyang damit na nasa round chair. Wala rin yung phone niya sa night stand.

Nananaginip lang ba 'ko?

"Cin?" Napalingon agad ako sa direksyon ng laundry area na katapat mismo ng kusina. "4 pa lang, bakit gising ka na?"

Kusang kumilos ang mga paa ko at nagmamadaling lumapit sa kanya. Kinuha ko ang kuwelyo ng pantulog na suot niya saka ko siya inilapit sa akin.

If this was only a dream, I would make it a good deal just to stay in this realm. I caught his lips and tried to bring back even the tiniest hope that left me for a very long time.

Gusto kong maramdaman na kahit panaginip lang 'to, isa 'to sa magandang panaginip na mararanasan ko. Ayokong pagdilat ko mamaya, tapos na ang lahat. Na hinayaan ko lang na palampasin ang lahat dahil lang sa pride ko.

"Cin—" Mabilis siyang lumayo sa akin habang nalilito ang mga mata. "What happened?"

"Kahit ngayon lang . . . can we be us . . .?" My eyes were pleading. I don't want to turn this dream into a nightmare. I had it for too long I couldn't bear to have it again this time. "Can I have you even just for this hour . . .?"

I waited for his answer. I waited for a moment—one of the longest moments I had in my life.

I was waiting for his answer when he grabbed my waist and pinned me to his body. An indecent shock ran through me when he captured me in his tight embrace. Never have I imagine we would do it like this. My back was pushed against the marble counter and I could barely breathe while his mouth was exploring mine.

Kusa nang gumala ang kamay ko at inisa-isang tanggal ang butones ng pantulog niya.

Pareho kaming hinihingal nang saglit siyang bumitiw sa akin.

"Tell me you're sober," he said while panting.

I nodded. "I am . . ."

Binuhat niya agad ako at iniupo sa malamig na counter. Nahubad ko na ang pang-itaas niya, and I know his hands moved faster than mine.

His kisses were running from the tip of my ear down to my neck. I could feel his hands removing my large dress shirt without undoing it.

A second was enough to reveal my bare chest to him and leaving a lacy thong as my only garb.

This is the only body I could offer to him. A tainted body harmed by different men before his hands. And I could never be pure for him to treasure like a flawless diamond.

"This is all I am, Ty." I cupped his cheeks offering what remains in me. "Ito lang ang kaya kong ibigay sa 'yo."

He smiled at me and stole a quick kiss on the tip of my nose. "As long as it's from you, it's more than enough."

At that very moment, tears started to form in the tip of my eyes. He was still that same Tyrone Chen I met when I was seventeen. The same boy who offered me anything as long as it would help me. The same boy who was contented with what he could receive as long as it's from me.

His caresses were soft. His kisses on the different part of my body was like a little fire igniting what was already dead in me.

We made love on that dawn, wishing that I wasn't dreaming. Hindi ako nakaramdam ng sakit. Hindi ko naisip na nagtataksil ako. Hindi ko naramdaman na pagsapit ng umaga, kailangan na naming maghiwalay kasi committed ako sa ibang tao.

I closed my eyes in pleasure, cherishing every moment I had in him. And it wasn't just like another sexy night with a man. It was a morning full of longing we bear for the past decade of our lives.

Naalala ko ang sinabi noon ni Mama kaya hindi na siya nakapag-asawa ulit pagkatapos ni Daddy. Mararamdaman ko namang tama ang tao kapag hindi na ako nag-aalala na baka may mali akong nagagawa.

That was the longest hour I had in my life with Tyrone.

We welcomed the sunrise wearing nothing but comforting blankets and each other's hugs.

And it wasn't a dream. His kiss, his touch, every surge of his body. Everything was real. As if my soul was heeding his call. And I guess I would hate myself for wanting him more.

♥♥♥