I walk into my bathroom, and lock the door. I take out the razor blade, and glide it across my wrist. I stare at the blood, as it bubbles around the cut, and drips down. After a minute, I dry my wrist, and bandage it.

I sit in the bathroom on the counter, thinking about death. I wish Theo were here, he helps me through this whenever I need it. I put on a long-sleeve shirt, and a sweatshirt over it. I pull the sleeves over my wrist, and walk out.

I tell my mom I'm going to Theo's, and that I'll be back on Monday. I don't bring anything except my razor blade, as I have clothes there.

I find myself crying when Theo answers the door. He notices the blood on my other hand, and shakes his head. He brings me inside, and to his bathroom. He makes me roll up my sleeves, so he can look.

As he cleans the wound, I look away, trying to avoid the pain of the rubbing alcohol he uses to disinfect it.

When I start sobbing, he stops. He puts down the supplies, and gives me a hug. He tells me not to worry, that he'll always be there.

(Monday, at lunch)

I was at my normal table, with Theo. Grace, Jace, Dusk, and Tori had joined us. They were serving coconut cake today, but I didn't eat any. Grace offered me her cake, but I gave it back. I told them I wasn't hungry, which was true. I start to silently sob with my head on the table once Jace and Grace start arguing. I wipe my eyes with the sleeve of my shirt, when my sleeve falls down, revealing my scars, old and new.

I pull my sleeve over my hand and run into the bathroom. I summon a razor blade, and cut over old scars. I cut deeper than I normally do, and after the 5th deep cut, my head starts to hurt. My vision goes blurry, and as I go to cut one more time, the blade is taken out of my hands and I pass out.

When I wake up, I am in a bed, that is in a room of white. I hear beeping, and see a machine with wires coming from it. I realize that I am in a hospital room, and I freak out. Theo rushes to my side, and holds the hand that isn't hooked up to wires.

Eli
Theo

"Eli.. What were you thinking?! You could have died?!... Please, don't do that again.. Please don't..."

I see a tear roll down his face.

"I-I'm sorry.." I start to sob. "I thought it would be better if I was dead.. The world would be better off wothout me..."

"I called your mom... She should be here soon.. I know you didn't want her to know... But now she needs to.."

Solvius

"I need to know what?" She walks over to my side, and looks at my arm
"I thought you promised me you would stop... Eli, what happened?.."

I look away from Theo and my mom.

"Eli...?"

"Eliana... Were you trying to kill yourself in the school bathroom..?"

I start to cry.

"Eli..."

I pull my hand away from Theo.

"..."

"Eli... You promised you would stop... What happened..?"

"Life happened... It got rough... And I went from being at least somewhat popular to having no friends... I just wanted to die... So I tried... It didn't work... I tried again... It still didn't work.. I tried again... Theo found me when I was stepping over the rail on the school roof.. He held me back... He was my only friend then... Even with one friend... It didn't help... Nothing works anymore, mom!.. Nothing... Cutting doesn't work... I can't talk to anyone about it because they'll make fun of me... I don't know what to do... Mom... I don't know what to do..."

I started to cry even more than I was before. A doctor walks into the room, and says that visitor time was over, and that Theo and my mom would need to leave. I am eventually left alone, in an unfamiliar place.

(Next day, in hospital)

I wake up to a white room, completely alone. There was a tray of food next to the bed, though I didn't plan on eating it. I look around, and see the machine still attached to my arm. I pull the blanket over my body, and turn over on my side.

I start to cry into the pillow. I hear the door open, and my mom's voice.

"Eli.. Are you awake?.."

"..."

"Eli..."

She walks over to the side I'm laying on, and holds my hand.

"Mom... I'm scared... I don't like it here..."

"I know sweety... You should be out by next week... They want you to see a therapist at least twice a week..."

Theo walks into the room, and stands beside my mom.

"Hey.. Are you feeling any better?"

I shake my head.

"Have you eaten anything?"

I stay silent, not wanting to admit to them I haven't eaten.

My mom pulls the tray over the bed, and forces me to sit up.

"Eliana, if you want to leave the hospital next week, you need to eat."

I look away from my mom.

"Eliana.. Please... You need to eat.. When was the last time you ate an actual meal and not just a snack?..

"..." I hesitate to answer. "...Sometime last month.. I think..?"

Both Theo and my mom look at me disapprovingly.

"Eli.."

"Eliana, you are going to eat this food because I don't want you dying of hunger."

"Fine..."

I take the fork, and slowly eat what is on the tray.

About an hour later, I push the mostly tray away.

"That's better.. Thank you for eating, Eli.."

I slightly smile, and pull the blanket over my body once more. I lay on the pillow, and drift into an unpleasant sleep.

(A few hours later)

I wake up, and see Theo, Grace, Dusk, Tori, and Jace. They all, except Jace, smile when I wake up. The nurse eventually walks in and tells them to leave. Once again, I am left in an unfamiliar place. I don't go to sleep, but I sit there, thinking about the consequences I would have put on my friends and family if I just killed myself right now. I think about how my mom will feel, and how it would feel to never be able to leave the Shadow Realm.
I soon drift into an uneasy sleep, dreaming about death.

(Next day, in the hospital)

I wake up, and my mom is in a chair next to my bed. I look around the room, and see that I am no longer attached to one machine, but now three machines. One to an IV, one connected to pads on my head, and one connected to an blood pressure cuff.

I try to pull the blanket over my body, but I realize I am restrained to the bed, by my ankles and my wrists.

I turn to my mom, who is waking up. She looks at me, and explains

"You had a nightmare last night, and ripped out your IV, that's why your arms are tied down. You also kicked a nurse. You might have delayed your release date a little, so they're allowing me to stay here with you at night."

"Oh.." I sigh, not wanting to stay here any longer. "Hey mom... In the bathroom the other day... Who found me?..." I had been wondering for quite a while.

"I think it was Theo, though I'm not sure."

"Oh.."

I wish I could do something more than just sit here, as now I'm probably not able to leave until at least the end of the month.

(Next month, at school)

I have not had fresh air since before last month. I spent an entire month confined in a small room. I have missed three exams, and a few piles of homework.

I walk up the stairs with Theo, and go to my locker. He cleaned it of anything that could be used to harm me, leaving just my binders.
I look through them, and see that he took away the razor blade I kept in the pockets.

I look at him and slightly smile. I'll try to stop cutting, for him. I take my binders out of the locker, and start walking to class. Theo had my schedule changed to match his.

After class, I go to the bathroom. I look in the mirror, and see a new me. I see short hair. I see short sleeves, and no scars. I see someone I would have never seen before my last attempt.

I leave after the last bell, and since I don't feel like finding a new portal, I go to one of my mom's friends' house.

I knock on the door, and when it opens, I see Amigola Yami.

Yami
Eli

"Hey Yami.. Is it okay if I stay here for a few days? The last portal closed and there hasn't been a new one opening.."

"Of course, as long as you don't try and incorrectly summon any demons."

"I won't. I promised a friend I would stop.."

(Next week)

I haven't cut in an entire week, and it honestly feels so weird not having bandages on my arms. I don't know if I like it or not, but it feels... Nice? I'm not sure...

I walk into the school and notice I don't see any of my friends. I go to my locker to grab my books, and go to math. I look around, and still don't see Theo.

As soon as the bell rings, I walk out of the room, and look for Theo or Grace. I see neither, and I start to get worried. I take out my phone, and call Theo. He doesn't answer. I call Grace. She doesn't answer. I call Dusk. He doesn't answer. I call Tori. She doesn't answer. I hesitate, but I finally call Jace. When he doesn't answer, I go to the office, and sign myself out.

I go to Theo's house, and knock on the door. No one opens the door. I go to Jace and Grace's house, and knock on the door. Erin opens the door, and asks what I want. I ask if Grace or Jace were there, and after getting a door slammed into my face, I walk away. Since I don't know where Dusk or Tori live, I go to an unknown portal to the shadow realm.

After entering the portal, I find myself in a city. I look at the name of the café, and realize I'm not to far from the castle. I walk in the direction of the castle, and eventually reach the doors. The guards move aside, and I walk in.

I find my mom's office, and the door is open. I peek my head in, finding no one. I walk to my bedroom on 15th floor. The lights are all off, and it is somewhat messier than normal. I step into the room, and turn on the light.

Everyone jumped out from behind something in my room and yelled 'Happy Birthday!!'

I didn't even realize what day it was. It was August 13. My birthday. And three years since my first attempt. And two years since my second attempt.

I hug everyone, and thank them. I start to cry, because I didn't realize how close they were to me.

(Next day, Theo's house)

Eli
Theo

"And she just slammed the door in your face?"

"Yeah, I mean, I knew she was rude, but not THAT rude."

"Just don't go telling Jace or Grace that you said their mom is rude. Especially Grace.

"Heh.. I never planned to. Not until we graduate, at least."

For the first time in years, I felt genuinely happy. Talking with a friend about something thats not about suicide or self harm.

I look at my watch. It was 10:41 in the morning.

"I gotta go get ready, I'm taking Grace out for lunch. I'll see you later?"

"Yeah, see you later, Eli!"

I leave his house, and go back to the Shadow Realm. I change into a short, sleeveless dress, and put on some makeup. I leave, and go to Grace's house.

I knock on the door, and luckily, it was Grace that answered. I kissed her on the cheek, and we walked to the restaurant.

(One year later)

The principle announced my name, and I walked on stage. I shake his hand, and grab the diploma. I walk off the stage, and smile to myself. I sit by Grace.

We had both just graduated from high school, and both got accepted into the same college on scholarship. I had a band scholarship, and Grace had a medical scholarship.

Eventually, everyone left, leaving just Grace and I. We had been dating for about three years now, and I wanted to know if she would marry me..

I get down on one knee, and pull out the ring box. I look her in the eyes, and say,

"Grace Dunez, we have been dating officially for 3 years. You are the reason I wake up every morning. You are the reason I stopped cutting.. You are the reason I am still alive and was able to graduate today. I want you to be there forever.. Grace, will you marry me?"

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