Part 8: Ida and Asa

AN: Soooo...you know it took an emotional turn that not even I was prepared for when I got all choked up and teary eyed and emotional just writing it. You know its bad when I don't want to write a Reader's POV because Levi looks so bad in it....Like...I thought this would be a happier chapter, and the ending just went SIKE. I promise eventually they will start to build bridges and there will be redemption and reconciliation, I'm just apparently not quiiiiite there yet. I think this point forward is where that starts to happen, thankfully.

Also, pronunciation: Ida (Eye-duh), and Asa (A, as in the letter A, and then suh)

Warnings: Language, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts, Angst, Injury, Pain, Demon Deals, Threats, Forced Move, Contention, Grief, Guilt, Fear

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*Levi's POV*

When Levi entered the room again, she was fast asleep, the exhaustion no doubt taking its toll on her body and demanding she lay down, no matter how much had just been dumped on her at once. Just like last time, she fell asleep facing the babies, hand outstretched towards them, reaching for them even in sleep. His eyes lingered on the sight as he passed, making his way to the window to gaze outside and stand watch in the silence of the hospital room.

The babies were born, which meant that he'd fulfilled his task, had technically carried out his sentencing from the Infernal Court. He hadn't heard anything from them yet, and he hadn't decided if that was a good or a bad thing. If they'd needed to speak with him once it was finished, they would have summoned him instantly, considering demonic fathers weren't known to actually stick around for their kids. But this silence from them...it only made him uneasy, gave him the consistent feeling that he was waiting for another shoe to drop.

It was no secret that they hated him, hated how in the past he'd refused to bend and conform to what was expected of him as a demon. They'd tried disciplining him in the past, tried breaking him into submission whenever they managed to get their hands on him with all the running on Earth he tended to do. Now, however, he couldn't run all over creation, he was stuck wherever his children were, because he didn't want to leave them fatherless, and he knew this was where he was needed. If the Infernal Court caught on to the fact he genuinely cared...

What was he thinking? Of course they knew. They knew the instant the two half-demon children were born into this world, they knew that instant as Levi's presence and intent there claimed them as under his protection, as well as Y/N's claim on them for not giving them up. The fact he was actually staying, and his history of having a...softer nature, meant that they would know his twins were an exploitable weak spot. He needed to be ready for that moment, when it came. Because he wasn't going to let any of them lay a filthy hand on his twins, if he had to fight them all off himself.

Of course, he knew he couldn't do that, he wasn't built for that. And he couldn't protect them if he was dead. He needed to be smarter about this.

A noise came from the bassinets, and Levi straightened, turning his attention back to the room to see the two babies had woken up from their naps and were squirming and looking around, looking gradually more discontent and restless.

Levi's gaze flickered back towards the exhausted woman still asleep on the bed, then started undoing the buttons on his shirt. Considering he'd been planning on taking the babies for himself, he was very aware of what they needed in this beginning stretch. Lots of bonding time with their parent–parents–which meant frequent skin to skin time, frequent feedings until they settled into a schedule, and they still needed a couple of their firsts, like their first bath, and their first shit.

Once his shirt was carefully folded and resting atop the arm of the couch in the room, Levi picked up his baby girl, first, since she was the fussiest right now. His hands almost shook with the nerves of how fragile she felt in his grip, the reality of how small they were coming to full focus once more as he unwrapped the blanket enough that he could cradle her against his chest like the nurses had done for Y/N, allowing her that skin to skin contact with him as well, though he kept the blanket draped around her back to help keep her from getting cold.

He knew he couldn't hold them as long as she could like this, for risk of overheating them, but he could still hold them like this for at least an hour.

Making sure he had his baby girl tucked into his arm and held securely against his chest, Levi went back for his little boy as well before he could start feeling neglected. The process was much more difficult and nerve wracking to do with one arm, but he didn't want to call in a nurse for help and have the entire spectacle of a strange man suddenly being in the room with the babies and single mother.

So he figured it out himself, with a bit of struggle that eventually ended in success, Levi sitting on the couch and leaning back so it would be easier to lay both babies against his chest, one hand on each child's back as he gazed down at them, seeing their now content and sleepy expressions as they slowly settled back down in their father's arms. Once they were all settled and content, Levi simply...stared at them. At the tiny eyes that gazed blearily up at him as they listened to his heartbeat, probably racing like a seasoned horse down a track compared to the hummingbird-gentle flutters of their tiny hearts in their chest that he could feel against his skin.

Something indescribable washed through him, and suddenly, for reasons unknown, he felt choked up, eyes watering, a few tears slipping through as he squeezed them shut, stifling a small sob as he ducked his head low and gently kissed the very tops of their heads, not even bothering to stop the tears this time as he held them protectively against him. He just wanted to feel a little closer to them, even with the fact that in this silence with them resting against his chest, they felt like a part of him that no one could rip away.

All that suffering and pain hadn't been for nothing, if he had these two in his arms. He should have had a third, a third that had been taken from him, but for the two that he did have, he was willing to give everything for them. They hadn't been planned, he hadn't gotten Y/N pregnant because he wanted babies, but because he'd been commanded to and threatened with something terrible if he hadn't. But the matter of their conception melted away into trivialities while he could sit here and hold his children in his arms. They were still his children, and if he could, he was going to do everything in his power to protect them.

It took some time before Levi calmed down again, noticing that by the time he'd gotten his tears to stop and his breathing to even out, the twins had nodded off on his chest, perfectly content to simply lay here for the time being and take a little nap. With his emotions back under control and objectivity returning to him, he peeled back their diapers to take a quick check and see if they'd had their first shit yet.

His little boy had. His daughter hadn't, though.

Once the full hour passed, and his daughter still hadn't made her first little mess, Levi put the sleeping baby girl back in the bassinet with care, his son jostled just enough that he was alert once more and looking around disgruntled.

As much as Levi was itching to clean them up, it hadn't been nearly long enough of a wait, and that white stuff on them was apparently good for their skin and anti-bacteria in the first twenty-four hours. So he was going to have to settle for just a quick diaper change and then putting him back into the bassinet before he overheated from the skin to skin with Levi.

"I don't know who's more eager to get the firsts over with and go home, you or your sister," Levi murmured as he laid his son down on the couch, changing the diaper with immense care. As he spoke, his son's head twitched slightly to lean in his direction, barely open eyes looking around the general area he'd spoken.

They recognized his voice, too. It was true, then–the whole thing about the significant other's voice being recognizable to the baby if they talked a lot around them during the pregnancy. He might have been invisible to Y/N, but he was still there, and yes there had been times when he'd simply sat and talked nonsense to the babies growing inside her.

That also meant that they were sensitive to being in the In Between, those who were walking in the same plane as humans but made themselves invisible to the human eye. Because that's where Levi had been while talking to them. That thought made him uneasy, made him worry about the things they might see while they were still young, but he shook it off, resolving to worry about that later and instead just focus on their general care and wellbeing.

Once his son was changed, Levi picked him back up with care, laying him down in his respective bassinet and then simply standing there, gazing at the two children in front of him while everyone but him got their much needed rest.

*****************************************

They were just about twenty-four hours after the birth when the other shoe finally dropped.

At the time, Y/N was discussing with the nurse about their progress while she breastfed them again–it was still too early to be making a switch to a bottle–talking about what else the hospital would like to happen before she was discharged and how well the twins were progressing. Levi was an unseen spectator standing at the foot of the bed as it was all discussed, simply watching and waiting in silence. Everything he needed to be doing to get ready for when she was discharged could either happen in this room, or was being handled by someone outside of the hospital that he trusted.

He'd been able to feel the negative charge in the air, and the twins started showing signs of at least restlessness, perhaps stress as Levi turned to see who the invader in the hospital room was.

Gross. A demon of wrath and sudden death. Not at all a demon he wanted in the same building as his children, especially right now while they were in such a fragile state.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Levi snarled, hand in his pocket and sending a two word text without looking before turning to face the other demon fully, taking a few steps away from the bed and closer to Gross so that he was more of an obstacle, and any clash would be at least a few paces away from where Y/N and the babies currently were.

"Orders from above, Ackerman. I'm here to claim the little imps under my care."

"Too bad, they're already under mine and their mother's," Levi said harshly, eyes flashing to gold and black in a wordless threat that he would fight the other demon if he had to.

"Doesn't matter if the court says otherwise. You've got a problem with it, go take it up with them. Though, the little incubi spawn will already be under my watch before you're out of any meeting with them," Gross replied, starting to walk forward like that was the end of the conversation.

Levi put a hand up on his shoulder to forcibly stop him, a snarl on his face. "You're not coming another step towards them."

"Oh? And a little thing like you is going to stop me?" Gross challenged, Levi's expression darkening and his human appearance starting to weaken in favor of his demonic form, body tense and ready for a fight that was going to do some damage to him.

"Now, now, surely the two of you can come to some kind of arrangement instead of acting like feral beasts," came a new and welcome voice.

It's about damn time you showed up.

Furlan had entered the picture, looking sharp as ever in the light blue, grey, and white three piece suit mix, even wearing the grey gloves with not a hair out of place. Considering he was a pacts demon–not crossroads or ritual, pacts, meaning that he sought out humans at their most vulnerable and swooped in to make deals for what they wanted or needed the most–he was the kind of assistance Levi needed in a situation like this. He needed someone who could talk another demon down but also fight their way out if needed.

He was the one he'd called after finding out Y/N was going to keep the babies, and he was the one Levi had just texted.

"If the Court says that Levi gets claim on the babies, than you'll just have to give them back anyway–maybe even have to do penance for any damage you did in the process. If they don't let him claim them, you get them anyway," Furlan said casually, adjusting his sleeve casually as he leaned against the wall and made his proposal. "So, what harm could it do to stay there and wait until he comes back with the final verdict? No need for any bloody scraps, if that's what you still want to do later you can do it in a back alley when you're not on official business. Sound like a deal?"

Knowing that Furlan would make sure Gross didn't try anything in his absence, Levi stared Gross down, waiting for the other demon to give way and accept the delay. It wasn't a secret that Levi and Furlan were acquaintances–friends, even–but Furlan had enough pull with his position, and some nasty fighting tricks as a pact demon, that made him a legitimate threat. With the two of them there, Gross sneered at how obvious it was that they were teaming up on him, but didn't dare try to argue when he was outmatched and outnumbered, at least for now.

"Fine. Go whine to the Council–they won't change their verdict, anyway," Gross growled, and Levi turned away, giving Furlan a slight nod in passing as he headed for the door.

"Ah, ah–not a step further Gross. Stay right there like a good boy. I have no qualms about bringing one of the hellhounds up here if I have to," Furlan said to Gross of Levi left, and Levi's resolve to get this over with quickly hardened, knowing Gross wouldn't wait long even with Furlan there to keep an eye on him.

Going back down there was a little nerve racking considering the last time he'd been in this room they'd nearly thrown him into The Pit on the spot, but he ignored the anxiety as he shifted back down to the infernal plane, traversing corridors he was a little too familiar with after the many times he'd been dragged down here. He didn't even hesitate when he reached the doors to the Infernal Court, uncaring if they were in the middle of something or not. He threw the dark and intricately carved door with disturbing imagery across the surface wide open, coming right in as three or four members of the Court, likely the more important ones and the head judge, materialized in the center of the room as he entered.

Even with his anger, he still hesitated for the briefest moment, well-aware that these beings had the ability to open an entrance to The Pit directly below him if he pushed them too far.

"What's this bullshit about Gross claiming the babies? Their mother's keeping them, and I've already claimed them for when she dies," Levi growled at the robed figures, hearing the double doors slam shut behind him with a resounding thud.

"After the way you turned out, it's the Council's decision that it's in the best interest of future demonic offspring to immediately go to the care of a demon without any human tampering."

Levi's fingernails cut into his palms as his fists tightened, not bothering to hide the murderous glare he was giving the members of the Court. "That doesn't explain why you're trying to override my claim."

The bastard had the audacity to laugh in his face, and Levi almost swung, even though he knew it wouldn't do shit to the incorporeal figures.

"What makes you think we would ever let a mistake like you raise two future servants of hell? We're well aware that you wouldn't teach them to do their duties, that you'd screw them up as badly as you."

"What the fuck do you want?" Levi spat, the bubbling rage inside him clawing for him to just hit one of them, consequences and futility be damned.

"I don't think you understand–"

"No, you would have had a demon there at the birth to take them by force if that was your intention. What the fuck do you want from me in exchange for keeping the twins under my charge."

"My, my, little Levi is trying to make a deal. He might be aware of how dangerous that was if he actually had practice making deals," One of the side figures hissed, and Levi shot them a dark look and a low snarl.

"I suppose if you want to keep them, you're going to have to prove you can actually serve your purpose like you were intended to," the head judge said coldly, holding up a hand to silence any more snide comments from the others. "How about this–you must make a deal with a new soul every week the entire duration the new demons are in your care."

"Weekly?" Levi hissed angrily. "I don't even need to feed that often!"

"Consider it a start at making up for all the centuries you've spent ignoring your purpose to bind souls to hell," the head judge returned unflinchingly. "And if you miss even one week–"

"Let me guess–the twins given to another demon's care, and I get The Pit," Levi answered bitterly.

"He can be taught," the head judge said wryly, before extending a gloved hand. "It's the only offer we'll make, and I sense you're on a time limit. Do we have a deal?"

He had to bind a new person to hell every week just to keep the twins with him and Y/N, and not with someone like Gross. After centuries getting by without making any deals, he was about to have to make one more often than any other incubus that he knew.

He'd said he was going to protect his children, no matter the cost to himself. He was already damned anyway. He could find a loophole, some way to make it...so he didn't have to drag innocent people down here. He'd find a way.

Reluctantly, Levi grasped the hand in front of him, and white hot flame burned up his arm and spiderwebbed across his chest, making him gasp as his knees buckled and he clenched his teeth. His chest burned, and he felt something seem to etch itself onto his skin before the head judge released his hand and the pain abruptly dulled to a throb. The four robed figures standing in the chambers started to disappear.

"That's enough of you for one day. Best hurry back before Gross does something rash," the head judge said in a bored tone before disappearing as well, leaving Levi alone in the dimly lit chamber on his knees.

Once they were gone, before Levi left, he grasped his shirt and pulled it up to see what the hell that burning was.

Emblazoned on his chest even in human form was a mark, raised and red like he'd been branded in the center of his chest. If he was in demon form, it probably would have appeared as another black mark like the ones that already decorated his body like tattoos. Except this was in the purposeful mark of a binding sigil that was usually used on prisoners. It was a little altered, but their purpose for using this one in particular to seal their deal as unbreakable was obvious.

Grinding his teeth together in frustration and anger, Levi worked to regain his composure and make himself presentable. He could linger on the ramifications of this a little later, right now he needed to get back to Y/N and the twins before, like the head judge said, Gross did something rash.

Demons like him weren't exactly known for their restraint.

Leaving the judgement chambers and letting his wings unfurl to carry him up back to Earth, Levi ignored the throb in his chest in favor of pushing himself to get back to the hospital as fast as possible. He made it in record time, arriving to see Furlan had physically put himself between Gross and the oblivious mother still holding the children, glaring angrily at Gross in what was a clear challenge. Levi's return, however, broke whatever tense moment was happening between the two of them, both of them turning to look at Levi as he landed and his wings folded and disappeared. Levi fixed Gross with a cold look.

"You're dismissed. Go find someone else to bother," Levi said bitingly, his words strongly suggesting he wasn't in the mood to have to deal with Gross any further than he had to. Gross didn't look pleased–borderline enraged, even. Clearly his intentions had been the furthest thing from pure and he'd been looking forward to having some 'fun.' However, he sulked away, disappearing in the shadows, likely heading back to Hell to sulk and rage before deciding what he was going to do instead.

Once Gross was gone, Furlan gave Levi an examining look. "Do I even want to know what kind of a deal you had to make to pull that off? I can feel the heat of the deal coming off you without even trying to look, and it's hot as...well, hot as they come. Compared to your girl over there who's just a little warm, in my opinion, but–"

"It's nothing you need to worry about, Furlan," Levi said shortly, brushing past him to stand a little closer, looking at the two newborns in Y/N's arms to hold the reality of what he just signed up for at bay just a while longer.

"Mhm," Furlan said, though the sound was displeased, and slightly knowing. "Just don't sell so much of yourself you can't be what you need to be. I've made plenty of deals where the other party gave more than they could afford or handle to know what that looks like."

"I said leave it alone, Furlan."

A tense silence settled between them, Furlan staring critically at Levi, who was stalwartly ignoring his gaze. "Isabel got the house ready and shifted everything over from the apartment like you asked. One thing I'll say about angels–well, fallen angels, I suppose, in her case–is they sure can get a job done quickly. The young thing's good–and loyal. Too bad she was a little too rebellious for Heaven's taste, stuck up, topside, sanctimonious pricks."

Too rebellious for Heaven, too pure for Hell, which meant she ended up somewhere in the middle. Cast out at an extremely young age for an angel, with the rest of her time spent in the in-between. Levi had been the one to find her and sort-of take her in. He'd gotten into a scrap with a couple other demons who decided to try and take out their hatred for Heaven out on her since she wasn't connected to Heaven anymore and didn't have some of the abilities or the divine backup to protect her. He'd admired her fight, though, and he'd helped her get rid of the nuisances. Maybe she felt like she owed him and that was why she'd stuck around, but her and Furlan had sort of become his contacts that he could turn to in a tight spot.

Hence why he was getting their help now. He wasn't going to make the same mistakes twice, and if he could, he was going to have one of them keep an eye on the twins when he couldn't.

Especially with this new deal where he was going to have to find someone to bind to hell every week.

"Everything's set up?"

"Just waiting for you. I'd love to stay and chat, but I do have a couple appointments I have to make, soon."

"I might ask you to give me a couple names in the future. Would you be willing to do that?" Levi asked abruptly as Furlan started to turn away. Furlan gazed intently at him again, though this time Levi turned to meet it head on and unflinchingly.

"Sure. Just don't take too many–I've got a business to run," Furlan said with a wry smirk, starting to walk away with a small wave. "Congrats on the twins–and good luck."

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*Reader's POV*

Levi had been...elusive, ever since his sudden appearance. You would see flickers of him in the background of things happening in the hospital room, or you would catch a glimpse of him for a few minutes with the children before you fully woke up. He didn't really...stay, though. Maybe in part he didn't want to deal with the circus of the unknown father suddenly appearing and making himself known to the hospital staff, or maybe he just didn't want to talk to you or be in your presence that much–which was fine with you. You weren't comfortable around him, either, and you dreaded the thought of just how much a part of your life he was going to become when you left the hospital and he followed through on his insistence to be in the twins lives.

Though, the flickers and glimpses...it had you wondering if there were times he was here...and you just didn't know it. He wasn't human, after all. What was to say he couldn't be invisible, that he wasn't spying on you right now as you sat with the very insistent lady who worked with the state that had been wanting to get the information for the birth certificates since you'd passed the twenty-four hour mark.

After confirming your full name with her, she asked one of the big questions.

"And the father's name is?"

"Levi..." You hesitated. He said he didn't exist up here. Did he even have a last name? Was Levi even his real name? Did you want his name on the birth certificate? Would it even matter?

"Ackerman," Came an unfortunately familiar voice from the back of the room, and you saw Levi leaning a few steps from the door, straightening up and approaching the surprised state representative.

"Mr. Ackerman...I wasn't aware that the father was here," she said in surprise, holding out a hand to shake which Levi ignored as he moved closer to the bed, mainly to the twins. The representative's hand fell away when she realized he wasn't going to shake it, sensing the tension in the room with her gaze flickering between the two.

"And you...said you were ready to officially name them? So, your daughter's name is?" she asked, picking up her pen and resuming her seat.

Levi wasn't looking at you, he was gazing at your daughter in her bassinet, waiting with an unnatural stillness to hear what you wanted to name the twins. You weren't sure if he was going to interject with his own suggestions or argue with you, deciding he didn't like the names, but you wouldn't know if you didn't say anything, and you already had the representative here.

"Ida. Ida Aurelia," you said quietly, leaving off the last name for now as you spelled out the first and middle names for the representative. With Levi here, you suddenly weren't sure if they were going to have his surname, or yours. If that would be a point that would cause an argument.

"And the boy's?"

"Asa. Asa Wren," you finished, spelling it out for her as well. You liked the first names because they seemed to click to you for twins. They were simple but unique. As for the middle names...

They were the girl and boy names you'd been drawn to when you still had your third child to consider, given to each twin respectively.

"I understand the two of you aren't married, so I must ask, which surname will the children be taking?" the representative asked.

You looked over to Levi just in time to catch him mouthing Asa as his hand rested gently on the sleeping baby boy in the bassinet, before his attention was caught by the representative's question and he looked up to meet your gaze.

Some kind of wall seemed to go up, and he appeared to retreat into himself as he said with a distance in his voice, "They should have their mother's last name. That part of her."

That was...an odd way to put it. Especially considering he wasn't arguing about the names you'd given them. He let you speak with the representative unhindered. So you gave them their first and last names, and now, when he could have a say, when he could have something that was his to contribute attached to their names, he shrugged it off and said they should have your last name instead of his?

You almost went with it, a bitter part of you gleeful that they wouldn't have any part of their name coming from their so-far absent father. But you paused, gazing at him out of the corner of your eyes, thinking of the little moments you'd glimpsed of him with the children so far, seeing the warmth that slipped through in his gaze when he was focused on the children alone.

You'd already given them their first and middle names. It was only fair that at least their last names came from their father. Especially when he worded their naming as having a piece of their parents.

If he did something to piss you off and make you cut him off, you could always have it changed later, anyway.

"Ackerman," you said, shocking everyone in the room–the representative even had to scratch out what you assumed had been the start of your last name added to the end of theirs. "Ida Aurelia Ackerman, and Asa Wren Ackerman."

"They should have their mother's last name," Levi repeated in a surprisingly strong voice. You gave him an even, cool look.

"Well, considering their mother has already given them two names each, it's only fair they get their last name from their father as a piece of him, too," she said, purposely attempting to turn his own words back on him.

He looked away quickly, and you could have sworn you saw a flash of guilt, but it was gone so fast you shrugged it off as your wishful imagination.

You confirmed everything with the state representative again, and she gathered up her materials, gave you both a congratulations, and left promptly. Which meant you and Levi were once again alone in the room together, Levi keeping his back to you and his attention on the twins instead. It was a little irksome, even though you were well aware there was no love between you two, and the twins had been his goal from the start.

"You know, you can't avoid talking to me forever," you said in irritation as the silence stretched between you. "Especially with all that talk about making something work for the twins. This avoidance isn't helping your case."

"There'll be plenty of time for talking and dealing with each other when you're out of the hospital," Levi said bluntly, not turning around to address you.

"Well, good news, we're supposed to be discharged later tonight," you said in a voice dripping with sarcasm, especially because he seemed to be acting like your discharge was such a long ways away.

He paused, head twitching towards you to show at least something of a reaction before he simply said, "I'll be out front to pick you up."

"Don't bother, I'm having a friend bring me home," you started to say bitterly, but he turned away with a cool and serious expression.

"No, I'll be outside. I'm already here, anyway. And I know the way to get you home."

That made your skin crawl. You didn't know how far this whole demon thing went, but having confirmation that he knew where you lived did not sit well with you.

"I'm not comfortable with–"

"We're going to have to learn to deal with each other eventually, aren't we?" Levi asked, turning your words around on you this time. You scowled, but you could already tell this wasn't something he was going to give up on, already.

"Good. I'll be out front when you're discharged," Levi said flatly, giving one last softer look at the twins before he left the hospital room. You tried to call out to him to ask how he was going to know when to pick you up exactly since you'd only said tonight, but he was gone before you could say anything further.

You still had no idea what to make of him. Warm or cold, unfeeling bastard or just emotionally distant enigma, you couldn't wrap your head around him, his intentions, or his motivations.

And it only made you all the more reluctant to be letting him into your life.

************************************

When the moment came for you, Ida, and Asa to be discharged, you were understandably nervous. You hadn't called your friend–yet, but you'd put them on speed dial after Levi's announcement he would drive you, just in case he didn't show up–so you were afraid you were going to step outside with two newborns and no one would be there, and you would have to call and wait for your friend to pick you up on short notice.

Even the nurses could tell that you were nervous about something, though it seemed they thought it was the prospect of going home alone to raise two newborns, because they kept trying to reassure you that you were going to do just fine.

That was a worry–abrupt motherhood to two at least half-demon babies was downright terrifying, but right now, your mind was on the more immediate worry of their father disappearing and abandoning you again, except this time on the hospital doorstep.

As such, your steps out the front door were reluctant and hesitant...and the amount of relief you felt when you saw Levi standing at the very front with a dark green car running and waiting for you was surprisingly enormous.

Levi put away a phone–he had a phone? Who was he even texting?–and reached out to take one of the babies and the re-packed hospital go bag from you, approaching the back door of the fairly expensive looking car.

It was new, at least. Maybe it wasn't a name-brand sports car from what you could tell, but it was new and shiny.

"Do you have everything?" he asked bluntly, ducking into the car to get Ida situated in a carseat after sliding the to-go back onto the floorboard.

"Yes, the nurses helped me make sure I had everything," you told him, handing of Asa and noting as he took the baby boy from you just how gentle his hands felt at the moment and the care he was taking in holding and moving the twins.

"Get in the front–we'll leave as soon as they're buckled in," he said bluntly, already disappearing inside the car again to put Asa inside with his sister.

A blunt one, wasn't he. Not much for small talk. Awkwardly, you climbed into the passenger side of the car, looking back over the shoulder of the seat to see Ida buckled securely into a new car seat in the middle, Asa in the process of being buckled into one on the far end of the back seat, behind your seat. Levi paused long enough to gently place his hand on Asa's chest, and he leaned in to kiss the top of his head before pulling out of the car and shutting the door.

You straightened in your seat, putting on your seatbelt as you gazed over at the driver's side, the door opening and Levi sliding easily into the seat. He checked to make sure no one was coming, and started them on their journey, gaze fixed forwards on the road.

For a few long minutes, the silence in the car was pressing and extremely uncomfortable, with you frequently looking back at the twins or out the window to try and avoid the awkwardness in the car.

Someone was going to have to speak, or you were going to lose your mind.

"You care about them, don't you?" you asked in a small voice, looking down at your fingers as you played with them nervously.

"Of course," he said with unhesitating conviction.

You knew he'd proclaimed not to give a damn about you just the other day, but he kept giving mixed signals–if he didn't care he would have just killed you and taken the twins, or he wouldn't have bothered to tell you to switch to a bottle as soon as possible so you didn't get hurt from the breastfeeding...though you still didn't quite understand what he'd meant about that.

"What about me?" you asked in a somewhat smaller voice.

There were a few moments of silence before he finally answered.

"It's complicated."

What the hell was that supposed to mean? It's complicated? After everything he'd done, that was the best answer he had to give you?

"Do you hate me?"

"No."

"You obviously don't care about me."

"Not romantically, if that's what you're asking."

"I mean you obviously don't give a shit what happens to me."

"That's not entirely true."

"So it's partially true?"

"Look," Levi said in a suddenly sharp tone, his hands tightening on the steering wheel. "This entire thing will be a lot fucking easier if you hate me like you're supposed to, and I leave you the hell alone considering everything that's happened. I'm here to make sure the twins get the best thing for them, and because you've decided to keep them, that includes their mother's welfare so that she can be there for them."

You looked away, tears stinging your eyes and your resentment for him growing a little more, which was probably what he wanted for reasons you couldn't fathom. At least you knew he actually cared about the children. If he at least gave a damn about them, maybe the two of you could work something out.

Though at this rate you didn't see yourself being cordial with him anytime soon.

You looked dejectedly out the window, watching buildings go by without really seeing them until at one point you started to realize they were moving farther apart, and there was more scenery than there should have been if he'd been heading to your city apartment.

"Levi...this isn't the way to my apartment."

"We're not going to the apartment."

"Why the hell not? You said you were taking me home!" you exclaimed, heart beating rapidly in your chest as the babies in the back started to cry from the elevated voice and the distress up front. Levi glanced back at them on a reflex, then at you.

"Can you try to stay calm so they don't freak out?" Levi asked, gaze shifting between you and the road.

"You want me to be fucking calm when you're kidnapping me?"

"I'm not–" Levi took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. "You and I both know that apartment was too small for them. I'm moving you into a house I keep for when I'm in the area. You'll have almost the entire place to yourself, and you won't have to worry about paying for anything because I've got it all taken care of."

"That doesn't make this okay! You can't just whisk me off to a new place, my home is back there, not wherever you're taking me now! I didn't agree to this, nothing about this is fine!"

"Whether you like it or not, I am providing for these children, and that includes a safe place to call home with enough space for everyone," Levi snapped. "It's not like I'm throwing you in chains into the goddamn basement, I'm giving you a fucking house to make your own that you're free to leave whenever you want so long as the twins are taken care of. You don't have to pay for anything, either. You can still go to work if that's what you want to do and it makes you feel more comfortable to have your own income, but at least cut back on the hours so you can spend time with the twins."

"All my stuff–" you said, tears in your eyes as you thought of your personal effects, sentimental items, your favorite mug, the baby blankets you'd made the twins yourself.

"Has already been moved to the house," Levi said, cutting you off again. Somehow, that only made it worse.

"You were in my apartment while I was in the hospital?!?!"

"Technically I've been in the apartment before."

You made a wordless noise of rage, your anger far surpassing anything you could put into words as Levi kept that stoic face on the road in front of him, the only sign of any distress on his part the tightening of his grip around the steering wheel and the tightening of his jaw.

"I'm not locking you up in chains and making you some kind of fucked up prisoner, I'm moving you somewhere bigger that the twins can grow up comfortably in. I'll only have three rooms, my bedroom, my bathroom, and a study–the rest is all yours to do whatever you please. Work part-time somewhere to keep a schedule, have friends over or go out with them, I don't care. So stop screaming at me and just take the goddamn gesture to try and provide for my fucking kids."

There was legitimate anger and venom in his voice at the end, Levi clearly upset that his gesture to provide was being interpreted as kidnap or at least moving you against your will and violating your consent of...of...well, it was wrong! He could have at least talked to you first, given you some kind of warning instead of suddenly driving you to an entirely new location.

"I hate you," you whispered softly, feeling your eyes burn as you stared out the window instead of at him.

He didn't say anything. You didn't know if your words cut him or even phased him. It was what he wanted, wasn't it? He wanted you to hate him. He'd given you plenty of reasons to do just that. You kept trying to look for a reason to forgive him, but he kept giving you reasons to hate him. Which just made you hate those moments of softness you saw from him. Because why was it he was apparently capable of that soft gentleness, but when it was the two of you...

You started to cry silently in the car, uncaring what he thought as you sank into your seat and stared at the window. Let him see, he did this to you, let him fucking know it and have to deal with it.

For the first time in a while, you felt yourself on the verge of a breakdown, could feel yourself falling in slow motion over the edge.

***************************************

*Levi's POV*

He couldn't do any fucking thing right, could he?

Even when he tried to explain himself as much as he could without tipping her off to the things she shouldn't know, he was still too blunt, too cold, too harsh. Yes, he'd moved her to another place. One, for the exact reason he said–her apartment was far too small for three, occasionally four people. They needed space that apartment just could not provide. He'd moved all of her stuff, not wanting to risk leaving behind something important. He was not keeping her locked up there. It had been one of his safe houses, but while she was here, it was hers to do with as she wished, and she could come and go as she pleased, all he asked was that the kids were being taken care of when she wasn't home, which was basic fucking parenting.

The reason he wasn't telling her, partially for her own sanity, was he was also moving her for her safety. He worried that by now demons knew where she'd been living, and he wanted to move her somewhere unknown and safer, somewhere Isabel and Furlan could easily keep an eye on when he had to leave to fulfill his deal with the Court to keep the twins under their care.

He was just trying to do what was best for them. Maybe he should have mentioned it to her, but it was something happening in the background while other things had been on his mind, and he hadn't realized giving someone a house to themselves was such a bad thing.

And then her twisting his words every time he struggled to try and tell her what it was he felt towards her. What the fuck was he supposed to say? He didn't even know! He was never good with words, and there was nothing he could do to ever explain his side of things. He didn't hate her, he didn't want her to die. He hated himself for what he'd done to her, how much he'd hurt her–and was still hurting her! The guilt tore apart at his insides like a starved wolf and threatened to consume everything about him, attacked any glimmer of a thought he might have had that he'd once been a decent man and threw all this in his face to remind him he was nothing more than demon scum that tainted anything he touched. It was why at this point he was convinced he should just leave her the fuck alone, cause every time he showed up he just hurt or broke her more and he couldn't take it.

Hearing her finally say that she hated him...it hurt. It cut. But he knew he deserved it, and it was what he'd wanted. He deserved to be hated for what he did to her. Nothing he'd done was okay, even when he was trying to help he just fucked up and hurt her more. If she hated him, maybe she would stay away from him, and he wouldn't hurt her as much.

It still fucking hurt though. The entire thing carved at his insides and threatened to gut him. And they hadn't even started living under the same roof yet. He hadn't even started his weekly hunts to keep the twins with them.

Levi looked up at the mirror as Y/N cried in the seat next to him, back at the twins that could sense the tension and distress in the air and were crying in turn because of it.

I have to do at least one thing right, for their sakes. I'm trying. Please, just let me do one thing right, let me at least do right by them.

He pulled up to the three story house after the sun set and streetlights were turning on to light the path, getting out of the car to open the gate before racing back inside, driving them within the gated limits of the house, getting out, shutting and locking the gates behind them, and then finishing the drive up to the house.

When he shut off the car, Y/N was still silently crying in the passenger seat, with Levi having no clue what to do to fix it. He felt like touching her or trying to offer some form of comfort would only make it worse, coming from him. So the first thing he did was get out and get the twins to at least get them away from the tense atmosphere, grabbing both their car seats and bringing them inside the house, setting the screaming twins on the first secure surface he saw and heading back outside to grab the to go bag and see if Y/N had moved yet. She hadn't, she was still sitting in the seat, and he was sincerely worried she might be on the edge of another breakdown.

He tried to give her a bit more space, a bit more time, praying that she'd come out of it herself as he headed inside, going back to the twins and bringing them up to the second floor and into what he had set up as their mother's room. He went about getting them settled–getting their diaper's changed, getting them in their pajamas, speaking softly and as soothingly as he could, almost pleading with them to give him a chance and please calm down, he was going to try and fix what he could tonight, please just stop crying and let him at least get them to bed so he could try to fix things.

He had them in their cribs and wrapped in the blankets their mother made for them, calm for the most part, their cries reduced to sniffles, probably feeding off his own distress. He doubted leaving them alone in the bedroom was going to help, though he still turned on the baby monitor so they could hear them if something went wrong, knowing he still had to leave to try and figure out what to do about Y/N, especially if she was still slumped in the car having a breakdown.

Halfway down the stairs, Levi sank into a sitting position, palms digging into his eyes as a small sob broke through him, allowing the stress and fear and self-hatred to get to him, just for a few moments of vulnerability on the stairs where no one could see. He didn't know what to do, he was just trying his best. But his best was shit.

He let himself have a minute or two on the stairs to simply feel, cry a tiny bit, breathe, and then he stood up, getting rid of any evidence he'd had a small breakdown of his own. Swallowing the lump in his throat with some effort, Levi finished heading down the stairs, out the front door, and went back to the car, where Y/N was still sitting, crying silently and not looking at anything.

He opened the door quietly and carefully in case she was putting her weight on it, pushing it open all the way and then crouching down beside her in the car, putting aside any pride or shame in the process, still refusing to touch her considering she hated him too much, especially right now, to be offering any gesture of comfort from him.

"Y/N," he said in a soft and gentle voice, waiting to see if she would respond to it. She twitched, but she didn't react in any other way, still staring off with silent tears and refusing to move. He put his hands out in a helpless gesture, choosing to be at least open enough with her he could convince her that he wasn't trying to make her suffer any more, to let her know he was at least trying.

"What can I do?" he asked her quietly.

"Just go die," she whimpered out, and inwardly, he winced, heart sinking lower.

"I probably should have back then, instead of putting you through this. But now I can't, because now I'm needed," he said, voice raw with complex emotions that made her shift and look further away from him. "You're the one I wronged, and you're the one I need to do right by. I can't fix it, I know that. But I'm trying to make this, us raising the kids together despite our shitshow, work. And I don't know how. So please, tell me what I can do."

She unfolded slightly, staring at him with accusing and hurt eyes that he attempted not to flinch away from. "I don't understand anything that's going on. I don't understand why you did this to me, I don't understand you, and I don't understand why you can't give me one goddamn straight answer so I have some kind of stable ground beneath me."

Levi sighed and wet his lips. "Because they are hard questions."

"And I deserve some answers."

You do...but you can't have them."

"Why not?" she practically screamed in his face, and he reached out with his hands to grasp her shoulders and steady her and make her look at him even as she shrank away from him.

"Because I'm trying to protect you. I know it doesn't make sense, but for once, ignorance might be one of the few things keeping you safe. I can't tell you everything you want to know, for your own sake. And knowing would only make it worse."

She sagged into his arms, and Levi realized at some point she had unbuckled herself, so she was officially out of the car and falling into him with the fight having left her entirely–at least for now.

"What do you want from me?" she whimpered, and Levi recoiled from the pain in her words, the hand on her back as he tried to support her clenching reflexively.

"I don't want you to suffer anymore than you already have. I want you to live a life from this point on that you're not going to regret, whether that's here with the twins or somewhere else out in the world. I want you to find some comfort and peace, not more of..."

He was going to say not more of the horror that is my world, my life, my existence, and soon will be part of the twins lives despite his best efforts, but he doubted that would help the situation, and he wasn't ready to be that open with her. He wanted her to find some peace while she still had time.

"Y/N," he said again, pulling her away from him and holding her up by the arms as he repeated his question. "What do you want from me?"

She looked at him with watery eyes, the torrent of pain that she'd suffered during that pregnancy cutting at him like knives.

"You're such a goddamn hypocrite," she said with a hiccupped sob. She was right. Here he was claiming it was easier if she hated him one moment and then pleading with her to tell him how to fix what he knew couldn't be fixed in the next second because he had to do something if this was going to work, and he didn't know what else to do.

"All I wanted was a little support," she said in a pitiful voice, and Levi cursed himself for being a goddamn idiot, even though at the time, he'd thought staying away was the best thing he could do, he'd thought staying away would save her the stress and the pain she was going through now at a time when it could have been deadly to the babies. He thought he'd known what she'd needed from the start, but he'd failed to ask her.

And maybe that was the root of the problem for the entire mess they were now in.

Carefully, Levi let her sag back into his arms, picking her up rather effortlessly and closing the door with his shoulder as he started to carry her towards the front door.

"I can't fix the past. But I can try and give you what I can, now," he said quietly, maneuvering them past the threshold. "And I'll remember to ask from here on out."

"It's too little, too late," she mumbled weakly.

"I know...but it's all I can give."

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