Everything seemed to be going pretty smoothly. Almost all of the border skirmishes had been quieted. Hellam Township in York, Fengdu County in China, Murgo in Kashmir- all had settled down. Mount Osore in Northern Japan was a minor deal- kid's stuff. Only part of the Karakum Desert in Derweze was still a considerable irritant; I was going to personally head up a party for diplomatic negotiations in the Black Sands that would leave tomorrow. I thought fondly of how, soon, I'd be able to send Andy in my stead for such things. He just needed to finish up his quest/penance/whatever it was exactly. I grinned happily to myself. Things were really on the up and up!

I twisted off the top of an Arrogant Bastard Ale and extended the legs of my recliner, ready to queue up the Packers game. I had timed it perfectly- the game wasn't finished yet, so no one could spoil it, but I'd still be able to fast-forward through the ads on my DVR. I chuckled at the satanic genius of it, picked up the remote, and-

The main door opened and someone came shuffling in quickly. I set down the remote and turned to see a skinny orange demon in my livery that had dropped to one knee. His eyes were glued to the ground, with arms rigidly extended, and he was holding an old-fashioned scroll. "My Lord and Commander, Darkest King of Kings, forgive my intrusion! I come bearing an urgent message." He looked terrified; his whole body was trembling.

I sighed. I didn't recognize him- kid had to be new. No wonder he hadn't knocked. Feeling lazy, I motioned him over, but he was still staring at the ground. I was comfy and didn't want to move so I cleared my throat, "ok, bring it here." He obeyed and when I spotted the seal on the scroll, I sent him away. This was a message to be read in private.

I scowled at the stupid little dove in pink wax. Dennis sure was turning into a major hippy as he got older. I gritted my teeth as I popped the seal. The text was brief:

"Hi Chris! You available to come hang out tonight? We can watch the Packers game! They're going to lose, but we'll still have great fun!

-Love, Dad"

I groaned from the very deepest reservoirs of my lungs. Why me!? My mood turned even sourer as I realized this meant an end to the Packers' three game winning streak.

'Great fun?' 'Love, Dad?' And what exactly about this was 'urgent?' This was from Baha, the Supreme Being, and this was urgent?

As I thought about it, I did have to acknowledge that such a batshit message was in keeping with his general MO, I just never seemed to get used to his antics. Over the years Dennis had done very little to quell the incessant warring between our peoples. He was far more prone to bizarre, grand gestures and mysterious shenanigans. More than likely the game invite was just a front for some other reason he wanted to talk to me. If that was the case, at the very least, he could have helped the Packers' win! I gave myself the petty satisfaction of scorching the stupid scroll in my hands instead of recycling it. Hmph!

I didn't particularly want to 'hang out,' but I did want to know the real motive behind the message. Besides, the premature disclosure of the outcome of a game deserved an 'urgent' complaint in person!

I quickly locked the doors before I popped through the dimensions, not bothering to put away my wings, horns, or tail. I traveled directly to my Father's den, where I sensed him waiting for me. He was sitting on a lavender loveseat (in the same matching tracksuit he had been wearing the last time I'd seen him, but with the addition of a Cardinal's baseball cap), with a dorky smile on his face that calmed some of my anger. But I was still really fucking pissed. "Dad, you-"

The Great Maker rose, now beaming, "Chris, you called me 'Dad!'" I cringed at my slip. He clapped his hands and gestured to the paisley futon to his right, "have a seat!"

I crossed my arms, stifled a snort, and remained standing. "Look, I don't want to watch the game- you ruined it. Is there some other reason for your summons?"

He winced, "yes, but I really did want to watch the game with you too." He gestured to the futon again, "look, now I know not to spoil games for you." He sighed when I didn't budge. "Come on, Chris. I'm trying." He looked so hopeful that I caved (though, for the record, I'd told him countless times before not to ruin games for me) and took a seat in the surprisingly comfortable futon. He looked pleased and nodded as he sat back in his loveseat, "I'm glad you like it; I just got it. It's memory foam."

I watched him expectantly as he held up a shushing finger and bobbed his head slightly as though he were counting. "Just a sec..." Abruptly his grin widened and he shot me a triumphant look, "there! There we go!"

I looked around, expecting some sort of biblical-style surprise, but saw nothing unusual. He looked so fucking pleased with himself though- I knew he had to be up to something. "Ok, I give. What is it? Do I even wanna know? You do something?"

He smiled like a sly, silver-haired, wrinkly cherub, "Sure did! But so did your son!"

Andy?! My boy! The terror only a parent can feel for their child's safety filled me briefly before I instinctively sensed what he meant: Andy's hunting contract with (Y/N) was gone! In fact, all of Andy's working contracts with his marks were gone! The only binding agreement that remained was his declaration of love for (Y/N)!

I raised both fists and snorted a small victory fireball. "Yes! He did it! Yes, yes, yes!"

Adonai raised his hand for a high-five and I took him up on it. He nodded gleefully, "Yep! He's free, she's immortal, and everything is all set for their happily ever after." He opened a drawer and surprised me by pulling out a colorful glass pipe with a half-smoked bowl of cannabis. "Time to celebrate!"

I watched, shocked, as Shàngdì took a big draw, then blew the smoke out in an impressive, perfect ring. He nodded to me conspiratorially, "CBD- man, I love this stuff. Helps me stay centered."

He offered me the pipe."Er, no thanks." I couldn't help but wonder if Brahman smoking pot was such a good idea for reality as a whole. On the other hand, if it helped him 'stay centered,' it was all good in my book, I suppose. Things went a lot more smoothly when the Almighty was feeling mellow.

"So, there you have it- Andy has passed my test." He held up one finger, "he has learned to be kind- to cherish and nurture love." Then he held up a second finger, "he chose to sacrifice his short-term happiness for a better future. Despite his fears," another finger, "he put his trust in (Y/N), just as she put her faith in him. And, though he has a long way to go," a fourth finger, "he is no longer so heartless and cruel as he once was." He made a little flourishing gesture with his hand, "he is learning wisdom and empathy. Andy has proven himself worthy to be your heir."

I let out a deep breath. With it I let go of much more anxiety and fear than I had realized I was carrying. Andy had become the man I had always hoped he would, and now that his memory had been restored, I had my son back! For the first time, I found myself glad that Allah had placed (Y/N) in Andy's path.

But still... though I knew (Y/N)'s ultra strong reactions or thoughts (or something) had drawn Andy in, I felt like that wasn't enough to explain why Andy had more than a passing fascination with her. Why did he love her, over so many other women, over even an angel?

Tiān chortled good-naturedly. "You really haven't figured it out, eh?" It was more of a statement than a question.

Uh-oh. I knew there had to be some kind of catch. Dread settled anew in my stomach as I shook my head slowly.

The Almighty was positively glowing, clearly excited to spill the beans. "Well, for starters, Andy has only ever fallen in love with one woman-"

It took a second for me to process what he had said, and it didn't make sense. "What?! But what about Lelahel?"

The All-father responded with the patient tone of a parent explaining something to a child. "(Y/N) is Lelahel. She wanted to live as a human, and..." I stopped paying attention. What the fuck? How could that be true? (Y/N) was definitely human, I had been inside her psyche! And Lelahel had definitely been an angel. Though I hadn't seen her in centuries, there was no doubt in my mind that she had been a celestial creature. How could they be one person? It was totally impossible!

A few seconds later I realized Tiān had stopped talking and was just looking at me calmly. "Chris, I'm God. It's not impossible. Besides, what matters is that Andy is happy, that both of them are happy. They never stopped loving each other, and Andy has finally matured enough to value that love."

I sighed, still confused. For the moment I decided to just I abandon trying to mentally sort through the particulars and just focus on the bottom line. "I guess that makes sense. Andy loves her because she's an angel." Saying it out loud made me realize how shallow that really was, and I felt a little disappointed in him.

Elohim shook his head. "Nope." I raised an eyebrow. "It's true that, initially, Andy was definitely captivated by her heavenly nature, but only in the predatory sense- as a hunter. He was driven by the desire for conquest and acclaim. But the reason he came to love her, the real reason?" He smiled warmly, "that can never be explained using logic or words. Eternal, undying love is a great mystery, my son. Nothing can synthesize the truest forms of love, not even me. All I can do is make sure two folks find one another if I suspect it might happen. And, for the record, I'm almost always right. Coincidences are overrated." He smiled before taking another toke. "It might be best explained simply- he loves her for her, and nothing else. Just like you and Amy."

Though it might have seemed like the most obvious thing in the world, hearing that blew my mind. I loved Amy because she was Amy, no more and no less. Of course Andy loved (Y/N), er, Lelahel, for that same, universal reason! There didn't need to be some sort of complicated, metaphysical explanation for Andy's feelings for his woman. The power of love was its own potent force.

"Eh, it's cashed." I was woken from my reverie as Waheguru tapped the ashy contents of the pipe's bowl into his palm, where they promptly disappeared, before putting the pipe away. "I am pretty proud of myself though. You wouldn't believe how many times those kids nearly sussed me out. At one point I had to call and offer Lelahel a free cruise!"

I ignored that last remark, wondering to myself if perhaps the Creator was more intoxicated than I had thought. He giggled, and I decided to ignore that too. Though I definitely needed more time to think through all of this, one thing still stuck out to me as extra weird. It just didn't fit in with Yahweh's rather conveniently simple, hippy-dippy explanations. "But why a proxy?"

Jehovah rolled his eyes, "I mean, of course for the obvious reason- I wanted to test Lelahel as well." For a moment he looked at the floor. "I told you how sometimes I make mistakes..." He hesitated a minute before the uncharacteristic moment of vulnerability passed. "To a lonely woman like Lelahel, there's no greater temptation than another desire demon, especially when it comes to hanky-panky. She had to prove herself worthy of my forgiveness, and she did. But she turned her back on Heaven, and in so doing, proved herself worthy of my grandson's love."

"Whoa." An angel leaving the Heavenly Host was unheard of these days.

"But... Andy had to choose a proxy for another reason as well." He paused theatrically. "Lelahel, as a human, would have been murdered during Andy's penitence if Ashley had not been there to protect her."

My jaw, more or less, hit the floor, and Jah reacted with another gleeful giggle. "Clever, no? I mean, that would have messed up everything- would have taken forever to fix!" I nodded, impressed, as I made a mental note to send Ashley a bottle of the best scotch in the Royal Cellars.

It seemed that, via a seriously convoluted path I still didn't quite understand, everything really had turned out perfectly. Well, there was, sort of, one more thing, if we really were talking about a picture book situation here. I decided to go for it, "any chance Amy is going to change her mind and agree to be my Queen? As in, officially?"

"Ahahaha!" His laughter echoed off the vaulted ceiling, "ahahaha! Oh my god, no, of course not!" I blinked. Had he just said 'oh my God?'

He looked at me hopefully, "now that that's all set, and Andy is on the path to supreme happiness, and I miraculously turned sour grapes into champagne... any chance you'll watch the game with me?"

I scoffed. "No."

Not giving up, he took on a conspiratorial look, "what if I mean next week's Packers game, in advance?"

I grinned ear to ear, "now you're talking my language."

His smile widened and his eyes shone with excitement, "can we invite your baby brother?"

Of course he could, it was his house (if you thought about it, really all houses were), but I decided to raise the stakes, "can we have chips and dip?"

In the next moment, two things happened in quick succession. Firstly, a coffee table covered with gametime snacks appeared, complete with scoopable-style chips and both onion and queso dip. Secondly, I heard little J's voice call from the doorway. "Hey Chris! Game time? Cool beans!"

*****

Author's note: The chapters that follow are essentially a lengthy epilogue. Nevertheless, I hope you will enjoy them. (They will make more sense once the prequel to ADB/ADR, 'A Demon's Angel,' has been fully posted.)