As I get out the car I smooth down my dress and hair and walk around to take hold of Jake's hand, not the one he just wrangled himself with but the other.  It feels warm and sturdy in mine and I smile up at him, searching maybe for signs of nerves or regret or 'the opposite of falling' on his face but I don't see anything except desire which relaxes me. He leans in and kisses me, moaning softly as he slips his tongue between my lips. When he pulls back he licks his bottom lip and pulls me toward Robyn's front door.

It takes me a further moment to recover and I stumble a little as I try and keep up with his purposeful strides. When he gets to the door he rings the doorbell but I smile and shake my head before opening the front door and stepping into Rob's spacious and minimalist hallway. I hear her before I see her.

"Finally! The guests of blooming honour arrive!" she shouts from the back of the house. I look at my watch  - its only five minutes past eight and so I really don't know what 'finally' is all about. Robyn is a hostess who must be obeyed to in all things though so I pull Jake with me towards the sound of her voice. A moment later comes flouncing through the French doors from the kitchen.

She's dressed in a gorgeous white cocktail dress that is tight and shows off her perfect figure. Rob is the only woman I know who would risk wearing a white dress whilst cooking a four-course meal.  As she looks from me to Jake I watch her reaction carefully. First her eyes go a little wide and then she draws her gaze down his body and back up, then she looks at me with her mouth parted.

Yes, that's pretty much the reaction I was expecting. I feel Jake stand up a little straighter before moving towards her and holding out his hand - he keeps hold of my hand with his other one. Then, in the voice I assume he reserves for business, he introduces himself.

"Robyn, it's so great to finally meet you." He smiles, taking her hand. Oh so 'finally' is everyone's favourite choice of word tonight. "Heard so much about you." He adds with a smile.

"Jake," she says moving in to give him a peck on the cheek. "Yes Finally! Seems everyone and his aunt got to see you before me!" she gives me a pointed look as she pulls back from him. She's a total drama queen. No ones aunt saw us. Only Dan saw us. I shake my head and roll my eyes. "Well I definitely don't remember seeing you at the club that night - I'm sure I'd have remembered." She giggles before turning her attention on me. As she leans in to hug me she presses her mouth to my ear. "Wow." she whispers as she kisses me on the cheek. "Well, everyone else is here. Dan will get you some drinks while I introduce you to everyone Jake." she says slipping her arm through his to lead him through into the large kitchen / diner at the back of the house. He lets go of my hand and looks back apologetically at me and I smile and follow a few steps behind on my own. I don't take it personally; Robyn in hostess mode is different to Robyn in friend mode.

As Rob steers Jake away I walk over to Dan, who's standing by the breakfast bar looking very smart in grey silk trousers a white shirt and skinny grey tie. Dan's extremely good looking in an obvious pro footballer type way. Except he's not a pro footballer, he's an ex pro-footballer who broke his leg in four places and now works as a pro-footballer's agent. He's athletic looking and tall and a very sharp dresser.  But that might be because Rob still picks out most of his clothes for him. The room is chattering away and busy and I glance around at the rest of Rob and Dan's dinner guests who are all as equally well dressed as Jake and Dan. Jake chose perfectly in wearing a suit. I would have hated him to feel under dressed here, or overdressed. Though in my opinion he's always overdressed. I'd have him naked constantly if I could. God what have I become? I blame the sex demon.

Dan holds out a pre poured glass of red wine to me as I come over and I hug and kiss him on the cheek before pulling back to give him an admonishing look. If Dan hadn't spilled everything to Rob earlier in the week I may have had more time to prepare us both for this little shindig. But me 'all over' some guy in the street is pretty big news so I don't really blame him for telling her. He purses his lips apologetically and holds up his hands.

Standing next to Dan is his brother Mark; Sherlock as Rob and I call him. A stupid name we came up with years ago when we were drunk one night because he's a detective and his surname Holmes. Mark didn't like it but Rob and I thought it was genius and it's stuck ever since. He smiles, looking me over appreciatively. The last time I saw him was at Dan's birthday a few months ago where he was definitely flirting. Rob had mentioned, before Ben and I broke up , that she thought he had a "crush" on me but he stepped up the attention only after Ben moved out.

When he looks from me to Jake, who Robyn has pulled into the middle of the room, his expression changes, becoming dark and suspicious as he pulls his shoulders back and stands taller.   I imagine Jake has that sort of effect on other alpha males in a room of which Mark is definitely one. Leigh is perched on the end of the sofa next to an attractive red haired guy I recognize as her boss. The fling with the footballer from Surgery must have petered out. The boss – who's name I honestly cant remember – has  agreed to go public with her clearly if he's here with her? Does that mean he's left his wife? That's massive news which I'm sure she would have called me about?  I've been so wrapped up in Jake I haven't spoken to her.  I need a catch up and find out what's going on. Damien who Dan works with is on the other sofa with and his partner who I think is called Sara. Why am I so bad with names? Simon. Leigh's boss's name explodes into my mind.

"Everyone," Robyn says loudly cutting through the undercurrent of chatter "This is Jake. Alex's Jake." She announces. Jake turns his head and raises eyebrow and I shake my head and mouth 'sorry'. He just smiles and turns back and does a cute little wave thing to the rest of the room.  Then he confirms that Alex's Jake is indeed his full name. Everyone laughs but I'm too embarrassed to join in. I will rescue him if this goes on any longer. Next Rob will be asking what his party trick is and making him perform it for everybody. Thankfully she doesn't, she just rushes through everyone's names and how she knows them and Jake nods and smiles politely at each of them.

"What can I get you to drink mate," Dan asks as Jake comes back to stand by my side. Oh god, Mate. I remember when Matt called him that. He didn't like it. I hold my breath.

"Whatever the drivers are having." He says politely without any aggressive comeback. God I'm overly stressed. Simon holds up his glass in solidarity with Jake as Dan nods and goes to the fridge. Jake leans in and kisses me softly on the cheek.

"Alex's Jake?" he whispers close to my ear.

His breath tickles my neck and I feel a warm stab of heat between my legs. I turn my head to face him. "Yes. And don't you forget it." I smile

"So controlling." He rolls his eyes playfully. "I like it actually. Might change my name to Alex's Jake." He nods, seriously. I giggle, covering my mouth so I don't spit out my wine and he nuzzles his face back against my ear. The act isn't missed by Leigh who's beaming at me at me from the other side of the room. She squeezes Simon's thigh and then stands and comes over to us smiling brightly.

"Hey sweetie. You look fab," She says hugging me before turning her attention on my Jake - I mean my date. "So you're what Alex has been hiding then?" she smiles. Leigh must be about a foot shorter than me and Jake absolutely towers over her making her seem even more china-doll like.

"I wasn't hiding him." I mutter shaking my head. No, I was protecting him. Yes that's it. Protecting him from precisely this kind of thing. I laugh inwardly at the ridiculousness of the idea - of me protecting Jake from anything. Yeah sure.

"Leigh." he says warmly, like he's known her forever. He also gives her what I'm now just going to call The Smile - canine showing, eye twinkling gloriousness - causing Leigh to visibly blush as she smiles back at him. I feel his hand around my hip and he pulls me closer into him before squeezing me gently. It feels like a signal, a signal I hope means he wants me and not an SOS because he's uncomfortable and annoyed that I brought him here.

"So Robyn says you own that club? Surgery? God we had such a great night there – we should totally go back, right Al?" She says nodding. "I hear everybody talking about it now, its massive."

"Yeah it's doing okay," he shrugs, like he doesn't own the biggest club in London right now. "Anytime you fancy another night there let me know. Alex's table is there whenever she wants it." He says smiling at me. My table?

"Aw, wow. We definitely will then." She flashes him a gorgeous smile. Well he's definitely won her over. "You know, I was thinking, it's so weird that you called your nightclub Surgery and the night you met and started going out with a doctor." she giggles. I look down at the floor and I feel Jake squeeze my waist again. When I look back up at him his eyes are intense and warm.

"I wouldn't say weird," he says. "I'd probably call it fate."  his voice grazes across the surface of my skin like a caress and I feel the whole room fade away so that it's only him and me staring at each other. We stare at each other like that until Dan appears and hands Jake his drink. It's a bottle of beer. Again, Jake recovers much quicker than I do and looks down at the bottle.

"Its non-alcoholic – probably tastes of shit I wouldn't know, I never touched them. Rob was trying to get me to cut down on my alcohol intake. I can get you a soft drink if you want?" he says to Jake with a smile.

"Nah, I'm sure its fine mate." Jake says raising the bottle before taking a sip. He nods at Dan – apparently it doesn't taste like shit. Rob comes over a moment later and asks Dan to take us out to the conservatory to sit because the starters are ready. Mark falls in beside me as we walk through into the large heated conservatory.

The dining table as usual is very impressive; elegant but contemporary candlesticks create a lovely intimate ambiance, stylish cutlery and glasses mark the places, and a gorgeous modern flower centerpiece sets off the whole thing. Rob's interior design taste is enviable. Their wedding will be totally spectacular if this is the kind of effort she goes to for a Friday night dinner party at her house.

I sit down on the first seat to the left of the head of the table where Rob will be and Jake sits to my left. Mark sits directly opposite me which I think is strange since Dan always sits at the other end of the table. I notice him steal a long look at Jake as he fills his glass from the bottle on the table, his expression curious. He catches me staring at him and smiles warmly lifting his glass to sip his wine. I smile back and turn my head to look down the table. Leigh and Simon sit next to each other across from Jake, and Damien sits to Jakes left and Sara next to him with Dan on the far end.

A few minutes later Robyn's signature goat's cheese and roasted vegetable tart is placed in front of me smelling so good that my mouth waters – it's my favourite thing she cooks. As I reach over to help myself to some more wine, Jake turns to say something to Damien on his left which I cant hear but which makes them both chuckle. Why the hell was I so nervous about this? He's fine, I'm fine. It's all fine. Rob and Leigh seem smitten with him and he's been nothing but charming since we came through the door.  Yes, it's a whole lot better than it could have gone. Than I thought it would have gone.

I fill my glass and offer some to Mark who is also drinking red and he nods and holds out his glass and I stand to fill it. Mark is older than Dan by about six years I think and got divorced about two years ago. According to Rob his marriage broke apart because of his job and I guess I can see why.

Being married to someone in the police, in his line of policing must be hard. The hours they work and the things they must carry around with them because of what they've seen. He did some undercover work a few years back too that I remember took him away for about 8 months to god knows where with practically zero contact with Zoe, his now ex wife. I guess he's attractive, in that sort of authoritative kind of way. Though something tells me, and I don't know what, that Mark has a darker side to him than the one he shows at Dan and Rob's dinner table. Something tells me that he would be the bad cop in the good cop / bad cop scenario. He brushes a hand through his dark wavy hair and smiles at me as I fill his glass.

"How are you Alex? You look great." He says with a tilt of his mouth. I catch Jake's head turn at the comment as I sit back down in my seat.

"Really well Mark, you? Still ridding the city of crooks and conmen using only your powers of deduction?" I ask, glancing at Rob as I feel Jake's hand slide onto my thigh. Rob giggles and Mark nods his head looking partially amused, in the serious way only a policeman can. I twist my head and smile at Jake and then pick up my cutlery and slice into Robyn's tart.

"Rob, this is amazing as usual. I think you're getting better at it." I say.

She swallows her mouthful. "Aww you think? It's one of the only things Jane ever passed on to me." She says, giving me knowing smile. Rob's parent's got divorced twenty years ago after her mother fell in love with a guy ten years her junior. They've never really seen eye to eye since.

Most of the chat through dinner goes the way of the wedding and Robyn chats excitedly about everything from flowers to place cards while Dan rolls his eyes in between looking lovingly at Rob. They really are the perfect couple – I always think that when I see them together. I can't wait to stand next to her in that overpriced castle in Sussex and watch her marry the man she loves. A small part of me wonders where I'd be now if I'd gone through with marrying Ben. Would he still have cheated? Would I be at home miserable with a toddler whilst he was checking into hotels with Laura under her name? I shudder at the thought and an image of Ben groping me last night as he rammed his tongue in my mouth projects itself on the inside of my brain. I take a sip of my wine and turn to stare at the man sitting beside me. Jake senses me looking at him and lifts his head, widening his eyes playfully as he chews away neatly on Robs tart.

Throughout the rest of the meal and between courses he strokes my fingers and takes hold of my hand, offering me soft eyes and small private smiles. At one point between the monkfish main and dessert he leans across and kisses my cheek all of which stokes my need for him and what I want to do when we get home. I was an idiot to worry about this so much. I'm such a pessimist and like most things I worry about this hasn't been anywhere near as bad as I worried it would be. It hasn't been bad at all. It's been perfect. He's perfect.

Seeing him in this context, outside of just us is revealing actually. He's knowledgeable and articulate, as well as charming and funny and he joins in on most of the conversations which come up. Jake is definitely able to adapt to any sort of situation; whether it be running a nightclub, home cooked dinners or oral sex on the kitchen floor.  The man is a the very definition of chameleon. When Damien and Dan start talking about football, which makes every female at the table groan, I find out that he was scouted for Fulham boys club in primary school but "lost concentration and ruined it". Which I think is really just his way of avoiding talking about his being taken into care a year after. I can't believe I didn't know that about him, that he was almost a footballer. It makes the story about his mother and the football boots that were too small even more heartbreaking. Not interesting he says. I make a mental note to chastise him for that again later.

There are a few moments of panic when the chat turns to conservative politics - I actually hear the word 'benefit scroungers' from Simon - but Jake takes those moments to turn his attention fully back to me distancing himself from any acrimonious conversation and leaves the argumentative points to the rest of the table. Though at one point I jump to argue my opposing point of view to theirs because I don't want him to think I have the same conservative views, or no opinions at all on it, which would be worse.

After Rob comes to take away the empty dessert plates, which she refuses to let me help with, and whilst everyone else is chatting loudly over one another under the obvious effects of alcohol, Jake leans in to kiss me and then brings his mouth round to my ear.

"You have no idea how much I really want to fuck you right now," he whispers. A rush of dampness floods between my legs and my stomach contracts deliciously. I feel my face go a deep, sexual red. As I bring eyes to his he just smiles that slow sexy smile of his that does so much damage to my rational thought processes. He's said it because he wants me to have a reaction in public again.

I bite hard on my lip as I play the image of him yanking up my dress and fucking me in my hallway as soon as we get home or even in his car over in my head. "I thought we had banned that kind of talk from the dinner table?" I whisper as I look at his mouth. It looks luscious and wet and I know it must taste of dark chocolate and strawberries from Rob's dessert.

"I decided to lift the ban." He shrugs, smirking.

"Oh you decided did you." I nod trying to sound annoyed. Which I'm not.

"I did." He nods.

"Well as nice as your proposition sounds... we can't leave right now because that would be rude. We've literally just finished eating. Thats bad dinner party etiquette." I smile.

His eyes look so very green under this light and because of the low light they seem to glitter deviously. He puts on a little boy pout and I almost orgasm at the table. Something which would also be bad dinner party etiquette.

"Hmmm point. Well," he says and begins stroking the inside of my wrist with delicate soft strokes with his fingers. "Do you think your friends would mind if we used a room upstairs after all?" He smiles and my stomach does another tight warm clench. Right then I feel like why the hell bother climbing a flight of stairs when he could just take me right here on the dining table. Under the table I place my hand on his thigh and slide it upwards until I meet something semi hard, which gets harder as my hand grazes it. His eyes close over and he licks his lips. I want to lick his lip. I also want to unzip his trousers and make him come with my hand but that is also most definitely bad dinner party etiquette.

When I squeeze his erection through his trousers his eyes open and he gives me a look of warning, before groaning quietly. He almost sounds like he's in pain. I give him my most innocent face. "What's wrong darling? Aren't you having fun?"

He smiles slowly and brings his hand up to brush a strand of hair away from my face.  Then, very slowly, he spreads his legs a little more and presses himself against my hand.

"I'm having a little fun... darling." He growls quietly. "But I can think of a a few other things which might be more fun." He lowers his head to mine again.  "Starting with..."

"So Jake, Robyn tells us you own a club in the city?" Marks voice comes slicing though the carnal haze that's settled in front of my eyes. Jake blinks a few times, looking mildly irritated at being interrupted, before slowly turning his head to look at Mark. As I remove my hand from his crotch he turns fully around in his chair and brings his arm up and rests it along the back of mine, his fingers stroking my shoulder. I'm not sure why, but the gesture seems like a declaration of ownership.

"Yeah that's right," Jake nods.

Mark lifts his glass, his eyes fixed hard on Jake. "And how's that working out for you?"

Jake begins to shift slightly in his chair. "We've only been open about 4 weeks. But it's doing pretty well." Jake sounds relaxed but I feel his body tense beside me. Has it really only been four weeks since our first kiss in his office? Five and a half since I first set eyes on him that night when he was bleeding all over my place of work? How can I only have been aware of his existence so short a time? I can't even remember how I used to feel before him. What on earth did I spend my time thinking about before him?

Mark nods slowly, his eyes still looking at him in that odd curious way they've been looking at him all night. Suddenly I start to feel uncomfortable and I don't know why.

"So you're new to that kind of work then? What did you do before that?" Mark asks before taking a long gulp of his wine.

Jake wont answer that in a million years.  Because he's not a sharer and because Mark is most definitely not safe hands. Not answering Mark, or refusing to answer him would be rude though so I have no idea how he's going to handle this. Jake clearly doesn't know either by the looks of it because he looks uncomfortable now, not that anyone else would notice because his outward demeanor is mainly the same. To my eye though I can see his jaw is clenched slightly and the strokes of his fingers on my shoulder have stopped as he nibbles the inside of his mouth like he always does when he's tense. I'm about to open my mouth to save him when he speaks.

"This and that. Working for other people mainly." Jake says diplomatically. Well at least he didn't say "stuff".

Mark nods again, eyes narrowing ever so slightly further. "I've heard the London club scene can be pretty hazardous; financially and physically. Only a certain kind of person would take on that kind of venture in my opinion." Marks voice is even and calm but there is something hidden in it that I cant put my finger on.

Jake shifts in his chair again. "Oh yeah? And what kind of person is that?" Jake asks.  For some reason it now feels like the two of them are talking in code that only they seem to understand. There's also a distinct chill in the way they're looking at each other. I suppose it was going too well.

Mark smiles and takes a slow sip of his wine. "Someone seriously brave, very connected, or just really fucking stupid."

My mouth drops open and the whole table stops talking and stares at either Mark or Jake. The temperature in Robyn's conservatory seems to drop a few degrees as they both look at each other, Mark looking pleased with himself. It makes me angry. How dare he say that to Jake here in front of everyone? Here where Jake's on unfamiliar territory and Mark isn't. I'm about to confront Mark when I feel Jake relax beside me.  When I turn my head I find him smiling a cold amused smile across the table.

"Yeah, you're probably right there. And I'm maybe at least one of those," He hides a smile behind his hand. "But to be honest man, I really only bought it to impress the ladies. " When I turn around he gives me a cute wink that's meant for everyone to see. As I release the breath I'm holding I hear the rest of the table laugh, probably in relief, before Jake leans in and kisses me full and deeply on the mouth. I hear an "woooow" from Leigh and the sound of a couple of throats being cleared as I return the kiss, holding onto him a little longer than is probably socially acceptable.

"God, could you two just get a room. There are four upstairs." Rob says from behind as she comes back into the conservatory.  Jake breaks the kiss gently but keeps his gaze on me and licks his lips.

"Sorry Robyn. My fault," Jake holds his hands up "bad dinner party etiquette." He says giving me a small wink.

"Oh it's fine," she waves a hand at him. "We all remember the start when you can't keep your paws off each other. I'll let you off with the lewd behaviour just this once. Plus, its kinda nice seeing our normally reserved Al go a little x-rated." she smiles at me.

I roll my eyes. "Changing the subject," I say. "I think I speak for everyone when I say that dinner was amazing and that that tart of yours gets better every time - thanks for having us." The rest of the table agree and then I slide my chair back and stand up slowly.

"You're not going yet are you?" Rob asks, looking panicked.

"No, I need the toilet. Probably soon though. I'm exhausted." I give her a look that will hopefully explain why, inclining my head slightly in Jake's direction.

"Back in a minute Ok?" I tell him, he nods. When I glance over at Mark he's turned his attention away from Jake and is in deep in conversation with a drunk and chatty Leigh. Though clearly Jake is able to handle himself should the need arise again.

"Oh I need too. I'll come with," she says and stands. As we walk out of the conservatory Dan shouts something about women going to the toilet together and about it being a wonder we can do it at all when we're home alone. She grabs my arm and pulls me into her as we walk through the house.

"Oh my god Alex," she says as soon as we're alone. "He's totally not what I imagined at all. You never go for guys like him. He's not even your type. I mean Dan tried to describe him when I asked but you know what guys are like. 'Ummmm I dunno, ummmm... fit looking, ummmm kinda tall' was all I got," She says in a voice supposed to imitate Dan. "Well he got fit looking right. He's certainly fit." She fans her face.

I giggle and shake my head. "But what do you think of him?" I stop at the top of the stairs and turn to her. It really matters to me what she thinks. Not that I would stop seeing him if she didn't approve but it still matters. I want her to like him

She thinks about it a moment. "Ok, well he's hot, definitely very hot. And I know you weren't lying when you said he was amazing in bed. He definitely looks the sort. Do you know what I mean? Well obviously you do?" She says and I look away, blushing. "You know what I like best about him though?"

"What?"

"The way he looks at you. He's totally into you and isn't afraid to show it. I like that." She nods. "He's barely taken his eyes off you all night."

I breathe deeply in relief. "I really like him Rob. I wasn't expecting this, to feel like this." I shake my head. Suddenly her expression turns grave, worried.

"What?" I ask. Why is she looking at me like that?

"Oh you do don't you? You do really like him?" she nods. I just said that. Why is that bad? What's she getting at? "Just be careful babe, please," she says then.

"Be careful how? Like safe sex? Of course I am."

"No, I know you're careful that way. I just mean... well," she hesitates, trying to find the words. "He just looks like he's broken a few hearts in his time, that's all. Be careful with yours." she puts her hand on my shoulder and I feel my soul deflate. Oh Rob, it's too late to be that kind of careful. Far far too late. So she also thinks Jake could hurt me. Which means it's not just my own overanalyzing pessimistic brain.

"He's not Ben Rob." is what I say. That doesn't even mean anything. She's right. He could totally and utterly break me. A wave or nausea washes over me.

"Oh I know. But he's a guy and we're women. They make us feel things and so the potential is always there for them to break our hearts. I don't want that for you again." She says. How is this helpful Rob? Is she saying not to feel anything for any man again incase he breaks my heart, again. The realization hits me then that Jake breaking my heart would be far far worse than what happened with Ben. I don't know how I know this or why I'm so certain of it but I am.

"He came over last night." I say in an attempt at changing the subject. "Ben" I add.

Her mouth falls open. "Whaaaaaat?" her eyes are wide now too. "Why??"

"I met him at a seminar on Wednesday and he told me he'd finished with Laura and that he wanted to 'talk'. Then he turned up at the house last night and used the spare key to let himself in. He tried it on."

Robyn's eyes go even wider before narrowing to slits.  "That is fucking out of order. What a complete wanker. I hope you told him were to go?"

"Of course I did. After I slapped him."

She looks pleased, proud even. "About fucking time. I wish I'd been there to see his face when you did. Tosser." She says.

"Speaking of which, what the hell is Marks problem tonight? Grilling Jake like a suspect all through dessert – when did he become such a... cop?"

"Really? Was I in the kitchen? No idea, maybe he's annoyed you brought a date with you. A hot one." she smiles. I shake my head and leave her to go into the master bathroom to pee before I burst. As I come out of the bathroom she's fixing herself in the landing mirror. Which is unnecessary because she looks immaculate. When we get back downstairs Dan has moved to sit in my seat, and is chatting enthusiastically to Jake, which as I near I hear is about football. Rob nudges Dan, who moves across into her seat at the head of the table, and pulls Rob onto his knee whilst carrying on the conversation. It's to do with some new signing at Chelsea who Dan thinks is a waste of money. Instead of listening anymore I zone out and look around the table. Leigh and Mark seem to be getting on well, flirting even, as boss Simon chats to Damien about the merits or fox hunting or something similar no doubt. He's quite the Tory it seems.

Settling back in my chair, I rest my head on Jakes shoulder and he slides his arm around me and pulls me closer to him, before kissing the top of my head. The gesture sends warm tingles down my spine. I just don't want you to get your heartbroken again. When I look over at Rob she's watching us intently, a small smile on her face, her eyes twinkling knowingly in the candlelight.

"So Al, Dan and I wanted to ask you something," Rob says suddenly, loudly, turning to smile at Dan. The look on her face tells me she's going to ask me something that I will want to say no to but because I'm in a room full of people I wont be able to.

"Well this sounds ominous," I say, feeling nervy.

"So... we had a chat about it, Dan and I, and we wanted to know if you would play for us at the wedding. We'd absolutely love it and you always promised me that you would play at my wedding one day. And well, here we are." She smiles. The icy panic is immediate and sobering. She wants me to play piano for her. At her wedding. In front of people. Lots of people. I mean I made that promise to her when I was fourteen, surely there's a statute of limitations on that kind of thing? I sit up, off Jake and chance a look round at him. He's smiling at me. I throw a look at Robyn that says I'm going to kill her later.

"Has Alex told you Jake?" Rob says ignoring me totally. "She's so modest, I bet you didn't know she was a pianist?"

"She didn't tell me but I heard her play last night." His voice is soft and his eyes warm and knowing as he continues to stare at me. I picture his face and the feel of his hands in my hair as I took him and how gorgeous he looked as he came in my mouth. Under the table I feel him grab my hand and slide it surreptitiously between his legs. He's hard.

"Ooh you did? Lucky you, she never plays for anyone," Rob exclaims. I turn my head to her.

"Which is exactly why you asking me to do this is...." I can't think of the word. Terrifying. Unfair. Evil. Nothing comes close. I feel cold and sick thinking about it but the feel of Jake's cock in my hand is definitely warming me up.

"Imagine it... the head bridesmaid playing a gorgeous piano piece at the wedding of her best friend in the ballroom of England's most romantic castle. Its perfect." She smiles. I hear gasps from the other girls around the table, who apparently also think its perfect. I am going to kill her.

"It does sound pretty perfect," Jake says and I whip my head around to him. He's smiling sexily, and stroking my hand against him. "You're amazing," He adds, quietly. I hear Robyn make a squealing sound behind me, no doubt overjoyed at having an ally in Jake.

"I'm not amazing. I'm mediocre," I mutter and his eyes widen. I feel him grip me harder against him so that both our hands curl around his erection. My head is foggy.

"Ugh! You are so modest. I mean she has a piano room," Rob exclaims to the entire table. "No one who's mediocre has a bloody piano room!"

"I have a piano, which is in a room." I explain. I'm uncomfortable now. But then it's going to be even more uncomfortable when I'm actually playing at her wedding. This is nothing compared to how that will feel. I am going to have to do this. I feel sick. And turned on and hot and cold.

"Well, the last time I heard you play you were fabulous and I want you to be fabulous at our wedding. Please say you'll do it for us, please babe?" she nudges Dan into action.

"Yeah, it'd be really great Alex. I heard you that night we went out for my birthday. You were awesome," Dan says encouragingly. I laugh at the memory of that night.

"Hijacking the piano in a cocktail bar half cooked on champagne is slightly different to what you're asking guys," I explain, reasonably I think. Dan tells me half cooking me on champagne can be arranged on the day and most of the table urges me to do it.

Rob smiles harder and that's when I know then that she planned it like this. She could have asked me at any point, anytime, anywhere. But here in front of everyone, including Jake she has me cornered. She's wily. Jake doesn't take part in the urging, just continues to stare at me, his eyes light and fascinated. I don't want him to think I'm afraid or that I'm not confident and it sways my decision in the end. I'm really going to kill her.

"Well it would depend on the piece..." I say.

She squeals again. "Oh totally your choice. I completely trust you. Just something pretty. Not depressing," Rob says sounding excited.

"I'll have a think about it." Is what I say. I give her a look that warns her not to push the topic any further tonight. She claps her hands and nods happily and I slide closer to Jake and rest my head back on his shoulder. I feel his mouth kiss the top of my head gently.

"You're going to be fucking amazing baby, don't worry," He whispers. Then I realise I want him there with me that day when I do play. I need him there. I want to see him look at me the way he did last night. With his eyes on me I feel like a different person. One who takes risks and leaves my comfort zone. He makes me feel like I can do anything. It's his skill.

Around us the table chats away incessantly under the influence of at least a dozen bottles of wine and good food but I'm too relaxed to join in. Instead I sit there enjoying the heat from Jake's body and the soft feel of his hand as it rubs across my back. Soon, I feel my eyes begin to close over and I know its time to go home. I don't want to be tired though because I have plans and I want him to do all of the things he was thinking about earlier that are much more fun.

When I look at Rob and see her smile and nod I mouth "Thank you" before sitting up and turning to him.

"I think I'd like you to take me home now." I say, voice soft.

"You sure?"

I nod sleepily.

"It would be my pleasure." he smiles, pressing his lips to my forehead.

"Ok guys I'm sorry to be a party pooper but I'm absolutely knackered. Long long day. We're going to call it a night." I say to the table as I stand. Jake stands and unhooks his suit jacket from the back of the chair and slides it on as he says his goodbyes to everyone. Mark he leaves until last. Jake says it was nice to meet him - which he manages to sound genuine about - and to my surprise, Mark stands up and sticks his hand out for him to shake. I worry for a moment that Jake might refuse to shake it but he doesn't, he takes Marks hand and shakes it firmly.

"Likewise. I'm sure I'll see you around." He says with a small cool smile that seems to say a lot more than his words.

Jake nods and then turns to Rob and Dan to thank them for inviting him and for the amazing food. I go around to Leigh and give her a hug and tell her that we need a catch up soon, casting a glance in Simon's direction. She says she'll call me early next week to arrange and hugs me tight, smelling of apples and coconut. I tell the rest of the table I'll see them at the wedding of the year before Robyn comes to my side to walk us out, Dan and Jake slightly ahead joking about something.

"I really hope you aren't too knackered babe. I think he has other plans for you." She whispers as she cuddles into me. As we reach the front door Jake and Dan shake hands then Robyn leans into hug him reiterating how nice it was to meet him.  Then she turns to squeeze me tight.

"Have fun." she whispers in my ear.

"We always do." I whisper back, before hugging Dan and following Jake out of the house to the car.   Jake holds the passenger door open for me as he always does and I slide into the leather seat. From inside the car I wave back at Dan and Rob who are cradled against each other at the front door watching us leave and waving back.

I want that, I think. With Jake. I want to host dinner parties with him, and wave our friends home from the door with him. I'm in real trouble here.

He gets in and starts the engine but as usual waits for me to fasten my seatbelt before lifting the handbrake and reversing out of the driveway. I feel so relieved.  He met my best friends and it was fine. There was nothing to worry about. Aside from Mark, whose opinion doesn't really matter anyway, it went amazing.

I wonder then why I have a little knot of something in the pit of my stomach, or higher up in my chest. Well actually I think I do know why, I just can't let my mind think it yet. It's far too soon. Or maybe it's too late.

Jake flicks a switch on the steering wheel and the radio comes on, playing some heavy house music like the sort they would play at his club. He leaves it on but turns it down low. Because I feel sleepy and not like talking I just stare out of the passenger window and let my eyes close over with aid of the slow smooth movement of Jakes car. I always get sleepy in the passenger seat of a car; the slow rocking of the car always makes my eyes heavy and my body relax. Wine and good food only exacerbates it. It's like that for a good 10 minutes, neither of us speaking and my eyes heavy and my heart full as the sound of the hypnotising music plays on the stereo.

"So, did I pass?" he asks quietly, breaking through my trance.

I roll my head to the other side to look at him, taking in his profile as though committing it to memory for the final time. The shape of his perfect mouth which is half smiling,  and his long straight nose, the lightly tanned smooth skin of his face and his eyes framed by those thick dark lashed eyes. He's so beautiful but so fierce and vital at the same time.

Then it's too late.

The thought I've been trying to avoid thinking about entirely pops into my head and I cant stop it. The one that's causing the pit of anxiety in my stomach, the one that it's too soon to think. I'm no longer falling.  Ive fallen.

I'm in love with him.