I make it to The Lancaster just before 1:45pm and sign in at the arrival desk. The badge says "Dr Marlow" and so I write the "e" on with my black pen before making my way to the toilets to fix my hair. It's flat and my up do is in need of a brush through and re-do. It's also a good way of avoiding having to network in the lobby. Or in my case, hang around scrolling through my phone avoiding having to network in the lobby. I'm a terrible networker. Probably because I'm a terrible small talker and talking about how the NHS is going down the drain under the current government is not my idea of polite conversation. I'm always one step away from over sharing or offending someone so I tend to be rather stand-offish at these sorts of things just be on the safe side.

As I'm coming back out of the ladies, and because I'm not looking where I'm going I run smack into a body coming from the opposite direction. I lift my head up to apologise and stop dead. Ben. Oh. Please. No. Or Dr Ben Cooke as the badge reads. Spelt correctly of course. No rubbish handwritten letter "e" for him.

"Hey, you." He says giving me a wide smile. Too wide. In no way does it correlate with my own insides full of eels sensation at staring my ex cheating fiancé in the face after almost six months. He's still handsome. An older, snobbish, arrogant handsomeness that for some bizarre reason I used to be attracted to.

"Ben. How are you?" I ask tightly. I look down, smoothing my skirt inwardly cursing myself for asking how he is. I don't care how he is. I hate my in-bred politeness and good manners sometimes. Sometimes I wish I were a bitch.

"I'm good Lex, You?" he nods. I hate that he still thinks he can shorten my name to Lex. He was the only person who ever shortened it to that. It makes my skin crawl now.

"Really good." I say, and I mean it. I've been having the best sex of my life with a man younger and hotter than you, you arrogant cheating prick. I don't say any of this of course. Ben nods.

"How's Fred? Does he ask about me?" He smiles at his own joke. Well he always did think he was funnier than I did.

"Actually no. He's good too though. Still bringing in the decapitated heads of small winged creatures but it's what he enjoys so..." I shrug and look away from him, wishing I were anywhere but here.

"Well you're not going to believe this, but we happen to be at the same table. I had a quick look at the table plan, as I always do, and Dr Marlowe without an e is at table four with me." He smiles again and my eyes glance toward the conference room for a means of escape. Good god no. Surely not. What are the chances? Twice in one week I have been totally screwed over by the laws of probability. I should probably put the lottery on this week for the first time ever.

"Great..." I mutter and turn away from him. Ben follows behind as I walk towards the conference room with about as much enthusiasm as someone going to their own execution. I think about asking someone to switch tables with me, or about turning around and leaving this thing altogether but of course that would just be immature - and I can't have him thinking that I'm the childish one in this scenario. It's 3 hours of my life. I can get through it like an adult.

As I walk into the room I check the seating plan, just on the off chance he was mistaken. Unfortunately he wasn't. Ben and I are at table four which is near the centre of the room, and without glancing back once, I weave through the other tables to get to my seat.

I sit down and Ben takes the seat directly to my left, as I knew he would, before introducing himself to everyone. He starts with the woman on his left before standing to shake hands with the others at the table. He gives each of them a flash of his perfect (cheating prick) smile before sitting back down, his leg grazing mine under the table as he does so. He doesn't apologise or move it so I move it away from him, shifting in my seat. There's a spare seat across the across the table but I think that actually having to look at him all afternoon would be marginally worse than having him next to me. After introducing myself to an older lady to my right, I get my phone out to send Rob a message telling her of my current predicament. Then I message Jake asking what he's making for dinner, adding that I wished this thing was over already. He responds almost instantly.

//I wish it was over already too. Cause then you'd be here. Jx//

Then:

//I haven't decided yet. Anything you don't like / can't eat / would die if you put it in your mouth? Jx//

I ponder the question for a moment before responding:

//I'm not allergic to anything except bad cooking - no pressure Mr Lawrence... Ax//

He responds by saying that he can't wait to impress me with "MORE" of his skills.

As soon as the first speaker comes on to introduce the programme for the afternoon I start taking notes. I'm a good note taker generally, I can condense an few hour's long presentation into the main points and any other additional items of interest that may be useful later on. Also my handwriting is fairly legible for a doctor.

Throughout the first two speakers Ben grazes my elbow and my leg constantly, purposefully I'm sure, until I physically have to move my chair a few inches away from him. Out of the corner of my eye I see him throw me an odd look but I don't care and I don't meet his eyes. At one point he leans over and refills my water, as well as the lady's next to me, all butter wouldn't melt face and the lady practically swoons in thanks. I feel like telling her not to be fooled, and that butter would most definitely melt, and that he's a cheating lying prick in real life but that would be an over share. Anyway, I doubt it would matter to her; she's looking at him the way older women look at Ben. He is the housewives choice. Tall and black haired with some grey at the temples and large brown eyes that always seem to be smiling even when his mouth isn't.

Today he looks every inch the surgeon; clean-shaven and dressed impeccably in a dark pinstriped suit, white shirt and patterned yellow tie. I can't help but compare his profile with that of Jake's. Though they actually can't be compared. They're so different in every conceivable way. I thought Ben was everything I wanted once. I looked up to him, respected him. He was the older handsome doctor who swept me off my feet as a naïve medical student, and it laid the foundation of how I would always feel with him. Young and naïve. I was naïve. His sneaking around behind my back for months with some Medical Sales Executive confirmed it. Though I never suspected because I wasn't really paying attention anymore. If I had been paying attention I probably would have had some clue I suppose. Though if I had been paying attention to him then perhaps he wouldn't have cheated. It's not the first time I've apportioned some fraction of blame on myself for his cheating. How noble of me. I fell out of love with him slowly and gradually and so I stopped paying attention to him. He knew. I think he sensed it long before I did.

I think falling out of love is a stupid expression. Falling in love sort of makes sense because it's like something you don't see coming. Ooops! I fell. Although it never really happened like that with Ben - I never really felt the Oooops thing. I was attracted to him, I respected him and I looked up to him. All of those things combined added up to me being in love with him I guess. Or at least I thought it did at the time. For a long time he was all I wanted, until one day I just didn't want it anymore. But falling out of love doesn't make sense as a term. It was just a nice way of saying that you stopped paying attention.

I wonder if I could ever stop paying attention to Jake. I don't think I need a crystal ball to know the answer but I definitely feel the falling sensation and it scares me.  I'm not sure if I'm ready to fall again yet.

Ben catches me looking at him and smiles. Great, so now he thinks thinking about him, which I am, but not in the way he thinks I am. I look away and concentrate on the speaker, Jill Davies, talking about why patient management systems need to change as the patient becomes more demanding and "quite rightly so". We don't just provide a necessary service we provide a competitive service.... blah... blah. Personally I think all patients really want is a good service but that isn't a money maker.

It carries on like this for another hour as I struggle to take down the necessary points of note, my mind mainly filled with images of what Jake's place will be like and how badly I want to see him. As soon as they finish the second presentation they announce the coffee break, and though some of the delegates at our table don't move I practically spring up from the table and race for the door. They probably want to spend the coffee break networking which I can't be a part of. I make my way to the coffee station and pour myself a weak one with cream.

"I saw your mum and dad the other night." Ben says from behind me. I didn't even hear him approach. I roll my eyes before turning around to face him. He's a networker, why isn't he sitting at the table networking god damn him. So he saw my parents. How lovely. Ben plays the role of wounded heartbroken doctor in front of my parents, and his. Which is rich since he set up house with the tramp a few days after I threw him out. Mum and dad are still very good friends with his parents, Harrie and George, which means their paths cross often. I know Dad would defend me to the death with them but Mum... Well, she really did love Ben. Like older women always love Ben.

"Really? Was Laura there too?" I smile as I lift my cup to my mouth. I hate myself immediately for mentioning her name. He'll think I care. Which I don't. I sip my coffee and look away from him.

"No." He shakes his head. A few beats of silence ensue before he speaks again. "Alex. I thought your mum might have said something," he studies me. I say nothing. He clears his throat. "Laura and I aren't together anymore. I ended it. About a month ago..." He says watching me intently. I nod but say nothing as I continue to sip my coffee. I knew mum was bursting to tell me something when I spoke to her on the phone the other night. But since she has been well trained in not to instigate Ben conversations with me she clearly thought better of bringing it up.

"Oh well I'm really sorry to hear that." I say to fill the silence. I'm really not that sorry. I couldn't care less. I really have to stop saying things I don't mean. He shrugs a little and smiles at me.

"Have you done something to your hair?" He says casting a look over it. I almost have to gag a little so as not to choke on my coffee. Is he actually flirting with me? He has got to be joking. For an instant I think he's about to reach out and touch it but he doesn't thank god.

"No, absolutely nothing." I tell him before planting my coffee cup down. I turn away from him to head back to the conference room. I need to get away from him, from this. I wont let him do this. I only get a few steps away before I feel his hand on my arm.

"Alex, wait,"

Only because I don't want to cause a scene in the crowded lobby I stop walking. When I turn around he has his serious face on - his earnest, honest, trustworthy face. The one he's capable of pulling out at a moments notice.

"What Ben?" I sigh.

"I thought we could go for a drink after? Have a chat? About us." He says with a confident smile. Us. So he actually thinks a drink and chat is all we need and to become an 'us' again. Yes he definitely thinks that. It's etched almost arrogantly, across his face. I'm already in an 'us'. Of course I may be reading a little too much into the fact that Jake called us as an "us" once whilst we were in bed - he probably just didn't want to use the word thing.

In any case, I'd still much rather be a potential 'us' with Jake than an anything with Ben.

I take a deep breath. "Ben, 'us' is long gone. It was long gone before Laura came along and I think you know that. There's really nothing to talk about."

He narrows his eyes slightly, his jaw clenching. Ben never did like being disagreed with. He looks as though he's about to say something else but since I really don't want to hear what it is I turn and walk away from him and go back to my seat. I don't look back to see if he's following me.

The 2nd half of the seminar begins but Ben doesn't return to the table. Eventually I give in and glance backwards towards the door a few times but he doesn't show, and so I relax and settle in for the last portion of the seminar. The last speaker is by far the most interesting. He's the developer of the software, and is so passionate and enthusiastic that I'm sure he manages to convince most of the room that it's the way forward. I'm not sure Douglas the technophobe will be as convinced, but Sam would be, so I guess either he or I could implement it next year when one of us takes over the partnership slot. The question and answer session starts immediately after the last presentation, but since it's just after 4:45pm and I want to freshen up before Jake arrives, I decide to give it a miss.

I sneak out of the room and head straight for the toilet. Checking my appearance in the mirror I decide to take my hair down. I look far too business-like in my up do and work clothes. Though my grey pencil Burberry dress and matching blazer is smart and professional looking, it probably isn't an outfit to set a guy on fire, not a guy like Jake anyway. I touch up my mascara and blush and put on some nude gloss before fluffing out my hair a final time. I REALLY need to try and get it cut next week.

As I leave the ladies room and head towards the front door,  I pull out my phone. There's a message from him at 4:20pm telling me he was just leaving and will be here just before 5pm. I get to the front of the hotel and have a quick look outside but don't see him. He's probably caught in traffic - peak-time traffic. I feel guilty. I could easily have gotten the tube to his to save him sitting in London rush hour congestion. Well, he did kindly offer to come get me.

As I turn to head back across the foyer to toward the waiting area, wheeling my overnight case behind me, I freeze. Ben is watching me intently, a sad lost look on his face. He looks me over from head to toe and begins walking towards me. I sigh and my whole body tenses up. I really don't want to deal with this now, here, ever. Why is he still here?

"I thought you'd gone," I say.

"You mean you hoped I'd gone?" he raises his eyebrows. I shake my head and look down. Of course I hoped he'd gone, and we both know it.

"You missed the best speaker," I say desperate to steer the subject away from any kind of 'us' chat. Desperate to keep things neutral. "He convinced me anyway." I add.

He smiles. "Really? How did he manage that? I could do with some pointers myself." He says.

"Ben please..." I start.

"Alex, you were right," He cuts in with a nod of his head. I'm startled, and momentarily speechless. I was right? With Ben I was never right. Not a lot of people were. "I didn't take care of you properly for a long time. I took you for granted. I knew you were drifting away from me but I just didn't really know how to pull you back... then Laura came along. She wanted me and it was easy. It was selfish but it was easy," He shakes his head. "I'm sorry."

He had never said sorry. Not once. He had never once admitted any fault during the entirety of our break up. He had always maintained that I pushed him away, that I didn't love him anymore. Now he's apologizing to me. I'm shocked quite frankly. Stunned even. Maybe he had changed.

I study him. His demeanor is definitely less aloof arrogant bastard and more vulnerable humble man. He doesn't seem like the same Ben I kicked out of the house that Saturday afternoon that's for sure. It doesn't matter who he is now though. It's too late. I wonder if whether he'd said sorry sooner if things would have turned out differently. I wonder if whether Jake had come crashing into my life like he did and I was still with Ben whether I would have been the one who cheated. I shiver at the thought. It makes me feel uneasy.

"I appreciate that Ben but it doesn't matter now. It's done." I say.

Ben flinches and moves a step closer, placing his hand on my arm as he gazes down at me. He's taller than Jake, by a few inches maybe, which is too tall now.

"Alex please just let me..." he starts to speak but then his eyes catch onto something over my shoulder, which makes his expression change entirely. He begins to look confused and a little uncomfortable. When I turn around to see what it is I see Jake standing just inside the revolving door glaring at us both, eyes dark and mouth hard.

Immediately I step away from Ben and his unwelcome hold on my body. This looks bad. It must. Jake's dark malignant expression tells me it must. I can't tell him that it isn't what it looks like because that's utterly clichéd and somehow it's always what it looks like.

Despite the ferocious look in his eyes he still manages to look completely divine - god my eyes have missed the sight of him after just a day and a half. He's wearing a light blue t-shirt and blue jeans which hang slightly loose on his hips. His hair is mussed and wet looking, and his cheeks are a little flushed which adds to the almost youthful look he has on today.   Though perhaps he looks youthful because I'm standing next to Ben and Jake does look young next to Ben.

"Alex?" Ben says. The way he says my name makes me think that it isn't the first time he's said it in the last few moments. "Alex do you know him?"

I nod, feeling a little dazed and shell-shocked as my mind runs around crazy trying to decide how to explain to Jake what this wasn't. I need to lie. I can't say he's my Ex. Im not ready to have that conversation with Jake yet. I don't want to talk about Ben with Jake. I turn back to Ben and take hold of my case.

"I have to go. It was nice catching up," I lie. There I go again. It wasn't nice catching up. Stop saying things you don't mean Alexandra. "Tell your parents I was asking for them." I throw over my shoulder as I begin walking toward Jake.

It wasn't what it looked like. It wasn't anything.

"You were late again," I say with a small pout as I stop in front of him.

He's still glaring over my shoulder and so I lean forward, slipping my hand around his waist before pressing my mouth to his. As his eyes close I hope that maybe the kiss will make him forget about the thing that wasn't what it looked like.

Of course I know that Ben is watching, and I also know kissing Jake like this in front of him isn't the nicest thing I've ever done but Ben's feelings are very low on my list of priorities right. When I open my eyes and pull away from his mouth Jake is staring at me, his expression unreadable.

"Looks like you had someone to keep you company while you waited," He says quietly, flicking his eyes back over my shoulder. I take his hand and pull him with me towards the exit. For the third time today I don't look behind me for Ben.

"An old friend," I lie. "He's just gone through a break-up." Not a lie.

"An old friend who's clearly into you," Jake says, squeezing hard on my hand, his fingers warm and strong in mine.

"Well that's tough. Because I am into someone else." I smile, squeezing his hand back as I lead him through the revolving door. He reaches down to take my case, before looking back at Ben in what I could only describe as extreme warning.

"Does he know that? Or do I need to go over and have a word with him?" he mutters. "Make it clear you're fucking taken,"

Oh somewhere inside a part of me practically purrs at the thought of being taken. Taken by Jake. The other part of me would love to hear how the conversation where Jake tells Ben I'm taken would play out.

"Ummm well I think he just got the message," I smile at him. When he turns back to me he smiles his canine smile at me and nods once. "Come on then, let's see if these domestic skills of yours are as good as you think. I'm completely starving," I say enthusiastically. He grins and pulls me toward him with a possessive arm around my waist, before steering me across the front of the hotel toward his illegally parked Audi. It's half on the pavement with the hazard lights flashing.

"Starving? Pretty sure I can sort that out," he winks. I at least have the manners to blush slightly as he leans down and opens the passenger door for me, holding my eyes as he does. I climb into the seat as graciously as possible in my dress, before he closes the door and puts my case in the boot.

When he gets in his side and closes the door he leans over to kiss me, running his hand up my bare thigh slipping it under the hem of my dress. My whole body reacts, a hot sharp shiver coursing over it as I return the kiss, and inhale a deep breath of his clean scent. The combination of his tongue, the sound of his moan and the scent of his body turn my insides to honey.

"You look completely fucking hot by the way Doctor," He murmurs into my mouth, his fingers dancing dangerously close to where I want them. Guess my outfit isn't quite as dull as I thought. "Been thinking about you all fucking day," he says nuzzling my neck, placing soft nibbling bites against my collarbone.

I keep my eyes close and smile. "It's nice to see you too," I whisper. He brings his mouth back up to mine and licks at my lips before pulling away to start the engine. Then turns to look at me expectantly.

"Seatbelt." He orders after a moment.

As I reach behind me to pull it on I see Ben getting into a black cab, chattering incessantly on his mobile. Since he's looking in my direction I assume he knows I'm inside, though thankfully the tinted windows mean he can't see me looking back. As soon as my seatbelt clicks into place, Jake pulls out into the traffic and we head east along Hyde Park.

"Long day?" He asks, glancing at me briefly before turning back to the road.

"Yes, really long. Mainly boring. These things normally are. Not as exciting as the nightclub business I'm sure."

He nods "Yeah, you have no idea the lives I'm saving on a daily basis in that place, it's fucking exhausting." He says and I giggle.

As I slide back into the chair I feel something hard dig into my back. I shift forward and reach behind me, stuffing my hand down the seat to get a better grab on it, pulling out a small plastic fire engine toy. I give it a confused look as I hold it up.

"Aw yeah, Paul said his kid lost that somewhere," Jake says absently looking back to the road. "He borrowed the car other day while his was in getting serviced. Just stick it in the back."

I reach back behind me and place the toy on the back seat.

"So what did you get up to today?" I ask, turning to look at him. "I hope you didn't spend all of it in the kitchen. That would be way too 1950s housewife."

"Not quite," he smiles, not expanding further. Something tells me not to press it either. No matter. I'm going to see where he lives. Where he spends his time when he's not with me. I'm inordinately excited, and a little nervous. It's ridiculous really. But I feel like this is my first real chance to get to know him. To see inside his hard, gorgeous shell. You can't hide things in the place where you live, and feel utterly relaxed. My house reflected me and my personality; it held trinkets I'd collected, books I'd read, photos of me and my family and friends hung in every room. Jake's home would open him up to me, finally. I was certain of it.

Yes, after tonight I'd definitely know a lot more about the mystery that was Jake Lawrence.  I need and want to know more.

I want to know it all.