Shadows stalked Ash through the day, and then at night, they finally sprung.

She tossed and turned, drifting in and out of sleep as the nightmares plagued her. Sometimes her dreams played out distortions of her memories, always intensifying the worst parts, like how Sanford's blood stained the entire sea red, or how Lorica never saved her from the Scion.

Other times, she witnessed her greatest fears. Roan stood over Callum's corpse, blood splattered over both men. Scions broke into her home and took away a screaming Odella.

In her latest nightmare, she ran through a dark forest, unsure where she was running but knowing she had to reach the destination. The need gnawed at her like a starved beast that demanded to be fed.

Close. She was so close—

She burst from the tree line and found herself mere feet away from a cliff ledge. A sudden rain pelted down from the roiling grey-black clouds, and waves crashed out of sight against the cliff face.

"Help!" an all-too-familiar voice screamed.

Ash ran to the edge. "Odella!" She fell to her stomach, part of her chest hanging out over the sea to put herself closer to her twin. Odella hung over the raging waters with nothing more than her fingertips gripping a protruding rock.

"Ash," Odella sobbed. "Help me."

Ash reached down, grasping Odella's free arm with both of her hands. She strained to pull Odella up, but her sister didn't budge.

Worse, Ash's grip already slipped. The rain slicked both their skin, and when combined with the strain of holding Odella's weight, Ash wasn't sure how long she could hold on.

"Don't let me go." Thunder cracked, nearly drowning out Odella's plea.

She wouldn't. At least, she knew she shouldn't. This was her twin, her other half. The one who had held her hand as they both made their way through life together. Ash should find the strength to do whatever she needed to save her.

But a sudden terror seized Ash. If she stopped Odella from falling, was she not going against the gods' will? Hadn't their quest for her placed her here? She was more; she was chosen. If she couldn't handle the fall, then who could?

Ash didn't think she could, and she didn't want to find out.

As if sensing the change in Ash's thoughts, Odella's voice broke as she said, "Ash, please."

"I'm sorry, Odella." The rain came down harder, and Ash couldn't tell her tears from the raindrops wetting her face. "But it has to be you."

"Ash, don't—"

Ash let go, feeling a sudden freeness as she watched her twin plummet to the seas. Odella would survive. She could do anything.

Yet no matter how long Ash watched the water, Odella never surfaced.

Ash wasn't sure what freed her from the dream: the absolute horror at what her dream-self had just done or the sudden loud slap of water against the ship's hull. Either way, she was awake, and the feeling of a great weight against her chest told her that she wouldn't be returning to sleep any time soon.

Someone snored softly nearby, and the wood creaked as someone else shifted in their hammock. Water continued to smack against the ship, but it was much quieter than before. These quiet noises had been soothing to her the last few nights, but right now, they made the area feel too small. These walls couldn't hold the pressuring building in her head.

She kept seeing herself, letting Odella fall helplessly into the raging waters below. Ash's eyes burned. Pressing her lips together, she shifted her weight on the hammock and rose as quietly as possible. The crew had to be used to small sounds to sleep through the night, but she didn't want to take even the slightest risk that they'd awaken and ask what she was doing.

She crept across the hall to the hatch. It took thrice as long from the care she took drawing it down, but she was sure nobody stirred as she ascended the ladder.

Salt-thick wind swept her hair back as she left the protection of the ship's walls. She took a deep breath. After her short time at sea, she'd adjusted to the strange air, so much so that it was strange to remember that, before Volant, she hadn't been near the ocean for many sols.

Closing the hatch behind her, she walked over to the railing. Droplets of water pelted her in the face as the sea lapped against the ship. The ocean quivered with more unease than it had the past few days, but she didn't spot a cloud in the sky to indicate a storm. It was as if reality had plucked a single piece from her dream and brought it to life. Every splash across the wood sent a flicker in her mind of waves smashing against stone.

All too well, she could place that scene over this one. She was leaning over the cliff, not a railing, and she watched Odella dangle over the edge as she struggled not to fall.

Wood bit into her fingers as her nails dug into the railing.

She'd let Odella go.

In her dream, she'd let her fall to the ocean's fury.

Outside of slumber, she'd let Odella return to a life that was obviously tearing her apart.

All because it 'had to be her.'

Ash wanted to scream. At the gods, at Roan, at herself. Mostly herself. Would everything had been avoided if she'd just told Odella to stay?

The logical part of her reasoned that the gods' curse may have awakened if Odella abandoned her quest of her own free will, just like her mother had predicted. The rest of her was too lost in visions of herself releasing Odella into the raging sea to care. Her emotionally-charged dream beat out rational reality.

"I'm sorry." The words escaped as a broken whisper. She'd messed up so badly. She'd let Odella walk away, had joined the traitorous Scion, had lost perhaps the only person who could cure her. And what was she doing now?

Just like when she'd spoken with the unnerved Odella, Ash clung to comfort.

Caspian was right; she was a coward. She owed it to Odella, even to Callum, to risk never returning to a normal life if it meant saving them both. But no, here she was, turning her back from the shadows of the world because she kept hoping there was a path back. Three nights had passed since she'd failed to speak with Lorica, and she still hadn't tried again.

Odella deserved better than Ash. She deserved someone as brave and selfless as herself, because that person would be able to save her.

Ash could hunker down. She could choose to stop training, to hide away on the ship when they docked. Ironically, it was the pirates around her who were better people. They'd do fine without her. Perhaps they'd even do better without her hindering their every move.

But no, that wasn't the right path. Ash couldn't even remember her twin's retreating back after their encounter because Ash had left first. She'd been too ashamed to continue occupying the same space as Odella.

Something had to change. Ash had to change.

She needed to allow Lorica to pull back whatever veil kept her separated from the truths. Even if it wouldn't make it any easier to save Odella, Ash deserved the weight that came with the burden.

This entire journey was her punishment and her plea for forgiveness.

"Ash?"

Ash's hands flew to her mouth, stifling the scream before it could echo through the night.

"Sorry! I didn't mean to scare you." Willow stood halfway between Ash and the hatch. She held her hand up as if to calm a spooked animal and smiled sheepishly. "I saw you come up here, and I was worried about you. Wait." Her eyes widened, and she peered more closely at Ash. "Were you crying?"

Ash's hand darted up to her face. Her fingertips came away wet. When had that started? "I guess I was."

Willow's expression softened, though the concern never left it. She walked over and leaned on the railing next to Ash. Without looking over, Willow said, "I'm here."

To talk. To provide silent comfort. The sentiment reminded Ash so much of Callum that her heart hurt. This time, she was aware of it when the tear escaped. She wiped it away. "It was just a bad dream."

Willow nodded and made a small sound of acknowledgement, but she didn't push further on the inch Ash had given.

Ash appreciated it, and she may have let it go if not for a realization that hit her. She should have thought about it before, and maybe she had in passing during her journey to Volant, but if so, she hadn't remembered the thought in a long time. "You were with Odella."

She couldn't tell in the dim light, but she thought Willow watched her from the corner of her eye. "Well, yes. I was acting as her companion."

"No, that's not what I meant. Back when..." She turned her eyes to the opposite side of the ship. She couldn't even bear to see Willow in her peripherals. "When Odella stopped at our house."

"All of us were in the area, yes. I waited with the others out of view, though. The first Scion was still with us. Odella told her that she needed to see you to reaffirm her conviction." She tilted her head to the side. "What brought that up?"

Ash fought not to hunker in on herself. If Odella brought the Scion, it was likely they'd been far enough away not to hear their conversation. She couldn't imagine a Scion accepting the Dreamwoven questioning things, not if the mark had a curse ingrained into it.

"How was she when you guys left?" Her throat tightened around the words, and her eyes burned.

Willow peered at her. Even if she wasn't piecing together where all of this was coming from, she must have seen something in Ash's expression because her face softened. "She tried to hide it, but it was clear that she was shaken. When I tried to talk to her, though, she wouldn't tell me a thing."

Of course she hadn't. That was Odella's way. It didn't matter how much anything bothered her. She put on a brave face and stood taller than all the problems around her.

But that didn't mean those problems didn't hurt. That they didn't wear away at her bit by bit. Dreamwoven or not, she was still human. And Ash had lost sight of that when it mattered most.

Ash choked, fighting to keep a sob down, but it forced itself out. She lost control of the tears. She pressed her hand against her mouth, as if that could stop the breakdown. It didn't work.

"Ash!" Willow reached for her, but Ash shook her head and inched away. She was undeserving of the comfort.

"It's all my fault," she gasped from behind her hand. "If I had just convinced her to come home... If I had just listened to her..." She curled in on herself as the weight of all the "ifs" pressing down on her. "I let her down. I... I could have stopped all of this from happening. She needed me, but I was too scared to be needed."

Ash didn't know when Willow moved again, but her arm was suddenly around Ash, forcing her head down onto her shoulder. Although shorter by a couple of inches, Willow felt encompassing as she squeezed Ash close.

"Don't you do that," she said, her voice thick with her own swelling emotions. "You can't wonder what you could have done differently. Focus on what you can do now. Besides." She pulled back, leaving her hand on Ash's shoulder. Her glistening eyes met Ash's. "It would have happened anyway. Had she left with you that day, Vlona would have dragged her back. If she hadn't, the Dreamwoven curse would have triggered."

As much as Willow's words made sense, the devouring guilt refused to leave Ash. "But..."

"But what?" Willow asked. "Ash, I want you to look me in the eye and tell me what you could have done."

"I didn't—"

Willow gave her a sharp shake. "No. None of that what you didn't do. Tell me what you could have done that would have changed this."

Ash bit down on her lip. She forced herself to focus on Willow's question rather than all the pain-driven thoughts. "I could have told her to leave it all behind. And then..." She placed her hand over her Dreamweave. Then what? She'd still be the cause of Odella's curse.

As if reading her thoughts, Willow sighed. "You're not the one who corrupted her mark. That was the—" She faltered, then shook her head. "The gods. They're the ones who did this to her. And Roan is the one who took advantage of her. Of you. I was there. I knew about the curse, that Roan was up to something. Are you going to tell me this is my fault for not stopping him earlier?"

Despite the rhetorical question, something in Willow's expression fractured. A sort of tempered desperation seeped through the cracks. She faced the same complicated feelings in her own way, including that struggle with blame.

"No." Ash's answer was instant. "You're not at fault, Willow."

"Then how would you be?" Willow asked. "Tell me how your actions would make you guiltier than me."

Ash fell quiet. Willow let the silence hang, watching as Ash mulled over everything she had said.

The fight seeped away from Ash. She sniffled the last of her tears. Even if part of the guilt remained, she knew Willow was right. "Thank you."

Willow smiled gently. "What are friends for?"

Ash surprised herself by hugging Willow. The other girl wasn't wrong. They had grown to be friends, despite the part of her mind that kept trying to say Willow saw Odella every time she looked at Ash. This vulnerable moment made Ash feel seen, showed her that someone else had fought the same fight she had with guilt, and that built a connection that couldn't be fabricated.

"We're going to do this," Willow assured as she squeezed back. "We're going to save Callum and get Odella back."

A new type of guilt wiggled to the surface at Willow's words. Ash remembered her thoughts earlier that day about how she protected herself from whatever greater truth Willow and many of the other pirates knew.

Odella had sacrificed so much to do what others told her was right, and here Ash was, following her own compass, and she was too afraid to relinquish the chance of normality. Why did she get to relish in ignorance?

It wasn't right.

Deep down, past the fear, part of her hated herself for it. Blindness to the world had led to so many of her missteps. If she'd only known Scions weren't infallible beings of purity, if she'd known about the gods constrictive binds on their Dreamwoven, if she'd known others had reasons to side-eye the gods... So many things she'd been blind to, and now she dared to continue to choose blindness because of comfort.

Odella deserved better than that. Callum deserved better.

Ash deserved better.

"Hey, Willow," Ash began, her voice quiet.

"Yes?" Willow's brows pulled together as she took Ash in. "Is everything okay?"

Before Ash could speak, Willow suddenly let out a yelp. Her hand flew to her head. "Did a bird just leave its dinner on me? Please, tell me it didn't."

Ash pulled back when Willow angled her head toward her, more out of shock than anything. "Why would you think that?"

"Something hit my head—ah!" Another something fell on her head. It was small and white, and a distant chuckle followed its descent.

Ash kneeled by the cream object. The scratchy material unfurled from its ball beneath her touch. "It's parchment," she said.

Willow scowled down at the affronting paper for a second before turning her eyes skyward. Ash mimicked her.

A beaming Caspian hung over the crow's nest above them, one arm dangling off the edge. He opened his hand, and another ball of parchment fell. This time, Willow dodged out of its path.

"What do you want, pest?" Willow asked as she placed her hand on her hip.

He waved toward the crow's nest. "Come join me up here, Wil. I have something I want to show you."

Ash couldn't see his eyes, but she had a sudden feeling they were on her. She scowled.

Unless she was mistaken, his smile grew. "Oh, and I guess if you really want to, you can bring Cinders with you."

*****

Time for some girl talk!  Both of them tackling the guilt that they've been trying to act like isn't there.  Ash honestly needed a nice, honest talk with someone.  And she seems to be getting closer and closer to asking the hard questions.  Now if only things would stop interrupting her xD And in this case, it was everyone's favorite pain-in-the-neck, Caspian :D 

Let me know your thoughts on the chapter down below, and if you enjoyed it, don't forget to vote and comment! I also have a discord open to anyone who wants to join, and we have a section there to discuss the book :D Let me know if you want to join!