Episode 42

Husband

"Do you want to visit Kuya's grave tomorrow?"

Valentine was caressing my hair while we were talking about our past. Sobrang sakit pa rin hanggang ngayon. Hindi ako makapaniwala na mawawala na lang siya nang gano'n-gano'n. I felt another tear escaping my eye.

"A-ayos lang ba?" I asked him and he hugged me sidewards with his right arm again. "Anything for you. I want you to have a peace of mind." He kissed my forehead.

We stayed like that for a few more minutes in silence. No one was talking and we were just hugging each other. "I'm sleepy..." I whispered at him so he looked at me.

"Hmm? Let's get you to sleep." Tinayo niya na 'ko sa pagkakaupo at nagpahila ako sa kanya. Humiga na rin agad ako sa kama at inaasahan kong hihiga siya sa tabi ko pero kinumutan niya lang ako.

"Saan ka matutulog?" I asked him and looked at the clock. It was already 3:30 AM. I'm sure that he's already tired as hell. "I'll sleep on the couch," he said before getting a pillow beside me and getting on the couch.

Bigla namang napangunot ang noo ko nang makita na sobrang liit para sa kanya ng sofa ko rito sa room. Kanina nga ay siksikan na kaming dalawa, ang mahiga pa kaya siya? He's tall. Mahihirapan siyang makatulog diyan.

"Gusto mong... tabi na lang tayo?" I asked him. Agad pinagmulahan ang pisngi ko dahil sa sinabi ko. 

Nakita kong napatingin lang siya sa gawi ko at nagtiim ng bagang. He looked away before speaking. "It's better this way."

"Pero hindi ka makakatulog nang maayo—" He cut me off. "Okay na 'to, Elara. Good night," he said before turning my lights into dim mode. Nahiga na siya pero bigla siyang nahulog sa sobrang liit lang no'n. Hindi ko na napigilan ang matawa.

"Aww..." Nakaupo siya sa sahig na parang bata dahil nahulog siya kaya tawa ako nang tawa. "Tabi na tayo... Pa-hard to get pa kasi," asar ko sa kanya kaya sinamaan niya 'ko ng tingin bago tumayo at pumwesto sa tabi ko.

Naramdaman kong umalon na ang kama dahil tumabi na siya at ngayon ko lang naramdaman na parang nabuhay lahat ng dugo ko nang ma-realize ko sa magkatabi kami!

We're not even in a relationship, oh my goodness! Pero ayos na rin 'yan, at least hindi siya mahihirapan sa couch 'di ba? Oo tama, okay na 'yan. Basta 'wag lang akong marupok.

"Good night, Elara," he said with a husky voice and his scent is slowly attacking my senses. Hindi tuloy ako makatulog ng maayos! First time namin magtabi matulog! Shit naman, Hyacinth!

"G-good night din, Val..." I shook my head in shame because I even stuttered! Mas hindi tuloy ako makatulog dahil sa kahihiyan.

Nagulat ako nang maramdaman kong lumapit siya kahit nakatalikod ako. "Val...?" I asked him and I felt his arm snaking on my waist. I felt a thousand of bolts running through my blood.

"W-what are you doing..." I asked him and he tightened his hug more from behind. Napalunok ako dahil parang sasabog na ang puso ko sa pinaghalo-halong kaba, kilig, at kung anu-ano pa.

Kilig? Kikiligin ako? Bakit? Oh my gosh. Ang rupok ko, nakakainis.

"I missed you," he whispered huskily. Humarap ako sa kanya at dahan-dahan niyang niluwagan ang yakap niya. Nang makaharap na 'ko ay parang mas bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko nang makita ko na naman ang gwapo niyang mukha.

"I... I missed you too," suko ko. Oo, sumusuko na 'ko. I miss him and still loved him after all these years. Galit lang ako... dahil sa pamilya niya at sa hindi niya pagsabi agad na na-engage pala sila ni Dhara no'n. But the truth is...

It's still him. After all these years.

He looked shocked by my sudden confession that he moved slowly towards me so that our lips could touch. It was just a light peck but it is full of love and longing. Pinagdikit niya ang mga noo namin habang nakahiga pa rin kami.

"Sweet dreams," bulong niya kaya pumikit ako nang may ngiti sa mga labi. Naalala ko na naman si Cyrus. Wherever he is now, I hope that he's still as happy like how he was before.

Rest in peace, my dear friend.

Nagising ako nang wala na si Val sa tabi ko. I could still smell his scent so I bet that it was not all a dream. Umupo ako at hinagilap ang phone ko sa gilid para matawagan ang secretary ko na hindi muna ako papasok ngayon. Val said that we'll visit Vladimir's grave today.

Nakaupo pa rin ako sa kama at kinakalikot ang phone nang marinig kong bumukas ang pinto. Bumungad si Valentine na may hawak na breakfast table na may nakahain na pagkain. I suddenly got a deja vu when I stayed at his place last time as I was beaten drunk.

"Good morning," he greeted with a smile. He looked fresh and it looked like he just got a bath. "Umuwi pala muna 'ko kaninang umaga para kumuha ng damit," he explained like he read my mind.

Tumango ako at dumiretso na siya para ipatong ang breakfast table sa kama ko. "Mukha naman akong may sakit. Kaya ko namang bumaba sa dining." I rolled my eyes at him and he just laughed before kissing my cheek. I widened my eyes as I looked at him but he just chuckled at my reaction.

"That's a good morning kiss. Eat up, tutulungan ko lang sina Manang Fely sa baba." Gulat pa rin ako hanggang sa malapit na siya sa pinto at akmang bubuksan na 'yun nang magsalita ulit ako.

"Val... Tayo na ba ulit...?" I boldly asked. Hindi na 'ko magpapaligoy-ligoy pa. I... I wanted him to be mine again. I wanted to be selfish even if I know that it will complicate some things. I wanted to trust my heart for the first time and not doubt my thoughts. I don't want to overthink about our relationship.

He chuckled again before showing a small smile. "Hindi naman tayo naghiwalay," he said with his low voice. Hindi ko alam pero nangilid na naman ang luha sa mga mata ko.

I thought that he had forgotten me... after all those years.

He bid his farewell now and told me to change my dress as we will leave in the morning. Para hindi na rin magipit sa time.

Pagkatapos kong kumain ay inayos ko na ang table at binaba na 'yun para makaligo na rin pagkatapos. Nagulat ako nang makita kong nakaupo si Val sa sala habang kasama sila Tita Elly!

Muntik ko nang mabagsak ang hawak kong breakfast table habang tinitingnan na seryoso silang nag-uusap. Agad-agad akong nakarating sa kusina para iayos ang table. Naabutan ko si Manang Fely na nakatingin lang din sa sala.

"Anong oras pa pong nakarating sina Tita?" I asked Manang and she smiled at me.

"Kanina pa, hija," sagot ni Manang Fely bago ngumiti sa gawi nila Val.

"Iba talaga ang tadhana, 'no? 'Pag kayo ang para sa isa't-isa, kayo talaga hanggang dulo. Nawa'y mamayapa na nang maayos sa langit ang mga magulang mo, Hyacinth." Gulat akong napalingon sa kanya. I felt his hand caressing mine while she smiled softly at me.

"Masaya ako para sa'yo, hija. Nalulungkot pa rin ako sa pagkawala nang mga kasamahan ko dati pero... wala naman na tayong magagawa 'di ba?" I got teary eyed because of what she just said.

Manang Fely was like my Lola or maybe my second Mom. Noong mga panahong puro pag- t-trabaho ang inaatupag ng mga magulang ko noong bata ako, siya ang gumagabay sa'kin. And she stayed with our family even though she also witnessed a horrifying incident.

"Thank you for supporting us, Manang... Alam ko pong... n-nakita niyo rin ang ginawa ng... magulang ni Val sa mga... kasamahan niyo rati. I'm... sorry..." I said and wiped the tears by the corner of my eyes.

She caressed my back and shushed me while I cry. "Matagal na 'yun, hija... Saka nagkausap na kami ni Valentine... Ayos na ang lahat... 'Wag ka nang mag-alala." Patuloy niyang hinimas ang likod ko hanggang sa matigil ako sa pag-iyak.

Nagpaalam na 'ko sa kanya at dumiretso na sa sala para samahan si Val sa pagkausap kanila Tita.

"I wanted to marry your niece po," Valentine said with his ever-low voice so I widened my eyes. Ano? Kasal? Agad-agad?!

Umupo ako agad sa tabi ni Val at tinusok ang tagiliran niya. Gulat siyang napabaling sa'kin kaya binulungan ko siya.

"Anong kasal? Kelan kasal? Val naman... Ano ba pinagsasabi mo?" Narinig ko siyang tumawa nang bahagya kaya naiirita akong lumayo pero hinapit niya 'ko sa bewang. Humarap ulit ako kanila Tita at ramdam ko ang titig nila.

"Hyacinth... are you... sure about him now?" Tita asked me like she's doubting our relationship. Nagulat naman ako na 'yun ang tanong nila Tita. Hindi ba sila magagalit? Kasi kami ulit ni Val?

Tumingin ako kay Val nang may pagtataka pero nakangiti lang siya nang bahagya sa'kin. Ano ba'ng mga sinabi niya kanila Tita?

I am sure of Valentine now. Tutal marupok naman ako.

"Yes, Tita..." Nakita kong tumango siya at napayuko na lang.

"Val, you know what your family did to ours, right? Alam naman naming hindi mo kasalanan ang desisyon ng magulang mo... Pero mapapangako mo ba... na hindi masasaktan si Hya?" seryosong tanong ni Tito.

"Yes, sir..." mahinahong sagot ni Val bago napatikhim si Tita Elly.

"A-are you happy with this, Hya?" Unti-unti kong hinarap ulit si Tita na parang naiiyak na.

"Y-yes po... 'Wag kayong umiyak, Tita..." pang-aalu ko at lumipat na lang sa tabi niya. I hugged her tight and she hugged back too.

"I'm happy when you're happy. 'Yun na lang ang wish ko para sa'yo, hija. You're too young to suffer all of these."

Naramdaman ko na ring tumulo muli ang luha sa mga mata ko. Kahit ano pang pag-ra-rason ko sa isip ko na mga magulang niya ang dahilan ng mga pagkamatay ng akin... I can't stop loving him.

Oo, alam kong ang babaw kong tao. Sa totoo lang ay natatakot din ako. Hindi dahil sa opinyon ng ibang tao, kung hindi para sa mga iniisip ko. I am an overthinker that's why I'm scared that maybe my decision might be impulsive.

Basta sa ngayon, gusto ko na lang maging masaya.

Gusto ko nang makalaya sa kung ano mang patuloy na humihila sa'kin sa nakaraan. Gusto ko nang makaalis sa kulungan na 'to. I wanted to be happy with someone I love. I wanted to be contented without thinking of what's maybe ahead of me.

I wanted to live in the moment. Before I'll regret anything in this life.

"Mahal ko po si Val, Tita. I know... that this may sound petty and absurd, but I wanted to... choose my heart for once." Huminga ako nang malalim at pinunasan ang luha ko bago humiwalay sa yakap at hinarap si Tita.

"I've been under the control of my mind and emotions for... so long that I kept on hiding in the dark. Like how I once hid... inside a closet. Because I was afraid. I was afraid of what's happening in the real world. I'm helpless..." Tumingin ako kay Val na seryosong nakatingin sa'kin.

"Hindi ko pa po alam ang mangyayari sa future but..." Tinitigan ko si Val and saw how his eyes were touched by my words. "I wanted to be with him po. No matter what happens..."

Natapos ang usapan dun at pinayagan na nga kami nila Tita at Tito. I know that they're just worried for me. But I assured them that I'm happy with this decision. Umalis na rin sila pagkatapos at nagbihis ako bago bumaba sa parking kung saan naka-park ang kotse ni Val.

I am wearing a black A-line dress and black pumps as my outfit to go to the cemetery. Nakita kong naka-black din si Val, like what he always wears. Pinaandar niya na ang kotse at sabay kaming dumiretso sa sementeryo.

Nalungkot agad ako nang maalala ko noong huli kong binisita sina Mommy. I also saw Val visiting someone there. Is that... Cyrus? Maybe? Noon ko siya unang nakitang napaiyak. Maybe he really loves his brother so much.

Parehas kaming nasasaktan dahil sa sari-sariling issues na ginawa ng mga pamilya namin. But here we are, still together. Fighting against all odds.

Hawak-kamay kaming pumunta sa lapida ni Cy habang may hawak si Val na mga puting bulaklak. Napatulala ako nang makita ko ang pangalan niya sa lapida. I still... can't believe it.

Vladimir Cyrus De Dios (1996-20xx)

Nakatayo lang ako sa harap ng lapida niya at habang sinisindihan ni Val ang kandila, pinagmasdan ko lang 'yun. There were no tears coming out from my eyes. Parang naubos na sila. Like me, they were tired of falling.

"C-cy..." I said as I let my fingers grave on his cemented name.

"I'm... sorry... for everything..." I whispered as I felt the cold breeze touching my skin. "I'm sorry that you had to depart first. I'm sorry that... I made you feel unwanted. That I made you feel not special enough even though you're one of the purest people that I ever knew." Yumuko ako.

Naramdaman kong niyakap ako ni Val mula sa likod. "But also... thank you... Thank you for being my first best friend. Thank you for loving me even if it's not reciprocated. Thank you for... saving me... from that accident. I owe you my life and I promise to... love your brother. Always." I felt Val tightened the hug and kissed my cheeks.

Nanatili lang kaming tahimik doon nang ilang sandali bago namin napagpasyahang umuwi na. Tahimik lang kaming dalawa habang nasa kotse at dire-diretsong bumaba nang maka-park na. Dumiretso kami sa condo ni Val at hawak niya ang bewang ko habang paakyat sa elevator.

"You did great, Elara..." he whispered while we're still in the elevator. I smiled at him and he started kissing my cheeks.

"Val..." I whispered. Ramdam ko ang init ng mukha ko dahil na naman sa mga halik niya. Niyakap niya 'ko sa likod at parang biglang nabuhay ang dugo ko! 

"Hmm, baby?" he asked huskily. His hands were also moving on different parts of my body.

"Val... The elevator stopped on your... floor. Halika na... sa condo mo..." I am ashamed at how my voice sounds! Masyadong malambing! Para akong inaantok habang naglalakad kaya hinawakan ulit ni Val ang bewang ko patungong condo niya.

Masyadong mabilis ang mga pangyayari. It was my first time. We just found ourselves naked under the blanket, cuddling with each other. I was still panting while lying under his arm. We were hugging each other and he was kissing my forehead.

"That was... great..." bulong niya kaya napatawa na lang ako. "I love you, Elara. I'm going to marry you..." he kissed me again and I kissed him back. "I love you too..." I whispered in between our kisses.

We had many rounds until we're both satisfied with each other. This might be the best day of my life. The first time that we made love.

Nagising ako na medyo pagod pa rin dahil sa mga pinaggagawa namin ni Val. Hirap na hirap akong tumayo at ang sakit ng buong katawan ko.

I was only wearing his t-shirt with no bra while wearing his boxers. I was walking towards the kitchen. Naamoy ko na parang nagluluto siya. It was already morning. Kailangan ko pang pumasok sa trabaho.

I saw Valentine topless and only wearing his sweat shorts while cooking something. Kung may cellphone lang ako ngayon ay pinicturan ko na sana siya para i-post sa IG ko. I-ca-caption ko sana na "Be my Valentine..." since malapit na ang birthday ko.

I hugged him from behind. "Good morning..." bulong ko. Hindi ko na-i-imagine ang sarili ko na ganito ka-clingy dati. Sa kanya lang talaga ako nagiging gan'to.

We ate breakfast together and had a chitchat before going to the shower together. We ended up fucking again inside the bathroom that I'm almost late for work!

"Val kasi eh! Ma-la-late na 'ko! Ang harot-harot kasi!" naiirita kong sabi habang pasakay ng kotse. I saw his offended look at what I just said and I heard him mumbling something while fixing his seatbelt.

"Ako pa sinisi..." he whispered but I heard it! "May sinasabi?" Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay at umiwas siya ng tingin at umiling.

Dumiretso na agad kami sa office at nagmamadali akong lumabas. Kung minamalas nga naman ay nakita kong naghihintay si Niall sa harap ng building! I saw Val giving the keys to a valet. Wala 'ata siyang balak pumasok sa opisina nila at sasamahan niya lang ako buong maghapon.

"Hya! Where have you been? I've been so worried!" Niall said with a worried look and I just gave him a shy smile. "Kasama ko si Val..." bulong ko at nagulat ako nang maramdaman ko ang kamay ni Val na nasa bewang ko na naman.

He was taller than Niall by a centimeter but he still looked more powerful. Naramdaman kong nag-init ang pisngi ko dahil sa sagot ni Val sa tanong ni Niall. "Who's he, Hyacinth?" Niall asked and I was about to answer when Val spoke with his baritone voice.

"I'm her husband. Bakit?"

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