Episode 41

Marry

[Valentine... C-can we meet...?]

Agad akong napabangon mula sa pagkakahiga nang marinig ko ang boses ni Elara sa kabilang linya. The fuck?! Siya ba talaga 'yung naririnig ko o nag-ha-hallucinate na naman ako?

I checked the contact on my phone again and it was really her! Why would she call me this late? Hindi ko na pinatagal pa at tumayo na 'ko para mag-ayos habang kausap pa rin siya sa telepono.

"Where are you?" I asked her while putting on my jeans.

I looked at the clock and it was 2:14 AM when she called. May nangyari ba sa kanya? Is she alright?

[In the m-mansion...] she answered with a trembling voice. Agad akong pinangunutan ng noo.

"Be right there. Wait for me, hmm?" I said with so much worry in my voice. Binaba ko na ang tawag at kinuha ang susi ng sasakyan ko bago lumabas na sa condo unit ko para pumunta sa kanya.

I am still worried about her situation. I know that she had been... depressed for half of her life. Alam kong sobrang laki ng impact nang pagkawala ng mga magulang niya.

I just sighed in frustration before reviving my car.

I was driving so fast towards their house. Malamang ay alam ko pa rin ang daan dahil halos araw-araw akong pumupunta sa kanila sa mga panahong nasa States si Elara. I can still remember how much I suffered that time because of my family issues and her...

I miss her. And still love her. So damn much.

Habang nag-d-drive ay hindi ko alam kung bakit bigla kong naalala si Kuya Cyrus. Hindi lang naman si Elara ang nawalan. Ako rin. When Kuya died in a car accident, it felt like everything fell apart.

"Kelan ka uuwi ng Pinas?" Kuya asked me when I was still in the States. I took grade school in United States.

Sabi nina Mama ay sa Pilipinas na raw ako mag-h-high school. I actually don't care because I haven't got so many friends here in the States aside from Mac.

"Malapit na," I coldly said. I never show affection to anyone. Even towards my own family. I just don't find the need to show emotions.

Nang makauwi na 'ko sa mansyon namin, may nakita akong babae na parang kasing edad ko lang sa labas ng bahay namin. I suddenly furrowed my eyebrows. It seemed like she's waiting for someone outside our house.

She has a long-braided hair and I can't see her face but I bet that she's pretty. Hindi ko lang alam kung bakit siya nasa labas ng bahay namin.

For some reason, I got my phone out and took a picture of her while she's not looking. Damn, I looked like a fucking stalker so I quickly hid beside the car when I saw Kuya Cyrus going out and greeting the girl.

Is she his girlfriend? Agad naman kumunot ang noo ko. Susumbong ko 'to kanila Mama.

I heard the girl laughed and she tilted her head sideways so I could see her side profile. Tinitigan ko lang siya.

She had long eyelashes and almond shaped eyes. Her long-braided hair looked wavy at the end. She smiled... wonderfully. Napaiwas na lang ako ng tingin nang makitang napatawa rin si Kuya sa sinabi ng babae. Pumasok na 'ko sa bahay nang makaalis na sila.

You're a bullshit for stalking them, Valentine.

"Uy, Bro! Come here. Ipapakilala kita!" Nagulat ako nang bigla akong tinawag ni Kuya nang makita ko ulit silang dalawa no'ng babae sa living room namin. What is she doing here again? Girlfriend ba talaga siya ni Kuya? I gritted my teeth.

Lumapit ako sa kanila. "Hi! I'm Hyacinth Elara Villaflor! Ikaw? Ano name mo?" masigla niyang tanong pero tinitigan ko muna ang kamay niya at hindi 'yun inabot.

"Val," malamig kong sagot. She looked frustrated with my short answer that she even pouted. Napaiwas ako ng tingin.

"You two should be friends! Same batch 'ata kayo. Tama ba, Hya?" tanong ni Kuya Cyrus kaya napabaling ako sa kanya.

Ha... Ya...? Bakit parang ang pangit pakinggan? I prefer calling her Elara than Hya.

"Yup! Ilang taon ka na ba?" tanong niya kaya sinagot ko na lang din 'yun. One question, one answer. Ayo'ko nang pahabain pa ang usapan. Kaya sa halos dalawang taong pagkakakilala namin ay hindi ko siya masyadong kinakausap.

She is so transparent that anyone can tell that she liked Kuya. She talks a lot that sometimes I hated hearing her voice around the mansion. Especially during summer. Tapos naging magkaklase pa kami no'ng Grade 7. Pinilit pa kami ni Kuya na sabay kaming mag-enroll. Tss.

"Wow! Magkaklase pala tayo, Val!" she joyfully said to me before raising her hand for a fist bump. She was in all smiles. Kung hindi ko pa napigilan ang sarili ko ay baka nahawa na rin ako sa ngiti niya.

We went home together and for the first time, I find it comforting when I was with her. Hindi kami masyadong nag-uusap dati dahil ayo'ko sa kanya. She's too jolly and... she likes my brother. I don't want to meddle with their issues.

Magkasama kaming umuwi at naabutan kong nag-aaway sina Mama at Papa dahil na naman sa business namin. Whenever I'm frustrated about something, I vent it out on firing arrows from a bow. Natuto lang din ako sa America dahil sa training center doon nila Mac.

"Ang astig mo naman maglabas ng galit sa magulang mo, Val! Ako nga tamang rant lang sa Social Medias eh!" she said while staring at how I shoot the arrows. I smirked before firing another one and she clapped in amazement.

Really, Elara? Astig ako?

"Feeler ka Val! Hindi naman ikaw crush ko eh!" she laughed vigorously that my brows met in confusion. Anong pinagsasabi nito?

"Who's your crush then?" I asked and she was smiling like she was daydreaming of something. Why would I even ask that if I clearly know the answer? How stupid.

Nang malaman ko nga na si Kuya ang gusto niya, hindi ko alam ang mararamdaman ko. It was my first time feeling like this. I suddenly remembered my talk with Kuya Cyrus that time. That he will confess to Elara when she's already fifteen. Hindi ko nga alam kung bakit hindi pa ngayon, eh. Napaka-torpe. Baka maunahan pa siya niyan.

Days turned to weeks and weeks into months, I couldn't understand my own feelings anymore. Whenever Elara is around, I want to talk to her even if I don't want to talk a lot. Hindi ko alam pero parang... gusto ko na rin siya.

Sometimes, I get confused with her expressions. Alam kong one-sided lang ang pagkakagusto ko pero hindi ko alam kung bakit parang nagbago na rin ang pakikitungo niya sa'kin. I don't want to assume that she liked me instead of Kuya but that's how it seemed.

At tama nga ako nang nakita kong ni-reject niya si Kuya no'ng nag-confess siya no'ng fifteenth birthday ni Elara. I don't know what to feel. Gusto kong ngumiti dahil balak ko ring umamin pero hindi ko magawa kasi kapatid ko 'yun eh. Nauna siya kaya kailangan ko magpaubaya.

He was my best friend and brother that had loved me even if it will hurt him. Alam niyang mas favorite siya nila Mama kaya 'pag binibilhan siya ng laruan ay binibigay niya sa'kin para hindi ko raw maisip na unfair ang mundo.

I remembered when I was just in pre-school and he was three years older than me. Maraming nam-bu-bully sa'kin no'n dahil masyado raw akong tahimik. Well, I don't freaking care about their beings so I ignored them.

But Kuya took their teases aggressively. Lagi niya 'kong pinapagtanggol dun sa mga nam-b-bully sa'kin. Minsan pa nga ay siya ang napatawag sa Guidance kasi nakipagsuntukan siya sa mga umaaway sa'kin.

Lagi na lang siya ang nagbibigay ng daan. I want to make him happy for at least once too.

"Val..." Nagulat ako nang habang naglalaro ako ng playstation ko sa k'warto ay kinatok ako ni Kuya. Binuksan ko ang pinto at nakita kong para siyang umiyak. He... he never cried. Hindi ko pa siya nakikitang umiyak. He was always smiling.

"Hyacinth rejected me..." He even laughed like it was something funny but I maintained my serious face. "Why are you still smiling?" I asked and he raised his gaze.

"He rejected me because he liked you, Val." Nakita ko ang pagngiti niya nang mapait kaya napangunot ang noo ko.

I admit it.  That I liked Elara too. I also wanted to confess my admiration but I clearly know that Kuya liked her. Akala ko no'ng una ay parehas na silang may gusto sa isa't-isa. But it turned out that Elara liked me too. I can't explain this feeling.

"Do you like her?" tanong niya kaya napatingin agad ako sa kanya. Pinag-isipan kong mabuti ang sasabihin ko. I don't want to add to his burden anymore. What the fuck is wrong with me? Bakit ako namomroblema dahil dito?

"No," I said with my cold voice so that he won't knew that I was lying. Tumango siya at nagpaalam na pagkatapos. Pero nagulat ako nang magsalita siya ulit.

"I like her, Val. Maybe love her now." Huling sabi niya na parang may ibig sabihin pero hindi ko naman naintindihan.

I promised to myself that I would distance myself from Elara because Kuya said that he liked her. How dumb of me to pave way even if we liked each other. Pero kung sasabihin mismo sa'kin ni Elara na gusto niya 'ko, wala na 'kong paki sa lahat. Yes, I've had everything I wanted in this life, but this is the first time that I needed to have someone like her. Hindi ko rin maintindihan. Basta alam ko ay gusto ko na siya.

I laughed by the thought of the past but tears started to form by the corner of my eyes when I remembered how Kuya died a painful death.

If I had only been more considerate that time, he could've enjoyed his life.

Agad kong pinunasan ang luha ko dahil ayo'kong maging mahina. Nakakulong na sila Mama dahil sa ginawa nilang katarantaduhan sa mga Villaflor. I don't know that time that their plan was to really took the lives of Elara's parents because of Kuya.

Sinisisi nila si Elara dahil kung hindi raw sila magkasama noong gabing 'yun ay hindi sana mapapahamak si Kuya. But fate works in different ways and Elara had amnesia wherein she cannot remember anything from the accident.

Kung nawalan ako ng kapatid, siya naman ay nawalan ng magulang, ala-ala, at kaibigan. And it pains me to see her cry before. I always wanted to protect her. I wanted to be there for her. But I failed big time when I hid that Dhara is my fiancée.

Wala naman talaga akong balak pakasalan si Dhara. Kahit dati pa. Sila Mama lang ang nagpipilit noon but they clearly knew that I won't let them. I am going to choose who will I marry and that was Elara.

Siya lang.

Nakarating na 'ko sa mansion nila at ni-park ko na ang kotse ko sa harap. Nakita ko na ang ilaw lang sa k'warto niya ang nakabukas kaya dali-dali na 'kong nag-door bell. I remembered how her voice trembled when she called me earlier.

Narinig ko ang pagtanggal sa pagkakalock ng gate at nakita ko si Elara nang bumukas ang pinto. Namumugto ang mata niya at parang dinudurog ang puso ko na nakikita ko na naman siyang umiiyak. This freaking hurts.

"V-val... Salamat sa pagpun—" Hindi ko na siya pinatapos sa pagsasalita at agad na niyakap nang mahigpit.

"Is everything all right?" I asked before caressing her hair while still hugging her. I could smell her perfume that I had always admired. Naramdaman kong hindi pa rin siya gumagalaw na mukhang gulat sa ginawa ko.

"Hmm, Elara?" I asked her.

Naramdaman ko na lang ang unti-unti niyang pagyakap kagaya nang dati niyang ginagawa. I felt her cry on my chest as I slowly caress her back to hush her.

"It's all right... It's all right..." sabi ko bago siya niyakap nang mas mahigpit dahil malamig na ang gabi. She was still crying and I could hear how she was so pained by something.

"Si... C-cyrus..." bulong niya kaya bigla akong napatigil. Can she remember everything now? Humiwalay ako sa yakap at hinarap siya.

"What is it again?"

"Si... Cy... n-nasa'n siya...?" I could see the pain and longing in her eyes. Tears started forming at the corner of my eyes but I only looked up to stop it from falling. I can't be weak when she needs me. I needed to be strong for her. That's the only thing that I can do for her. I gritted my teeth in frustration.

"He's... g-gone..." I can't help but stutter at the last word. How painful is it to admit that your brother, your best friend and idol is now... gone? I smiled bitterly and embraced Elara tighter as she was crying harder.

"Pumasok muna tayo. You should get some rest first." Tumango siya at sinabayan ko na siya sa pagpasok sa mansyon nila. She headed for her room while I got a glass of water in the kitchen. Kabisado ko pa rin ang mansyon nila dahil madalas akong nandito no'n.

Inakyat ko ang baso ng tubig sa k'warto niya at kumatok. She opened the door and gave me a small smile before inviting me inside her room.

"Are you sure?" I asked and she slowly nodded before sitting on her couch. I sat beside her then held her hand.

"Ask me anything you wanted to know." Inakbayan ko siya para ma-sandal niya ang ulo niya sa balikat ko at hinawakan pa ng mahigpit ang kamay niya.

"Bakit... bakit kailangan niyo pang itago l-lahat ng 'to noon...?"

I sighed before answering. "Ayaw lang namin na masaktan ka. I'm in no place to tell you your memories. Mostly... when my family caused it." Yumuko ako. Nakita kong mas napaiyak siya at para na siyang nanggigil sa galit para sa sarili niya.

"Bakit... buhay pa rin ako, Val? Bakit ako pa ang nabuhay? Nasa'n na si Cyrus? Bakit kailangang siya pa 'yung mawala? B-bakit... Bakit..." she continuously muttered soft whispers so I just embraced her.

Ramdam ko ang luha niya at pagpiglas. "Val... Bakit hindi na lang ako 'yung namatay, Val... He's too... young... and soft... and kind... He was my b-best friend... Bakit..." I felt a lonely tear falling from my eyes so I wiped them. Tinanong ko rin 'yan sa sarili ko Elara.

Bakit si Kuya pa ang kailangang mawala?

"Don't... blame yourself... It's not your fault, Elara," I softly said while still hugging her and caressing her back.

"Hindi... Val! Magalit ka sa'kin! Alam ko na kung bakit galit 'yung mga magulang mo sa'kin! Sa pamilya ko! Please hate me. Please! I only brought pain to your family! Wala akong magandang dulot, Val! I'm a mess. Hate me, please... Please... P-please, Val... Please say that you h-hate me..." She broke into tears again.

I looked at her and got only sad that she's starting to blame herself for everything. No one deserved this kind of pain. Kung bakit sa'min pa nangyayari 'to ay hindi ko alam.

"Mahal kita..." That's the only thing that I could say.

She looked at me with teary eyes before I lowered my head to seal her in a kiss. To stop her from crying. To wipe all her pain away.

I could taste the saltness of her tears but I ignored it. I cupped her cheeks and kissed her more. She stopped crying and kissed me back. I miss her. And I will do everything to see her smile again.

Like how I once knew her. Like how she was jolly before. Like how she always smiled over little things. I missed that side of her.

But I'm loving this side of her, more.

Humiwalay ako sa halik at tiningnan siya sa mapupungay na mga mata. "Don't blame yourself, Elara. It's not your fault that... Kuya... died. It's no one's fault. If you keep that feeling in your heart, you will never be set free. I'm always here for you and I wanted to see you smile again..."

She's crying again so I hugged her. "Sorry... Sorry for making you feel like this. Sorry for seeing you suffering. If I could only take all the pain, I would gladly do it. I love you... I love you, Hyacinth Elara... I love you... 'Yun lang ang pangkapitan mo, Elara," I whispered at her and she calmed down.

Inangat niya ang tingin at nagsalita ulit.

"I'm sorry for everything... that I had done, Val... Sorry for... not trusting you when you said before that I should always trust you. Sorry for... doubting your intentions... I'm sorry for... h-hurting you..." Yumuko siya pero inangat ko ang baba niya.

"You don't have to be sorry for that, Elara. I'll still love you... with all those imperfections... I will heal those scars of the past..."

"Alam mo ba kung anong sinabi ni... Cyrus... bago siya... m-mamatay?" I shook my head while still hugging her. Sila ang magkasama noon. Naalala ko pa ang iyak ko nang matagpuang wala nang buhay si Kuya samantalang si Elara ay naghihingalo na. Pagkagising niya ay hindi niya na ako makilala at sumasakit ang ulo niya 'pag nakikita niya 'ko kaya sinabi na umiwas muna sa kanya.

"He told me that... he loves you very much..." Naramdaman kong umiiyak na naman siya. Tumulo ang luha ko at buti na lang ay hindi ko siya kaharap ngayon.

"I love my... Kuya too..." I answered with all honesty, sincerity and love. If I could only see him again for one last time. If he didn't die, nothing of these would have happened. Hindi rin sana nagawa nila Mama at Papa ang katarantaduhan sa paghihiganti sa mga Villaflor. They're not using their fucking brains. It's not Elara's fault.

Humiwalay ako sa yakap nang napunasan ko na ang luha ko. I can feel that Elara had calmed down a bit too.

"Can I ask you one last question?" tanong niya kaya tumango ako bago ni-brush ang buhok niya gamit ang mga daliri ko.

"Bakit... hindi mo 'ko sinundan sa US no'n?" Napatigil naman ako sa ginagawa dahil sa tanong niya.

"You're wrong, baby..." Nakita ko ang gulat sa mga mata niya kaya napangiti na lang ako nang bahagya.

She's wrong. I immediately booked a flight to the States when I heard that she'll be admitted there. Ayaw akong pabisitahin ng Tita niya dahil ako raw ang may kasalanan ng lahat.

I understand them. It was February, almost her birthday, when I went home to the Philippines again because of my parent's case. I knew that they would be caught up in act sooner or later. Tumutulong din ako sa pag-imbestiga kaya napabilis ang proseso.

I looked at Elara again and smiled softly. "I love you, Elara and I still do. Hindi nagbabago. Simula noong mga bata pa lang tayo." I kissed her forehead.

"I... I love you too, V-val..." bulong niya kaya napangiti na lang ako.

I caressed her hair and hugged her tightly again. This is the best feeling. Hugging your loved one after undergoing heavy circumstances. You'll only know that your love is strong when you've gone through the worst.

"Can I marry you?" bulong ko at ramdam ko agad ang pag-alma niya kaya niyakap ko lang siya ng mahigpit.

"You're the only that I'm going to marry, Elara. Not Dhara or anyone else. I love you until all the botanists will discover an extraordinary Hyacinth like you."

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#ACM41

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