Episode 35

Graduate

"Do you want me to help you with your assignment?"

Niall was beside me when I was thinking of ways to answer this one hell of a problem in our assignment. He already graduated on MBA since it has been two years since we've stayed here in States.

"Uh... Nakakahiya naman..." I shyly said.

It's already April and I'm about to graduate on May in the course Chemical Engineering. "No, it's okay. Kaya ko 'yan." He winked at me and I just smiled at him.

Sa lagpas isang taon namin na magkasama, parang siya na rin talaga ang naging kaibigan ko rito. My friends visited me at least twice last year and the rest were just video chats. Nalaman kong nagkaro'n na pala ng boyfriend no'n si Portia pero hindi ko alam kung ano nang nangyari sa kanila ngayon. Nothing's really permanent in this world.

"After you graduate, will you consider going back to the Philippines?" Niall suddenly asked me when he's doing my assignment while I study for the upcoming finals. We're currently in a coffee shop around Hudson St.

"Hindi ko pa alam. I would love to pero... hindi pa 'ko handa."

That's the truth. Even though two years have already passed, I can't still face my problems regarding my family. Gusto kong maghiganti dahil sa pagpatay sa kanila but I know that it would be useless dahil nakakulong na ngayon ang mga maagulang niya.

"I will finish studying here abroad and will also take MBA kasi ako na ang aasahan ni Tita sa kompanya namin."

I was shocked when he suddenly held my hand and caressed it slowly. I looked at him in widened eyes before removing my hand from his hold. He looked at me in serious eyes like it was the first time that I saw them.

"I will also stay here, too. May... aasikasuhin muna akong business namin." He licked his lower lip before looking away.

Yes, I know. He had confessed to me of his love before but I wanted us to stay as friends. Hindi pa 'ko handing magtiwala ulit. Hindi pa 'ko handa na magmahal. Him being with me doesn't mean that I should return the favor and like him back. That's not how love works. It moves in mysterious ways that you won't know that you already fell for that person.

Months passed by and its already our graduation ceremony. I graduated with flying colors and I can't help but be proud of myself whenever I looked at the heavens. It seemed like my parents are smiling at me from up there. I know that they are proud of me, too. I miss them.

"Hya! In count of three! 1, 2, 3... Smile!"

Binato ko ang graduation cap ko sa langit habang nakangiti at pinipic-turan nila Tita Elly. Kasama rin nila si Rylie na mag-c-college na rin. She just finished Senior High School in the Philippines.

"I'm proud of you," Tita said that made me teary-eyed.

Niyakap ako ni Tita and I can't help but frown to fight back my tears. "Thank you, Tita. I know that this is corny but I love you. Parang kayo na rin ang naging pamilya ko."

Yes, we had it rough. Maraming nangyari at hindi ko inaasahan na makaka-graduate pa rin ako. Hindi ko nga inaasahan na mabubuhay pa rin ako pagkatapos ng malakas na bangga eh.

[Graduate ka na! Sa wakas! O, ano? Nasa'n na jowa mo?] It was Sangre.

Magkakasama sila nang mag-video call kami habang nasa kotse na kami at handa na para sa graduation party na gaganapin lang naman sa isang restaurant.

"I don't have a boyfriend." I rolled my eyes at her. They kept on insisting that Niall and I had a thing but we're just friends. And that won't change.

[Wow! Englisherang frog! Hambalusin kita r'yan eh!] Umakmang papaluin ni Portia 'yung screen kaya hinila ni Sangre ang dulo ng buhok niya.

"Kumusta naman kayo r'yan?" pangangamusta ko. Ilang taon na rin kaming hindi nakakagala pare-pareho. Na-mi-miss ko 'yung mga panahon na masaya lang kami at walang problema.

Adulting is really hard. The older you get, the more the responsibilities you'll have. That's why we should really enjoy life while we can.

[Ayon, buhay single. Tuyot, walang kwenta. Tapos makikita ko pa 'tong mga hinayupak na 'to araw-araw. Umay.] I laughed at Sky's rants.

[Ang kapal ng mukha mo! We don't like to be with you rin naman!] Mukhang mag-aaway na naman sina Shreya at Sky like how they used to kaya napatawa na lang ako.

[Ikaw? Kumusta ka na r'yan, Hya?] Luna suddenly asked and I smiled at him softly.

"'Ayun... Still living!" I laughed to mask my sadness. Ayo'ko nang makadagdag pa sa mga stress nila sa buhay. Besides, we should live happily while we can.

['Wag mong kalimutang kumain d'yan, ah! Drink vitamins and eat a lot of healthy foods. And... don't forget to enjoy and live your life.] I smiled after my mom talk with Luna. She's really a soft person that's why I admired her so much because despite of the challenges, she still lived through it.

Lumipas na naman ang ilang buwan at pinag-umpisa na 'ko ni Tita na pabasahin ng mga financial reports para ma-train na 'ko at makita ko ang mga usual holes in a business plan.

I am working and studying on my Masters at the same time kaya wala na talaga akong panahon para gumala pa at pumunta sa mga inuman.

I've also met a lot of friends while here in New York. Pero hindi kagaya ng pagkakaibigan namin ng anim dahil iba naman ang pinagsamahan namin. Through thick and thin naman kasi ay magkakasama kami.

A lot of guys tried to court me too on my three year stay here in United States. But I always turn them down even though they're just showing signals. Ayo'ko nang paasahin pa sila sa wala.

"Hya, gusto mo bang mag-OJT sa kompanya namin? Madali kitang mapapasok dun. For... experience gano'n. Training grounds para mahasa ka sa business."

Kumunot ang noo ko dahil sa biglaang pag-aalok sa'kin ni Niall. I know that their business was somehow related to ours that's why Tita and his Mom were best buddies.

"Uhm... I'll think about it. Besides, I'm already working under the surveillance of Tita Elly and I have no problem with doing little works. Everyone starts at the bottom. Pagka-graduate ko ng Masters ay babalik ako sa Pilipinas para mag-handle ng kompanya. That's why I'm already training here." Nginitian ko siya.

Tumango siya sa paliwanag ko sabay higop ng kape. We always stay here to just relax or do work. Mabango kasi ang aroma ng kape sa coffee shop na 'to at kaunti lang ang tao kaya mas nakakapag-aral ako ng maayos.

Most of the days, I pull up an all-nighter to do my requirements and pass the deadlines for my works on time. Tita was even considerate of giving me a little less work than normal workers because she understood that I was studying too. I feel like I've been privileged with that and I'm thankful because at least, it won't consume my mind too much.

Hawak ko ang small bag ko habang nag-iikot sa campus para makahanap ng makakainan. May trabaho si Niall ngayon kaya hindi niya 'ko masasamahan. Umupo na lang ako sa isa sa mga bench at nilabas ang packed lunch ko.

Habang nakaupo lang ako at nakatingin sa kawalan, bigla kong na-miss ang Pinas. University of the Philippines to be exact. Na-miss ko ang Sunken Garden kung saan madalas kaming mag-picnic magkakaibigan at ang mga restaurant sa loob ng UPD.

Na-miss kong sumakay ng jeep. Na-miss kong mag-stroll sa Maginhawa para tumambay at magpahinga from requirements. I miss the night outs in clubs with my friends. I miss everything.

Bigla ko na namang naalala si Val. I smiled bitterly. I should refrain myself of remembering him because he just makes my life a mess.

Wala na akong panahon para mag-move-on pa at kalimutan siya dahil kailangan kong ipagpatuloy ang buhay ko. Mahirap, oo. New environment, new interactions, new everything. I should cope up with the changes or I will be the loser at the end. Wala na akong panahon para alalahanin pa ang kung anong mga nangyari sa'ming dalawa dati.

"Pupunta talaga kayo dito? As in? Kelan? Susunduin ko kayo sa airport!"

Shreya called me that she and Sky will visit US again because they're going to stay here for good now. Maraming conflicts ngayon sa pamilya nila dahil sa issue ng mga magulang nila sa politics and showbiz. Umaabot na nga rito ang mga balita.

[Yup. Today is our flight and Sky is just using his phone. Ugh! Feeling ko talaga ampon lang siya!] She rolled her eyes so I laughed.

"Bayaan mo na 'yan. So... Text mo na lang 'yung airport and time of arrival niyo para masundo ko kayo." I saw her nod then cut the line.

"Susunduin mo sila Shreya?" Niall asked while typing in his laptop with glasses on. I can't help but stare because he really is handsome. Kung wala lang akong iniintindi sa buhay ay... baka magustuhan ko na rin siya. I remembered how I fell for Vladimir Cyrus back then because he was the dreamy perfect guy that every girl would like to have.

"Hmm?" Nag-angat siya ng tingin niya kaya napaayos ako ng upo. "Ah... O-oo." I looked away with my face turning red now.

"Samahan na kita."

I lifted my head to glance at me at nakita kong nagliligpit na siya ng gamit! Pero matagal pa naman ang arrival nila Shreya dahil mamaya pa naman ang Departure nila.

Bigla ko na namang naalala si Val dahil lagi niya rin akong gustong samahan dati sa kung saan ako pupunta. Wala na talaga akong balita sa kanya at ramdam ko naman na iniiwasan din ng mga kaibigan ko ang kahit anong impormasyong tungkol sa kanya.

Pagbalik ko ng Pilipinas, kung makikita ko siya ulit, ano kayang gagawin ko? Would I act like nothing happened? O magagalit ako sa kanya kasi niloko niya 'ko at ang mga magulang niya ang... pumatay sa magulang ko.

Parang ang hirap isipin na nagawa 'yun ng mga magulang niya. Ano bang kasalanan ng pamilya namin para gano'n 'yung gawin nila? It seems unreal because our families were once friends. Ano ba'ng nangyari na hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko pa rin maalala?

"Hyacinth! I miss you!" Halos tumakbo na si Shreya patungo sa'kin para yakapin ako. I smiled before extending my arms for a hug.

"I miss you too, Shrey."

"Ako panget? 'Di mo miss?" mapang-asar na tanong ni Sky kaya inirapan ko siya bago yakapin din. Biglang may umubo sa gilid namin at naalala kong kasama nga pala namin si Niall. This is the first time that they'll meet him in person dahil madalas ay video chats lang.

"Guys, this is Niall. Niall, this is Sky and Shreya, the Quillito twins." I smiled habang nilalahad sila sa isa't-isa. Shreya extended her hand for a handshake but Sky just scoffed.

Lumapit siya sa'kin para bumulong. "Pusong ValCinth pa rin ako hanggang dulo, p're," he whispered. 

Hinampas ko siya sa braso kaya tumawa na lang siya bago kami dumiretso na sa sasakyan para ihatid na rin sila sa condo na titirhan nila.

We talked a lot in the car kahit dati naman na kaming nagkita for three years. Lahat naman sila ay nabisita na 'ko rito madalas tuwing Summer breaks. Pero noong pare-parehas na kaming busy sa pagtatrabaho ay hanggang video calls na lang.

Months passed by and I was almost a graduate from my Masters course. I was so happy when I got to have my diploma in my hand. Parang ang bilis ng panahon at ngayon ay graduate na 'ko.

"Congratulations, Hya!" Shreya and Sky was with me during my graduation at halos isang taon na rin kaming magkakasama rito.

"Thank you!" They gave me bouquet of flowers and I was surprised when Niall also gave me a big one with Hyacinth flowers. "For you, Hya." He smiled at me. Narinig ko na naman ang kantyaw ni Shreya.

"You two are so bagay! Pictur-an ko kayo! Smile in 3... 2... 1... Say cheese!"

Nagulat ako nang pagkangiti ko ay naramdaman ko ang paglapat ng labi ni Niall sa pisngi ko. Agad akong umiwas dahil sa ginawa niya.

"Pang-pre-nup 'yung kiss, OMG! I ship the both of you!" kinikilig na sabi ni Shreya habang si Sky ay nakakunot lang ang noo sa gilid na parang hindi gusto ang ginawa ni Niall.

Hinarap ko si Niall na ngayo'y nakangiti. "Why did you... kiss me?" I asked and his smile faded. "Ayaw... mo ba? I thought it was just a friendly kiss or something." Napabuntong-hininga na lang ako dahil sa rason niya.

"Just don't do that again, Niall. I don't want people to misunderstand our relationship because we're just friends." Nakita ko naman na sumeryoso ang mukha ni Niall.

"Then let them have that mindset. We are friends for almost four years, Hyacinth. Kahit... kaunti ba ay wala pa rin? Wala ka pa ring nararamdaman para sa'kin?"

I just looked away and did not answer him. I don't want our friendship to be ruined because of this small argument. Akala ko ay kinalimutan niya na ang nararamdaman niya sa'kin nang sinabi kong hanggang kaibigan lang kami. 'Yun pala ay... meron pa rin.

"I'm sorry. I'm not ready for a relationship yet, Niall. Alam na alam mo kung bakit." Hindi ko matama ang tingin ko sa mata niya. I feel like crying kasi kahit anong tago ko sa nararamdaman ko ay alam kong hanggang ngayon ay masakit pa rin ang lahat at hindi pa nag-si-sink-in sa'kin.

Parang nasa panaginip pa rin ako na nahuli na ang pumatay sa mga magulang ko, na maayos na ang lahat pati ang kompanya at... wala na si Valentine. Parang hindi totoo.

"I'm willing to wait, Hya. Alam mo 'yan." That's what Niall last said before he walked away leaving me dumbfounded.

"Anong pinagsasabi no'n?" naiiritang tanong ni Sky. Hindi ko na lang siya pinansin at patuloy na nakipag-picture na rin sa iba kong blockmates.

Lumipas na naman ang ilang linggo at napagdesisyunan ko nang uuwi na 'ko ng Pilipinas for the first time in four years dahil kailangan na talaga ng tulong ni Tita Elly. They're not getting any younger at naiintindihan ko na gusto niya na rin mag-retire kahit papaano.

"So tuloy na talaga ang pagbalik mo?" Sky asked me when I went to his condo para mag-inuman kami ng beer. Parating pa lang si Shreya mula sa trabaho kaya nauna na kaming magkwentuhan.

"Oo. Kailangan na rin kasi." I drank my beer in can.

"Pa'no kung magkita kayo ni Val?" Muntik ko nang mabuga sa kanya ang beer sa bibig ko pero buti na lang ay natakpan ko nang kamay ko.

"Ang dugyot naman." Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin bago nagpunas at sumagot.

"Siyempre... ano..." Napaisip ako bigla. "Siguro hindi ko siya papansinin. Sabihin man niyang bitter ako pero hindi ko kayang makipagkaibigan ulit sa kanya or act like nothing happened. Hindi naman ako gano'n ka-tanga," rason ko pero tinaasan lang ako ng kilay ni Sky.

"Sabi mo 'yan ah. Malapit na 25th birthday mo. Anong balak?" He drank the beer again.

"I'll celebrate it in the Philippines," huli kong sabi bago kami nag-cheers at nagsimula na 'kong mag-impake ng damit para sa nalalapit kong pag-alis.

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