Episode 24

Us

"Sky! Set up the bonfire! Here are the drinks na! I want to inom!"

Shreya was commanding what we'll be doing for the night of our first day in our vacation. But here am I, still staring into space, because of what Valentine said earlier.

"Uy! Arat na, tulala ka na naman!" Portia shouted at my ear kaya bigla ko siyang nasampal sa gulat. "Aray! Ang brutal mo, Hya!" Hinimas niya pa ang pisngi niya and I just looked at her apologetically. What's really happening to me?

Umupo na kami sa paligid ng bonfire by the beach na sinet-up ng mga lalaki. Kanina ay nagluto ulit kami ng mga inihaw and some Filipino foods. Ngayon naman ay balak lang nilang mag-relax habang nagpapainit ng marshmallows and chocolates.

"Hindi kumpleto ang gabi nang walang inuman!" Aya ni Sangre but I just sneered at her. Puro nalang sila inom, hindi ako magtataka kung isang araw may sakit na sila sa atay.

"Val! Ang attitude oh!" Sumbong niya kay Valentine kaya nahihiya akong napaiwas ng tingin. Kung nasa posisyon lang kita Sangre, baka nasampal mo na sarili mo sa hiya.

"Be my girlfriend, Elara..."

I looked at him in the eye to see if he was really true to his words. And I could see it. There is a mixture of love, contentment and longing in his eyes. I could feel it. I can sense it. But I just avoided his gaze.

Gusto ko siya, oo. Pero hanggang ngayon ay nag-aalangan pa rin ako. Is this the right decision? Will I let someone into my life again? Kaya ko na ba?

Memories of my parents on the night of Valentine's Day when they were killed, suddenly flashbacked on my mind like a warning. Napapikit ako ng mata ko nang maalala ko na naman ang duguan nilang mga katawan. I could never get over that scenario.

"Val... J-just..." I stuttered. I don't know what to do. If only his name won't remind of my painful past then that would be okay. If only he came earlier before my parents died, then we can be together. But we're not. I don't know if we're even meant to be.

The coldness of the waters on our feet suddenly enveloped my being, making me chill a bit. "Let's dry you up." He assisted me out of the waters habang nakahawak sa likod ko. Tumango lang ako sa kanya.

When we got out of the sea, agad naman kaming nakarating sa beach loungers at kinuha ang towel. Kaso isa lang 'yun dahil ako lang ang may nakahandang tuwalya.

I was supposed to give it to Valentine when he got it from my hand and slowly dried my damp hair. I looked at him while he's doing it but there was only sadness in his eyes though there is a mix of love and concern etched in it.

Do I even deserve this man?

Bakit ba siya nagtitiis sa'kin? He knew exactly my fears and insecurities, and his name is one of it, so why is he still keeping up with me? Dahil gusto niya ako? But that is not enough. I don't deserve you, Valentine.

Lahat ng ginawa niya ay para lang sa ikabubuti ko. He waited for my response to him earlier. He waited for me to heal. He was patiently with me during my hard times. He was showing a lot of motives but what did I do to deserve him? I even hated him at first... But I want him. I like him. I love him, too.

I want to be with him. I want to be also with him through his hard times. Committing in a relationship is a give and take, and if we wanted each other, then we should also be there during our partner's sad times.

Sasagutin ko na siya. Mahirap man,  but I will try to move on for Valentine. He doesn't deserve being with someone stuck in the past like me so I will move on. I will forget those painful memories for the better.

I looked again at his overall well-being before smiling a bit. This Olympian-like-god in front of me, likes me and is courting me. Wala na akong mahihiling pa. I just want to be with him too.

"V-val..." There was like a lump in my throat when I said those words. His eyes interlocked with mine the moment I spoke. My heart beat faster than what I would ever imagine. This is it Hyacinth. There's no turning back.

Magsasalita na sana ako nang bigla niya akong pinutol at ganun nalang ang gulat ko sa mga katagang idinugtong niya.

"Don't say it yet. Hindi pa 'ko handa. This is my first rejection," he sadly said before covering my shoulders with the towel and leaving me dumbfounded on the seashore.

Hindi ko na siya nahabol pa because I was shocked at what he just said. Akala niya ba ay i-re-reject ko siya? Oh my god.

What the hell was that?

"Shot! Shot! Shot!" Sigaw na naman ni Portia habang nagpapasahan sila ni Sangre ng alak.

"Sa'kin ikaw pa rin ang baby ko, ang baby ko. Kahit wala ka na sa piling ko, sa piling ko," pagkanta na naman nila Sangre na sinabayan na rin ng iba kong mga kaibigan. Para na naman silang mga baliw.

"Oy Hya! Uminom ka. Ang daya mo!" Pilit sa'kin ni Portia but I just shook my head because I'm not in the mood. "Luh! Anong ayaw? Walang ayaw-ayaw rito!" Pinilit niya pa rin akong uminom kaya wala akong magawa kung hindi kunin nalang 'yun.

Nagpatuloy ang gabi namin na puro kantahan, inuman at kwentuhan. Ganito naman kasi talaga ang mga trip nilang gawin, basta may kasamang inuman, ayos na sa kanila.

"Ano bang hindi mawawala 'pag bonfire? Edi ang walang kamatayang truth or dare!" Pumalakpak pa sila sa ideya nila na parang ngayon lang sila naglaro nun. I just laughed with them. Mga buang talaga.

"Gre! Laos na 'yun! Put a finger down na lang!" Portia's suggestion na sinang-ayunan na lang din naman ng lahat.

"Okay! I'll say it first!" sabi ni Shreya na mukhang tuwang-tuwa na rin. "Put a finger down if... brittle or marupok ka!" she said while giggling. Binaba ni Portia lahat ng daliri niya at ganun din si Sangre. Tinawanan ko lang sila because me and Luna didn't move a finger.

"Hya, ibaba mo 'yan. Kunwari 'di marupok 'pag kaharap si Val? Ayos, sis," bulong sa'kin ni Portia the reason why I just pouted at her.

Nahagilap ng tingin ko si Val na katabi ni Cedi na nakatingin lang din ng mariin sa'kin. He was staring at me intently as if he's waiting for me to move my finger. Umiling lang ako at tumawa lalo na nang nagbaba siya ng isang daliri. Marupok ka, Valentine.

"Ako naman! Put a finger down kung... iniwan ka ng jow—Ay! Hala naghahanap talaga ng away 'yung bibig ko," pang-aasar ni Sky kay Sangre kaya binato siya nito ng bote ng beer.

Nagpatuloy ang paglalaro namin at unang natalo sila Sangre at Portia pagdating sa kaharutan, talo agad sila. Sumunod naman ang kambal at kaming apat nalang nila Luna ang natitira.

"Bulok 'yang si Sky! So ang natitira nalang ay si Luna, Cedi, Valentine at Hyacinth. Ang hina niyo naman guys, tinanong lang kung sinong marupok eh." Sangre shook her head like she's disappointed kahit natalo rin naman siya.

"Since apat na lang sila, ituloy niyo na 'yang truth or dare na 'yan! Inaantok na 'ko!" reklamo na naman ni Sky kaya binatukan siya ni Portia.

"O sige, Luna, sagutin mo 'to ng maayos ah! Bawal tumanggi. Truth or dare?" Sangre excitedly asked. Luna just laughed at her before saying truth.

"Okay, cool. Gusto mo ba si Cedi?" Nagtilian na ang mga kaibigan ko at ako naman ay nakangiti na sa kanila. Hindi sumagot si Luna pero halata naman na sa kanya dahil sa bigla niyang pamumula. "Ay. Ang harot! Namumula pa nga!"

Sunod na tinanong ay si Cedi at ganun din ang tanong sa kanya. Parehas silang hindi nakasagot kaya pinag-body shot sila. Tawa kami ng tawa dahil sa itsura ni Luna na parang sobrang hiyang-hiya na sa ginagawa niya. Napapaluha na sila Sky at Shreya dahil mukhang tuod si Luna nang dilaan niya ang braso ni Cedi.

"Oh dalawa na lang natitira. Siyempre ro'n tayo kay... drum roll please..." sabi ni Portia habang tinambol naman ni Sky ang garapon niya ng Stick-O.

"Fafi Val!" Napangiti nalang ako dahil sa kalokohan nila. Hindi talaga sila maaawat sa kung anong trip nila.

"Okay, truth or dare?" si Sky ang nagtanong. "Truth," Valentine coldly said. Agad siyang inasar nila Sky na weak at bakla kasi hindi siya nag-dare. "Hindi pwede pre. Okay dare," pag-de-desisyon agad ni Sky. Kulang na lang ihawin ko 'yung mukha niya sa bonfire sa pagkaasar.

"Kung may sasabihan ka ng 'I love you' ngayong gabi, sino at bakit si Hyacinth?"

Kupal talaga. Sinamaan ko ng tingin si Sky na ngayo'y tawa na ng tawa kasama ang mga kaibigan ko. They left Valentine no choice! 

I looked at Valentine to glance at his reaction but he just smirked a bit like we've not shared an awkward moment together.

I felt my world freeze for a moment and everything turned quiet and still when he said the words that I never expected. My heart drummed loudly inside my chest when he just mouthed it to me without any sound.

"I love you..."

I just looked at him and he gave me a sad smile. Sa tingin ko hanggang ngayon ay iniisip niya pa ring i-re-reject ko siya. But no. That's my birthday gift to him. Tomorrow is his birthday. Sasagutin ko na siya bukas.

Natapos ang inuman namin nang malasing na at magsabi ng kung ano-ano ang mga kaibigan ko. "Find me a boyfriend!" sigaw ni Shreya habang pagewang-gewang na naglalakad papunta sa tent. Inaalalayan siya ni Sky dahil nahatid niya naman na sina Portia at Sangre.

Si Luna at Cedi naman ay hindi masyadong nalasing pero gusto na ring matulog. And me... I'll just watch the waves under the moonlight.

"Hindi ka pa matutulog? Inaantok na ko, p're!" Sky said so I just rolled my eyes at him. I told him that he can just leave me alone and sleep. Kaya naiwan akong mag-isa sa harap ng dalampasigan na nakaupo sa buhangin.

Pinatay na ang bonfire kanina and only the torches from the lampposts of the resort were seen. Malapit lang ang tent namin sa lugar ko but I can't sleep. Hindi ko alam kung bakit.

I looked up in the sky to look at the stars above me. Amused. That's my emotion right now. The fact that the stars and moon gave light in this gloomy night by the shore, amazes me. It makes me want to be with them.

I didn't know that I lonely tear suddenly left my eye when I noticed the brightest star in the night sky.

"Ma... Pa..." I whispered in the cold breeze of the night.

I smiled at the star and tried to reach them with my hands. If only I could hug and kiss my parents again. If only they were here.

"Why are you still awake?" A voice echoed behind my back. Of course, it's him. It's always him that witnessed me during my most down times.

"V-val..." I stuttered when I tried looking at his direction. He started materializing in front of me, when he marched towards my place and stood in front of me.

"It's cold, Elara. You should sleep," matigas niyang sinabi but concern was etched in it. I could see his jaw clenching under the moonlight and it was the best scene, kung hindi lang sana ako umiyak kanina.

"You can join me. Here." I tapped the sand beside me to show that he can sit on it. I gave him a small smile. He hesitated at first pero umupo na lang din siya kalaunan.

"What's bothering you?" panimula niya. Hindi ako bumaling sa direksyon niya because I'm afraid that I'll be drowned with his intense stares.

You. You're bothering my calm mind and soul.

"Nothing." I smiled while still looking at the azure waves that splashes lightly at the shore.

We stood silent for a minute or two but no awkwardness filled the gap. It was more on a comforting and soothing pace like we can live like this even if no one is speaking in between.

"Valentine..." I called him by his full name. He didn't answer but I still felt his gaze on my peripheral vision.

Nalulungkot na talaga ako na hindi ko maramdaman kung bakit. It feels like there's something stuck on my throat that I can't continue what I was about to say. Then suddenly I burst into tears.

"Hey... why are you crying... again?" Hinapit niya ako paharap sa kanya so that he can wipe my tears with his thumb. I continued crying for an unknown reason.

Maybe I'm tired. Yes, I'm freaking tired. I'm tired of all of these. Na nagpapanggap akong masaya para sa mga kaibigan ko. Na kailangan kong ngumiti para sa ibang tao. Even when I'm dying inside. 

Even when my heart died five years ago, along with my parents.

I remembered the night when they were killed. I remembered the faint memories I've been dreaming of these past few days. I remembered the mysterious texts from an unknown number. I remembered... Tito Randy's case just a few days ago. Everything is overwhelming. I can't keep up. Idagdag mo pa ang panliligaw ni Valentine.

"Shh... Don't cry, Elara," panunuyo ni Valentine while slowly caressing my back.

"Anong lagi kong sinasabi sa'yo? That I'm always here by your side. When you lost your parents, I know that you've already lost interest and joy in life. I know that you're already dead inside. That it's a numb feeling you've been just going through day by day. I know that. Alam ko ang pakiramdam, believe me."

"But I chose to not give up. Na 'wag akong magpapatalo sa insecurities and fears ko. Because I know that someone is loving me. That someone still cares for me. And for your case, I care and love you. Okay? Don't cry, baby." He shushed me again when I started crying with the deep words that struck my heart.

Kilalang kilala niya na talaga ako pero wala pa rin akong alam sa kanya.

"Why are you like that, Val? Why are you so kind to me? It was... unusual. We met as thesis partners and we should end like that. How can you like me when I'm such a mess? How can you say you love me when I can't even love myself anymore? Bakit ka ganyan kabait, Val? I don't deserve you. You're too kind." I even laughed a bit to brighten the mood but ended up crying again.

"It's the other way around Elara. I don't deserve you. Because you are still strong and living—" I stopped him with what he said.

"This is not living. This is just... not dying..." I told him and he just hugged me tighter.

But even though I'm dying inside, there's still hope. And he is my hope. He is my ray of light that saved from the darkness. He always saved me at times of need. Na parang may misyon talaga siyang ginagampanan sa buhay ko.

I licked my lower lip and tried to compose myself. This is it. I'm going to do it. There's no turning back. But I need to be reassured first.

Humiwalay ako sa yakap para matingnan siya ng mabuti sa mga mata. His dark brown orbs that always mesmerize me, shining under the moonlight, is like the pearl that he has given me earlier. Actually, it's in the pocket of the jacket I'm wearing.

"Baka naman Val, niloloko mo lang o pinaglalaruan mo lang ako? Or maybe you approached me because of your need of... something?" I asked maliciously before laughing like a mad woman. Para na akong tanga na umiiyak at tumatawa.

Nakita kong nag-igting ang bagang niya dahil sa sinabi ko. "I would never do that to you, Elara." Tumango lang ako before facing again at the waves of the sea before us.

"Alam ko naman 'yun. But in case. Just if ever..." I hesitated at first but then continued.

"If ever that you're just making me fall in love with you and leave me in the end, then stop. Please stop right now at iba na lang. Iba na lang ang paikutin mo sa laro mo kasi... ubos na 'ko." I whispered in between my sobs.

"Ubos na ubos na 'ko, Val. Wala na akong makakapitan pa..." I whispered that's why he held my hand tightly.

"Lokohin mo na lang 'yung may makakapitan kung sakali man. 'Yung may magulang pa. 'Wag ako. Kasi kung balak mo rin akong iwan sa dulo, baka... b-baka 'di ko na kayanin, Val..." I looked at him and gave him a small smile even when my eyes were pooled with tears.

"Elara..."

"But you know that I like you right?" He looked shocked at my sudden confession like he didn't actually expect na isisingit ko 'yun lalo na at ganito ang pinag-uusapan namin.

I smiled at him to say that I like him and I appreciate his presence every time I needed him. We looked like we're talking with our eyes because he sighed heavily before cupping my cheeks with his warm hands.

"I won't ever hurt you, Elara. Just believe in me. Believe in my words. Hindi kita pababayaan. Even if it will cost my life," Valentine said.

Lumapit ang mukha niya sa'kin kaya kusa akong napahawak sa balikat niya. He's slowly leaning towards me and I felt like I would suddenly faint because of my loud heartbeats!

When our lips met, electricity ran through my blood vessels and it was like I stopped from breathing because of the loud bangs inside my chest. I think even Valentine heard them.

That's my heart beating for you, Val.

I hanged my arms around his neck to deepen the kiss. He parted my lips with his at tinabingi ang ulo niya to kiss me deeper. Mas pinalalim niya pa 'yun when his hand reached my back to pull me closer. Para akong nalalasing sa mga halik niya.

Under the moonlight, in front of the waves, and five minutes before his birthday, I experienced the sweetest and most passionate kiss in my life. And it was all because of the man named Valentine, who's a major plot twist in my cruel fate.

Kinakapos kami sa hininga nang matapos ang halik. I looked at him with drunk eyes, still hung up from what we did earlier. Still dizzy from his deep kisses, I looked at my wristwatch and saw that it was already past 12 in the morning.

I smiled at him before interlocking his hand with mine.

"Sana matanggap mo 'ko kahit ganito lang ako because I like you, Val. I don't deserve you but I love you. I hope your love is true because I'm giving 'us' a chance." I felt tears streaming down my face again.

"Sinasagot na kita, Valentine. Happy birthday, my boyfriend."

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#ACM24

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