Episode 10

Confused

"Snobber ka na ngayon? Eh kung sabunutan kaya kita!"

Sangre and Portia were with me today at Mang Larry's. I told them that I was starving but they said that we could just eat here. Hindi ko nga alam kung bakit ang lakas ng loob ni Sangre na pumunta sa UPD, eh may klase siya ngayon sa Gourmet.

"Huy, Hyacinth! Lately, parang tulala ka. Spill the tea, sis," sabi ni Portia bago sinubo ang mainit na isaw.

Hindi ko rin naman masabi sa kanila na may creepy text akong natanggap no'ng nakaraan kasi baka hindi sila maniwala. I also wanted to ask about the man in my dreams but every time I tried opening up a topic about the past, they kept on avoiding it.

"Nothing. Ba't ka ba nandito, Sangre?" I asked before sipping on my buko juice.

Portia laughed at my question like there's something funny about what I've just said. Sangre nudged the edge of her shoulder on Portia's waist, the reason why she wailed in pain.

"Wala, trip ko lang. May problema?" She raised her right eyebrow but Portia just laughed at her. Something's really fishy about these two. Sa oras na malaman ko ang mga sikreto nila, hindi ko sila titigilan kakaasar.

"Sabihin mo, may nilalandi k—" Portia couldn't continue what she was about to say when Sangre covered her mouth. I just shrugged my shoulder at them.

After having a little chat with them, I've directly went on my Bio Chem class since it's a Monday. I saw Simon lowkey flirting with some boys at the back kapag hinahampas niya ang mga braso nila habang tumatawa. I shook my head while smiling and didn't bother to go to him. Wala rin naman akong balak makipagkilala sa mga kaklase ko dito.

I waited until our professor entered the room. As usual, Valentine came late but he has never been scolded. Kahit isang beses! I scooted over to the other side when I saw him walking near my direction. He was clearly aiming for the seat beside mine.

I inhaled a large amount of air before facing the direction he was in. I was so nervous to see him again after he has visited me in the mansion. I was so embarrassed that time but I didn't want him to notice that.

"Hey. Are you okay now?" he asked as he sat down beside me. He placed his bag above the table before turning his head sideways to my direction. I swallowed my saliva first before answering.

"Uh... Oo naman," I awkwardly stated. I never looked at his direction again until the class ends. Nangangalay na tuloy ang leeg ko kakaiwas sa direksyon niya dahil baka magtama pa ang paningin namin.

After the class was dismissed, I hurriedly gathered my things to go out of his reach now. Masyado akong kinakabahan sa presensya niya sa hindi ko malamang dahilan. Pinangako ko kasi sa sarili ko na mag-d-detach na 'ko sa kanya at makikipag-usap na lang ako tuwing thesis namin. I don't want to be stuck in a situation wherein I'll like him. Hindi pa 'ko handa.

If ever that I'll really admit to myself that I like him, I wanted to be whole. I wanted to move-on from my tragic past. He doesn't deserve a half-baked love.

I was about to go out of the door when I heard quick footsteps behind me. Sinasabi ko sa sarili ko na hindi siya 'yun pero alam na alam ko agad base palang sa amoy at boses niya.

"Are you avoiding me, Elara?" he coldly questioned me while staring directly at my eyes.

I averted my gaze as I felt my knees tremble at his intense stare. I shook my head while still not looking at him. I don't want him to get the wrong idea—that I'm nervous when he's around. He has this weird effect on me that I can't pinpoint.

"Lunch tayo." It didn't sound like a question but it was more like an order. Parang may sariling buhay ang mga paa ko at sumusunod lang ako sa kanya mula sa likod. I'm afraid to walk beside him. Bakit ba ganito ang nangyayari sa'kin? I am acting so weird right now!

My line of thoughts shattered into pieces when he suddenly turned his back to face me. My heart beat loudly while staring at him. Punyemas na puso 'yan! Napakalandi!

His dark hooded eyes screamed confusion, anger and questions of why the hell am I acting this way.

"Did I perhaps do something wrong?" His eyes became soft after muttering that question. Para kaming mag-jowa na nagsusuyuan.

Iniwas ko lang ang tingin ko kagaya ng kanina. Bakit ba ang hilig niyang manitig? Didn't he noticed that I'm avoiding him? Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit ko siya iniiwasan pero siguro natatakot lang ako na mapalapit sa kanya.

Baka kasi isipin niya na close na kami dahil nakarating na siya sa bahay. "W-wala naman," sagot ko.

"Then why are you avoiding my gaze? Hmm? Elara?" Desperation was evident in his voice. He was desperate for answers. Hyacinth, umayos ka nga! Parang may mali talaga sa sistema ko ngayong araw eh.

"Naano lang... Naiilang l-lang." Gusto ko na lang lamunin ng lupa ngayon dahil sa mga pinagsasabi ko.

He just nodded but I know that he was not contented with my response. Alam kong gusto niya pa akong tanungin pero iniisip niya na baka mas lalo lang akong umiwas.

He didn't take a glance at me after that as if I was just a ghost. While walking to the nearest fast-food chain, we bumped into Dhara and Bri who was walking on the sidewalk.

I was shocked at first by Dhara's presence as I haven't seen her for weeks but then just exchanged a small smile. I've suddenly remembered Luna's advice to ask her about the unfortunate incident at the elevator at Ayala malls, since her family owns that business.

"Uy, Val! Kakain din kayo? Sabay na kayo sa'min," Bri said while showcasing his ever-charismatic smile that would make every girl fall for him. He then glanced at me before smirking at Val.

"Galing naman pala ni boss. Kung ako 'yan, label muna bago lunch." Tumawa pa siya kaya nakita kong sinamaan lang siya ng tingin ni Val. I just also laughed with him even though I couldn't get a grasp of what he means.

Or I understood that but I don't want to entertain the idea?

Dumiretso na kami sa pinakamalapit na kainan. Sabay-sabay na kaming naglakad papunta ro'n para kumain. Valentine asked what my order was but I am still not looking directly at his eyes. I would melt like ice if I do. He and Dhara went to the counter to order us food.

Bri and I was left at our four-seater table. He was staring at me the whole time as if he wanted to ask something. Kung kanina ay nakangiti siya ng nakakaloko, ngayon ay parang sumeryoso na.

"Ikaw si... Hyacinth 'di ba?" he said with an emotionless tone. Nagulat ako sa bigla niyang tanong pero tumango pa rin ako. He sipped on his glass of water before talking once again.

"Yes or no. Do you like our leader?" he asked me. I was shocked by his unexpected interrogation but I also don't know how to answer it. Do I like Val?

Paano mo ba masasabi kung gusto mo na ang isang tao? 'Pag kumportable kang kasama siya? Kapag lagi kang nangingiti ka 'pag nandiyan siya? Kapag lagi mo na siyang namimiss? I shooed my thoughts away when realization dawned on me.

We are just thesis partners! We may be called "friends" at some point but I shouldn't like him. I promised myself that I will not be associated with anything related to Valentine's Day. Pero hindi ko rin alam. Maybe that's just my excuse but maybe... I liked him. Hindi ko lang masabi sa sarili ko.

At lalong 'di ko sasabihin sa iba.

I shook my head as an answer to his question. I saw hope and relief in his eyes before exhaling a large amount of air as if something heavy in his chest has been lifted.

"Kung hindi mo siya gusto... Can I ask you a favor?" Even though I don't know what kind of favor he will ask, I still nodded out of respect.

"Please avoid him after your thesis defense. It will only complicate some things. If you only know..."

Before I have even answered his request, Val and Dhara arrived with our meals on their hands. Valentine placed my order in front of me while still examining my every move. I could not glance back as I was still stunned and dumbfounded by what Bri has just said.

Can I avoid him? I... I should, right? 'Yun na nga ang ginagawa ko ngayon eh.

We were busy eating and Bri turned back again to his joyous self like we haven't shared a serious talk earlier. I was busy arranging my thoughts in my head as I was bombarded with a lot of questions and problems since last Saturday.

The creepy message I've received last Saturday, why Bri asked me to avoid Val and why am I hesitating to say yes to it even though this was my original plan.

To avoid him after our thesis defense.

I seemed to be out of place, with the three of them laughing at an inside joke that only them knew. Buti na lang, tumunog ang phone ko at nakita kong may tumatawag. Napangiwi na lang ako nang makita kong si Sangre 'yun.

Val turned his head sideways to face me, to ask if who's been calling me. When he saw Sangre's name, he told me to just take the call because maybe it was important.

I excused myself in front of them and let out a small smile. I got out from the food chain before answering Sangre's call.

"Ba't ka tumawag? Kakakita lang natin kan—" She didn't let me continue when she just suddenly shouted at me. Nilayo ko ang phone sa tenga ko dahil masyado talaga siyang malakas sumigaw.

[Hyacinth Elara Villaflor!]

"Ano ba kasi 'yun?!" sigaw ko rin.

[Pasundo naman hehe.] Now she sounded shy about her sudden request! Ano ba'ng problema nitong mga 'to? May sariling mga kotse pero hindi magamit-gamit.

"Ganyan tayo eh. The last time I checked, binilan ka ng Avanza, ah." Kung makikita niya lang na kanina pa ako umiirap ay baka sapakin na 'ko nun.

[Attitude ka? Hiniram ni Luna 'yung kotse ko! Si Porsh kasi may klase pa raw eh. Pleaseeee.]

She told me while pleading. I could see her putting her hands together while pouting as if that would persuade me. Talagang naglalabasan lang 'tong mga 'to, kung hindi chismis, landi, inom o kaya may kailangan eh.

Wala akong choice kung hindi ay sunduin siya dahil baka raw ma-rape siya 'pag nakita ng Grab driver kung gaano siya kaganda. I rolled my eyes before ending the call.

Bumalik ako sa loob ng kainan at nakita kong nag-aayos na ng gamit si Dhara habang si Bri ay nag-CR daw. I sat next to Val who was busy typing in his phone. When he sensed my presence, he put his phone down and furrowed his eyebrows while looking at me.

"You done?" Tumango na lang ako. Kanina pa rin naman ako tapos kumain. Hindi lang talaga ako makasingit sa usapan nila.

I saw Bri going out of the restroom. He started marching towards our direction so Val stood up and fixed his things, readying for a leave.

"Una na kami. I'll drop Elara home," he stated before putting one of the strings of his backpack on his shoulders. Nakatulala lang ako habang pinagmamasdan siya bago napagtanto kung ano 'yung sinabi niya.

"What?! No! May klase ka pa 'di ba?"

He faced me again with a bored expression as if he was expecting that I would say that. Totoo naman! Lagi na nga lang siyang late sa mga klase tapos a-absent pa siya?

"I don't care. You're just avoiding me. Don't." He nodded to them as a sign of farewell before marching outside of the cafeteria. Wala naman akong choice kung hindi sundan siya dahil baka magalit lang siya sa'kin.

"Sorry, ah. Una na kami." I smiled a little to the both of them before my eyes landed at Bri who was staring at me darkly. It was as if he was reminding me about our agreement earlier.

I followed Val outside who was waiting at me by the lamp post impatiently. He kept on glancing at his wristwatch like he had a schedule to miss.

"Val! Bakit mo pa ba kasi ako ihahatid?" Tinitigan niya lang ako bago umiling-iling. Balak ko pa sanang magsalita pero naunahan niya na ako.

"You are clearly avoiding me. I'll ask for the last time... Did I do something wrong?"

"Wala nga kasi. Saka I will fetch Sangre at SM North bago umuwi. Ako na bahala," I said as an excuse. But it was true though. It would be such a nuisance if he will go with me. He sighed heavily as a response.

"Okay. I'll just drop you off at your car." Tinalikuran niya na ako para hindi ako makareklamo.

Napaka-attitude mo talaga, Valentine Cyrus De Dios.

We've reached the parking lot in just a short amount of time. While walking earlier, he never even tried to threw a glance at me.

"Val... Dito na lang." We were in front of my Black Audi that I was about to drive to fetch Sangre.

Hindi niya pa rin ako tinitingnan na parang may namumuong mga tanong sa utak niya. But before he even said anything, I spoke first. Kailangan ko nang linawin ang lahat ng kinikilos niya, before I assume something else. Before it's too late.

"Val... can I ask you something? Why are you acting like this? I... I mean I'm c-confused. You keep on giving me mixed signals about things. Hindi ko dapat 'to ginagawang big deal because we were 'friends'", I air quoted before continuing, "But the last time I checked, you are just my thesis partner..."

Nakita ko naman nag-iwas ulit siya ng tingin dahil sa sinabi ko. Am I too straightforward? Did I somehow hurt his feelings by the way I said those words? I don't know... because that's what I'm feeling right now. Dahil sa tingin ko... unti-unti na 'kong nagkakagusto sa kanya.

At ayo'ko mangyari 'yun. That would be my last choice as of now.

"Then let me be more than that," sabi niya sa matigas na ingles bago tumingin nang diretso sa aking mga mata.

Ngayon naman ay ako ang naiilang dahil sa titig niya. My heart started beating fast by what he just said. Let him be more than a thesis partner?

"O-okay... We can be friends. I guess?" I awkwardly smiled at him. I saw him shook his head like he was disappointed by what I've just said before bidding his farewell to me.

Nakahinga naman ako nang maluwag nang makapasok na 'ko ng kotse ko. Hinampas ko pa ang manibela dahil sa katangahan na ginawa ko.

"What again, Hyacinth? Friends? Friends?! Akala ko ba iiwas ka na! Puro ka kasi kalandian eh!" pagalit ko sa sarili ko.

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#ACM10

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