A collab with  nevereternity

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On my business trip, I had to stay in Bangalore for 3 months. I rented a solace flat which had a good view of the city from the balcony. I thought that such serene sight would help me ease my work stress; it has been a week, but unfortunately, no help. Apparently, being in a company of peaceful atmosphere doesn’t really cleanse your eroded brain. In fact, it causes more corrosion by making you realize the things you’re missing out.

 Like every other day, I returned from the office, had a shower, slunk upto the dark corner and curled myself on the bed. Even though I was damn tired, I couldn't sleep. I was lost in thoughts and work tensions. My project deadline beeped in red as soon as sleep tried to get to me. An oblivion had passed, yet sleep couldn’t win. My sleep was as slow at wining as I was! 

 The clock read 3:18 A.M. "Life sucks. Life sucks a lot!" I thought, letting out a sigh of despair.

 A sudden sound of someone walking around alerted me. Steps were steady and the person seemed to be very careful. "Might be a thief?" I wondered, and without any hesitation, I grabbed the wooden plank near me.

 All the time, I sensed a feeling that someone was following me. I couldn't see anyone, but the sound of steps was still audible. Wind blew heavily through the windows as the curtains flattered wildly. Just your usual horror movie scene.

 “Maybe be a ghost?” I asked myself, “No..No.. Not a ghost!” I denied laughing nervously at my thought. But the things that began happening in front of my eyes left me with no choice. I shook with fear as dread consumed me when I realized there really was a ghost around.

 A ghost.

 A ghost in my flat.

 At late night.

 With no one in the house except me.

 Me and the ghost.

 The ghost and me.

The ghost who has possibly done a Ph.D in all the torturing techniques and has a hell lot of experience in scaring the life out of people.

 Dr. Ghost and me.

 Me who is as good at self defense as a bungee jumper without the bungee cord.

 Dr. Ghost and poor me.

 “Stop!” I screamed internally at myself. Those thoughts weren’t being helpful at all. If anything, they were making my heart jump right out of my mouth.

 “Focus. You can do this”, I motivated myself and decided to face Dr Ghost once and for all. If I were to get tortured tonight in the hands of this ghost, I might as well introduce myself first.

 As I turned back, in its full glory stood the ghost of an old man. To my surprise, I didn't fear.

 Me : Okay, let me re-check, are you the ghost?

 Ghost : *bellows* Of course I am, kid!!

 Me : You're not as scary as they depict you in horror movies. *poker face*

 Ghost : Really? *Makes a scary gesture trying to look scary*

 Me : Well tried, but no. That didn’t scare me. You know what, if you watch horror movies, even you'll get scared.

 Ghost : Looks like humans painted us in a more horrific way than what we actually are. 

 Me : Yeah, I guess so.

 *awkward silence*

 I didn’t know what to say next. I was taught how to strike up a conversation with friends, neighbors and strangers. I had even attended those classes that taught you how to survive in fatal circumstances. But standing here, I realized both my school and those classes had missed out the most important chapter- How to converse with a ghost in such a way that it doesn’t offend him and compel even the least scary ghost to turn you into a literal buffoon.

 Nonetheless, I tried. Couldn’t stand there like a mime and let him do his work. Pfft.

 Me : Hey, I've always wanted to know this. Answer me honestly. Why don't ghosts kill anybody in real life?

Ghost : Umm...you know, it would be pretty weird if the person I killed becomes a ghost too ‘cause then I’ll have to befriend him because our Ghost community believes in unity.. so..

Me : Right. I understand. But sometimes, I wish I could be a ghost too, you know.  I could roam anywhere, could pass through walls and scare evil people. Or at least try to scare them. *whispers the last part in a slightly disappointed tone* That would be fun, isn’t it? Our human lives suck.

Ghost : You want to be a ghost? Seriously? What do you know about ghost problems? *gives an angry look*

 Me: Uh.. well..

 Ghost : TELL ME! WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT OUR LIVES AND OUR PROBLEMS THAT YOU DESIRE TO BE ONE OF US?!

 Kids, I present to you the first lesson on ‘How to converse with a Ghost’:  Don’t effing try to!

Me : I’m so sorry... I have no idea… Please enlighten me… You’re so kind…

 Ghost : *controls anger and sighs* Can you guess my age?

Me : 60 ? Or maybe 55?

Ghost : I'm 600 years old, lad. This life is so troublesome. So many changes have taken place in these years. You guys are struggling to catch up with younger generations, imagine the trouble of updating myself since 600 years! I mean, apple was just a fruit back in our times!

Me : Yeah…

Ghost : Then there’s this whole thing with language. People used to speak only one language here but now I should learn at least 4-5 languages to scare them. And what’s that lingo-bingo whatever that you young kids use?! Ssup? Lol? Chillax? Wtf? What language is that?! What words are those?! Have some mercy! Illiterates here!

Me : Okay, I get your point. *raises hands in surrender*

Ghost : And to scare today's people, I should experiment new tricks. We’re oldies; with old thoughts and you people are so fast forward in everything! There have been instances where I was the one who got scared. Do you have any idea how disgraceful it is?!

Me : *nods head indicating a no*

Ghost : After going through all those troubles, people don't get scared because of those horror movies. Won’t you get disappointed if you were in my place?!

Me : *nods head indicating a yes*

"Never be a ghost", he said and disappeared as the Sun started to rise.

I heaved a sigh of relief when he left.

"Life of this lifeless soul sucks more than mine", I laughed sadistically and went back to my room praying to never see him or his friends again.