18. Found Self


"Let me get this straight." Devlon crossed his arms and stared out a window. "You want to bring the Ironcrest Illyrians here? Our war camps are rivals. It won't work."

"It has to work," Rhys said. "We're running out of options. As long as Erebus has control of his camp and the Illyrians in it, he has an edge. We take away that edge and he's forced to retreat."

"To his allies." Devlon rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "He came to me weeks ago and asked me to join this alliance. He told me he had made two powerful allies, but he never said who they were."

"I was there," Azriel said. Devlon raised an eyebrow. "I've been spying on Erebus for months."

"So he mentioned. I'm glad I made the decision that I did." Devlon narrowed his eyes. "Tell me who his allies are. Tell me exactly what's going on and I'll consider allowing the Ironcrest Illyrians to come here."

Rhys' talons tapped on Azriel's mental shields. He lowered them just a fraction. If we tell Devlon, he might decide to change his mind, Azriel said.

I know, but we need him to work with us on this. If we tell him, we show him that we trust him. I think that's something he'll be grateful for, considering how we've been spying on Erebus.

Do what you think is best, Rhys. Azriel closed his mental shields again.

"Erebus has allied himself with Beron and Koschei," Rhys said after a few minutes.

"Koschei? Koschei the Deathless? I've only heard a few stories about him," Devlon admitted.

"He is the Bone Carver and the Weaver's older brother," Rhys explained. "He was working with Briallyn, helping her attack Nesta during the Blood Rite two years ago. We learned that Beron is working with them too."

"How?" Devlon asked.

"We have a spy in the Autumn Court," Azriel replied simply. Devlon didn't need to know about Eris' role. Not yet. Not until after Beron was dead.

"What do they want?"

"To rule Prythian, or destroy it. I'm not sure when Erebus joined them, or what their plans all entail," Rhys answered.

"Are the other Mortal Queens allied with them?"

"We don't know. We learned that they went into hiding after Briallyn joined Koschei." Rhys pursed his lips. "I can't tell you anything more right now."

"If I take in the Ironcrest warriors, Erebus' forces will only be slightly diminished. It sounds like he has many followers, given how you described the state of the camp."

"It may only be a slight change, but it's a change nonetheless."

"Erebus made some sort of deal with my father," Azriel added. "He brought Osiris and Seker to Ironcrest."

That caught Devlon's attention. "Those two are trouble." His gaze flickered to Azriel's hands. "If they're working with Erebus, that means your father has pledged his forces to Erebus as well." Devlon stroked his chin some more. "Bring those who remain loyal here."

Rhys grinned. "And you'll make sure the females train?"

Devlon rolled his eyes, but nodded. "I don't really have a choice on that matter."

"You'll be glad of their skills when war comes, Devlon. Trust me," Rhys said. "We'll start bringing the people here this week."

"We'll be ready."

Rhys and Azriel left the hut and jumped into the air. They flew towards Ironcrest once more. "That went well," Azriel said. "I was convinced he would say no."

"If he had, we would've brought them anyway."

"We could've taken them to another camp."

"I know, but Devlon has the most respect for us out of all the warlords. I'd rather have them here, where we know they'll be relatively safe."

Azriel nodded and they flew the rest of the way to Ironcrest in silence. When they reached the hut, they found everyone in a tense mood. Seren and Feyre sat near Jorah, with their arms wrapped around her shoulders. Amren was silently fuming near a window. Cassian was doing the same beside a different window.

"What's going on?" Azriel asked.

"Did Devlon agree?" Cassian asked before anyone could answer him.

"He did. We'll start moving people there this week." Rhys looked at Feyre and Seren. "I want the two of you to return home. Amren, you can choose if you're staying or going."

"I'll stay a while longer," she replied.

"What's wrong?" Azriel asked again.

We feel fear and pain. We sense much anger, the shadows whispered.

"It was Kallon." Cassian jerked his head towards Jorah. "He's the one who has been beating her."

Seren and Feyre took Jorah by the arms and led her into a bedroom. They closed the door softly behind them. Azriel crossed his arms. "The bastard is her mate," Amren spat. "She put up with him because he and Erebus threatened to hurt Seren if she didn't."

"Why aren't Kallon and Jorah mated or married then?" Rhys asked.

"Apparently, Kallon doesn't want her as his mate. She doesn't want him either, but Erebus made them accept the Bond. Kallon is treating her like his property despite not wanting her," Cassian explained.

"Oh, he wants her." Amren's silver eyes flashed angrily. "He wants power over her because she threatens him. She's a strong warrior. She's respected. He hates that."

"I'm going to kill him." Cassian began pacing.

"No, you're not," Rhys said. "We're going to stick to our plan. We'll get Jorah out of here and she'll be fine."

"She won't be fine!" Cassian spat. "Look at what Kallon has already done to her. She won't be fine for a long time."

The bedroom door creaked open as Feyre, Seren, and Jorah returned. Jorah met Cassian's gaze with her large brown eyes. "You don't speak for me. Kallon has hurt me in unthinkable ways, but I will recover. I will be fine." She looked to Rhys. "I want to stay with my people. The females will be scared of training in Windhaven with unfamiliar males around. They trust me, though. I'll continue training them when that's possible." She looked over her shoulder at Seren. "Will you still be helping?"

Seren bit her lip, then shook her head. "I don't think so. When Feyre and I get home, I have to speak with a healer about my recent...sickness. I don't think I'll be doing much training for a while after that." Azriel couldn't hide the smile that spread across his lips.

Jorah smiled gently and nodded. "Well, I'll train them anyway."

"You can stay here until it's time to leave," Cassian offered.

Jorah hesitated, then shook her head. "I can't. If I stay away, Kallon will know I told someone. I have to go back to my father's house for now." Cassian clenched his jaw. "Only for a few more days," Jorah added. "I can bear it for a few more days."

"I know you can, but you shouldn't have to." Cassian headed to the door. "Come on. I'll walk you home, Little Sister."

Jorah hugged Seren, then Feyre, and even Amren. She whispered something as she passed by Seren again. She and Cassian left the hut. "I need a drink," Amren huffed. "Is there anything mildly tolerable in here?" She began to root around the few cupboards, muttering to herself. "What I wouldn't give for a goblet of blood right now."

Seren's eyes widened. "Blood?" She whispered.

Amren gave her a feral grin. "I wasn't always High Fae, remember?"

"How could I forget?" Azriel held out a hand and Seren took it. "Where are we going?" She asked as he led her out the door.

"For a short flight." She wrapped her arms around his neck and he took off.

•༻☾☽༺•

Seren pressed her face against the crook of Azriel's neck, simply relishing his presence. "I'm glad Jorah finally told you the truth," he said. "When I saw you training one day, the shadows told me her mate was the one who hit her."

"Why didn't you say something?"

"Because Jorah had never mentioned a mate to any of us, and I knew she had been refusing to talk about what was going on. I thought it would be best to let her open up on her own."

"I suppose I can understand that," she sighed. Shadows drifted over her neck, tickling her. Azriel's wingbeats were silent as they soared over the mountains.

He brushed his lips across her neck, then paused, breathing her in. Azriel grinned and his arms tightened around her gently. "Your scent is changing a little."

"Then it's a good thing I'm leaving, I suppose," she chuckled.

"I suppose so. I'll be glad to know you're at home and safe."

"I'll still be worried though. You'll be off playing the Spymaster." Seren's gaze darkened with concern. "What if Erebus hurts you when he finds out? He will find out sooner or later. They all will."

"Erebus can't hurt me. I think even he knows that."

"He could tell others to hurt you. He could tell your half brothers to hurt you."

"He could," Azriel agreed. "But they won't have that chance. When the loyal Illyrians are removed from his camp, Erebus won't have much choice but to go to Koschei or Beron."

"Isn't that a bad thing?"

"Yes, but we'd rather have him go now with a few followers than later with his entire camp."

"I suppose you're right."

"And once Erebus is gone from the Night Court, I won't be able to spy on him as closely."

"Which is bad, but also good. You'll be able to come home and rest more often."

"Maybe," Azriel chuckled. He drew his wings up and landed in a small stony clearing.

Seren tilted her head back, breathing in the refreshing night air. She wasn't nauseous, thankfully, and the air smelled wonderful. Her shadow tightened around her arm. She let her flames crackle to life. Shadows crawled out of her hair and began to dance with the embers. Azriel watched her quietly.

When she looked back at him, his eyes were shining. "What?" She laughed nervously.

"I just..." he blinked and shook his head. Azriel closed his eyes and shadows flickered past his ears. She wondered what they were telling him. Seren joined him and laid her hands on his chest.

    Azriel opened his eyes and they were still shining. He cupped her cheek in his hand. "You look like yourself again. You haven't had a nightmare in ages. You don't flinch at your scars as much. You hum. You paint. You don't panic when your flames cover your hands." Azriel touched his forehead to hers.

"I feel like myself again," she said. "And...I've begun to believe what we always said. My scars are a prize. I don't have to be ashamed or disgusted by them. The more I look at them and think things over, the more I realize it." Seren smiled to herself, another thought popping up. "Being in Ironcrest helped with that, actually. Everyone here is used to scars like mine. They didn't stare or balk at them, and that has helped me."

"Will you still feel this way when you go home?"

"I hope so. I think so." Azriel pulled her against his chest and rested his cheek atop her hair. Seren closed her eyes and hugged him back.

It's strange how I had to come back to the place where things first began falling apart to feel like myself again, Seren thought. She bit her lip. Maybe Azriel needs to do the same someday. Azriel's arms tightened around her and she knew her thought had reached him across the Bond.

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